View Full Version : Grief + spectrum dx?

05-25-09, 09:59 AM
Me again. I'd welcome input on how folks managed their grief
around their kid's (ADD+) spectrum dx.
I love him dearly.
And I have just begun to wrap my brain around this new reality.

I'd imagine my experience isn't all that different from yours- worry about the future, grief for what ISN'T, some (okay, a lot) of envy at the playground,etc.

I found the sticky RE grief and ADD helpful -thanks.

How did you about folks' manage sadness/grief as you moved toward acceptance of the spectrum dx? Suggestions welcome.

05-25-09, 12:06 PM
One needs to understand grief as a process and that it is a good and necessary thing. Weather it is the loss of a loved one, or you or a loved one just got diagnosed with an incurable syndrome. Allow yourself this process, and acknowledge it so that you can move forward and grow.

I was recently diagnosed with an incurable life-threatening autoimmune disorder. For a while I was lost and bewildered , but eventually I realized that I was experiencing grief as part of a process of learning to accept my condition, and acknowledging that enabled me to move forward and to find positive ways of adapting to my condition as well as ways of overcoming the problems that I was to encounter.

I experienced a range of emotions, denial, fear, and I even tried to bargain with my condition. None of that helped. What I needed to do was to accept my condition and to learn to adapt as best I could. To cope with my grief I began to educate myself. I became an expert on my condition. I searched the internet daily, and I sought out and read scholarly papers from medical and research journals. It helped me to understand my condition better, and it put my mind at ease.

Grief is good, allow yourself to have it, so that you can move forward with your life in a positive way.

When you have a serious medical disorder, you can't run from it, you can't hide from it, and pretending that it is not there can have really bad consequences. The appropriate thing to do is to embrace it as part of your life. Having done that it becomes easier to face the important issues that are now part of the landscape that you live on.

Me :D

05-25-09, 01:57 PM
I so appreciate the replies. I hope this comes across right- I know grief intimately in many contexts.
We each grieve differently- our stories (and back-stories) impact that process. He is our only child.

I'm working on my process- in therapy, with my husband,and within myself.

I am mourning the boy he isn't while trying to be present for the boy he is.
I think I mis-worded my concern - I find myself stuck here:

I cannot figure out how to
grieve who he isn't while loving who he is.

if you've been here-and gotten through-I'd welcome your wisdom.