View Full Version : something just hasn't been right for 7yrs!???

mischa g
08-18-09, 09:56 AM
hi, i'm the mother of a 8 1/2 year old girl who i believe, and have always believed may have adhd. if i went through all the reasons why i believe this i'd be here all day typing so won't even go there. she ticks every box and more. and yet when she is at school they say she is normal and treat me like i'm paranoid. her dance instructor has mensioned she is extremely sensitive and over emotional and her balance and concentration is poor. her previous child minder also said that her co-ordination/ concentration was poor and she cried alot! this was when she was 2-4yrs.

her tantrums frm age 2 have always been over the top and still are. have been to the doctors several times and they write to the school who reply saying "no problems" everytime! although my daughter has had problems taking in what the teacher has said but is too shy to mension this. she explained to me that she understands the teacher but by the time she tries to write she doesn't know what to write and sits there still wondering whilst everyone else has finished. the school say this is normal if its a subject she doesn't enjoy and all children get that way.

she always falls out with her friends for tiny reasons and behaves kind of hostile towards them. i have been sent away dissattisfied on so many occassions but recently she has been obssesively thinking about death and dying herself and crying alot, she has always had a strong imagination and is bored with it being summer hols but this is happening everynight now and she is not sleeping or eating properly. she has always been extremely clumbsy too. surely this is not all my imagination!! i know the schools are busy but can't help but be angry at them for not looking deeper into my concerns. she is shy and one of her teachers did even mension he didn't notice anything but maybe because she is so quiet.

Lady Lark
08-18-09, 11:10 AM
Who have you taken her to to be evaluated? What did they do?

08-18-09, 11:17 AM
I have always been a really quiet person, I am 17 and nobody thought I had ADD until I was 16, so I went in and got tested and of course I had ADD.. Maybe it has something to do with being quiet? Alot of people mistake me for being shy but I am just really introverted. Hopefully it all works out soon, if she does have ADD/ADHD school is only going to get more and more frustrating.

mischa g
08-18-09, 11:38 AM
thankyou, she is actually the opposite of quiet at home. extremely loud and all over the place, physically and emotionally which makes life an uphill struggle for myself, my hubby and her as every little task is a huge one in her eyes. my hubby says shes just awkward and lazy and i know us mums are bound to defend our babies despite there age but i just know its more than that. i have prompted her to brush her teeth and have a wash every morning for 7 yrs as she forgets otherwise she also still cannot have a bath without constantly asking for me.

Zoom Dude
08-18-09, 12:54 PM
Awareness and understanding of ADD is not so good in the states, but it seems to me the situation is worse elsewhere, GB included. There also seem to be different incentives/costs/triggers in place in your health care and educational systems, which might have a role in how your concerns are being handled. I get a whiff of bureaucracy, rather than facts, in the responses you've received.

There are also plenty of old myths still held in high regard by medical professionals. My advice is to do some research and locate a doctor who is sufficiently enlightened. This might be hard. I would start by finding any local ADD support groups and get recommendations from ADDers whose doctors have genuinely helped. There are tools on this forum that might help. See for a start.

Mind you, getting a sympathetic doctor is not to "stack the deck" to get a diagnosis that vindicates your suspicions. It is only to find a physician open-minded enough, whose understanding of ADD is adequately up-to-date to give you a fair, objective evaluation.

It is to make sure your child is not evaluated by someone who still believes you can't have ADD if you don't respond to meds, if you aren't failing in school, if you're quiet, if you're an adult, or plenty of other misconceptions. All of these false statements have been made to ADDers on this forum by medical professionals.

There are parts of your description that suggest influences other than, or in addition to, ADD. A well-rounded doctor is essential. Some here (including me) have had better luck with therapists than psychiatrists.

