I notice that I'm really intimidated by people. Especially people that are really smart, and know how to speak well. Does anyone else feel this way? I'm honestly tired of fighting. I'm tired of trying to get my point across, because sometimes I can't. I'm really hating life right now.(Not going to kill myself) I'm so depressed and lonely. This is the lonliest I've been in my life. It's just hard times for me right now. Wish I could just be happy.

Welcome to the club, we've got jackets! :D

Focus problems are a HUGE part of having ADHD-I. That means that when you're having a conversation, it's super hard to not forget the point you were trying to make, even though you'll remember it right after, when the spotlight isn't on you. Most of the time, I can't even get a joke across without screwing up the punchline because I more or less forgot the flow of the joke, lol. That's what is great about these forums...first, you're not in the spotlight and don't have to think on your feet, and second, all of us are just like you. Don't feel alone! We're all in the same boat together here :) I find a lot of reassurance by reading through the posts here, especially when I'm having a rough day like you are - it means I'm not a failure in life or crazy or anything, I just have a difficult condition with fuzzy problems, that's all.

and lol @ your signature :D

Ditto! Except that we all have different defense mechanisms to deal it it all. In my case, it's always been sarcasm or avoidance. That is precisely what the real issue is, I believe, i.e. response to a known situation. How do you cope with your moments of crisis?

Keep in mind that they are not the same. There are many, many bright tongue-tied people out there. ( I have the suspicion you are one... ;) ) Hang in there, you're not alone!

Especially people that are really smart, and know how to speak well.

Keep in mind that they are not the same. There are many, many bright tongue-tied people out there. ( I have the suspicion you are one... ;) ) Hang in there, you're not alone!

... and a lot of people who have no trouble conversing but don't have much of anything to say!

Its a known fact.
I am also fighting this problem because sometimes important points have to be brought across and I find that almost impossible if the other side is not listening or engaged in an outshouting contest.
If that happens it drives me up the wall, practically literally

Yeah, I know the feeling. The idea is in your mind but when you try to put it into words it comes out wrong, and people misunderstand. Chaos ensues as you try again and again to explain yourself.


It sucks.

ME TOO. It keeps me very humble, but so timid and ineffective at expressing myself that I feel misunderstood and unable to fulfill my potential in so many parts of my life.

I get very intimidated, even with close friends. I find that I don't talk too much when I am around people. That way they don't have a reason to judge what I am saying. I just sit there and listen and occasionally put my 2 cents in. It is easier for me to just never say anything that way all the rambling in my head doesn't come across and a bunch of nonsense to people that I am around.

oooh, this is me to a T. I do the avoidance or sarcasm thing, too much. Mostly I just avoid any situation that will make me feel intimidated, including telephone calls or even emails. It got to a point where I couldn't even open my email account, because I was afraid someone would be accusing me of something and I wouldn't be able to defend myself? And this was largely illogical, but I couldn't help it.

I wish there was more help for people like us... I struggle with the social difficulties daily and that is something that medicine will never fix.

Find people on a lower level than you, and you will feel better. Create "A B and C" friendships and switch off between them as needed.

Example: When I talk to my gardener I feel very intelligent and grateful not to have a job out in the hot sun.

Find people on a lower level than you, and you will feel better. Create "A B and C" friendships and switch off between them as needed.

Example: When I talk to my gardener I feel very intelligent and grateful not to have a job out in the hot sun.

"lower level"? And who is to judge what constitutes a lower level human being? What are the criteria?

I don't agree with this. Having felt like I was put on a lower level for the same reasons that the OP is talking about and knowing how horrible that feels, I can't imagine consciously choosing to do that to someone else.

Using someone else's position to elevate my own sense of self-worth would be reinforcing my insecurities, it just doesn't make sense.

Find people on a lower level than you, and you will feel better. Create "A B and C" friendships and switch off between them as needed.

