I was scouring the archives and the following thread prompted this:
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1861&perpage=40&pagenumber=2
My experience was living with a bully (my adopted brother) and being an inattentive-type ADDer my solution was some kind of look I guess that told people there was no use in picking on me. I'm not sure I can even say what it was but it worked pretty well. I did get picked on some but not much. I just kept to myself. Perhaps it was some sort of passive-aggressive expression, I don't even know. I was very shy as a young boy and am told I looked like a pretty girl at times. I'm quite a pacifist though I learned to be aggressive and defend myself in later years that approach, while satisfying, causes more trouble than anything.

First off HUGS Paul. I grew up in a mixed family household but was lucky enough to be very close to my step, adopted and foster sibling's. I can however empathize with you. I do know exactly what you mean about the "LOOK" I too adopted it at a very young age. My mother brought many "uncles" into our lives before she met the man who would later adopt us and be called daddy. I used the "LOOK" at home, school, church pretty much were ever it was necessary to hide myself.

AS an adult I"m told I have adopted a whole new look instead of looking off into space and ignoring what is going on around me, I'm told I look as though I"m ****ed off at the world until people get to know me and they can never believe they were once intimidated by me.

My nephew is going thru what you went thru. HIs little brother is a "pretty" boy and his little sister is beautiful. NOw my nephew is the most adorable, cutest thing you have ever seen but in his mother's eye's he is not perfect. He has a lazy eye. He is pretty much ignored and when he started acting out she got a ADHD diagnose's and up's his meds at will pretty much, his doc really sucks. My brother work's 16 hour days and is not home to witness this. I asked his permission to have him re evaluated and he gave it. MY nephew is just starting to come out of his ADderall haze. He has the most wonderful personality aND spends most his daYS AND NIGHTS WITH US UNLESS HIS DADDY IS HOME.

LOL I BETTER GO FOR NOW THE BWABY IS REALLYT INTEREESTED IN MY COMPUTER KEYBOARD AND NOT VERY PRODUCTIVE TO TUYPING.

HUGS HUGS HUGHS AN DMORE HUTGES LOL KIDS WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

CHERITY

Thanks for the hugs Nuts,
So the nephew is not ADD! Hmmm, I wonder about myself if it's that or just the disfunctional family. Probably a mix. It is strange not to know what it'd be like to have a friend as a sibling. Dad was off in his own world & took his life when I was 10, Mom & I are very similar and get along well. Never had a close relationship with any other relatives, didn't really trust most people I guess. Take good care of that nephew, I'm sure he appreciates it.

PS I never got in a physical fight with anyone, ever. Well, I think I got into a little wrestle once with brother. All through Junior high, never got punched in the face or stomach or anything. Brother's approach was mostly psychological intimidation: he'd twist my arm a bit while the veins popped out on his neck and made threats.

In highschool, I put a cream pie in the face of a school security guy & went to jail for assault (lol) for a few hours. Mom later told me she got a real kick out of that but had to play straight at the time! I'm not too smooth with supervisors at work if they rub me wrong. Hmmm, I dunno, I think I"m part ADD but all that crap was enough to screw me up too.

I oughta take that cat pic off my avatar, it's pretty mean looking. I guess I'm like that: the peaceful pretty flower on one side and the spoiled vicious territorial loner with sharp claws on the other. If only I could come up with an image of me as a succesful entrepeneur. Hmmm...

No my nephew is probably ADHD but that is no excuse for the over use of Adderall. When his honeymoon period on the med is over she has the doctor up the dosage. He's a walking zombie.

I think your avator was fine the way it was and how it is now. We all have two sides. I look like a major *itch on the outside but it's my fear of rejection on the inside that makes me hide behind the fake facade. When people get to know me they can't believe they were ever afraid of me. lol

See two faces *wink, wink*

Paul - I think ADHD tends to run in dysfunctional families. (Just my empirical analysis.)

I've also heard that bullies need an audience. (Or maybe w/o one they are just plain abusive people.) I have found that without an audience, when you call them on their behavior when it's just the two of you, they tend to back down. (Or maybe that's b/c even though I'm a girl, I have also been described as intimidating - adopting a form of Fut's "don't mess with me" face.)

(Hey, Futs.)

Yes, makes sense. That would make my brother just plain abusive then. He was adopted.

Bullies probably need an audience or at least a reaction. Maybe that's an indication that I'm not ADD because I would not provide a reaction for the bullies so it was no fun for them. Typical ADHD folks probably react very visibly to bullies which makes them very satisfying to torture.

My ability to remain quiet may be part of my coping skills that I developed from the abuse at home which is contrary to ADD. If anything, I'm probably the inattentive type.

I don't know maybe it's possible I was born with a certain amount of ADD-like impulsiveness but was forced to contain that. This internalizing had the effect of making me appear mature for my age. I'm talking like six years old, I'd have a serious face like an adult. Now that I'm an adult and have relaxed from all that, I'm too immature for my age.