Best of luck,


08-18-09, 01:40 PM
haha I am the same way at home and always have been, very loud and I could probably pass for having the hyperactive type of add at times. And seeing little tasks as huge ones, I think that is part of a.d.d. I know my medicine helps me a lot with that...little tasks are just little tasks but when I am not on my medicine the littlest things can be very overwhelming. My mom has always defended me for the most part even when she really should just let me take responsibility, and my dad has always told me I am lazy and 'why cant you be more like your sister', and he thinks I have no work ethic, he is pretty old school and I don't think he buys the whole A.d.d. thing.

mischa g
08-18-09, 03:23 PM
her biological father and i separated because he had sumthing but his psychiatric assessment wasn't completed because he refused to stop smoking cannabis. i KNEW there was sumthing not right about his behaviour and he was even fired from his job and advsed to see a psychiatrist cause they suspected he was schitzerfrenic. he was violent, often suicidal, depressed or hyper and jumping around like a monkey at early hours of the morning, impulsive and reckless with money and many things that he did during everyday had no logic at all. he was paranoid (although i think that was the weed) and extremely abusive in every way. i just sumtimes see so much of his behaviour in her now and its actually heartbreaking thinking she may turn out like that...but i am sssssoooooooooo determined to do whatever it takes to give her the support that she needs to still succeed and not turn out like that!!!!

08-18-09, 05:56 PM
I would just keep trying to find a therapist or doctor who will be able to decide whether or not she has a.d.h.d., I just know how much of a difference medication made for me. Then again, being put on medication at 8yrs old might just turn out badly later on down the road...even if it helps in the present.

08-18-09, 07:54 PM
Please try to go through the diagnostic process to find the cause and a treatment strategy. Read all you can on parenting kids with ODD (opposition defiant disorder), anxiety and ADHD. Look at things that can mimic ADHD, be confused with ADHD and can co-exist with ADHD. Look at positive reinforcement and coaching strategies for parenting. If you have a university nearby, see if they have a child development center. Some of these groups have specialists and parenting help.

My youngest daughter is very similar to your child. Her teachers would report that she was quiet in class and "lazy". Later the school principal, psychologist and special ed teacher observed her in class and found that she was not just quiet, she was totally shut-down and not interacting. This must have been a tremendous stress for her. The child we had at home was hyperactive (I did not see this because I was also hyperactive), defiant and getting more explosive, violent and self-destructive. We were working with a psychologist at this time for play therapy and help parenting a challenging child. We started a positive reinforcement method and worked really hard to coach and praise her for the correct behaviours. This helped some what.

We were referred to a good child psychiatriist who felt we were dealing with ADHD and ODD with a remote chance of bipolar. We started meds for ADHD and she started doing better at school, good grades and classroom interaction. The positive reinforcement worked better on meds. When the anxiety was really bad (school stress), we added guanfacine and for several months low dose risperdal. The doc is great at adjusting meds to my daughter's needs. I feel lucky to have him.

She is now 13 and doing well (As and Bs) in most subjects (especially math and science), and is making great progress (with good grades) in a special english class (she is also dyslexic-something else from my gene pool:rolleyes:). She is much better with social issues and family interactions as well. She is still quirky and fun and I hope we can continue the progress.

We have a close relative that is the person we do not want our daughter to become so I know the fear that you have in that area.

Good luck with this difficult journey.

08-19-09, 03:42 PM
Having a biological dad as you describe is another factor that contributes to the possibility that your daughter may have some mental issues.

As noted, the UK doctors have a much different view of ADHD than the doctors in the US. It is much harder to get diagnosed there. Often ADHD kids are labled as Lazy, when it is just being ADHD makes them seem that way. Medication can make things a lot better in a lot of ways. Later in life, untreated ADHDers are much more likely so self medicate with alcohol or drugs. Going through life with ADHD and unmedicated can be very difficult.

How are your daughters grades in school? Maybe you can push them a bit more to get her evaluated.

There are other members here from the UK that might have some good advice on how to work the "system" there.

mischa g
08-20-09, 12:34 PM
thankyou guys!!! i really appreciate these replies and comment so much. i have gone through year by year, bringing it up at general practitioners, who have just referred her to paediatric doctors who i can't get through to be referred to a psychologist or psychiatrist because they say she is just intelligent and possibley frustrated. i told them that this doesn't explain the dropping and smashing things regularly, and when she does she then cries thinking i'm going to go mad at her which i never have but the emotions are so over the top with everything.

