Hi All,

I'm hoping someone can give me some advice. I am in the process of getting my daughter tested for ADD. She is not really hyper but her teacher claims she displays other ADD characteristics. Personally I think he'd be thrilled if we just threw her on some meds so he won't have to repeat things to her or remind her of things sometimes. Anyway, that's for another thread. This one is regarding wake up time in the morning. It is HORRIBLE. My daughter and I have had more fights in the morning then any time else. She just does not want to get out of bed and 20 minutes before it's time to go I am wigging out and screaming at her. We are trying an earlier bedtime and hoping that will make a difference but I wouldn' t be surprised if it doesn't. She is so obstinant, disrespectful and willful in the morning. Should I try ignoring her and taking her to school however she looks? Has anyone else dealt with this? Is this a typical ADD characteristic? Any suggestions and advice is very welcome. I am so frustrated.......Dee :(

Kids need a hour to fully wake up ... if your only waking her up 20mints before its time to go that puts a rush on her and will make her defiant .

You actually might want to look into O.D.D.

How old is she ? IS she normally that defiant or is it just a morning thing? Is the school going to test her ?

oops ps kids need 9 to 12 hours of sleep if you didnt know

Thanks for the replies. My daughter does get about 10 in a half hours of sleep or more. She is almost 10 and the morning is really the only time she is so stubborn. I do wake her about and hour and a half before school. I have to keep going in and trying to get her up. This goes on for over an hour almost every morning. I got tired of physically pulling her out of the bed so now she finally gets out of the bed 20 minutes before it's time to leave. I told her and I told my husband that I should not have to physically pull an almost 10 year old out of bed. I'm fed up with it and refuse to do that anymore. I tried putting her to bed earlier last night and she is still not getting out of bed. It's an hour and a half before school and I'm in the process of trying to get her up. Here we go again.......... I'll post tonight and let you know how it goes. Dee

I remember having the same struggle with my mom every morning. She would wind up turning my light on (which I hated) and yelling at me most mornings. I couldn't figure out why she was such a shrew ... now I can see the situation a little more clearly. ;)

Many ADD kids do have trouble waking in the morning. The best advice I've gotten is to work out good routines for morning and evening, and stick to them. Lay out clothes and get her school stuff ready the night before. And I hate to say this (because I know how I would have reacted as a child) .... but she is going to have to get up a little bit earlier. :eek: She's probably not going to be able to do all of this on her own. She'll need a lot more help and direction than you'd think a 10-y.o. would need. And you might actually have to take her to school before she thinks she's ready once or twice. Sorry to tell you this, but it goes with the territory. :(

If you do get a dx of ADHD, morning meds may help you with this struggle. Though you will likely still have to wake her up early to give them to her! I'm still not fond of mornings myself. But the meds ... and my cup of coffee ... have made all the difference. ;)

I went thru this with my 10 year old son this year was especially bad. First make sure there aren't any issue's at school.

We started getting both kid's up an hour before they had to actually leave for school. I give them a granola bar or some fruit in bed (by the time they are done with their snack, their usually awake enough to climb into the bath). Bath times were changed to the morning giving them a little more relaxing time waking up before school (each child pick's a special bubble bath or shampoo for only themselves). Clothes are layed out in the bathroom the night before, backpacks are packed and ready with shoes, coats and whatever else they need by the door. They usually have time for a bowl of cereal before leaving. For some reason brushing their teeth has become a battle so I've started picking a day out of the blue and putting a prize by their toothbrush they never know when or what day they'll find something special. Doesn't take more than a sticker or something even a love note from mom get's them excited.

