Ok maybe this has been brought up before fogive me if it has but have any of you ever gotten to the point where you know you can do anything you put your mind to because you have proved it to yourself but even knowing you can do what you truly want you can't push yourself and nothing else stands in your way but that? Like there are things I know that I want to do with my life and I know I can if I will just get started but can't seem to even start the first step. I don't know what could be holding me back esp knowing I can do it if I would just try grrrrrrrrr!

Sometimes I feel its anxiety or even that I know I can I am still afraid of failure at the sametime. I know I won't fail but the fear won't go away.

I plan on going back to college and know I will. Once we move to Hawaii in Feb I know I will sign up for the next available semester but I still have this problem of getting even a part time job. I could use one now til we move then one when we get there to help out with bills, I feel so bad that I don't help with the bills but thats not pushing me hard enough for some reason. I am also afraid that because I haven't worked in almost 4 years that no one will hire me and the longer I wait the harder I know that will be but still this is not enough to push me.

I so don't want Ken to feel as though he has to take care of me totally finatually when their is no real reason he has to unless he wanted to. He don't mind that He takes care of me but at the same time I know he needs my help. Hes made the comment about getting a second job to help cover the bills. To me he should not have to do that because I am not at all. Its just the way I was brought up. My mom always said for me to at least help that way for some reason if my hubby were out of the job for whatever reason we would still have some income.

I did at least fill out applications this past winter but thats as far as it got and I haven't tried to since.

I do help him with everything else I can but I know financially is most important right now esp if I want to go to school because thats not free and it will cost us $1000 to get my car to hawaii they only take one car for free. Also in a year or 2 I will want kids but why have kids if I can't even help take care of us now? I dunno I am so confused and lost right now I wouldn't be suprized if anyone understands what I am saying in here. :uhh:

The stress of getting my wedding together isn't helping this situation one bit either!

It sounds like you are overwhelmed. You are worrying about too many things at once. I had a similar problem a short time ago. I got frustrated because I had so many things I wanted to do at once. In the end none of them got done. So I decided to worry about one thing at a time. I picked one thing and tried my best to achieve that one thing. So now at the end of the day I have at least made some progress toward my goals.

Concentrate on the problem that is the closest in time and try to forget about the stuff off in the future for now. The job seems like a logical place to start. You can do something about that now or at least try. All of that other stuff is too far in the future for you to change now. If you can’t change it, don’t worry about it. (I know, easier said than done!)

P.S. Give yourself credit for trying. If you expect perfection from yourself you will always be disappointed.

Thanks didn;t think it was being overwlemed but come to think of it I always feel overwelmed and sometimes wonder if there will ever be a break in it.
Oh and as far as the wedding its in the future but I have to plan that now. The more time you give yourself on that the better!

But maybe thats kinda what I have done put my wedding even before trying to work on getting a job even though I know in the end the job is more important in the long run.

Bri,
You have a lot going on right now & it can be very overwhelming. Just take it one day at a time.
Trust me, it will all work out.

Hugsssss
Vickie

Bri,
Is there some friend who can help you and you can confide in? Maybe some volunteer work that can get you out working with people and feeling good about it. Do something you love with people of a like mind and you will shine and feel better. I'm just guessing you are a bit isolated at times. It is understandable that you don't want to burden your fiance and it'd be good to hang with other people rather than stew.

Just my thoughts, I may be way off base.

Bri,
You are a beautiful and talented person who just found the love of their life and is moving to a tropical paradise.You have lots of friends who love and respect you as well. In addition, you know what you are dealing with in terms of ADHD(as opposed to not knowing and second guessing /blaming yourself).

Try and remember to tell yourself that this too will workout. My life seems to in spite of myself and my ego getting in the way.One way to look at problems is to consider them as opportunities to learn and grow from the experience. That way you can ask yourself a different set of questions like " I wonder what this means for me?" as opposed to "wtf?":)

Congrats again. You rule.
mctavish23

Thanks Vickie, I need to learn to be more positive.

Paulbf, I don't have any friends here. I did once but when I was 19 I decide to quit the partying and doing things I never should have. In doing that I lost many friends. But felt like if thewy were going to stop being my friend ouver that I didn't need them.
I have some friends from high school but they all live far away now. I have a couple from college but they live 2 hours away and have childern to take care of so I don't see them much. Yes I am a bit isolated esp when my fiance isn't here. I hae my family here but they work a lot of hours. T he volunteer is a good idea but iI have tried that too. I am sounding hopeless now jeeze I need to stop!

Thanks Mctavish. That is something I need to work on the most is my inner negative voice been working on it a long time and I guess there was more damage there than I realized because I have been working on it for almost 5 years now but won't give up no matter how hard it becomes. That the same amout of time I have known about my ADD too. WOW its been 5 years already?! Another thing I need to work on is that I worry too much. I come by it honest so to speack cause my mother and grandmother are more worry warts than me! Sometimes I wish I could flip a switch and turn my worrying negative voice off!

Thank you all for the tips! I feel like setting some goals now! Hugssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss to you all!;)

Another thought... How about hooking up with people in your new home somehow. I know a couple people in HI. Oneis my best (almost my only) client, another is one of the sweetest guys I ever knew & I haven't talked to him in many many years. What are you planning to study there? Find someone at a local university that study's your specialty there and make connections.

Psychology...............dunno if i will go to school at a local university or on post yet but I am sure either place I will make some friends. I do know we will be living on post when we move there I hope to meet some people their as well thanks!

I grew up out in HI. I went to a junior/high that was part of the university. I wish so bad to visit. The University in Manoa is a neat college. The campus is beautiful, so much cultural diversity in the archetecture and people. We kind of ran around there. You will love it there, If you go there.

Do you have any Ideas as to where you will live?

Hawaii has so much to offer, it is a melting pot of culture.

I know my writing is dis-jointed. I got a good excuse though!!

All I know is that we are going to the post in Oahu. It has all 4 branches of service there and we are going to apply for on post housing.