View Full Version : Help! (don't know what to do)

05-12-04, 11:36 PM
I just found out about my "pending divorce":
Our last two couples counseling sessions were awful and we haven't spoken a word to each other. This is horrible.

I don't even know if I'm ADD or just depressed. I couldn't talk about the ADD in the session and I'm incapacitated to act on this situation. My wife is fed up and won't let me spend more on counseling but that's the only thing I can think of that has any hope of clearing me up.

Currently I'm seeing noone. A month ago I was seeing a therapist, psychiatrist, couples counselor and trying various meds. I figured ADD was the issue & dumped the shrink & meds for a coach which worked for a couple weeks then I slipped. Now I don't know which way is up.

I need to hire a therapist of some sort & I don't know what to do. I want to explain ADD to my wife but I need a diagnosis before I can do that. I can't talk to her alone, she's sick of me right now. I'm not always this bad and we usually get along, it's my failing career mostly that's interfering.

SO what do I do?

1. call my old therapist

2. meet one or two new therapists for:
a) ADD diagnosis (several sessions)
b) couple's counseling
c) psychotherapy

3. get a psychiatrist to help with meds

4. Visit the old couples counselor who initially dismissed the validity of ADD off-hand but says he's changed his mind. He says we should meet again to work out the details of our breakup at least which makes sense because we still haven't spoken and I feel there is so much she doesn't understand. I understand why she's mad but I really don't think she knows what's going on with me and in her current state of mind s he doesn't care either.

As it stands I'm trying to choose one of those options because that's all the insurance covers.

Oh, and the last option:

5. Get a lawyer so I can access my money for all this treatment.

I feel like I need emergency care, not just one measly hour a week. When I first got into this a few months ago I was seeing a therapist two or three times a week and that helped. I can't make it alone. I'm so lost and confused. I don't know what to do. I'm not suicidal or anything but I feel helpless.

Sorry so heavy.

Any help deciding what my next step should be is much appreciated.

05-13-04, 06:31 PM
Well I talked to another lawyer ($25 1/2 hour initial consultation) and had an appointment with a genuine ADD specialist psychiatrist. He charges $500 fixed fee for three sessions of history and questions and six weeks worth of medication adjustment visits (no insurance) then I can go back on my insurance doc for ongoing refills and adjustments. He was pretty good, I've been thinking so much about all this, it was great to have him ask all the right questions and I had loads of answers for them. Kinda strange how he shied away from getting into any emotional trauma background because I want to be able to sort that out from whatever inborn tendencies. I'm a complicated case.

I don't know how I'm going to pay for this and haven't decided what to do about the situation with my wife but I'm at least moving ahead and not so badly paralyzed. It is a good thing that at least I'm taking some action.

05-13-04, 06:40 PM
Can you get your insurance doc to refer you to the psych doc so possibly the insurance might pay. I would look on line for an ADD org in your area. They might list some DRs they reccomend that would be cheaper. Also you might try They have some questions you should ask you Dr before you go. also they have a bunch of good tips on the site. Good luck and glad things are at least moving forward a little.

05-14-04, 01:46 PM
I've been going in circles with refferals and combing through a list of 150 shrinks on my insurance for weeks now, unable to act. I had to do something and this was it. The insurance only covers docs on the list. I need to know what's going on from a professional specialist. I've also got an appointment with a psychologist Monday and there's another one who has begun to specialize in ADD but previously focused on career coping. I can only choose one of those for the insurance to cover. I'm going to call now and fire our couples counselor. I can't do this alone.