Thanks for the great ideas. I do pretty much have everything ready for the morning. Everything but my daughter. Brushing teeth is also a fight but the idea of a prize on any given day I choose sounds like a good one. I normally start rousing her around 7:00. I work at the school she attends so I try to get there by 8:30. That doesn't always happen of course. We usually wind up getting there more like 8:45. I'm thinking maybe I need to start waking her before 7:00. The other problem is getting her to sleep at night. When I work in the evening it is the worst. My H is horrible at getting her to bed on time. Tonight was a perfect example. I got home around 9:30 and she was still up. Her usual bedtime is 9:00 but I think we are going to change it to 8:30. It will have to be 8:00 next year as she has to get the bus and starts Middle School an hour earlier then her Grade School. That will be a real challenge. I am definitely going to try some of the things you all have suggested. I have even threatened to take her to school in her PJ's. Only problem with taking her to school not ready is that I work there and I'm also embarrassed along with her. I feel like I'm between a rock and hard place sometimes. Anyway, thanks so much for your great ideas and wish me luck tomorrow. She is going to be a grump because she didn't get to bed early enough. Of course I blame hubby for that one as much as my daughter. I think he needs some disciplinary action himself :). I'll let you all know how things are going. Thanks again. Dianne :)

Dianne,

First thing I had to do was show my husband the importance of persistance and schedule. Schedule's are so important to these kid's. Perhap's it's time DH misses a day of work and has to get DD up for school? Sometime's we all need a little experiance before we're ready to concede we were wrong.

I also have found that if Dakota get's more than 7 hours of sleep he's a major PIA to get up. His doc say's so what that's all he need's then that's all he need's. lol I myself only need about 3 hours to function but if I get more then 6 hours of sleep at a time don't even bother waking me cause I'll be a walking zombie.

My daughter actually wasn't too bad today. Of course it also might be because I worked late last night and had trouble getting to sleep and was too darn tired to fight with her. I also did start bugging her before 7:00am this morning. That seemed to help some. I'm going to talk to my H before we go to sleep and tell him how imperative it is to get her to bed on time. I myself am a horrible sleeper. I sleep very light and get bouts of insomnia every time my hormones fluctuate or I've got too much going on which is of course most of the time. I need 8 hours and I'm good. I can get away with 7 but feel alittle tired. I can't believe you can function on 3, WOW. With only 3 hours of sleep, I'm a total zombie and a grouch. The only time I manage to function on 3 or less hours is when I have no choice and my daughter wakes up sick or has a bad dream. It takes everything in me not to be a mean grouch but I know she needs me so I manage to get her straightened out and comfortable and try to go back to sleep which usually I can't. The next day is usually a wipe. As usual, I'm up again too late tonight. I better get myself to bed or "I'll" be the grouch tomorrow. Today was ok. I'm hoping to get through Friday without anymore fights. Wish me luck. Thanks again for all the great advice :). Dee

Originally posted by ADDfor2
My daughter actually wasn't too bad today. Of course it also might be because I worked late last night and had trouble getting to sleep and was too darn tired to fight with her. I also did start bugging her before 7:00am this morning. That seemed to help some.

this is what i was going to suggest. figure out a way so that you don't have to fight with her, but, there is a consequence in place if she isn't ready on time. you don't need to nag or beg her, just allow her to face the consequenses of being late. it's harder with an ADD kid who has trouble managing their time -- you don't want to set her up for failure after all! but, if the following idea appeals to you, i am sure you can find a way to adapt it to your situation.

i read a book which had an interesting, if somewhat extreme, point of view -- interesting though! i think it was pareting with love and logic. anyway, i remember that they dealt with *exactly* this senario by changing from it being your problem ("she's so late and it's driving my crazy") to it being *her* problem ("hmmm, there are some serious consequences if i don't get going in the morning).

here's what they suggested, they told the child, "you are old enough to be responsible for getting ready on time. set your alarm for when you want to get up. i am leaving the house at 8:05, if you are ready, you can come with me. you'll need to have completed your morning routine if you want a ride to school with me."

when the child woke slept through the alarm and woke up at 10:00, he found a babysitter in the livingroom who informed him that she had been there since 8:05 and she gets paid $4/hour. "i am on the clock until i drop you off at school. your parents told me that you will be paying me out of the allowance money that you have been saving in your sock drawer. so far you owe me $6." she didn't answer any questions or comment on his plight. his parents didn't comment on the incident or try to drill into him "his lesson", he got it though. and getting him up in the morning was no longer his mom or dad's problem, it was his.

like i said, seems a bit extreme to me, but, i like the aspect of turning the tables so that the problem isn't "she's making me late for work (your problem)" but, "when i'm late, *i* pay for it! (her problem)."

this is a good lesson for her to learn when she is young. if she can learn how to be on time, it may save her getting fired for tardiness down the road...

good luck! by the way, i am taking notes. my daughter is 7 and if she is anything like i was (and she is showing signs of it ;) ), then i'll be facing this same problem too someday!

