I asked this question in my first thread, but I didn't really get a response. My wife caught me upping my dosage to 50 mg adderall because I had no effect in increments of 10 all the way to that point. She threw away all of my concerta and adderall in a complete rage (and I have no insurance, so I can't get anymore) but I was still hoping that I would find a dose that was effective with me. I got really angry. I went to leave the house to go to Starbucks and do some homework when she followed me downstairs and tried to physically stop me. I pushed her aside =( and left anyway.

I don't think my behavior is abusive because I am trying to find a dose that will help me. I dont' get high on adderall. In fact, the point is I can't realyl feel anything at all. I have gotten calm once (maybe twice) from it, but other than that I feel as if I might as well be drinking water.

But I could be wrong. Is my behavior abusive? I was trying to up my dose out of frustration because I felt no effects. Any thoughts?

You should take it as prescribed, but if you aren't getting high or using it to be a superhuman (staying up for 3 days and whatnot), I'd say it's not abuse. Just go see your doctor about upping your dosage.

I'm starting to get ****ed about it, too. I get no effects whatsoever at the "approved maximum dosage" to the point where I flushed em the other night - low dosages just makes me drowsy with a side effect. Asking pharmacists (and I'm scared of asking my doctor, who trusts me so far) gets me weird looks... Like for example, today I went to the pharmacy to tell them that I had flushed the generics and if I could get Ritalin brand to try them, and they told me, very dryly, that they can't until the due date and it won't be the brand name.

If I want to get high I could probably find actual cocaine in about 10 minutes of walking around downtown, damnit.

edit: red bull is expensive hehe

Without complete details, it's hard to accurately say, but I'm leaning towards saying that you were not abusing your medication as it sounds like your intent was to be a fully functioning adult, not Superman.

Everyone's biochemistry is different, not everyone needs the same dose.

Your wife on the other hand isn't being very supportive, even if she has the best intentions at heart.

You should take it as prescribed, but if you aren't getting high or using it to be a superhuman (staying up for 3 days and whatnot), I'd say it's not abuse. Just go see your doctor about upping your dosage.

I'm starting to get ****ed about it, too. I get no effects whatsoever at the "approved maximum dosage" to the point where I flushed em the other night - low dosages just makes me drowsy with a side effect. Asking pharmacists (and I'm scared of asking my doctor, who trusts me so far) gets me weird looks... Like for example, today I went to the pharmacy to tell them that I had flushed the generics and if I could get Ritalin brand to try them, and they told me, very dryly, that they can't until the due date and it won't be the brand name.

If I want to get high I could probably find actual cocaine in about 10 minutes of walking around downtown, damnit.

edit: red bull is expensive hehe


Well I'm not crazy then. My old doctor said that they are experimenting with higher doses of ritalin (I don't know about amphetamines) and that there may be. Ditto about the cocaine. I just want some help functioning in my life damnit. I'd work my butt to a pulp if it would get me anywhere. ADD is like trying with all your might to run up a waterslide. You can see the top/your goal, but no matter how hard you run you aren't going to get there. Sigh* Ah well good luck. Maybe you should try another doctor.

from what I've read, many people have problems with concerta. After 4 days on concerta I was a mess. It actually made my throat feel tight, then I got a full on head cold or sinus infection. My chest and throat burned, ears/eyes hurt, so weird and probably not a coincidence cause that rarely happens and I felt my thoat starting to tighten from the first pill.

They started me adderall 10mg 2x daily, after a week or two of frustration I went back and they upped it to 50mg a day. If you do your research and explain it to your doc, hopefully they should up it.
good luck

Without complete details, it's hard to accurately say, but I'm leaning towards saying that you were not abusing your medication as it sounds like your intent was to be a fully functioning adult, not Superman.

Everyone's biochemistry is different, not everyone needs the same dose.

Your wife on the other hand isn't being very supportive, even if she has the best intentions at heart.


Thanks driver. Yeah, I genuinely want to get "better" for my son. I am desperate in a way. I'm desperate to find something that works so I can be a productive human being.

I was on Adderall for about 3 years and before that I was on Concerta for a few years. Recently I was on Adderall it stopped working for me completely at a 50mg dose. I really found my self day dreaming and dosing off in class and when I was at home I would find my self constantly pacing back and forth between rooms. I have noticed if I get on a medication for ADHD it tends to be ineffective even at higher doses after being on it for long periods of time. For example, when Concerta wasn't cutting it I changed to Adderall and it was a world of difference. Now I've been on Vyvanse since last year and I'm taking 70mg in the morning and then taking 10 mg of Adderall midafternoon, which really helps surprisingly after I felt it wasn't cutting it. I would attempt trying something different. Ask your doctor if there is any other types of drugs out there that might interest you but I've noticed lately that doctors are only perscribing sparingly at my age because there have been plagues of college students who have ADD or ADHD and sell it to other classmates in my area. I really don't think you're abusing it. You don't seem desperate to get the "modivation" some abusers seek. I know of people who do where their perscriptions are empty after a week and go and buy it from others... Like it was said by jokelm you aren't using it to stay up for 3 days.

I hope all works out for you.

My advice is to work closely with your doctor. Let him or her know what you're doing. There's a reason your doctor got $100,000 in debt to go to medical school.
Are you seeing a real psychiatrist? I'd see one if at all possible instead of a normal doctor.
As far as pushing your wife out of the way? I wouldn't do it again. Ever. You don't want to go down that path, especially if you have anger management issues related to your ADD.

Would your behaviour be considered abusing? Personally, my opinion is no. However that said, taking another dose other than the one you were prescribed is dangerous. And you shouldn't feel any better just because you suffered minimal side effects. Consider yourself lucky because who knows what might have happened.

If your current dose isn't working, than you need to let your doctor know. Maybe you need a higher dose, maybe another drug entirely. But let the doctor help you to get the most from your medication.

Also, consider that you and your wife may need to discuss about what happened. Not just the physical altercation, but her throwing away the medication too. Being the wife of an ADHD spouse is not easy, and she needs some help to understand what's going on with you. I would strongly suggest a third party in order to help the two of you to discuss what's going on.

My advice is to work closely with your doctor. Let him or her know what you're doing. There's a reason your doctor got $100,000 in debt to go to medical school.
Are you seeing a real psychiatrist? I'd see one if at all possible instead of a normal doctor.
As far as pushing your wife out of the way? I wouldn't do it again. Ever. You don't want to go down that path, especially if you have anger management issues related to your ADD.

Strikes me there are clear and present signs.....of abuse?.....lets see?

Seekevinrun......see this is what jumped out at me, I don't think you attempting a higher dose on your own if rx dose was not working is particularly odd, dangerous or worrysome....I have done it and I think many others have too, so that didn't seem extraordinary to me at all. What jumped off my monitor, into my lap and tweeked my nose was your wifes "remarkable" and "irrational" rage over this. It is curious how she knew you did this, where your meds were, etc., and why she would do something as drastically final as dispose of them.....followed by physically blocking your exiting the home.

You didn't offer much in OP but it strikes me (I have relatable experience, in fact too relatable) as an extremely irrational behavior for the wife UNLESS you have had a history of abuse or inability to manage yourself (with this medication or other substances) in the past and she has witnessed it and suffered with you and she sees your action of self-increasing dosage as a reminder of past events and fear of repeat drove her to do the only thing she knew would prevent it happening again....or at least today as well as sending a very clear message to you that she won't allow it to happen again.

This sounds like an above average "confrontation" based on her reaction and the fact you were angry enough in response to feel the need to get away points me to that notion......and clearly, any time any event is profound enough that it leads to one spouse fleeing and the other blocking the others exit is an indication something deeper and more serious is going on than your post lets on. My only imagination why she would try and stop you is because she had an idea that where you may go and what you may do was worthy of trying to stop it.

Anger is a tough thing to deal with, to handle and to control, but gotta tell you, forceably moving your wife aside to escape is a poor choice....it could have been the start of big trouble immediately by evolving into a full blown physical confrontation or down the road by setting a precidence, if even subconsciously, that it's OK to put your hands on her.....this time to escape, the next time to maybe do worse, when in fact it is never permissable to handle your wife, or any man to deal with any woman, in a physical manner.

