Many times when I post I sometimes get emails saying that I'm too sensitive and that I shouldn't care about "Whatever I'm concerned with". I'm told that I talk alot about emotions and feelings.

I'm sensitive, I used to be so ashamed of that fact. I would have paid my soul to not be so sensitive and emotional. But I have come to realize something. I'm sensitive about others. Just the other day, I noticed one of my gaming buddies was looking unhappy. So during a break, I spoke to him alone and asked if anything was bothering him. He told me how he lost his job just that day. I asked if I could let the others in the gaming group know, he said that was fine. So I told my brother, who looked shocked. "He's sad? I thought he was very happy!" My brother didn't have a clue. Neither did most of the others.

Its like a trade off isn't it? I discovered I liked being sensitive and from now on I won't be ashamed of it. I also will watch for things I know will "get me going". Its very similar to accepting ADD, you know you have it, you deal with the things differently than non-ADD people.

I think that kind of sensitivity is a gift. I wish I had it. I am more like your brother. I have no clue what is on other people’s minds.

I'm mixed. I can be incredibly callous sometimes but today I saw a beat up butterfly with it's wings all shredded, I cried for it. There is a lot more to that story than I tell, I really was crying for myself and my wife, thinking about lonliness and hopelessness and many other things. Soon after that, I saw a newly hatched butterfly. It will have a difficult life. It is a miracle that these exist at all, their mother travelled many miles last summer looking for the right host plant to lay eggs on and I know there are only a handfull within 15 miles of here. Dozens must have died for this one to have landed in our garden. I planted it's host plant nearly a decade ago, the mother found us last year, laid eggs, the butterfly hatched early and lived a lonely life with no mate. A couple hours after I discovered the suffering lonely hopeless butterfly, I saw the new hatchling. Perhaps both will have pointless lives... perhaps the hatchling mated with the invalid, perhaps another will hatch tomorrow and they will continue to thrive here.

Kudos to you Kassie for being assertive about your sensitivity. :D

You say you get e-mails from people in response to your posts??? telling you that you shouldn't be concerned with whatever you're concerned with? Hmmmm those people perhaps aren't sensitive ENOUGH...

I agree with what the others have said....:)

i like being sensitive. i pick up on subtle cues also and am able to respond well and listen to friends when they need to talk.

but, i *hated* (in hindsight) being ruled by my emotions. i had no filter, so, when i friend called to talk about a problem, i would, literally, feel her pain. -- no wonder i was depressed ... :rolleyes:

another plus to being sensitive. i wonder if it's part of what makes kids respond to me so well. if a child is happy and excited to see me, i reflect it back, and they *know* that i'm happy and excited to see them. or, a kid who is having a bad day, might need a little extra attention and i can see that and respond .... opps, a bit off topic perhaps ...

... now back to your regularly sponsered show...;)

I experience much of the same sensitivities as Kassie and wheezie write about. When I was younger I was manipulated relentlessly by those very sensitivities I value highly now.

Somehow over the years I've become aware of a greater division of what is mine and what isn't. This leaves me much less vulnerable to the whims of my sensitivities. I'm grateful for that. In another thread recently I saw someone writing about envisioning what you want and needing to be careful where one spends their "thinking time". By thinking about positive things I want they tend to develop into reality. If I wallow in fear, uncertainty and doubt then I develop those attributes. This may very well be how I came to change this way. I had read a book called "Psycho-Cybernetics - Zero Resistance Living" in the early eighties and I think it's thesis was much along the same line. At least that's what I took away from the book.

If anything I find myself more sensitive as time goes on. My reactions to the knowledge that sensitivity brings to me has changed a lot. I am much better at walking away from some of that information knowing it does not require my input. There are other times where it brings on the water works like paulbf describes. Last week there was a young robin looking unhealthy and walking around the yard too close to the house. I knew from years of experience living in the wild we call home that nature takes it's justice harshly and without apologies, so I let the little one be, but carried it in my heart all day. I'm of the kind whom shudder involunterilly every time the car goes over some snake dead and dry on the road.