There is a reason for the problem with waking up that many ADD children and adults experience. It's called a "Theta wave intrusion". This is not a normal or typical sleep pattern in any way. It is important to note that because of this phenomenon they literally cannot recover conciousness, and it is not a matter of them simply being lazy or defiant. This particular issue can be confirmed via a simple sleep lab, and is typically treated by fine tuning stimulant dosage and having it taken before bed as well as during the day. ADD is a 24/7 neurological phenomenon. Thetawave intrusions can also occur when some individuals are understimulated, or force themselves to "TRY HARDER" rather than taking a different approach to things they cannot seem to do. Not everyone gets them. I do.

Approximately 30% of children with ADD/ADHD of both genders suffer pattern sleep disturbances including the problems with waking up, and the numbers go up with maturity to the point that roughly 75% of adults experience this. Until recently it was chalked up to stimulant meds causing the problems, until recent studies noted a couple of things. One, the same patterns were clearly evident in indviduals who were not being treated with stimulants; and two, stimulant meds actually provide the most effective treatment. I myself utilize my normal daytime dose of adderall before bed and have since experienced near normal sleep patterns. No more insomnia, no more repeated wakings during the night, no more rolling all over the place, and no more being unable to wake up to save my life.

Obviously, it would be of great importance to consult your physician before doing this. However, the vast majority of them are completely unaware of this part of the current standard of care. Yes, I did say, "Standard of care". It is actually considered by leading specialists to be part of the standard of care. Being that many pediatricians still treat to first positive response and don't fine tune dosages I am not sure how much good this approach would do, even if such a doctor approved. However, if the dose is fine tuned, which basically just means they have gradually raised the doseage to observe at what point maximum benifits are reached and side effects begin to set in, and then set it at the optimum level for performance, and the child or adult can take a nap on that dose then if the doctor is willing to let them try and extended release of that dose level before bed and see how that works it might well solve the problem. It certainly worked for me. The only time I ever have problems now is when I forget to take my meds or when I am under excessive stress (which is generally when I forget to take my meds). :-)

Not all sleep disorders in ADDers are due to the ADD itself, of course. This however is so common as to be a logical place to start, and a sleep lab doesn't hurt.

I really think E-boy has some sound advice. Check with your insurance company we once looked into it and actually found the "our" health insurance cover's this sort of thing. Hopefully, yours will as well.

Good luck and how did today go?

Thanks so much. I really do appreciate the advice. I am trying to be understanding yet firm with her. She is not on meds and I am trying not to go in that direction as I am very anti-med. I work at my daughter's school and have seen some very negative results on children from medication. Sure, their grades are better, but they are sick and moody and lose weight due to loss of appetite.

My daughter is already thin, a bad eater and has migraines like me, so unless the doctor we are seeing tells me there is no other alternative but meds, I choose not to drug my daughter. So far the doctor sees no reason for it, but the actual testing still has to be done. We go in again on Saturday. She does very well grade wise in school without meds so far. She just has trouble with focus on directions, proper use of time and organizational skills.

I myself have lived 30 years plus with ADD and have never taken meds for it. There is much I can teach my daughter from my own experiences and if I can get her through school without meds. I am going to try. I could care a less about what I might have to give up for myself. I will climb mountains to make her life better then mine was as a child and meds are my last choice.

Personally, I'd prefer my daughter to do "ok" in school and be healthy as opposed to ill and do great grade wise. I think her desire to get up and go to school is also part of the problem. She seems to get worse toward the end of the year. I think she is really ready for a summer vacation. On the weekends she is up by 8:00 most mornings. The one thing I do notice though is that no matter what, she is never up before 8:00 unless she is made to get up.

I have seen some good ideas on this thread and am going to keep them in mind. Thanks also E-Boy for all the info. I will try to be understanding of some the things you said that could be causes of the trouble getting her up. She does sleep through the night. It's just a waking up problem. I think I just have to try some new ways of helping her get up.

