I am not yet diagnosed, and I may not be diagnosed with ADD. I *think* I have it, am almost positive at this point, but am grudgingly willing to allow my psychiatrist to explore a little (first appointment coming up, and first with a psych and I admit that I loathe the thought--it's fine for everyone else and I am totally understanding/sympathetic/advocating for others, but for me it is hard not to punish myself for being weak rather than accepting it may be a physical weakness in my brain or wherever it rises from).

The point is that after allowing myself to accept the possibility, I came here, and as with all new subjects in my life, have totally immersed myself into research and study and acceptance.

And I've spent the last two days in a totally different frame of mind. I come here and read your stories and your struggles and your triumphs, and I am alternatively laughing in recognition and crying. Sometimes I become angry at myself, at the reality that if it's not ADD, it's SOMETHING, and I just sit here with that weird internal rage that is like when you stub your toe. I have never felt so emotional.

When you first found this forum, especially if you were not yet diagnosed and just starting to explore this all, and hearing from other adults in their personal experiences and not just those articles that give out the general definition and vague symptomatology, did you also experience such swings of emotion? I am even doing the cry/laugh at recognition of my husband in those non-add partners in the other forums and it's giving me so much more insight into myself and how I need to treat HIM, as well as what to ask from him for myself. I am... I don't even know.

And what if this is just another swing of whatever it is that I have (again, not yet formally diagnosed), and tomorrow this excitement and resolve to finally fix things is wavered and I'm 'bored' with it? It could just be like my brief obsession with cake decorating or Catholicism--sure it was entertaining and absorbing and for a while it struck something that needed striking inside, but now it seems awful gray and dim and completely explored? :confused:

I am not yet diagnosed, and I may not be diagnosed with ADD. I *think* I have it, am almost positive at this point, but am grudgingly willing to allow my psychiatrist to explore a little (first appointment coming up, and first with a psych and I admit that I loathe the thought--it's fine for everyone else and I am totally understanding/sympathetic/advocating for others, but for me it is hard not to punish myself for being weak rather than accepting it may be a physical weakness in my brain or wherever it rises from).

Welcome to the forums. I can truly relate to how you feel about it being 'ok for others but not me". Actually could have written your entire post. I punished myself for years and years, I was so determined to beat this. The "this" I was trying to beat I knew very little about, as I started to figure it out I could have given myself a good thump on the head.


The point for me is, that after allowing myself to accept the possibility, I came here, and as with all new subjects in my life, have totally immersed myself into research and study and acceptance. After fully believing that my difficulties were just me being lazy, unmotivated, etc.. It was and still is at times difficult to accept that I truly can't beat this. However, the more I educate myself the more I see the subtleties behind what appears to be simple tasks and the stumbling blocks become more and more apparent.



And I've spent the last two days in a totally different frame of mind. I come here and read your stories and your struggles and your triumphs, and I am alternatively laughing in recognition and crying. Sometimes I become angry at myself, at the reality that if it's not ADD, it's SOMETHING, and I just sit here with that weird internal rage that is like when you stub your toe. I have never felt so emotional.


That wierd internal rage is something I have become familliar with. It's something like after having been in prison for 40 yrs and when you went in you knew you were innocent, but after years of institutionalization the reality dims to be replaced by the consensus. Then the rage at the injustice, the abuse, the put downs, the endless self recrimination surfaces. I say it's healthy unless you are letting it make you bitter.


I find that sacred rage highly motivating. I use it to discover how I can make my life better, and following that, this rage I call sacred, because it is affirming to my dignity, self respect, courage, and refusal to continue with the status quo from myself or others, I find myself motivated to advocate for those of us who are ADHD.



When you first found this forum, especially if you were not yet diagnosed and just starting to explore this all, and hearing from other adults in their personal experiences and not just those articles that give out the general definition and vague symptomatology, did you also experience such swings of emotion? I am even doing the cry/laugh at recognition of my husband in those non-add partners in the other forums and it's giving me so much more insight into myself and how I need to treat HIM, as well as what to ask from him for myself. I am... I don't even know.



Even tho I was diagnosed in the 60's and have known I was ADHD pretty much as a fact of life, I didn't know very much about ADHD. Growing up with no accomodations, lots of judgement I was pretty much in the same predicament as anyone who didn't know at all. I have experienced all sorts of swings of emotion and it has indeed given me the opportunity to see how my relationships needed work. Not just in what I needed to change for others, but also in what I need from them.

And what if this is just another swing of whatever it is that I have (again, not yet formally diagnosed), and tomorrow this excitement and resolve to finally fix things is wavered and I'm 'bored' with it? It could just be like my brief obsession with cake decorating or Catholicism--sure it was entertaining and absorbing and for a while it struck something that needed striking inside, but now it seems awful gray and dim and completely explored? :confused:

No on can answer this but you, but from my perspective I doubt I'll get bored for a very long time. I have some of my 'hobbies' that I have had for 20 years now. I do get bored with the at times, but the interest eventually is sparked up again and like most things in life, it waxes and wanes. Perhaps it'll be like that for you too.