The first home I found for my sensitive side was in training dogs and horses. For anyone driven, read "Adam's Task - Calling Animals by Name" by Vicki Hearne, and/or Monty Roberts biography and anything by Dick Koehler. I met with remarkable success given that I was never allowed to have a dog when I was a kid and had never even haltered a horse much less learn from a green two year old Arab filly.

I can see now though that my Mum and Dad would never have been able to speak a word of dog. Actually I think Dad would be fluent but would be a nightmare of bad influence..ehhe < g > I speak dog fluently. Spoiled or very dominant dogs in particular are quick (sometimes in seconds) to recognise me. Many times owners have said things like, "that's odd, I don't ever remember her acting like that before". I love animals but had to bring some of that love and attention back to the people in my life and not spend and celebrate it all in the barn. < g >

It's a great gift to have insight into the things people can't or won't say and to offer a compassionate heart. I am glad I no longer share in so much of the worlds pain. I know it's there but needn't take it on as mine. I'll save that energy for more useful pupose if I can.

Great post Kassie thanks. Ian.

Originally posted by Keppig
Many times when I post I sometimes get emails saying that I'm too sensitive and that I shouldn't care about "Whatever I'm concerned with". I'm told that I talk alot about emotions and feelings.

I'm sensitive, I used to be so ashamed of that fact. I would have paid my soul to not be so sensitive and emotional. But I have come to realize something. I'm sensitive about others.

Its like a trade off isn't it? I discovered I liked being sensitive and from now on I won't be ashamed of it. I also will watch for things I know will "get me going". Its very similar to accepting ADD, you know you have it, you deal with the things differently than non-ADD people.

I so hear you and you speak for me also with this post....
thank you

Oh, yeah, too true, especially about how others either see it and use it against us or don’t see anything and run right over us.

Kay and I think we ADDers develop veils, a way of hiding ourselves partially or completely from others. We build our veils in response to pressures to conform, both from within ourselves and from others.

Males tend to have shallow veils, but females have an additional pressure to conform, courtesy of the expectations that males have of their behavior. So females build deeper veils that are harder to break through. Kay was floating along in a dream under her veil, and that’s just not right. Everybody has a right to live the way they are, even if it is dreamy. You shouldn’t have to hide it.

We were lucky, because we had each other to be sensitive to from when we were 17. But there were always times that it seemed to suddenly evaporate, either her for me or me for her, and it was really hard to understand. We got so discouraged that we almost gave up several times.

Kay’s ADD was diagnosed late, and when she started to think really hard about haw it had affected her life experience it was a pretty rocky trip. When words failed we got by with alternate channels of communications: poetry, drawing, music, touch. Eventually we managed to build a vocabulary that lets us think about how we sense others without getting punched out by the feelings.

I knew we were finally on the right track when I woke up early one morning and ripped out a poem that nailed what we feel about life together. I wouldn’t exchange the sensitivity we have for anything, but I sure wish that we didn’t have to invent ways to deal with the outside world ourselves. But who knew? As Dylan said, the times, they are a-changin’.

Kay’s major contribution is the idea of benevolence. It’s like a kind of psychic balance; if we see something and feel very deeply about it, we always look for the benevolent view. An insensitive person is still a person, after all, and when you find a way to understand why they feel and think the way they do, you find a way to let your frustration and stubborn anger go, too. Being in balance is a much better way to live, IMHO.

I think two different kinds of people destroy a butterfly: someone who can’t see it or it’s beauty, or someone so frustrated and isolated by the fact that no one seems to care that they do it in protest and to understand what others feel.

Just feel sorry for the first person. But we can talk to the second person; all they want is to know someone else sees the butterfly’s beauty. I think that’s probably as good a reason to take down our veils and stay open and sensitive as there is.

Hang in there, and be yourself.