Maybe I have to work twice as hard without the meds, but I'm willing to go the extra mile or 10 if necessary. The earlier bed time seems to help some and maybe the thought of a prize for doing her teeth will help with that too. I'm going to start fresh on Monday and see how it goes. Thanks so much for all of your posts. I learned something from each one. Your Friend, Dee
P.S. My Insurance company is wonderful in regards to ADD. They even sent me a whole package on it.

Hi. For what its worth , one of the ways to tell an ADHD kid from a bipolar kid is the way they wake up in the am. ADHD kids are prone to being grouchy,crabby, etc., while Bipolar kids are full of energy and raring to go.

Keep in mind PLEASE that I said ONE of the ways to differentiate between the two. By no means is disposition in the am a sole determinate . There are several others .Ultimately, it usually comes down to polypharmacy(trying different meds).

I like what you said about an earlier bedtime. If child is diagnosed, remember that ADHD is primarily Inherited/Genetic(80%), with the other 20% classifed as Acquired.The main factors in that are head trauma and some type of toxicity(lead paint, lead in the water,etc.) Chemotherapy patients have also been known to acquire it as well.Therefore, if it runs in your family then there is a risk factor, altho I dont have those data right at hand but thats not hard to find.

If child does get diagnosed and on meds then try having them taken as early as possible. I wish you and your child much good luck.

Take care.
mctavish23:)

Please also keep in mind that not all kids who take medication end up sick, under-weight, etc. Many children do very well on medication and wouldn't be able to get through the day without it. All three of my boys take medication, all are very healthy, all are at a good weight. We don't medicate them simply for good grades - as a matter of fact, I wouldn't even consider medication simply for grades. The social skills and interactions with peers, siblings, and family members are probably more important in the long run than simply grades. Have you read "Straight Talk About Psyciatric Medications for Children"? (I think that's the title - can't remember exactly). It's a good resource for people who may want to find out more information about psyciatric medications. There's also a non-stimulant medication now, Strattera. My oldest son did pretty well on it for a few months (then we had to keep adjusting the dosage to get it right and our doctor didn't want to do that anymore). We had trouble with the weight loss on Adderall XR, but have no apetite issues at all with Ritalin LA. Not trying to persuade you that medication is the right way to go - just offering some additional information.

I am at the end of my rope! - Can't get my son (14yrs old) out of bed - usually on Monday's. He goes to sleep at a decent time - but mornings are horrible. I start waking him up 1 1/4 hrs before we need to leave.

When he started Straterra in early May - he was doing great - getting up and ready way ahead of me - he would get up only after being called once!)

. I too work at the school where he attends and it does tend to get in the way. Dr changed the dosage and it made him feel tired (he said) so she changed it back and it is not doing the same as it did before. I am still new to this - he was diagnosed in Feb. We have tried adderall xr - changed to straterra and then added concerta and then dropped the concerta and just left with straterra! He takes the straterra at night before bed - i know that it can take weeks to show a change - but school is almost out and we are nowhere on a right track for next school year - we will be starting out exactly in the same spot -

I know you guys have tried to waking them up while before they are supposed to get up. Have you tried using different techniques during that time frame. Things that affect different senses.

Say they need to get up at 7:30.

6:00 go in and open the shades and maybe turn on the lights in the room. (don't say anything).

6:15 Come in the room and turn on some music like "Sound Health Series - Music For Motivation" http://www.soundhealthseries.com/sh_motivation.asp (again leave the room w/ out interacting)


6:30 Walk through the room and spray citrus(or other awakening) aroma therapy spray

6:45 Gently touch their shoulders and say "Time to get" up.


As I was writing this up I found a cool clock that does this type if thing too.
http://www.hammacher.com/publish/70460.asp?sourceid=0040303324&AFID=BEFREE01

anyway...Those of us with AD/HD not only have trouble waking up in the morning we also have trouble with transitions. Waking up or being waked up can be a "nightmare". Slowly transtioning into it can really help.

Thanks - I'll look into some of the sites. And try the other methods. It was all good a few weeks ago - he made about 4weeks with missing no school and getting there on time. Now it's started all over again. We go back to the dr next week - wonder what meds we will try?

You know Tara raises some very good ideas. It makes perfect sense to me. My alarm clock has two alarms the first is set 30 minutes before I actually have to get out of bed, it plays a cd of music I compiled to help me wake up it starts softly then builds in tempo an half hour after the music starts the alarm blares--I usually have no trouble getting out of bed by that time.

Kinda funny here I need this to wake myself up without tearing someone's head off but I expect my children to hop right out of bed at the drop of a hat. EEEKKK

sorry to say but that is typical of my son he is 11 and as adhd and i dread mornings the defiant behaviour, the refusing to get up washed and dressed and the screaming and shouting and rowing been there done it still doing it know

Well - school is almost over - 4 days left. Then a little break - I won't have to wake him for anything. - Of course that's providing he doesn't have to go to summer school! I dont' know who needs the break more - me or him.

Other things to look at: SLEEP APNEA. My child was in 2nd grade when we discovered she had sleep apnea, which we could only detect in a sleep lab study. Knowing that, and treating it, was the single best thing we did for our daughter. Then we followed with medications. However, the initial burst of improvement was in her morning behavior, whereby she awoke for school and was able to move at more than a snails pace, getting ready on her own, not grouchy at everyone, etc. In school, her work speed immediately improved and so did her attention. We added the medication only after observing and documenting those improvements, to see what else an ADD medication would contrinute. A small dose of adderal added additional benefits, but the inital improvement was treating the sleeping disorder. Now she is a 3.9 GPA for the entire 7th grade year, takes all advanced gifted courses, completed a 9th grade honors algrebra for high school credit in 7th grade, accepted to the DUKE TIP summer program (ie; going to spend 3 weeks at a university this summer in dorms with other bright kids), and she is a very well adjusted kid.

My advice, get a sleep specialist involved and also check the theta wave theory as well. Poor kid is getting a lot of anger and grief for a medical condition is my guess, and the family is getting a lot of anger and grief too.


Jon

Jon

Thanks for the new ideas to check into. He's not real happy with needing to see drs now - I dont' know how trying to introduce something new will go. The dr and I have decided to let it ride until later in the summer and go from there. I didn't know if that was such a good idea - I want him to be ready for the new school year - not starting to play around with new meds again. But the dr feels he needs some decompression time and will maybe look at it again in a different light.

I am also looking into different schooling options - we have a vocational school but it is only 1/2 day, he would still receive his academics at the high school. Also, it's tough to get a 10th grader in - usually they only take 11th and 12th graders. We are on the border of another county who offers a full time tech school - but as of right now my son is not interested in looking into it - because he says all of his friends are here!

thanks again jon for the advice - i will look into it

The one thing that worked pretty well for me (better than anything else anyways) when I was growing up was having a monthly chart with the days of the week on it, and any time I managed to get ready in the morning without a fuss and on time, my mom would put a sticker on the chart, or she got some Muppet Babies scratch-n-sniff stickers for my sticker book.

Of course, that never solved the problem of actually GETTING to school. I was a chronic dawdler..

Sounds like some good advise, I know mornings are bad at my house, a lot due to me being overtired myself. Best thing is to prepare everything the night before so it all runs smoothly. IE: Clothes ready, easy breakfast food available, homework ready etc.

I feel your pain
<HR style="COLOR: #d1d1e1" SIZE=1><!-- / icon and title --><!-- message -->My daughter is the exact same way! We had a huge argument this morning because she simply refuses to get ready for school and I have to be at work @ 8:00. Every morning is WW111 at my house. Not to mention, it takes me at least on a good morning 25 minutes to get to work. Sometimes I just feel like I can't take it anymore..my blood is boiling and I go out of control and I just don't know what to do..I think the best thing for me to do is to quit work, so at least that will alleviate the stress of having to get out of the house at a specific time.

I know that it is her condition that makes her the way she is, but it is ssoooo difficult to deal with.
<!-- / message --><!-- sig -->__________________

Hi all. Is the sleep thing related to ADD or ADHD? My eight year can stay up late or go to bed on time and he still doesn't like to get up. My ten year old is asleep by nine and I am finally getting her out of bed and dressed five minutes before I need to go out the door. I do not work any more but it's work getting everything going in the morning.

My suggestion is to ask the kids some time after school why they have trouble going to school. Probably they don't want to go for some reason. I did something like that when I was younger, because I didn't want to go. I knew I had to, so I eventually gave up every morning, but I didn't like it.

Talk to them about what they don't like about school, and see if it's something that can be taken care of. If it can be helped by contacting the teachers, do that.

After a comletly mind blowing blood pressure boiling morning I decided to play devil's advocate with my son and daughter who were expected at a birthday party promptly starting at 5pm well wouldn't you know it...I had to brush my teeth first, then I couldn't find my favorite jeans and one of my shoes went missing. By the time they arrived at 5:30 they were steaming and as they crawled out of the car I reminded them about that morning that made me 10 minutes late for work and asked them "how it felt" the lesson stuck for about a week but hey it was a GREAT week!!!

Getting kids ready seems to be a common problem that is causing considerable stress, anxiety and upset all around. What about just not taking it on? It is the kid's issue, so let them own it. It seems to work at my house. I have a 13yos, and have also raised a 30yod who now has a 9yod. She raised her daughter the same way.

Here at my house anyone who isn't ready to go on a scheduled outing when I leave goes the way they are. No one is ever not ready to go out the door; at worst they have all their stuff in a group and finish getting ready in the car. I'll remind about teeth if I see yellow ones. Or lunches if I notice it's missing. If I don't notice and they forget they have to deal with that by asking for the emergency lunch at school. With my son it happened once only. He will remind me if he notices I am missing something too. This stuff works both ways.

We are inattentive, not hyperactive or ODD; but I really believe that leaving personal responsibility up the the person works exceptionally well.
I don't wake anyone up either. I heard horror stories from my husband about his mother waking his older brother (20yo) for work EVERY morning over and over and over... I'd have let him sleep! ;)

The first time someone realizes that you really mean it, that unless they get their cute little fannies in motion they are about to find themselves in the car with Scooby Doo jammies on, is a fairly priceless moment too! :D
JMO,NIAC.

I have threatened going to school in their jammies but never had the kahoonies to carry it out. Luckily, I work graveyard now and pay someone to send my kids off to school except for the occasional day off. Isn't work great!!! Aren't babysitter's a *** send?!!!!

Now I'm the one with a conundrum.
Major, stupendous, earth shattering fight over getting the dam dishes done. Still not done. He's done nothing chorewise for days. Today I insisted.
I feel sad, useless, defeated, miserable and wonder why I even bother.
I feel really, really bad.
My heart aches.
I guess for him it is about being independant.
For me it feels like he just doesn't care, doesn't want to help, feels like he is entitiled to be served.
I feel very alone.

Update:
The kid is behind on his school work.
Now if this had been me, there would be major stress, upset stomach, nothing happening in my life because of the wagon-load of undone work I am pretending not to notice. Guess what? He has all this, plus temper and an attitude. Do you think I should have him tested? He is so much like me it is scary. I sure don't want him to feel like I did. But what will they do to help him?
At my age they are doing diddly to help me...
What do they do to help your kids in school to keep up with work?
(maybe this topic should have it's own thread, but I don't know how to do that now it is here)

Update:
The kid is behind on his school work.
Now if this had been me, there would be major stress, upset stomach, nothing happening in my life because of the wagon-load of undone work I am pretending not to notice. Guess what? He has all this, plus temper and an attitude. Do you think I should have him tested? He is so much like me it is scary. I sure don't want him to feel like I did. But what will they do to help him?
At my age they are doing diddly to help me...
What do they do to help your kids in school to keep up with work?
(maybe this topic should have it's own thread, but I don't know how to do that now it is here)

The kid needs to accept responsibility for his school work not his mother. Dakota recently dropped from an A in math to a D. We are talking a quick plummet to the bottom all due to laziness and sloppy work that not even he could read. He stopped performing his chores. Life was hell for a while at the Futs house let me tell you. But, you see I carry with me at all times a little thing I like to call the hammer and it will come down at any given moment with little or no warning to smack your *** back into order. It doesn't mean that I physically punish my kids, what it means is I won't tolerate any BS when it comes to their education. First step is to identify why the drop in grades...is it because he can't understand the material, stress, having trouble keeping on task or is he just being lazy as was Dakota's case. Next is the fix it stage and the most tortorous of them all...you see in Koda's case he's being lazy, he knows the material and could do it with his eyes closed therefore he chooses not to do his work. This is were his loving and supportive mother turns into Atilla the Hun dropping the hammer and taking away anything and everything he loves until his work is caught up and his grades improve meaning television, computer, gameboy, xbox. Does he fight me OOO H*LL yeah!!! screams, cries, throws things, threatens I don't take it personally I just know that when he reacts like this he's learning a lesson and I'm doing my job. Am I a mean person? I don't like to be but I can be when I'm forced into it.

Getting your son dx could give you a lot of answers into his behaviours. Getting him meds could make staying on task and absorbing material learned a lot easier and could help eleviate some of his mood swings. It also gives you something to work with the school system on. Dakota is in the 5th grade but does 8-9th grade work because he is advanced. A normal student would not be given time to get his work caught up, Dakota has that time but since it was pure laziness he will only get half credit something that angers him even more since I'm the one who suggested it. Life is about lesson's if he doesn't learn now under my wing he'll never make it on his own.

There are a lot of special programs talor made for your son's individual needs. Sometimes, you have to fight for them but a lot of your bigger schools are ready, able and willing to accomodate your child. I'd definatly look into getting a dx. And remember to stop harrassing yourself so much, you didn't choose for your son to fall behind he did it to himself. Keep your head up, your back staight and come to us when you need to cry or scream that's what we're here for, we've all been there, done that, still fighting the good fight.

Good luck,
Cherity

Hi All,

I'm hoping someone can give me some advice. I am in the process of getting my daughter tested for ADD. She is not really hyper but her teacher claims she displays other ADD characteristics. Personally I think he'd be thrilled if we just threw her on some meds so he won't have to repeat things to her or remind her of things sometimes. Anyway, that's for another thread. This one is regarding wake up time in the morning. It is HORRIBLE. My daughter and I have had more fights in the morning then any time else. She just does not want to get out of bed and 20 minutes before it's time to go I am wigging out and screaming at her. We are trying an earlier bedtime and hoping that will make a difference but I wouldn' t be surprised if it doesn't. She is so obstinant, disrespectful and willful in the morning. Should I try ignoring her and taking her to school however she looks? Has anyone else dealt with this? Is this a typical ADD characteristic? Any suggestions and advice is very welcome. I am so frustrated.......Dee :(This may seem ethical to some people but what about making a grab bag of goodies and telling her if she'll get up when you first tell her to and gets ready right away then she can pick something out of the grab bag? I've used the "grab bag" approach with many things (going to sleep, having a good day at school, etc) I know it's bribery, but I like to think of it as incentive instead. Hey, it works. If you decide to try this let us know how it works. Good luck!

un-ethical? *laughs at un-ehtical* have you ever met an add child who functions on ethics because I certainly haven't. They seem to function on MY WAY or the HIGHWAY and if a grab bag saves you screaming, fighting, begging and major headaches then I ask why not. It's also a tactic I use with chores and homework lol.

Futs said: "The kid needs to accept responsibility for his school work not his mother. Dakota recently dropped from an A in math to a D. We are talking a quick plummet to the bottom all due to laziness and sloppy work that not even he could read. He stopped performing his chores. Life was hell for a while at the Futs house let me tell you. But, you see I carry with me at all times a little thing I like to call the hammer and it will come down at any given moment with little or no warning to smack your *** back into order..."


~Agreed. Hammer came down big time. No anything allowed here for a while. He is caught up on Science. Working on English and Socials. Took the screaming hairy fight to even find out what the issue was. This is hard on both of us, but easier if his father isn't here 'cause at least we can get through it and out the other side. Father can't handle the uproar and the whole thing short circuits.
We talked about why he feels I don't care about his school work. I guess he was used to me home schooling him, and figured that since I don't do it that way any more that I am not interested. So I explained that now he has another teacher, my role is to be support/resource person and cheering section. Not team leader.

Futs said: " First step is to identify why the drop in grades...is it because he can't understand the material, stress, having trouble keeping on task or is he just being lazy as was Dakota's case."

~This is where I am worried that he is like me. He gets the "inability-to-begin" thing happening. So, he puts it off to tomorrow, then tomorrow again, then next week and before you know it... it is loong overdue.

