Okay so I will start off by saying I feel as if I am doing nothing but FALLING, and I wish that I would just hit the bottom and get it over with. I have had times in my life where sadness would linger about but after a while it would go away. Around February I felt that emotionally I was the healthiest that I could ever remember and it stayed that way until about June. Since then life seems to have lost all meaning. I am not interested in anything. I have distanced myself from the majority of the people in my life & really could care less. I say that but I do care, very much and I hate any pain I have caused any of them by distancing myself. I think what brought on the depression was the end of a short relationship. I don't think it was because I was hurt by the ending, but it was the reality that AGAIN, I was all alone. I am 31 and fell like I am never going to get it together in any aspect. I went on a 2 week vacation and felt a little better at first, but then it hit and seemed to be harder. I think a lot has to do with some recent changes in a new friendship (should I say ending of a new friendship) but it was a friendship that I thought was going to be a great, strong, lasting friendship. One of the few people I have been 100% opened and honest with about my ADHD and my medications. Now I just can't seem to pick myself up and I don't know what to do. I hate to bother any of my friends (that I have stayed close with) about it because they are all dealing with their own things, last thing they need is me to be bothersome. I just don't know where to turn. I think that seeing someone is something I really need to do, but as a single mother who's income isn't great and I have no insurance ( and just putting braces on my son) but I just can't afford it. I don't know if I should go to my doctor and asked to be put on an antidepressant on top of my ritalin. I am just as I said earlier, FALLING!! Any suggestions, help, or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. I must say it is nice to speak my mind and not have to put on the fake happy face that I always wear to make everyone else feel more comfortable!!!:(

If the friends you have stayed close to are in it for the long haul, chances are, you're not going to be bothersome. That's what friends DO--listen, take time even when their own lives are coming down around them. Pull one or two aside, make coffee or tea or, even better, margaritas and spill it. If they won't do that, then vent here more.

There is something to be said though, for on-line communities. No one cares if you're in your pj's with matted hair, haven't showered in three days and the snot is running down your face. You can just let it out, sistah. ;)

I think I read your post about the friend/possible more than friend who exited your life. It sounds like you are really, truly disappointed. God I know what that is like. People can really mess with you on their way to living their lives. Usually it is completely unintentional but it still doesn't make cleaning up the mess inside our heads any more pleasant, now does it? Before I hijack this and turn it into my own personal rant (:rolleyes:) hugs to you. Hang in there and you can hang out here if you need to. It's cheap group therapy and I think there's plenty of us that can relate.

Okay so I will start off by saying I feel as if I am doing nothing but FALLING, and I wish that I would just hit the bottom and get it over with. I have had times in my life where sadness would linger about but after a while it would go away.

Around February I felt that emotionally I was the healthiest that I could ever remember and it stayed that way until about June. Since then life seems to have lost all meaning. I am not interested in anything. I have distanced myself from the majority of the people in my life & really could care less. I say that but I do care, very much and I hate any pain I have caused any of them by distancing myself. I think what brought on the depression was the end of a short relationship. I don't think it was because I was hurt by the ending, but it was the reality that AGAIN, I was all alone. I am 31 and fell like I am never going to get it together in any aspect.

I went on a 2 week vacation and felt a little better at first, but then it hit and seemed to be harder. I think a lot has to do with some recent changes in a new friendship (should I say ending of a new friendship) but it was a friendship that I thought was going to be a great, strong, lasting friendship. One of the few people I have been 100% opened and honest with about my ADHD and my medications. Now I just can't seem to pick myself up and I don't know what to do. I hate to bother any of my friends (that I have stayed close with) about it because they are all dealing with their own things, last thing they need is me to be bothersome. I just don't know where to turn.

I think that seeing someone is something I really need to do, but as a single mother who's income isn't great and I have no insurance ( and just putting braces on my son) but I just can't afford it. I don't know if I should go to my doctor and asked to be put on an antidepressant on top of my ritalin.

I am just as I said earlier, FALLING!! Any suggestions, help, or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. I must say it is nice to speak my mind and not have to put on the fake happy face that I always wear to make everyone else feel more comfortable!!!:(


Sorry about chopping up your post, but I can't read them when they are one huge block of words.

Anyway, I am glad you felt you could come here and discuss all this. You do deserve someplace safe to deal with it externally... it's not very effective to just talk to oneself inside your own head. I think so anyway.

Relationships are difficult... entering one... and exiting one, so I empathize with you there. Are you feeling like you should take the blame for it's ending? We all tend to be harder on our own selves, so you should take a moment to think this one through... don't be too hard on yourself.

Braces on your son huh? My daughter just got her braces off a few weeks ago and is now wearing her retainer. Yeah... these things are quite expensive with the braces, the trips back for adjustments. I hope your son does well with his. At least they come in cool colors and are not longer the huge amount of metal used back when I was a kid (I'm 49).

You sound as though you are working hard as a parent though and KUDOS to you for that! I work in the medical field and have had plenty of moments seeing children with parents who didn't get them proper treatment for things like their teeth. And not just because of money issues either.

I allowed myself to become a shut-in last year... I was having a hard time actually going outside the house except for work and to take my daughter to school.
For me, distancing myself from the people I love and like was a painful process. It seemed too easy to do though.
I can't tell you exactly how I turned it all around, other than by forcing myself to get outside and start enjoying nature. Just getting the sun on my body seems to really help when I shut myself inside too long.

To me, 31 is still pretty young. Recognize a purpose to your life and realize you have a good number of years to enjoy life. You have a child, and I know for me, that has been a driving force in my desire not to give up on everything. I've finally been coming around to allowing myself some self-worth also. It does feel better when I really believe in my worth as a human being.
You have worth also! You have purpose in your life.