Stabile, very beautiful :)

Thank-you, Stabile

You're welcome.

Thank you.

Thank you to all of you for the positive support!!
I have another question, how do you address a friend or family who slams your sensitivity? I mean, for example, at work today, a friend of mine was talking to an engineer who had won a free counsiling session at another companies open house. My friend said that the engineer should use it or give it to me. My friend knows I'm in counsiling already. I felt hurt. He couldn't understand why I didn't laugh. Yesterday, the three men in the backroom were teasing my friend that his girlfriend is fat. Like fat was this bad thing. And well, I'm fat.. you get the idea. I don't say anything for honestly, if they don't know that what they are saying is offensive (I used to tell them all the time when they were saying somthing offensive) by now, then why work myself up for it.

My question is this: What do you do if a friend or family says something that upsets you but they are smiling and probably mean it as a joke, what do you do?

What we do is get inside their heads deep enough to see out through their eyes. Far enough to see that they actually inhabit a different reality than you and I do.

When you see their reality, their actions won’t surprise you at all. And they won’t hurt as much, either, because you’ll see they just don’t get it. In a sad way, they’re just dumb lumps, and it’s hard to blame them for not being like us. They aren’t.

If our experience is any indicator, you’ll have to really lower your expectations, too, or you won’t recognize what they see at all. That might sound as harsh and insensitive they do, but it isn’t meant that way.

Think about it this way: there has to be a pretty big gulf between your reality and theirs, or you would be able to at least understand how they can say the things they say without feeling bad about it.

It’s out there if you look, and it’s the ultimate benevolent way.

BTW, what kind of company gives away a counseling session as a prize? Did I understand that correctly?

I work for a Civil Engineering company. We do plans for many different kinds of commercial needs. When there is a charity many of those commercial companies attend and donate things. Hence the free counsilling appointment.

I still struggle with keeping the dark side of my sensitivity in check. Too much anger, and all the running in the world isn't enough to drain it all.

So, sometimes when I am hurt, it isn't a quiet experience....

Oh, I'm not as destructive as some I suppose, but "reactivity" gets too much in the way of the important stuff far too often.

Sometimes I also can't watch certain films, or events. I know what's coming and the memories of my own experience are far more than passive engrams. They put me right back into the state of mind I want least of all to be in, and they do it so quickly, I am there before I can do much except avoid further hurt.

My wife is a victims rights advocate and many of the materials she has given me to read, or shared with me are just too... Awful for me. First is empathy for the poor souls in those situations, and then anger, and as I said I have far too much of that already.

It is much harder to stay positive, to "do positive" because I don't have much in the way of the same sorts of memories in a positive vein. I simply know I prefer it, enjoy it, and am especially pleased if my experiences can assist others. Then not only am I "not worthless" in the sense that I now know I am "wired" differently, but also because I can take those big negatives in my life and turn them into something positive. A lesson I have probably known intuitively most of my life, but only really conciously came to realize through observing my spouse turning her demons into angels.

While I'm on the subject of the spouse, I am happy to say that things are getting progressively better at home. She really does want to understand. :-) What's more, is that really looking at her mother, and her, I think she may be ADD as well! I didn't know enough about the various ways it manifests at first to notice this, but now I do notice it and it makes an odd sort of sense if you think about it. Her sensitivity is one of the qualities I find most attractive in her. When either of us behaves insensitively it usually has an awful lot to do with self protection. Who knew?!

Who knew?! Indeed...

What a cool present for you, eh?

Kay’s Mom told her just the other day that while she didn’t think Kay had ADD, she was sure that she did. We both fell down laughing.

Women are underdiagnosed and often diagnosed late. If your wife does wind up being diagnosed, and she’s anything like Kay, she'll spend a lot of time discovering things that have the same character you describe, stuff that prompts her anger. Sort of a smoldering over the realization of just what they made her do all her life, with occasional outbursts.

