γ-quantum

05-10-09, 06:18 AM

darn...

i am going to have psychological testing on tuesday. this will determine which job i am able to do, its a proper 'official qualification test'.

i am trying to learn maths now as i have ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE how to do fractional arithmetics or even just written multiplication (without a calculator).

the thing is... i cannot learn it the way its in books or online tutorials. there's too much bollocks around it, its like learning a language by learning the grammar and rules of that language, i CANNOT DO IT.

so i found a nice guy to help me on skype. he just put some calculations and solved them, i watched him solve the calculations, and figured out how to do it myself this way.

he gave me some example calculations which i solved successfully, too. i was pretty happy.

now i took a small break and tried to solve the stuff in my 'example book' i was given for the qualification test - and it's ALL GONE AGAIN. i forgot everything, i have NO IDEA how i ever solved such calculations. right to left, left to right, what comes first, i have no idea anymore. ITS ALL F&@$^#$^KING GONE. its like somebody erased all of my memory.

i know being angry will make it worse, but i'm really in despair here. if i screw the test up, i'll be f***ed.

i really dont know what to do. my doc said its possible to go up to 3x20mg ritalin a day, but he wanted me to take 3x10mg until end of the month and then decide again.

well, i just took 15mg. if i see that makes it worse, i'll only take 10 the next time again. but if it makes things better, i'll take 20mg as the next dose. screw it. this is my future, and if i dont take it into my own hands and LEARN THIS BLASTED MATHS, i wont even get a job as a CHECKOUT GIRL as they'd think i am too dumb to do that.

i can just pray that ritalin improves my short term memory in higher doses of 15mg or 20mg. i'll only take it today, tomorrow and on tuesday for the testing if it does, then go back to 10mg and talk to my doctor again before increasing the dose permanently... IF it works at all... man, i dont like doing this, but i'm really desperate.

gawd, what do i do if i dont find a way to learn maths?

maybe i can find a doctor who will write me a sick note so i dont have to go to the test... then again, that's only going to prolong the issue, not solve it... s**t. :(

or maybe i should arrange with being a scavenger for my job, doing nuclear physics in my free time while having to ask on irc all the time because i cant remember how to calculate an E notation either. great future. :rolleyes:

i am going to have psychological testing on tuesday. this will determine which job i am able to do, its a proper 'official qualification test'.

i am trying to learn maths now as i have ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE how to do fractional arithmetics or even just written multiplication (without a calculator).

the thing is... i cannot learn it the way its in books or online tutorials. there's too much bollocks around it, its like learning a language by learning the grammar and rules of that language, i CANNOT DO IT.

so i found a nice guy to help me on skype. he just put some calculations and solved them, i watched him solve the calculations, and figured out how to do it myself this way.

he gave me some example calculations which i solved successfully, too. i was pretty happy.

now i took a small break and tried to solve the stuff in my 'example book' i was given for the qualification test - and it's ALL GONE AGAIN. i forgot everything, i have NO IDEA how i ever solved such calculations. right to left, left to right, what comes first, i have no idea anymore. ITS ALL F&@$^#$^KING GONE. its like somebody erased all of my memory.

i know being angry will make it worse, but i'm really in despair here. if i screw the test up, i'll be f***ed.

i really dont know what to do. my doc said its possible to go up to 3x20mg ritalin a day, but he wanted me to take 3x10mg until end of the month and then decide again.

well, i just took 15mg. if i see that makes it worse, i'll only take 10 the next time again. but if it makes things better, i'll take 20mg as the next dose. screw it. this is my future, and if i dont take it into my own hands and LEARN THIS BLASTED MATHS, i wont even get a job as a CHECKOUT GIRL as they'd think i am too dumb to do that.

i can just pray that ritalin improves my short term memory in higher doses of 15mg or 20mg. i'll only take it today, tomorrow and on tuesday for the testing if it does, then go back to 10mg and talk to my doctor again before increasing the dose permanently... IF it works at all... man, i dont like doing this, but i'm really desperate.

gawd, what do i do if i dont find a way to learn maths?

maybe i can find a doctor who will write me a sick note so i dont have to go to the test... then again, that's only going to prolong the issue, not solve it... s**t. :(

or maybe i should arrange with being a scavenger for my job, doing nuclear physics in my free time while having to ask on irc all the time because i cant remember how to calculate an E notation either. great future. :rolleyes: