View Full Version : Family doesn't believe ADD exists
Family doesn't believe ADD exists Posted 11-30-2002 15:39
What do you tell a family that lives far away, and don't believe there is such a thing as ADD because everyone has those characteristics at one time or another. And because of good disciplin the kids and Navy Diciplin for the husband, has hidden some of the traits of ADD to the outside world. It is hard for them to understand. They are from Britain, and I don't think the health service over there recognizes ADD like America does. I get the feeling they think we are crazy, taking pills for it etc. The ADD doesn't come from their side of the family, my husbands. So, any advice on how to persuade them ADD exists.
re:Family doesn't believe ADD exists Posted 12-1-2002 19:19
I know we would all like to make all the non-believer believe in AD/HD. There are some people who will never believe though. You can try educating them with books and other ADD literature.
The important thing isn't really if they believe in AD/HD or not. It's whether they treat you and your children with love and respect. You can look it like people who have different religous beliefs. It's ok if they don't believe in the same things as long as they respect and care for each other...
Family doesn't believe in ADD Posted 12-8-2002 03:40
Europeans have a different form of Diagnosis than the USA. In their system, ADD does exist but the diagnoses work much diffrently. If you have ADD and Anxiety in Europe, you would be diagnosed with say Heperoplexia. This is a guess. In other words, only a pure ADDer with no other Co-morbid traits would be classified with ADD. Any ADD with Depression, Bipolar, Depression, Aniexty, Dyslexia and/or whatever would be diagnosised as something else. In the US system doctors may diagnosis the person with five different, things while in Europe only one Diagnosis would be made, but it would include the five traits in the one diagnosis.
This is partly why Europe has a much lower rate of ADD than the USA. They have much different way at looking it than we do. It is not wrong. It is just different.
To this day, while my parents admit that they're "aware" of AD/HD (my mother was diagnosed with it some years ago), they have absolutely no idea of the impact that it has had on my life, nor do they acknowledge their contribution to the frustrations that I faced in my childhood.
Until a definitive diagnostic test can be developed that provides incontrovertible proof that AD/HD really exists, there will always be naysayers.
03-07-03, 01:20 PM
We here in Britain are not as quick to diagnose ADD/ADHD,or rather its not easy to get a doctor to recognise the condition,It is ,in most places in UK, still not recognised in adults. However even with co-morbit symptoms of depression and hypertension my daughter was diagnosed and the other conditions were explained to me ,to be caused by untreated ADD, although at present we are managing without medication,due to adverse reaction to ritalin,I have not ruled it out for the future. As for trying to get friends and family to understand that ADD is not an excuse for bad parenting or lack of control of children,we can only hope that through literature and patience we can help those who are ignorent see what has been blatently obvious to many of us for a long time.
Great to see you Kate!!!!!! :D
For a very long time I refused to believe that my daughter was ADD. I had a friend mention in passing when Beth was 2 that she thought she could be. I was in denial after that for many years believing that I had done something wrong during my pregnancy.
I finally came to the realization that my stubborness and and unwilling and unwanted sense of guilt was dragging my daughter down. Not only at home, but at school academically. The school did an eval for me and from there we took her to doctors and pysch's. The pysch said Beth needed no counseling that we as parents were the ones who needed to learn how to be parents....and we had been parents for 10 yrs by that time.
Beth was placed on Ritalin, which she had a bad reaction to. We stopped the meds again, thinking we could live through her bouts with anger, her bad grades. Last fall we had her re-evaluated and she is back on meds and doing much better in school. Hopefully one day the whole world and not just a corner of it will realize that ADD is a legitimate disorder and not something to be ingored.
I'm sure this has happened to you all at some point--->
We were sitting in my ped's office about a year ago... and my daughter and I were talking about her grades, school, feelings ect.. and began talking about taking an organizational seminar at the college to help us both with our ADD.