But it's really hard to get mad at someone you love for having an experience you know so well. Like the thing about self protection; that’s a good call.

I try to take it a step at a time and have fun with it.

Cool? When we are orbiting the same planet yes... Deep down she either still has her doubts or knows the best button to push is the "it's all a sham" button. Oh, does that one hurt! Not the way it used to though. These days it mostly makes me angry that I allowed myself to be taken in by someone who would go that low for a sucker punch....

Only that's not a terribly fair assessment either. You see, I think if she does have ADD, or even ADD-like traits, it would have to be the highly structured variety. She has many obsessive compulsive issues, borderline pathological if you were to ask me, but I keep that to myself, as no one does ask me and having the full blown variety requiring medication management I know I never did much care to have it noticed or pointed out. She takes organizational issues to extremes that make the military look reasonable. There is the "right way, the wrong way, and HER way" If it isn't "HER WAY" you best get to hittin' the highway.

;-) She might get a little angry at me for putting it that way and appearing to make fun, but I am being honest. She is not flexible at all in her "Systems". She is flexible in many other ways of doing things, but most of the big day to day stuff has become a "System" and to do anything outside the guidelines of the "system" is SACRILIDGE! Typically resulting in high stress on her part and any number of "reasons" why it has to be that way that make little or no real sense. She will, for example, get quite angry about how long it takes me to do dishes. I am not talking about procrastinating, or holding up other work here either, just the simple fact that I may be simply taking my time and thinking whilst scrubbing away and take 15 minutes longer than her typical dishwashing time. When this, and other cleaning times are longer it might take me an additional hour to thoroughly clean the kitchen and dining room top to bottom and she will literally go nuts over that! Needless to say, rather than argue over something easily changed, when I am aware I am doing it, I simply try to do things "her way" to keep the peace. If that doesn't sound like Highly structured ADD I don't know though. It would certainly explain her temperment, hypercriticality, and sensitivity.

Right now, I am on the short end of the stick with this stuff. I had the audacity to get cut loose from work early today. :-O I was floored that she could get angry at me over a schedule I have little or no control over. This is when she began to go on about the LIMDU being the Navy's way of just getting me "out of their hair", and how the ADD was just a sham, and I was a poor excuse for a man, etc... I was at a complete loss for words. I tried pointing out she wasn't making sense. I tried pointing out, she wasn't being fair. Finally, I tried calling my second job to see if they'd mind if I came in early. I couldn't get through, and she wouldn't let up. When I decided I'd heard enough and told her as much (I even managed to be reasonably nice about it) she suggested I go to the magistrates office and file for separation... SIGH! Then while I was changing she jumps in the shower and as I get ready to go out the door, begins going on about how she can't even take a shower because I won't watch our five year old (This after she first asked, then demanded I leave, which I was obliging her on, when she pulled this new item). It isn't the first time she has suggested I don't pull my weight with the children and I've had a belly full of that. I acknowledged to her that there are certain things I take for granted I should not, not asking if she will watch the little guy when I need to use the bathroom or what have you for example. I have been better about that since she pointed it out. Though on bad days I can barely remember my own name let alone much else. The part she fails to remember, particularly when relaying this particular sad tale to the counselor is that she can leave that house, to go anywhere she chooses, for any length of time she chooses with little or no notice and has done so on several occasions in the past with all of ten minutes or less notice to me that I have the children until she gets back. I have never stood in her way of her having "Her time", I have encouraged her to have it. The fact that she chooses not to use it, and then blow up at me over it and suggest I don't give her the opportunity to have time to herself is not just misleading, it's an out and out lie. It may not be intentional on her part, but it deeply hurts me each time she tells it loudly to third parties. The fact that she does get out of the house, by leaving me with the children and I have never given her crap about it, nor had any problem with it has been brought up by persons besides me, but it never seems to stick in her memory.

