Okay, so they're after me. That's all fine and good, we'll let credit counselling work it out. But they refuse to stop calling me--even after I have told them I refuse to speak with them except via written correspondence.

Any creative ideas as to things I can do to make these people regret phoning me for the 33rd time?

I've thought about some of the following:

-Ask them to hold a moment, put the phone down, then go about my daily business. Hang up the phone again a couple of hours later.

-Play loud gospel tunes at them.

-The old fork-and-chalkboard beside the receiver trick.

-Asking them if they have heard the word of Jehovah.

-Pretend I am getting off on their conversation and fake an orgasm to their words.

-Ask them if they know how to get dried human blood out of car trunk upholstery.

Okay so these are pretty immature but I don't care, as far as I am concerned the callers are beyond offensive so I am going to let them know in no uncertain terms how little their speaking means to me... just looking for more brilliant and evil ways to do it now.... :D

I would have fun with them

They are just doing there job at the end of the phone so they cant touch you from where they are

answer there questions with another question
promise them the world and then tell them that whatever answer you just gave them you would havre to confirm the answer with your credit counsiler and then ask for there home phone number so you can get back to them asap

Your allready in deep sh*t I assume from the fact that your telling us that there phoning you so you might as well have some fun with them.

What are they going to do , reach over the phone and punch you

Can you tell I love getting phone calls from obniouxis salespeople.

I am not rude to the tellemarketers who are just doing there job and go away when I first tell them Im not interested , but if they persist then its there problem , not mine

Switch it around on them!

Pretend you own your own multilevel marketing network and want them to join.

Ask them if they have ever thought of being wealthy.
And what if they could find 6 other people who would also like to be wealthy. And they can do it by buying products and services that they already use and already buy but they buy them from their own company. They can also buy the stuff at wholesale and sell it for a profit. And if they can get at least 6 people to do the same they can make $2500 a month up to several hundred thousand. Because then the 6 ppl they get also get 6 ppl and those ppl get 6 ppl and it just explodes.

You can search the web for mlm or multi level marketing and get just about any sales pitch you need..... then start messing with them..... if you play it right you can actually get some of them to become interested and actually want you to send them information.
Tell them you have an information CD that you can send them for free.
Some of them will likely be dumb enough to give you their address!

Hey I like that one

OK after Lexi's surgery we owed more than we'll make in a lifetime so we had to file bankruptcy but like idiot's we fought it out and worked two jobs a piece to pay the bill's for two years and got nowere. I finally fed up with calls from collection agencies learned a few catch phrases in Spanish. hehe When they happened to have a translator available for some reason they hung up on me highly offended--Imagine my surprise at that.

Get an answering machine, the message I used was along the lines of You have reached the home of ***-**** if your bill collector I'm not answering or calling back so just send me more written correspondance that I can recycle into toilet paper we're almost out.---I would only use this message if your friend's, co workers and family have a sense of humor.

I LIKE your ideas. My wife is a Melaleuca salesperson, they're pyramid people, even if she won't admit it. And the answering message I would definitely go for except she won't. :D

Might try the Spanish approach... I know people who speak Finnish, so maybe that might work... :D

I've been toying with the idea of using one of those programmable Arnold Schwarzennegger programs to put my own voice on, and calling people I owe money, and just having pre-programmed responses I could hit a button and play-

I HATE voicemail systems that try and get you to push 20-30 buttons just to find out the answer you need isn't one of their canned ones... I WILL NOT use those systems unless forced to- I just hit zero or if it's not a valid response just sit there and do nothing until a person comes on the line... so I figured it would be just desserts to inflict this upon companies that try and make us talk to machines...

The call would go something like this...

(An overly chipper and energetic, even annoyingly so, recorded me calls say for instance, my celphone company, who is so fond of making me hold for 20 (!) minutes before I can speak to a customer service rep, calls and says);

Hi! This is (slight pause to make it sound authentic) Force's - - - - new automatic bill payment system!!

I've been authorized to make a payment to your company- - - AT&T - - - - in the amount of $12.64!

If this amount is correct, please press 1 now!

If this amount is more than the amount that should be paid, please press 2 now!

If this amount is less than the amount that should be paid, please press 3 now!

Note I put the 'less than' option third, forcing them to wait like we have to wait thru their stupid voicemail systems...

When they press 3, the amount will increase by 10 dollars. It will seem like they won't have to go through this too many more times in order to reach the correct amount.......... at first.... (at this point, you should be imagining my evil laughter in your mind's ..... er, ear)

As they persist, I plan to vary the amount, so that sometimes the increase will be something crazy, like 4 cents, other times, 23 dollars, whatever works to keep them pushing buttons like good little rats in my experiment... I will even make it a negative amount at one point, so that it will seem to the person that they've pushed the wrong button and have elected to give me a credit...

Also, I could use your help, I've been looking for a customizable soundboard program to do this with, with no success so far. Does anyone know where I could download one?

BTW, I tried to apply for a CSR job w/AT&T, and they make you take a series of tests online (which they say take 20-30 minutes and actually take more like 90) at the end of which, apparently because my personality didn't fit their ideal cubicle drone worker formula, they inform you that they are NOT EVEN INTERESTED IN SPEAKING TO YOU! How freakin rude is that!? Especially since their own CSR's urged me to apply since they're so short of people...

Apparently the old formula whereby I perform a service and the employer gives me money is considered old fashioned and for some reason ill-considered...

Ironic that a company that demands such loyalty and slavishness from the lowliest of their workers is actively sending those same jobs overseas to india...

I like making incoherant sounds and giggles on the line...some times bodily functions go well in there too.

If you like, I could loan you some really obnoxious children's videos ... just place the receiver on the TV speaker and walk away. :D

And so Freddy learned that, with love, a frog can jump higher than the clouds!

Originally posted by aforceforgood
BTW, I tried to apply for a CSR job w/AT&T, and they make you take a series of tests online (which they say take 20-30 minutes and actually take more like 90) at the end of which, apparently because my personality didn't fit their ideal cubicle drone worker formula, they inform you that they are NOT EVEN INTERESTED IN SPEAKING TO YOU!

But then, do you really want to work for a company that is so fond of automated torture? The whole place is probably run by evil robots.

Originally posted by krisp
If you like, I could loan you some really obnoxious children's videos ... just place the receiver on the TV speaker and walk away. :D

And so Freddy learned that, with love, a frog can jump higher than the clouds!

OMG! ROFLMAO!!!!

"This is the song that doesn't end... "

- or -

"I love you, you love me..."

:D :D :D

We have gotten rid of our "land line" so they couldn't reach us by telephone. It's extreme, I know, but one less utility bill.

You ask the bill collector for HIS home number, because you'll be busy for the rest of the day, and won't be able to call him back until later in the evening.

Well, if you have caller ID like I do, I don't answer the phone unless I see that I know who it is. I don't answer when a name and number doesn't appear. I figure if it's really important, they will leave a message.....

Now if I answer the message, or erase it altogether, that's a different story. HEH

Paul -- I hope now that it's been a few days since you posted this, that things are better.......And your ideas are NOT immature...they are actually quite funny.....and it's good that no matter what happens -- that you are not losing that sense of humor of yours.......:)

OK totally out of context and being the BIG bully I was growing up we had a different version of the song below...
"I love you, you love me..."

"I hate you, you hate me, Barney died of HIV with an axe in his back and a bullet in his brain aren't you glad that purple f***er is dead."

Then we would sit back and watch my littlest brother and his friend's cry and cry cause Barney was dead. Man was I ever mean. lol