This "lady" for lack of a better word, jumps into our private conversation and just flat out tells me that ADD is a "cop out" for those who just are lazy and don't want to take responsibility for their lives and their actions. WHHHHHOOOOOOOOAaaaaaaaaa...
I sat there for a minute, open-mouthed, and didn't say anything. My daughter was looking at me with fear because she thought I was going to beat the woman senseless (a thought that DID occur to me).
I looked that woman right in the face and said:
" Ma'am, I don't know who you are or why you chose to butt into a private conversation that does not concern nor affect you. But, since you did, let me tell you all about living with ADD." I ran into the story of a typical no med day for me...and the difference that the diagnosis and meds had made in not just my life but my children's life. How the difference has affected not only my life.. but my marriage, my personal relationships with friends, co-workers..ect.
After about five-ten minutes of ranting at the woman, I say to her: " Don't judge what you know nothing about... until you've lived the nightmare of thinking you are losing your mind. Till you been there and done that... keep your dang mouth shut. "
Now I know, I probably handled it wrong... but I was so mad.
I ran into this same thing with my son's teacher this year. He was straight A student last year (with meds) and having to struggle this year with a witch of a teacher who has no compassion nor understanding of AD/HD. For Christmas, I bought the teacher three great books on AD/HD, wrapped them and presented them to her with a card that read... " Hope this will open your eyes, your mind and your heart". **laughs**
I've rambled on enough...
jeez.. my point was... that if they are dead set against believing the diagnosis.. you won't be able to convince them until they see it with their own eyes. Just do your best to educate them.
Sorry for my rambling up there...
03-14-03, 06:09 PM
Ky you go girl . Glad you stood up for yourself , Most people wouldnt .
god bless and keep your chin up
03-22-03, 07:33 PM
I am an elementary school teacher. If you have kids in this age group and your school is giving you slack about ADD, email at; firstname.lastname@example.org. Every school has a few main arteries and when you hit one, they disarm bigtime.
09-28-04, 01:40 AM
It is only through this forum that I've come to realize that I have a definate personality profile associated with adhd. I'm so happy to know that. Really. I am.
well, i guess this is where this ought to go...im still running this thru the committee because i cant believe what just took place.
spent the wkend in phoenix w/mother-in-law whos known me for almost 20 yrs.
we got to talking about this "problem im having" she had been kept in the dark while i was spinning my wheels with the diferent drs looking for an answer, & she caught me taking my meds (tho i really wasnt hiding them)
i told her the dx--add w/bipolar II, etc...& she lets out a screech & says she thinks add is a copout & how can i be bipolar ? ive never given her a hint !!
i tried to reply quietly that well, ive been having trouble in certain areas in my life, just tried to put on a "normal" show, & she really hadent seen whats been going on in my head, & now that its been a few months im beginning to feel better about & with myself & such
in the end i said to her, ya know, i wont bring it up again, ever. but i dont want you trying to convince me that im a fraud.
said ive finally found an answer & im sorry it distrubs you but it works for me.
im still not sure what to think about what went on, ive been rude to my own people when they questioned me, but i wanted to be nice this time.
not sure if im going to keep my word to not mention it again, but my heads still spinning...ack!
10-04-04, 08:48 PM
I don't worry about saying "ADD" to people who I think will laugh it off. Instead, when I need to, I explain as simply as I can, what specific trouble I am having in the moment. I keep it relevent to the situation I am in. No need to explain it all to them.
For example, if I can't tune some noise out, I say that we'll have to close the door in order for me to pay attention. THAT'S not a cop-out. I think that people don't even know what they are talking about when they say they don't believe in ADHD. It's because they have some vague idea of what it is, a bunch of stereotypes about being hyperactive, unmotivated, etc.
It's up to us to explain what our particular difficulties are, because just saying that you have ADD doesn't explain anything to these people. Even ADDers vary in the particular problems they have.
I know it's hard when you want your family/friends, etc, to understand NOW, but I think that some people have to understand little by little. Explain a difficulty as it comes up, don't lay it all out for them right away.
