Dayton is in the first grade for the 2nd time, he is making good grades this time around and his teacher has bent over backwards to help us with him. The problem is that nothing is working anymore. I'm worried about next year and 2nd grade. I will be student teaching out of town and it will be hard for me to just drop and run like I do now when he gets into trouble. Does anyone have any ideas on how to make this transistion any easier?

My advice would be to create a short term and long term incentive program for him.
You know the chart with stars on it. Every day he has a well behaved day and gets his work done he gets a star. Every *so many* stars he gets to do something he really wants. If he doesn't get the stars he not only doesn't get that he loses something.

There are hyndreds of variations but he has to start taking the responsiblity for the outcome. As long as you continue to run and deal with whatever it is he is going to keep doing it.
So, not being able to get there is probably the best thing.
Even though the first 30 days will totally suck because nobody likes change. Not you, not him and it's all too easy to go back to the way you have always done it.

Think of it all in terms of how you want whatever you do now to affect him when he is a grown man. Then decide what is the best direction to go. Talk to the teacher about your decision and get commitment to tough it out for the duration of the change.

If you do it now you will have things settled down just in time for school to get out. That will give him a few months to master himself before starting another school year.

I havent tryed the star chart that sounds like a good idea. the only problem is that there are very few things that he realy likes. Viedo games is one of the few. I hate to take those away from him because they are one of the few things that he is realy good at. But if I must I must.

kathy,

Have you tried positive reinforcement instead of taking thing's away? As a teacher to be I'm sure you understand that all kid's are different, we witness that everyday in our own home.

My daughter does not respond to negative's...if she break's a rule or does not follow thru, taking something away from her has no affect--instead of picking her toy's up she'll walk them thru the house to throw them away. We have found with her that the chart's work but instead of all our focus being on punishment, we put more focus on the positive. We have three different chart's--Attitude and behaviour, Classwork, Chores. We mark the chart's when chores are done or she has gotten her homework done without being told and when she has a good day at school her teacher gives her a special sticker for her chart that we supplied. When she has so many star's she is able to pick a prize for each chart this not only encourage's her but reinforces GOOD behaviour.

My son on the other hand while good reinforcement helps, respond's better to losing thing's such as his gameboy, lego's and so forth.

The school chart has a lot of option's that we discussed with the teacher first. We wanted to pinpoint problem area's for each child such as keeping their hand's to themselves, focus issue's and cleanliness such as desk's and locker's. The interesting thing is both teacher's have made copies of the chart's and use them for all the student's in the class and since a teacher's salary is so small MOST the parent's send a reward at the end of the week for the children--usually just cake or cookies and juice but for some reason ALL the children respond very well.

Good luck and keep us posted, I'm the chart queen lol.

Originally posted by kathybrokar
I havent tryed the star chart that sounds like a good idea. the only problem is that there are very few things that he realy likes. Viedo games is one of the few. I hate to take those away from him because they are one of the few things that he is realy good at. But if I must I must.

That's the part that sucks about being a parent. You have to do things that your kids won't like. The simple recognition of getting the stars will have a positive effect. Then you have to give them something to strive for. There are things besides video games that he likes. He is likely a smart kid. Most smart kids know that if they let you know everything they like you'll have leverage.

Start out with something simple like the star chart and when he gets a star a day for a week he gets to go somewhere special with mom. It can be anywhere that you wouldn't normally go. It doesn't have to cost money either. It could be to the library to look at movies.

yeah, he is smart and that is what drives me nuts. He cold do his homework in no time at all if he would just do it. I try not to reenforce the bad behavior and to reward the good, but maybe not enough. I get caught up in the fights and forget to . . . I guss "chill out" myself. I don't know what to put on the chart got any ideas? He does no chores... I know that's bad but the fight wasn't worth it. when he can't find the floor or has no clothes I tell him get it clean, I'm not doing it.

Start small for example: with saying please and thank you.
Simple stuff like that. Do it for a weekend and see how it goes.

Then pick something you know he can succeed at fairly easily in an area that you are more concerned about. Like completing homework by a certain time after school. Build from there.

Remember, he beats himself up more than you ever could for his mistakes. Your objective is to teach him to be a success by little steps. And encourage him while at the same time remaining firm in your direction.
You have to be firm and matter of fact. "These are the rules".
Make sure he knows the consequences for his actions both positive and negative.

Also, don't beat yourself up for "picking your battles".
I try to tell my wife this one: If you choose to battle over every little thing then they will fight back on every little thing. And they have more energy!
SO, CHOOSE TO BATTLE ONLY ON THE IMPORTANT BEHAVIORS TODAY.
Once you get some of the unacceptable behaviors tamed you can work on the "chores".