SIGH! Anyway, I have made a new decision. I am doing what I need to do to make Dan a better person. If she wants to stick around, good for her, but otherwise, I won't beat myself up over it. It isn't that I don't love her, but if she can't figure out with all the outside help she's had at doing it what's going on and stop beating the crap out of me (right to be angry or not, that still doesn't give her the right to obliterate me) verbally on an entirely too regular basis, then it's not the kind of love either one of us needs.

I should have kept my big mouth shut about things getting better. I went and jinxed it.

Eboy (if you're still scouting this thread):

I have some of the same issues in reverse. I'm the wild girl, and my sweetie is the overfocused ADDer who doesn't know how to let go of a subject. EVER EVER EVER.

It is fun, though, when you are orbiting the same planet. (Hot phrase, BTW). Opposites attract. You're probably crazy in love.

Thanks, everybody else (particularly Kep, who started the thread, and Stabile, for your eloquence) - Wheeze, you are not off topic; IMO you are -BANG- on topic -- for illumination on a subject I deal with on a daily -- and sometimes hourly -- basis.


"Dumb lumps" - hee hee hee. Stabile, I know you meant it compassionately but it sure will help me to keep a straight face on days when I know people are just plain being evil 'cause they can.

Thanks, but jeeze-oh-man, I can’t believe I wrote it that way. I got so focused on trying to describe and emphasize the relative experience (of our reality compared to theirs) that I let a personal expression get loose. I hope nobody read it and took offense.

When we say “dumb lumps”, we mean it in a sort of affectionate way. Like you said, compassionate. It’s not any lack of mental effort or ability, it’s the dullness of their experience compared to the brilliance of ours that we’re talking about.

* * * *

My candle burns at both ends; It will not last the night;
But, ah, my foes, and, oh, my friends - it gives a lovely light.

[ Edna Saint Vincent Millay ]

* * * *

We consciously think of dumb in the original sense, too, as meaning not able to speak, because they sure can’t. Not to what we see, anyway.

Which is just another thing to take into account when they’re being mean, I guess. If the mental image helps you smile, then I’m glad I said it. We use it the same way.

But they sure do trample our geraniums sometimes, don’t they?

Stabile, you are a joy to read. :)
MRB, Thank you :)

More on sensitivity. I find myself helping people left and right.
My ex-husband, now is fearful to leave his home by himself. I'm taking it upon my self to take him to small social things like a baseball game and to the muscium. He left me almost 5 years ago but he has terrible depression and mental issues. He's legally disabled (he also has diabetes, and ADD also but that's a bonus :D ) I'm his only friend. (He calls about 10 times a year) We don't want to get back together but I feel so bad for him and want to help... am I nuts??

This has gotten me in trouble so many times. My last one was accepting my roommates offer for the kids and I moving in with him (I was evicted and had no place to go). Now 4 years later, I can't get away from him. He was grown so dependant on me and he's also depressed and huge. But I keep hesitating to move because he makes me feel so needed. See what I mean?

Nuts? I don’t think so.

Kay used to bug me about helping friends, going out of my way to do things that we both knew would never be repaid.

Actually, being repaid would be gravy. We both knew they would turn their backs on us as soon as they got what they wanted, which they always did.

I used to struggle to explain that I wasn’t nuts, that I wouldn’t do something for nothing. Since she knew that, there must be some quid pro quo even if it looked like I was being taken advantage of,

*and even though part of the reason they turned their backs was their own embarrassment at seeing themselves that way.*

What I got out of it was an intangible personal enrichment: I enjoyed what I was doing, I could take the person I was helping out there into thirteen space with me and show them what we ADDers can see and do, I got to see how they reacted to it, and like that.

It was a consciously selfless act, helping someone with no chance of my motives being questioned, by me or anyone else, and learning something about them and myself to boot.

As far as I was concerned it was all even in the end, but of course it still stings.

It always seemed strange to me that Kay didn’t get it, because she’s a nurse who worked for years in geriatrics and now is a director of a long term care facility for ‘kids’ with severe mental handicaps.

