Gonna try to make a long story short and just ask for opinions and so forth....

Im very scared.. I have a 7 year old son that is ADHD, he is on Adderall XR 30mil. He was diagnosed in Kindergarden and now is almost done with 2nd grade.

I have not ever been married to his father. I did have a paternaty test done when my son was 4mths old because I never wanted my son to dought me and I was tired of rumors that his father was spreading. I never went for child support however I did always make sure his father and there family know where we were, how to get ahold of us and if he ever wanted to see him we would work it out. His father called a total of about 5 times in 7 years. The paternal grandmother - I let see my son about once or twice a month. I let them know of the ADHD and the medication, gave them sites and info as best I could. The grandmother made things really hard and would not give the structure my son needed, she also did strange things like steal my mail and take him out of town with out telling me what she was doing. I was laid off after 6 years with a company and she started getting upset that I might put my son on Medicade for a few months. She did not want her child to have to pay child support. She would bring these issues up at inappropriate times etc.
Since I saw my son progressivly upset and having issues in school for days after seeing her and having several talks with her I had to stop contact. This insued SEVERAL threats from her and crazy letters and other things... I made sure his father had my number if he ever wanted to call. We have not heard from him in over a year.

The father has been forced to pay child support for the last 2 months and I get a notice that he is going for Joint custdy and to change our sons last name...

I am scared of the impact this will have on my child. IF he was really wanting to see our son and really cared I would be happy. But this is retaliation after years of threats if I went after child support. Last time I did let him go with him our child came back CRYING and hystarycal and it took days to undo what had been done. Then we hear nothing from him for a year.

DOes anyone have any advise? Anyone been through this???
Anytime my sons scedule and routine is jacked with he freaks out and we have just gotten where he is doing really good in school.. Im scared...

Thanks for reading my LONG post :) Holly

My sister went through something similar, so I have a bit of advice that might help.

Document everything.

Record the content of phone calls with crazy grandma (not the calls themselves, which might be illegal.) Record how your son is before and after visits. Note how little child support has been paid, and the timing of it. Etc, etc.

What the courts will look for is, what is in the best interest of the child. If you can prove that contact with dad's family is harmful to your son, they won't be getting joint custody, although some visitation will probably be required. It will be a tough row to hoe, though, so be strong.

Thanks for the advise - I feel a little better after talking to a lawyer- I had lots of crazy emails from the grandma I handed over. He might get some visitation but he will really have to do alot as far as parenting classes and mediation and then this and that .. I just dont see him doing it long haul. And they are things his mother cant do for him so Im wondering how long it will all last anyway.

Excellent! I hope everything works out for the both of you! :)

His record of being not in contact with his son should say enough.
Sorry for your troubles. It always stirs me up when a person doesn't take responsibility for their children (meaning the father).
It is so unfair to you and your child.