I may be wrong....I may be out of line....I hope your post was simply exagerated and biased in it's verbiage because if not it sounds like the wife had a reason beyond what you shared to do what she did....if no, then she surely must be the most bossy, controlling, manipulative, demanding and crazy woman since my X.

So is there clear and undeniable abuse here? I don't see it based on your post....I see a very real potential as well as suspect something far deeper than detailed in OP going on to explain any of the actions in the post.

This sounds like an above average "confrontation" based on her reaction and the fact you were angry enough in response to feel the need to get away points me to that notion......and clearly, any time any event is profound enough that it leads to one spouse fleeing and the other blocking the others exit is an indication something deeper and more serious is going on than your post lets on. My only imagination why she would try and stop you is because she had an idea that where you may go and what you may do was worthy of trying to stop it.

Are you suggesting that emotional and irrational outbursts from females is out of the ordinary? Or for that matter, a male responding in anger when threatened?

Just because his level headed wife flipped her top, doesn't mean the OP has a history of drug abuse. Hysteria around ADD meds is rife.

Are you suggesting that emotional and irrational outbursts from females is out of the ordinary? Or for that matter, a male responding in anger when threatened?

Do you have a rational, mature question burried in this nonsensical response somewhere or is it just some ridiculous attempt to "bait" me into some directionless conversation on fantasies outside the OP or perhaps you wish to stray into the totally different topic of symantics?

Just because his level headed wife flipped her top, doesn't mean the OP has a history of drug abuse. Hysteria around ADD meds is rife.


....don't do that....

I put myself in his shoes:

She threw out the meds. Great, now he has to go see the doc, explain that and hope that he gives another prescription. Plan B is waiting on the next month's refill. It's a complete waste of time, caused because his wife acted on impulse instead of raising a concern and talking.

Then...

I got really angry. I went to leave the house to go to Starbucks and do some homework when she followed me downstairs and tried to physically stop me.

You don't try to physically stop someone who feels the need to go out to unwind. Ever. That's how altercations start. Withdraw yourself, breathe, then talk. [edit: it wasn't right to push aside, but it always takes two to start a fight]

That's why the OP didn't raise a concern with me. That is also assuming that it happened as written, and honestly who am I to judge?

....don't do that....

There's a question buried in there. In time, I'm sure you'd find it, but I don't have all day as I'm not getting any younger.

I am in no position to judge whether you may or may not be abusing your meds, nor would I even care to pass judgement. That said, I must ask how you are determining if your meds are being effective before deciding to up your dosage. One of the best things my psychologist worked with me on after my diagnosis was to develop a checklist of my ADD symptoms that I would like to improve. This way, I am concentrating on how the meds may or may not being improving my life. I do not base it on how the meds make me "feel."

I do get the sense that many people focus (no pun intended) on the wrong things when evaluating if he meds are being effective or not. Probably because they have not had proper guidance.

Above all, as others have stated, work closely with you doc and/or psychiatrist before upping your dose. Heck, I might even have your wife attend your appointments so she knows what the doctor's treatment plan is. I have kept my wife very informed of my treatment plan, especially as I began taking meds. Her perspective has been valuable as an outside assessment. She was the one that noted that Adderall seemed to make me a tad more distant. This feedback was a big part of my decision to work with my doc to then try Ritalin, which I believe works better for me and my wife would confirm this.

Good luck.

Hey all.. Good day.
Not sure if your abusing your meds or not ( for your owns needs ) as the more I read in all these sites and every one's comments.
The more I try to wrap my head and thoughts around understanding so much that " YES" we all for the most part share the trait "A.D.D." or " A.D.H.D" and it effects us all at so many different levels.
I'm 48 now and yes I believe I have been dealing with the ups and downs of having "ADHD" as I was diagnosed this last March. After trying one med , I then went to using Adderall ( 10 mg).
Almost right away it took away my jumping legs and more than half of the mind Chatter I have had all my life.

Now getting back to what your asked about using to much or abusing your meds.
I'm the guy that always reads and follows all instructions to a tee, as I have been in trades and jobs where I would lose body parts or mess up some pretty items, so I do what the instructions say .
I started off only taking "one" pill 10 mg a day with the instructions of my DOC to take two at least four hours apart or more.. I have taken two on certain days.

But What I noticed on those days where I was really having bad days were the Days where I was dealing with Extra work Stress and also on those days ( as I looked back ) I also found that I was NOT eating right I was missing lunches or not eating certain at work.. and that made every thing build up.
At that time I don't think that taking Extra pills and upping my dosage would have helped me as it was me doing it to me..
I believe that yes i could always take extra pills do try to correct my bad days , but I also believe it is up to me to treat my body and mind right and do everything in my power to take care of myself , ( including eating right and watching my stress ).

I have to so much to learn about "ADHD". and how it effects myself ( and all those around me)
Every time I read more it helps me understand that I have a " Trait" and not a decease . but a certain item that the more I know about can help me handle it.. I can not take a magic pill and make it all go away or get better in a week , but only use the adderall to help me change how I react to certain things.. ( ex, the mind chatter etc)
As far as the Abuse or anger you show your wife, I can not say yes, to the fact that it was the extra drugs that made to react to her like that ... I believe we all react to the way some people can push our buttons, and for me it is when i don't eat right or get run down and the mind chatter , but since i was diagnosed I have been trying to control all my aspects of my life..

My whole life I have dealt busts of anger or over bearing thoughts of certain thoughts as I get older I learned to control certain thoughts and rages to certain people.
On the days where i get down or mad I don't believe extra adderall would have helped as much as just sitting down and looking back though that day and how I reacted to certain things and people .

Now that I have diagnosed and am on Adderall (10 mg) IT is now my next step to find perhaps a Good " ADHD" life coach. Now that I see and react to things diff, ( perhaps how the way people without ADHD see things) It is my next step to get help and how to react to a new way to see life and how to react in a totally different manner.
Sorry folks I think I started to blabber. ( just woke up a little while ago ) On a day off and mind seems a little scattered until my morning pill kicks in and I wake up..LOL

As I do agree with " kidder" and also what "andyum" say . I must say That yes it was so important to me to have my Wife stand by me and it was her help and understanding that finally made me get the courage to see the Doc's needed to try and get a handle on tis trait that controlled my body mind and soul.

She has been with me every step of the way and Has been at every meeting and I always ask her to be honest me me , in the matter of what she see's in me as for changes etc.
I let her know When I take a extra pill on certain days so she can watch for diff things in the way I react to things..
and on certain's I may take a extra pill and not tell her.. Then the next day or so I'll ask her if she saw me in a diff way .
on the same note i always try to step out of my body at the end of the day and clear my mind and a go through a fast check list of what i did all day and how i treated people of certain situations through out the whole day..

I feel for me to get a grip on this ADHD thing I owe it to myself to monitor myself and my thoughts as much as other watching me.
JUST me taking pills or extra pills and now trying to work with this trait and to self - adjust .

hi.. Just took a extra second at what " andyum" wrote and I'm very pleased to hear that he includes his wife in everything ( as i do ).. Someone told me the other day That i should not let my wife go to the doc's visits ..
This person thought That I should try to controll this trait by myelf and keep her in the dark... that I would feel so much better if I tackled this ADHD beast myself and beat it to the ground..

And my fast answer to that at the time was .. " And YUP it's been working for me so far"??. NOT !!!! I have taken this ride of ADHD for 47 years now and have been on top and hit the bottom.. to many times....
I'm at the age where i'm tried of starting over and why would i settle with living with some thing that has controlled me so long.

So, Yes I do believe that ayone that really wants help , should asked for help and understanding from there wives and or friends.. I'm not ashammed to admitt to anyone that " YES" i have been Diagnosed with ADHD.
the ones that have known me for years now also understand now , a little more my I'm like this and who i'am.

There's a question buried in there. In time, I'm sure you'd find it, but I don't have all day as I'm not getting any younger.

Yes, to be sure, there are questions.....so as a courtesy and to avoid leaving you hanging, my comments addressing your unrelated queries, that for what ever reason you feel my opinion relevant, follows;
"Are you suggesting that emotional and irrational outbursts from females is out of the ordinary?

What is or isn't "ordinary" for all females is irrelevant to the thread, the event described in the post and me personally and certainly not addressed either directly or indirectly by me in my response.....so I suppose my specific answer to your question is "NO", I made no suggestions to the effect that emotional and irrational outbursts from females is out of the ordinary. Why would I? It has nothing to do with the subject of the thread or the topic of the post…..and as a general rule I try to avoid making such distracting all inclusive, sweeping statements about any segment of society, and especially when they may refer to female behavior (it would be wise to adopt a similar philosophy). However, as you have asked, I will tell you that the postulation posed in your question that, in fact, irrational and emotional outbursts to be commonplace female behavior is as ridiculous as saying it is ordinary for all women to love to bake cookies…..or that all men drive trucks.
<O:p</O:p
"…..Or for that matter, a male responding in anger when threatened?"
<O:p</O:p
I don't know what post you read, but I find no description, claim or mention either expressed directly by the member in the post or implied by text in the post that any threats were made.......so be honest, the guy was just "angry" because his pills were thrown away and not because he was threatened or in any danger to his person implicit or imagined from his wife.
<O:p</O:p
"Just because his level headed wife flipped her top, doesn't mean the OP has a history of drug abuse. Hysteria around ADD meds is rife."
<O:p</O:p
This entry is phrased as an uninformed assumption followed by an irrationally unsupportable personal theory, disguised as a statement, not a question.
<O:p</O:p
If you will reread my post you will find I offer the possibility the wife is a controlling head case and acting irrationally.....I also offer a theory that would justify her behavior (based on personal experience)....I make NO accusations toward either the poster or his wife.....only my opinions to make the actions and behaviors in the OP make sense to me. The only part of the post I address with any certainty is regarding care when confrontations border on a physical nature...and I stand by those comments as well. As a person who comes from an addictive history and had a wife who reacted very much like the post describes, I am forced to believe there is a reason for both their actions that are conveniently or unintentionally omitted and offer a simple suggestion as to why.

The word " Control" has come up

.... or lack of it?... Is it the booze, drugs, or meds that only control us, or is it the fact that maybe we should learn with in ourselves to control ourselves.. Yes too much of anything can change our way of thinking at the moment and make us lose control of a certain time or item... Does too much booze or meds really control us or bring to the for front , the fact that we don't really have control.. does it change or inner thoughts or just merely bring our deep thoughts ( good or bad ) to the service .

When do we ( or I ) stop and take control of ourselves and our surrounding and those around us. I can not totally blame the pills I take for lack of helping me , if I don't take care of myself or eat right.
I agree with "kidder" and perhaps both may have lost a little control and things got out of hand a little , not necessarily so far where it can not be addressed with each other.
As one can not expect help from others without trying to also help themselves.

I would Never let my wife increase my dosage of Adderall with out making it sure in my mind that need it and why would I need it... She has to be open with him.. Ask somethings.. Like WHY.. why does she think he needs more meds and what is she watching.. what in his efforts or life is off or going wrong that she thinks he needs help with... OPEN up to him.. both need to talk to each other and step back and decide why he or she would think he needs more meds.. and IS the rest of his life and actions helping certain traits of ADHD or ADD ?
My wife also agrees with Kidder and myself that there is more to this that is on the surface... ( she just says it better than me)... LOL..

Maybe no one else picks up on what I did in this OP, something that strikes me as more important than the members question as to if he is abusing, he has a clear suspicion he may be abusing his medications because anytime someone seeks advice or opinion for themselves in that regard (as he has here) it is because they have a real fear they might be......what I picked up on was aparently his wife has an even stronger suspicion than he does which would explain her behavior to a point.....the only explanation sensible to me for the extreme reaction of the wife is if there had been a prior instance or history to cause her "rage" at his "overmedicating".....but clearly the limited description given does not sound like abuse and therefore makes the wife's reaction seem unreasonable. It just strikes me more is going on than meets the eye. I may be assuming unreasonably too, but even at face value it makes more sense than anything I can imagine for the confrontation that happened over him simply upping a dose to see if it helped him more. Maybe it is just me but all my attention was drawn to the fact a confrontaion nearly leading to physicalities ensued and is more worrysome than wondering if upping a single dose is abusing a prescription as well as the relationship problems being a tough obstacle in successfully dealing with ADD treatment.....it's gonna take wife's support or at least indifference to his medicating and certainly having meds disposed of on an ongoing basis is not gonna help.

Strikes me there are clear and present signs.....of abuse?.....lets see?

Seekevinrun......see this is what jumped out at me, I don't think you attempting a higher dose on your own if rx dose was not working is particularly odd, dangerous or worrysome....I have done it and I think many others have too, so that didn't seem extraordinary to me at all. What jumped off my monitor, into my lap and tweeked my nose was your wifes "remarkable" and "irrational" rage over this. It is curious how she knew you did this, where your meds were, etc., and why she would do something as drastically final as dispose of them.....followed by physically blocking your exiting the home.

You didn't offer much in OP but it strikes me (I have relatable experience, in fact too relatable) as an extremely irrational behavior for the wife UNLESS you have had a history of abuse or inability to manage yourself (with this medication or other substances) in the past and she has witnessed it and suffered with you and she sees your action of self-increasing dosage as a reminder of past events and fear of repeat drove her to do the only thing she knew would prevent it happening again....or at least today as well as sending a very clear message to you that she won't allow it to happen again.

This sounds like an above average "confrontation" based on her reaction and the fact you were angry enough in response to feel the need to get away points me to that notion......and clearly, any time any event is profound enough that it leads to one spouse fleeing and the other blocking the others exit is an indication something deeper and more serious is going on than your post lets on. My only imagination why she would try and stop you is because she had an idea that where you may go and what you may do was worthy of trying to stop it.

Anger is a tough thing to deal with, to handle and to control, but gotta tell you, forceably moving your wife aside to escape is a poor choice....it could have been the start of big trouble immediately by evolving into a full blown physical confrontation or down the road by setting a precidence, if even subconsciously, that it's OK to put your hands on her.....this time to escape, the next time to maybe do worse, when in fact it is never permissable to handle your wife, or any man to deal with any woman, in a physical manner.

I may be wrong....I may be out of line....I hope your post was simply exagerated and biased in it's verbiage because if not it sounds like the wife had a reason beyond what you shared to do what she did....if no, then she surely must be the most bossy, controlling, manipulative, demanding and crazy woman since my X.

So is there clear and undeniable abuse here? I don't see it based on your post....I see a very real potential as well as suspect something far deeper than detailed in OP going on to explain any of the actions in the post.
Hey Kiddder I really appreciate your post. You are very perceptive in seeing where the problem really lies. I am very ashamed of my confrontation with my wife. I have always believed that I am an extremely gentle person. The people in my family view me as the most soft hearted person they know. I guess, to understand my wife's reaction, you might need to know my wife. Lol. I married an extremely cute, loveable, fiery, hardheaded girl. She doesn't take too well to me not wanting to talk to her. Her reaction is usually at first outrageous (extraordinary aggressive, even violent, and attitudinal), and then when the air has cleared (if I still haven't backed down) she makes it clear that her reactions were linked to me being upset with her. Very strange, I know. But I love her to death. She is as cute and magnetic as she is unbearable. The rare times that I have completely exasperated her because I refuse to budge on something (typically its related to her fear of being left alone) she has often resorted to physicality in her frustration with me. I've been scratched, kicked, punched, bitten, and been kicked in the gonads many times, but it is strangely related to how much my wife cares about me. So, I know it is weird, but my wifes behavior wasn't motivated by her concern for me. It was actually motivated by something else. I suppose the reason I was so frustrated is because I felt as if I was doing everything I could to get the help that I needed so that I could be a providing father/husband. An effective medication would be a crucial part of me being able to be that person. When she told me (and she lied) that she has disposed of my medication, I was angry and honestly somewhat hurt that she was so scornful of me when all I was trying to do was get better. It didn't seem to me that she was really caring about me, but a little bit more just ticked off. Anyways, sometimes it is difficult with her, but she is really just the sweetest person I know under all of the layers. But lets see... I think I just did an ADD.
Right so, all of that is to say that my wife's behavior may look like it suggests abuse, but it doesn't really, because it was motivated by other factors besides a concern that I was going to go out and do harm to myself. Make sense? I hope so. I just befuddled myself. I really appreciate your concern and bold words.

I am in no position to judge whether you may or may not be abusing your meds, nor would I even care to pass judgement. That said, I must ask how you are determining if your meds are being effective before deciding to up your dosage. One of the best things my psychologist worked with me on after my diagnosis was to develop a checklist of my ADD symptoms that I would like to improve. This way, I am concentrating on how the meds may or may not being improving my life. I do not base it on how the meds make me "feel."

I do get the sense that many people focus (no pun intended) on the wrong things when evaluating if he meds are being effective or not. Probably because they have not had proper guidance.

Above all, as others have stated, work closely with you doc and/or psychiatrist before upping your dose. Heck, I might even have your wife attend your appointments so she knows what the doctor's treatment plan is. I have kept my wife very informed of my treatment plan, especially as I began taking meds. Her perspective has been valuable as an outside assessment. She was the one that noted that Adderall seemed to make me a tad more distant. This feedback was a big part of my decision to work with my doc to then try Ritalin, which I believe works better for me and my wife would confirm this.

Good luck.This is such a great post. I wish I had read it earlier. It occurred to me that I may not really be noticing the effects of the medication but not necessarily that they weren't working. You are exactly right. I was looking for the medicine to calm me down and put me in "smart mode" or something. Ridiculous, I know, but I was so excited to see what treatment could do for me and how it could improve my life. I suppose for some people they see and feel and incredible difference as soon as the medicine kicks in, whereas for others it is a subtle chance as their symptoms improve. I think I may have a milder form of ADHD. My job experience was traumatic and led me to believe that my ADHD was very very extreme, but I can usually struggle through my days and get the things done that I really need to get done, although I am slow and I don't usually complete everything. When I thought back on it, I realized that I had been so much better at work when I was on the concerta. At my previous job I could not have been looked down upon more by my boss or coworkers. However, on the concerta at my current job I was working hard and making an effort and was almost immediately the number one employee in my store. In fact, the manager just ASKED me to promote, after I'd told him I didn't really want the responsibility (I avoid it, as I am afraid my ADHD will destroy me as soon as I get even a bit of responsibility on my shoulders). I had noticed the difference in my work. However, I thought it was because my current job was just easy (Starbucks) and my old job was difficult (working at a wastewater plant). If I really stop to think about it, I suppose my response to my medication (if my improvements were due to it) were nothing short of superb. My frustration and stupidity that led me to slowly increase my dose of adderall was linked to my false perception that I should "feel different" and just be switched on and ready to be awesome. However, I think that my reaction could have been just perfect, and that is encouraging. If my ADHD is truly a neurotransmitter deficiency in my brain, and if my medication was helping me produce more of my neurotransmitter, I suppose it makes perfect sense that I would not feel different but I would just start naturally performing better.
As a note, I dropped back down to twenty mg of adderall xr (my dr. had put me to go up to thirty) and have actually noticed a great difference. How odd, that 3x that dose did nothing to me, but that small amount that I thought would do nothing at all is actually noticeable when I least expect it.

As I do agree with " kidder" and also what "andyum" say . I must say That yes it was so important to me to have my Wife stand by me and it was her help and understanding that finally made me get the courage to see the Doc's needed to try and get a handle on tis trait that controlled my body mind and soul.