Futs said: "Next is the fix it stage and the most tortorous of them all..."

~ This is going ok. He is working at catching up now I know what's up.

Futs: "Does he fight me OOO H*LL yeah!!! screams, cries, throws things, threatens I don't take it personally I just know that when he reacts like this he's learning a lesson and I'm doing my job. Am I a mean person? I don't like to be but I can be when I'm forced into it."

~This is the part I don't do so well. I hate it and it HURTS.

Futs: "Getting your son dx could give you a lot of answers into his behaviours. Getting him meds could make staying on task and absorbing material learned a lot easier and could help eleviate some of his mood swings. It also gives you something to work with the school system on.... Life is about lesson's if he doesn't learn now under my wing he'll never make it on his own."

~Today I am looking at a private day school. It is expensive, but I figure it may save me money on tutors, courses and stress later. Heck, it will save me money now on the days off I don't have to take to attend to why his present school isn't working!
The advantages of the private school are that it is quiet, calm and orderly; all things which his present school is not. Their main focus is a good education, which is very important. He has an Individual Education Plan at his present school, which gives him extra time for written assignments. But they don't teach spelling at his present school. Nor do they call me when he falls behind. A constant refrain at this school is that they have so MANY kids thay can't keep up with ALL of them. I feel that this is MY kid, and I NEED to know that someone is paying attention at the school as well as at home. This new school is kind of a scary decision, but I think it will be a good one. It goes to grade 9, so he would get an extra year before he has to go to high school; a chance for a little more growing room.

Futs : " Keep your head up, your back staight and come to us when you need to cry or scream that's what we're here for, we've all been there, done that, still fighting the good fight.
Good luck,
Cherity"<!-- / message --><!-- sig -->
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~Thank-you so much for your reply. I feel much better and in better control of the situation now. It felt good to be able to wail loudly. And really good to get such a considered reply. Thanks Cherity.:)
Jennifer (the rainraven)

Jen,

lol wailing loudly is what I do best. I'm an ok listener too so wail all you want. Dakota has the same start/stop problems if you find a cure please let me know. lol

You know that while it may not feel like it right now your doing a damn good job right? If not let me be the first to tell you. Your searching out what's on his mind giving him a voice, this teaches them empowerment to form their own opinions which may or may not be respected. Your finding creative ways to deal with issue's and you know when and were to drop the hammer. I don't like it when my son says he hates me but he hates it even more when I reply "that's ok cause I love you this much more <---> then you hate me. Am I vindictive? maybe just a little *wink* Being a mom is hard you have to learn how to move fast and think even faster and it sounds like your good on your feet.

Hugs
Cherity

p.s. Like I said hollar anytime.

Update: He's done the English and Socials. In fact, last night I heard his light go off really late. When I went to invesigate (because I thought he had gone to SLEEP an hour previously) He says, "I'm done my English now. Wanna see?" Uh, kinda hard to complain about a kid sneaking extra hours in when he is using them to do his homework, eh? ;)

He did try the one about if he is going to change schools, he doesn't have to finish the work from this school. NOT!!! I told him the new school will be getting a full report from the old one, including what work he hasn't finished! No more questions on that count! :D

HAHA smart mommy!!! I so wish my kids had the option of going to another school even if I had to pay for it. But, the nearest school available that can and would be willing to accomodate them both is over an hour away and cost well over 2,000 a kid. Koda begs to be home schooled and it's just not something I think we can achieve right now unfortunatly. Right now he's in a safe enviroment that does not tolerate any kind of abusive behaviour...we've already gotten our first warning because Koda told another kid "Duh" the next warning comes with after school time. While this is a hard enviroment for an ADD kid to be in it's also nice for him to know that if anyone even thinks about bullying him the school is going to take the situation firmly in hand which is a far cry from the school he attended last year were the standard response was "Well, you know how kids are?" grrrrrrrrr.

p.s. I rewarded Koda after getting caught up with a Friday and Saturday at work with me...I know what your thinking but he gets to stay up until morning something he loves, he gets snack foods and since the residents are in bed he gets the t.v. which has cable omg cable can you imagine?!! lol to himself.