i see hurt in her eyes with such little things that happen and it hurts me to see her hurting at least 3 times a day. i can't help but feel so angry that she has been left to get this bad when i have been consulting the doctor since she was two!!! i have always been extremely dedicated to spending time every evening on her education so i don't think she struggles too much, but all her teachers have mensioned her presantation being abit poor as they think she thinks alot and rushes her writing. she does struggle at maths and everyday she leaves most of her lunch as she is the last to eat. it takes her almost an hour to eat her tea at home everyday and still she has trouble with a knife and fork. how does the school and doctors have the right to talk to me like i'm just one of those parents who worry about nothing!???

i've had some advise from a support group i called yesturday though so i shall be asking to speek to the senco at the school for a propper assessment and if they still don't notice i shall be taking it as far as i can until they help us as for years ive been told its nothing and the older she gets the more obvious it has become that they are soooooo wrong! thankyou so much though for the replies on here as its such a relief to talk to people who understand.xx

08-20-09, 04:37 PM
That sounds so much like what we went through with my oldest granddaughter. I kept telling people that she should be tested for ADHD but every time her mother brought it up with the teachers she was told, "She's so smart and so helpful and so well behaved, she doens't have any problems."

Finally last year, in the 5th grade, she started failing almost every class, in large part because she would forget to bring home her homework and then would forget to turn the finished homework in to the teachers. Many of her grades were 'incomplete." Finally they agreed that she was struggling, and we got our family doctor to test her.

He said her test scores were the highest he had ever seen for ADHD! No wonder the poor kid was struggling. We really debated and researched before agreeing to let her try meds, but she is very lucky that the first med she tried has made a very noticable difference. OF course we still have to remind her to take the meds every morning. :rolleyes:

I do hope you'll be able to get your daughter tested before she is 11 and has already learned to beat herself up for being lazy and stupid when she's really not at all. Good luck.

08-20-09, 06:51 PM
I am betting that your daughter is not hyperactive. Many misinformed people think that if there is no hyperactivity there is no ADHD. That is most definately not the case. Stick by what you think your daughter needs and keep pushing for an assessment. Here is an old list I have of innattentive ADHD symptoms. Not sure where it came from or how scientific it is, but here it is.

Becomes overwhelmed easily; can only concentrate on one thing at a time. (actually it's more like I'm concentrating on everything that has to be done while I'm doing something... if I can do it)
Has trouble starting and/or finishing tasks (often forgets to do homework, family chores, or may take “forever” to finish homework).
May daydream while getting dressed in the morning; fixed stare may mask wandering mind.
Acts impulsively or may not appear to react at all; is not good at crisis management (detaches rather than takes action).
Is distracted by internal thoughts and external stimuli. (The brain can be on 16 channels, but the body appears exhausted.)
Has a lethargic and apathetic appearance (Even when the person thinks fast, he fatigues quickly.); is often called lazy and unmotivated.
Does not get needs met in the classroom because he or she doesn’t disrupt others; tends to be quiet, shy or withdrawn resulting in cognitive deficits getting overlooked.
Could have spatial and/or motor skill difficulties (messy handwriting, poor sense of direction, or coordination problems).
Could be on an emotional roller coaster (anxious, depressed, explosive temper, grumpy, sarcastic, rude, or abrupt).
Is unaware of time (either underestimates or overestimates time, but is usually late).
Appears disorganized (messy locker, room, and desk).
Spends time daily hunting for things such as keys, papers, books, purse, etc. \
Has social skills problems (may be quiet, withdrawn, or possibly shy; has trouble with small talk and figuring out rules of social interaction; has a problem reading social cues; tends to be lonely and aloof). Unfortunately, this passivity can cause the person to be an attractive target for bullies.

Does not perform up to potential; is slow at processing; appears confused or stressed; has difficulty with synthesizing and organizing ideas; is slow responding to questions.
Has to be repeatedly rescued; uses learned helplessness and passive manipulation; feels powerless; becomes chronically dependent.
Has errors in logical thinking and/or has irrational thoughts.
Does not advocate for self; rarely asks questions in class or participates in class discussion.
Makes mediocre grades or all A’s if person is a perfectionist. May put in extra effort to hyperfocus in order to compensate for inattentiveness.
Has poor listening skills (misses details in conversations, teacher directions, and lectures).
Has short-term and working memory problems; has trouble with application of learned information.