She has been with me every step of the way and Has been at every meeting and I always ask her to be honest me me , in the matter of what she see's in me as for changes etc.
I let her know When I take a extra pill on certain days so she can watch for diff things in the way I react to things..
and on certain's I may take a extra pill and not tell her.. Then the next day or so I'll ask her if she saw me in a diff way .
on the same note i always try to step out of my body at the end of the day and clear my mind and a go through a fast check list of what i did all day and how i treated people of certain situations through out the whole day..

I feel for me to get a grip on this ADHD thing I owe it to myself to monitor myself and my thoughts as much as other watching me.
JUST me taking pills or extra pills and now trying to work with this trait and to self - adjust .
I would be so thrilled if I felt my wife was on my side rooting for me and doing what she could to support me through this. My belief was (and I THINK still is) that a spouse is there to look out for the needs of their partner before their partner asks for it and when their partner needs it most. I don't want to have to TELL my wife that I need her to understand my frustration and pain, my shame in not being a more adequate provider. I don't want to have to tell her that I need her to notice when things are rough and meet my needs before I even ask them. It's tough.

I have been on concerta 144mg for 7 years. I have wondered after college when I am bored on these forums if some of my morning fatigue stemmed from the dose being too large and wondered if I dropped the dose if I could operate better. I've tried this and I am just clueless, just out in a world of inattentiveness ... it sucks. So sometimes people that don't abuse wonder if there rx'd dose could be lowered.

Hey Kiddder I really appreciate your post. You are very perceptive in seeing where the problem really lies. I am very ashamed of my confrontation with my wife. I have always believed that I am an extremely gentle person. The people in my family view me as the most soft hearted person they know. I guess, to understand my wife's reaction, you might need to know my wife. Lol. I married an extremely cute, loveable, fiery, hardheaded girl. She doesn't take too well to me not wanting to talk to her. Her reaction is usually at first outrageous (extraordinary aggressive, even violent, and attitudinal), and then when the air has cleared (if I still haven't backed down) she makes it clear that her reactions were linked to me being upset with her. Very strange, I know. But I love her to death. She is as cute and magnetic as she is unbearable. The rare times that I have completely exasperated her because I refuse to budge on something (typically its related to her fear of being left alone) she has often resorted to physicality in her frustration with me. I've been scratched, kicked, punched, bitten, and been kicked in the gonads many times, but it is strangely related to how much my wife cares about me. So, I know it is weird, but my wifes behavior wasn't motivated by her concern for me. It was actually motivated by something else. I suppose the reason I was so frustrated is because I felt as if I was doing everything I could to get the help that I needed so that I could be a providing father/husband. An effective medication would be a crucial part of me being able to be that person. When she told me (and she lied) that she has disposed of my medication, I was angry and honestly somewhat hurt that she was so scornful of me when all I was trying to do was get better. It didn't seem to me that she was really caring about me, but a little bit more just ticked off. Anyways, sometimes it is difficult with her, but she is really just the sweetest person I know under all of the layers. But lets see... I think I just did an ADD.
Right so, all of that is to say that my wife's behavior may look like it suggests abuse, but it doesn't really, because it was motivated by other factors besides a concern that I was going to go out and do harm to myself. Make sense? I hope so. I just befuddled myself. I really appreciate your concern and bold words.

I was in a similar marriage.....no matter how cute and spunky and adorable a wife can be periodically. Behavior you describe and what I went through is abuse. Your attitude, just like mine was, is called dependence. My marriage ender years before I was diagnosed and what would have happened if I was Dx during marraige is a pointless...um, point to ponder, so I won't.

I DO understand completely your feeling of desperately wanting to try anything to be a more productive partner.....I was the same and have realized in the years since divorce I was trying to live up to both an irrational expectation that was set by a wife who would never be satisfied at any stage of success I achieved.....would always demand more.

I am impressed you took time to reply individually to all posts....and I wish you success in finding what works. I would just make a heartfelt attempt to come to a better way of expressing emotions between you and your wife, because once these things get established, even if you do find a med and dose, the way you both deal with each other is already established and tough to change the longer it is.....and left to its own will get worse in freequency as well as intensity until in an unintentional moment even, an event that can't be undone occurs.