I'll be checking back in here to see how things go for you. Taking anti-depressants work for some folks, but not for others. It may help you out, but you have to deal with other issues in conjunction with the meds... just like with the ADD.

I wish you well!:D

Thanks to both of you for replying to my post. It is nice to know that there are people out there who get it.
Kitten,
As a matter of fact I am in my PJs with hair that hasn't been brushed yet today! So thanks for being okay with that!!:D I am really truely disappointed with this person who did excite my life and made me believe that he thoght I was an important person to him. I feel like as always I always believe in everything that everyone says ( I think that might be part of my ADHD, not knowing social ques and falling for everything) I always want to believe the best and people and it sucks that I allow people to treat me this way in my life, although usually I don't realize it until they have already done it.

Wsmac,
Don't worry about chopping up my post! It isn't a big deal. I will do it for you today!;)
As for the talking in ones head, I think I do so much of that, that I never really realize if I have said it out loud to people and usually I haven't and so I never actually say it to them.

I do not feel like I am to blame @ all for the relationship ending. I have realized that this man did nothing but use me for his own personal gain and when he was finished using me, in turn he was finished with me. We have been really close friends for the last 4 month, & we tried to be a little more before then, but the friendship seemed to be the better end of the stick (or so I thought).

Yes, I do work EXTREMELY hard at being a parent. I LOVE IT and love my son so very much. I know that is the one thing in my life I can say with out hesitation that I am good at doing. I love children and work with them on a daily basis and I just want to give my son everything he deserves (not spoil him, b/c I don't believe in that), so mostly love!:D My son is definately one of the reason I am not giving up on life yet!

As today goes, I am feeling a bit better about the ending of the friendship. Don't get me wrong it still hurts my feelings and I am still a little sad, but feeling better. I think partly because I was able to talk to my girlfriend (actual girl who is my friend, not that there is anything wrong with being more than friends). She started talking about the disappoinment she was feeling towards the man who used me and left me hurt. So that opened the doors and the flood gates of tears to come out and of course talking about it does get it off your chest more and does make things a little better. :rolleyes:
As of now I wish that I had the social skills and the ability to go out and meet new people, preferably a man to spend some time with.
As for getting on some sort of medication for my depression, I am going to wait a few more weeks and see if going back to the gym and getting back to a normal routine (since my son has gone back to school) will help. I hope so, b/c as much as I know medication helps so many people and I applaud them for getting the help they need, I would rather not be on a medication if I don't have to be. Hopefully today will be a great day since it is so wonderful outside.
Thanks to everyone who is taking the time to read and respond! It is great to have people (although strangers) help out!!!!:):p:cool::D

Hello,

Thanks for updating things.
My daughter will be back in school tomorrow (I will too), so I understand about structure during this time.:D

I'm glad to see things are not so dark and cloudy for you currently, hope it stays that way.
How well do you manage the winters there? I have family around Branson, Missouri and I remember the winters there... not my favorite time.

I expect it's tough when you build up an image of some self-worth with another person, only to find out it was all a ruse... very sorry to hear about that. After my divorce a few years ago, everyone kept telling me I would find another person in my life, but I really just couldn't see it for a variety of reasons.
I actually hurt myself in a way, by shutting down certain feelings and other things which effected my current relationship mostly concerning my ability to allow myself happiness over it all.
Wounds do take time to heal... some longer than others.

Take care and we'll see you around the forums!:D

Wsmac,

No problem for the update, happy to do so actually. I hope that your schooling goes well and your daughters too!

As for winters, I handle them okay. I don't find that I have a harder time during a certain season. Our winters here are not as bad as in Branson. We very rarely get any snow. Ocassionally some ice that coats the roads. But the last few years have been fairly mild.

People have been telling me for years that I would meet someone. I haven't been in a realationship (except for the ruse of one that I thought I was in earlier this year) in over 3 1/2 years. It is just so difficult to put myself out there, b/c it seems to always blow up in my face and my feeling become extremely hurt. :(

Mmt, I'm sorry to hear of what happened to you. I do the same thing you do...give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I assume because I am a caring, honest, and empathetic person, that others will be, too. And like you, I've gotten burned because of it.

However, I'm not trying to change that about myself, because I value those qualities. Luckily, I am now in a relationship where the man does value those same things.

Don't give up, there are good guys out there. Unfortunately, there are bad apples out there who will use someone for their own selfish purposes. Just try to keep your chin up and be the best person you can be (sounds like you are already!) and sometime, maybe when you least expect it, someone worthy of you will come along. Focus on yourself, and your happiness in who you are and what you do, without thinking you have to have a significant other (this has been a challenge for me in the past).

(Btw, I am a single/widowed mother who is 40 and I found "my man" last year, so it is never too late. You are still young!).

I think I read somewhere but can't find it that those feelings don't just happen.
Hurt...Anger...depression..Usually the first occurs by an event.like being physically
or mentally hurt by someone or the loss of a loved one.We feel hurt which is followed
up by anger in some form or another and then comes depression.

This is a normal cycle which we can't avoid..
Some of us that don't want to feel any of those fall into addiction to help us to not feel.
That may work for awhile but there are to many consequences that come with that.
So we need to learn to ride it out because it will pass.But there are things we can do to help it pass quicker.By doing fun things or by spending time with kids they take us out of our minds,Sometimes literally..LOL..

But if we stay too long in the down or depressed stage and can't get out then anti d's can help.
I'm an addict that is just starting on wellbutrin and am still depressed.I'm guessing because I lost my dad a few months ago..Which helped to send me looking to hide the
pain..That didn't work it made things worse.But I will get better.