Example: When I talk to my gardener I feel very intelligent and grateful not to have a job out in the hot sun.
I'm sorry, but do not do this. This is awful. It's not right to make yourself feel better by being around someone "lesser" than you, as if such a thing even exists. A gardener or a janitor has the same intrinsic worth as a professor or doctor. Everyone has their role, and being "lesser" or "greater" is absolutely subjective. We are human beings, and most of us strive to better ourselves, not put us in an environment where we can't get any better.

Most of us have compassion for others, and though sometimes we get so far caught up in how society has been structured, people with ADD sometimes feel left behind or left feeling inferior. But that does not equate to BEING inferior. That feeling only comes from within yourself, and it's possible to work through it. One must understand and accept who they are, and what their strengths are. Those who can talk really well and confidently most certainly will lack in other traits, that say... someone with ADD may have. Their strengths are simply suited for what society has become.

The key for success is acceptance. For example, I know I'm not the most social person. I've been "the quiet one" as far as I can remember. I've suffered through fairly intense social anxiety, but I've improved in so many ways. To the outside, I am still very much nearly the same person. Internally many things have been fixed. I am still "the quiet one", but inside I have accepted it. I know this is who I am, and I've become comfortable with it. People who are my friends still accept and love me for it. Happiness can't be found when you're left comparing yourself to others, this will inevitably lead to disappointment. Happiness can be found, however, when you can tell yourself, "this is who I am, and I accept it". Once this happens, your eyes will become open to the sheer beauty of this world, and you'll come to realize how insignificant putting oneself down is. I still struggle through social situations, but learning to accept that has made ALL the difference.

OP, I highly suggest you read A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. The way he is able to break down the walls all of us, and society has created around us is truly eye opening.

Goodluck

I notice that I'm really intimidated by people. Especially people that are really smart, and know how to speak well. Does anyone else feel this way? I'm honestly tired of fighting. I'm tired of trying to get my point across, because sometimes I can't. I'm really hating life right now.(Not going to kill myself) I'm so depressed and lonely. This is the lonliest I've been in my life. It's just hard times for me right now. Wish I could just be happy.

I'm more intimidated by people I don't know in general than people who I think are smart etc... Then again I'm also intimidated by my friends and family and I think they think I'm a confused child :( They tend to treat me like one...

I have really long pauses when I speak sometimes I even just stop, because I forget what I'm talking about or got distracted. And I wouldn't call myself stupid (I actually thought I sounded really smart until I tried to make a vlog.... and oh boy was that a rude awakening...)

Oh well, I've learned to embrace a quote which I think applies (I've been keeping my mouth shut until I have some idea of what it is that I'm going to say clearly defined):
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.-- Abraham Lincoln

BTW: I really don't like what's going on ITT about people being worth more than other people... take me for example, I go to college and I'm going to be a construction worker, I WANT to be a construction worker... if anything doing what you want to do makes you a better person for it (not than other people, but it's better for you) I know a guy who LOVES his janitorial job, my moms favorite job ever was being a hairdresser (and she's a certified CPA). Please can it about the worth of people, because it's a load of bull and noone wants to hear it.

Edit - sorry for the rudeness but your attitude irks me.

Your gardener may have his own motives for talking to you -- and they may not be all pleasant...

Suggestions readers?


Find people on a lower level than you, and you will feel better. Create "A B and C" friendships and switch off between them as needed.

Example: When I talk to my gardener I feel very intelligent and grateful not to have a job out in the hot sun.

Mow your own lawn.....

Your gardener may have his own motives for talking to you -- and they may not be all pleasant...

Suggestions readers?

Your gardener may have his own motives for talking to you -- and they may not be all pleasant...

Suggestions readers?

Hey now, maybe the gardener has ADHD and has struggles finding a job that suits him that he doesn't struggle at and is also a social introvert due to high anxiety, and is struggling every day with his interpersonal skills and tries to improve by talking to his 'boss', the property owner.

Well, that or he's planning a covert operation to nab your ficus tree in the dead of night ;)