Welcome to the forums. I can truly relate to how you feel about it being 'ok for others but not me". Actually could have written your entire post. I punished myself for years and years, I was so determined to beat this. The "this" I was trying to beat I knew very little about, as I started to figure it out I could have given myself a good thump on the head.


The point for me is, that after allowing myself to accept the possibility, I came here, and as with all new subjects in my life, have totally immersed myself into research and study and acceptance. After fully believing that my difficulties were just me being lazy, unmotivated, etc.. It was and still is at times difficult to accept that I truly can't beat this. However, the more I educate myself the more I see the subtleties behind what appears to be simple tasks and the stumbling blocks become more and more apparent.






That wierd internal rage is something I have become familliar with. It's something like after having been in prison for 40 yrs and when you went in you knew you were innocent, but after years of institutionalization the reality dims to be replaced by the consensus. Then the rage at the injustice, the abuse, the put downs, the endless self recrimination surfaces. I say it's healthy unless you are letting it make you bitter.


I find that sacred rage highly motivating. I use it to discover how I can make my life better, and following that, this rage I call sacred, because it is affirming to my dignity, self respect, courage, and refusal to continue with the status quo from myself or others, I find myself motivated to advocate for those of us who are ADHD.







Even tho I was diagnosed in the 60's and have known I was ADHD pretty much as a fact of life, I didn't know very much about ADHD. Growing up with no accomodations, lots of judgement I was pretty much in the same predicament as anyone who didn't know at all. I have experienced all sorts of swings of emotion and it has indeed given me the opportunity to see how my relationships needed work. Not just in what I needed to change for others, but also in what I need from them.



No on can answer this but you, but from my perspective I doubt I'll get bored for a very long time. I have some of my 'hobbies' that I have had for 20 years now. I do get bored with the at times, but the interest eventually is sparked up again and like most things in life, it waxes and wanes. Perhaps it'll be like that for you too.

You brought me to tears again... I swear I am a big crybaby lately. :rolleyes: Thank you so much for what you've shared--it makes me feel so much better. It is so much easier to be here and read what you are saying here and what others have said. It eases the whole self-punishment cycle. I could not stop apologizing to my husband even though I KNOW logically there is nothing to apologize for and he certainly didn't expect one. he's rather relieved that I am seeking help. He has always wondered what's "wrong" with me--why in the world I do some of the things I do.

I'm also glad to hear that the weird rage isn't exactly weird. I try to do the same thing you do--let it motivate me. God knows that I have to find all the motivation I can find. lol

I am not diagnosed, my 9 year old son is. In reading about ADHD and symptoms I have realized that I am almost certainly someone with ADHD. Your post resonates with me in many ways, especially the last part about the brief obsession with cake decorating and Catholicism. There are very few things in my life that I have remained truly dedicated to over the years. I do have great ideas at times that I never do anything about at all.

I have been berating myself for years with thoughts of "you are lazy, unmotivated, a procrastinator". I have not yet pursued a diagnosis because for me, I am not sure what I would get out of it beyond some validation that there is an actual reason behind what I thought was procrastination and lack of self-discipline. I have lived most of my life this way and at 41 I wonder if it really would change anything (the diagnosis)...

~Tricia

I am not diagnosed, my 9 year old son is. In reading about ADHD and symptoms I have realized that I am almost certainly someone with ADHD. Your post resonates with me in many ways, especially the last part about the brief obsession with cake decorating and Catholicism. There are very few things in my life that I have remained truly dedicated to over the years. I do have great ideas at times that I never do anything about at all.

I have been berating myself for years with thoughts of "you are lazy, unmotivated, a procrastinator". I have not yet pursued a diagnosis because for me, I am not sure what I would get out of it beyond some validation that there is an actual reason behind what I thought was procrastination and lack of self-discipline. I have lived most of my life this way and at 41 I wonder if it really would change anything (the diagnosis)...

~Tricia

I hate those thoughts! I have also really searched my soul lately because I have almost seemed to accept that I'm lazy/incapable of doing anything fully--In some corner of my mind I wonder if I'm not seeking that validation you are talking about to make an excuse for myself. In some ways, I think its is another abuse that I'm doing to myself--saying that I am just looking for an easy out. :rolleyes:

I just keep saying that I will see what the psych doc says, now that I'm ready to just get the evaluation over with.

I think that it could never be too late to seek help if you feel that something is impacting your life negatively. I'm live and let live in terms of people deciding to do one option or another--I've seen the debates for meds versus no meds, some meds versus others, and therapy versus no therapy, blah blah blah. I think it's up to the person and what makes them feel the best--I am a chemical person and have no problem in swallowing pills. However, if I were NOT, it would make treatment worse I think to do it. So I don't mean to push making an appointment for yourself--I just mean to push doign whatever will put you at ease. Maybe you have been okay for 41 years, but that doesn't mean that you don't deserve to live the rest of your life (and there is a lot of it left!) in a better situation--IF that sitaution is the best for you.

I mean, I have gone my entire life without a million dollars. But if someone gave me a million tomorrow, I'd say I could probably accept it... lol