It's when you quit hiding your symptoms, and take responsiblity for your unique needs that they see that it's not a cop-out because you do have this or that difficulty. Dealing with your challenges in a constructive way, out in the open can speak volumes.
Kevin, I think you handled things very well, by the way.....
10-04-04, 09:20 PM
Wanting to find out whether or not I had ADD I bought a couple of books. I could've underlined or highlighted just about every line in the boook. I told my husband and my sister that I would like them to read the books, but I could tell by the looks on their faces that they didn't want to. I think they just didn't want to be bothered which really made me angry because I'M the one who has to put up with their lack of understanding or patience. But at least I know what going on after all these years. Books are a great resource and this website is an awesome place to be as well!
10-04-04, 09:52 PM
Yes I totally agree with you, my country also does not recognise add. My parent does not believe. And because of good discipline plus the structured environment some people live in, it just totally mask it up. Sometimes the symptoms are there, sometimes it is not. If i decided to visit a doctor and take medicines, i believe my parent will think i am crazy. When i was depressed and hallucinated some years back due to stress and tend to get startled by a little noise which doesn't startled anyone in my family, i went to see a doctor and my parent does not support. They think i am just too stress and but eventually due to my mom is quite "open-minded" about alot of things, she does believe i have the problem i said to her. Actually my brother also has it, while he was in college school suddenly his results dropped for no results and he kept saying he couldn't concentrate and he was so obsessed with martial arts or something, until the school called him to visit counsellor or psychologist, cannot remember. But eventually due to my family conservative in this issues, actually was my father only, both my mom and me believed my brother is very ill. In the end, he dropped out of school half way and he didn't see a doctor because my father wouldn't believe it. It is nothing actually, they are not open minded at all. They think that being diagnosed and treated is bad and considered crazy, but what if the condition worsen along the years.
wow, Addhamster, i cant imagine living like that with no support at all--well, thats not true exactly--you DO have us here. i admire your spirit.
Staywithmehere, thank you. i guess shes not seen me turn the tv off when we talk & stuff. we did talk about almost everything & i love her dearly, i guess thats why im still aghast :confused: .
now she says she thinks its overdiagnosed & overmedicated & drs use it as an easy out. ah,well :( .
'nother reason im glad you guy 'r around.
Went thru this with some family mbr's but they have seen the difference J's meds have so I have "converted" them.
As for me when I have mentioned my dx to some of my friends iget the "no really" response:D they knew already
04-08-08, 07:40 AM
I dont think my BF of three years believes in it.I said something about it yesterday and he said, "yea its the new "in" disorder. He is happy that my depression is going, can see the differance and has become nicer. The way I handle it is don't discuss it with him. I wont ask what he thinks about it because I dont care to know, its his opinion and thats all. He is now supportive of me going to the shrink as hes seen a difference, plus I told him if he was going to make things harder and not support me in this I was leaving.I sugest not talking about it to people who will only make negative commits, let them come and ask if they want to know.
06-17-08, 11:31 AM
Tara, You are very correct in saying that everyone has those traits at one time or another. But what I tell people is that the big "DIF" between AD/HD and normal behavior is the Duration, Intensity and Frequency of the traits. That, and the impact that it has on life and daily activities is the difference between AD/HD and traits that "normal" people experience on occasion.
06-17-08, 04:02 PM
I'll be honest here. I long time ago gave up the task of trying to "persuade" family members to be understanding of whatever I was feeling.
In an ideal world, we get family and social support for our issues and challenges. In the real world, many families are toxic and just horrible in responding to problems like depression or adhd.
I certainly don't feel the need to tell this to my parents, and I don't do so because I would get screamingly infuriated to hear any scepticism.
I share with adhd stuff with extremely close friends I trust and with a partner that I trust. But why share this with a parent if you're not living with the parent and you know they are not open to this idea? ..
I think sharing this stuff with insensitive family members is sort of like, pushing my head down and running towards a brick wall. It has that much chance of success.