Those jobs are as unforgiving as any; you only do them if you don’t expect any reward other than feeling good about yourself, and maybe learning something about yourself and others, too.

We ADDers have a funny double standard that sneaks into every aspect of our life. We would never hold others to our own personal standards; it doesn’t seem fair, because we can’t speak for them in matters of personal choice.

This is the thing that prompts Kay to say, “We’re most dangerous when we think it’s OK to beat ourselves up,”

because that’s what it ends up looking like, a sense that we expect so much from ourselves that we’ll never measure up, which can become a constant self-critical internal dialog. All those friends I helped were also fleeing from their perception that they could never live up to my personal standards, even though I never meant them to apply to others.

Once Kay was diagnosed and we were both on meds (and after she got through thrashing out all the pent-up emotional debris that accumulates when ADD is buried under a deep veil), she began to understand why I had acted the way I did. Kay would never have expected me to hold to her standard of selfless behavior, and was protective in the way that we all are when we’re made vulnerable by love.

She couldn’t bear to think of me being taken advantage of, and hurt by the subsequent rejection. I wasn’t, not in the way she thought, but she just thought I was being some sort of Pollyanna.

(Of course, even though the sting is different, it takes its toll eventually.)

We also developed verbal models for the intangible stuff that is really where we find the rewards for those acts. That was difficult in it’s own right, but it set her free to move from geriatrics to take responsibility for people in a much more difficult situation, emotionally speaking.

There is no such thing as ‘maintaining a clinical distance’ in working with people that are profoundly retarded and not able to care for themselves in most ways. Everybody is committed to the residents; everyone forms personal attachments that bring a whole new range of human emotional responses into the employee-employer relationship.

If the place wasn’t run entirely by women, it wouldn’t work at all. As it is, it’s a leap into a deep emotional pool that takes a particular kind of person to make. Most of the employees are mothers, and the residents are all kids, even when they get to be fifty or sixty years old. So it’s just hard.

And a lot of the people that work there have flaming ADD, some diagnosed and some not. Kay and the other directors make it an ADD friendly place to work; her people can flame on and get by with it.

So, no, we don’t think you’re nuts in any way. Who would you choose to help, if not the people whose paths in life happen to cross yours? There is a kind of folly that we fall prey to, an idea that we should pick and choose where we make our contribution, but I think it’s totally misplaced.

The point is to be the kind of person that makes a difference, and to live your life making a difference. Where you make it is immaterial; the opportunities come to us, and we take them. We don’t define it; it defines us.

Which is pretty much what you described. From that perspective, it sounds like you’re doing just fine. But maybe you don’t have anyone to share that idea with, just like Kay and me not exactly understanding why we did what we did, and if so, that’s why we’re here.

You’re in good company. We think someday we’re going to be the norm.

(BTW, what did you mean he’s huge? What does that have to do with it?)

Oh sorry, My roommate is 650lbs... hard to move around when he's hurting, hard to hug when he's down... I'm big so I wasn't downing on fat... sorry. :(

I like what you said that we should be true to who we are and not by how others treat you (That's how I took your message).
The good news I don't feel hurt that often for the joy of doing things is a high for me... sometimes.

I did have a negative experience today though. I'm a senior CAD technician, but I also do little things around the office. I bring in cookies once a week, I order lunch for the Office lunch every Friday, and I order cakes from a local baker on people's birthdays.
Sunday is my birthday so we typically get a cake on Friday nearest the B-day. But this week we chose Thursday since two people are on vacation Friday. It just so happens my boss has her birthday on Monday so we usually get a cake we both like to share. However she told me that she already has a cake at home so didn't want one for the office. She said to me to order a cake for myself. Which I did. But normally she picks up the cake (or her boyfriend the engineer) since they don't take the card we have for the office. But neither she nor the engineer got it. So I have to go buy it with my own money and bring it home. The fact no one in my office would go get it, stung me alittle.

Nope, my bad. I thought you were hinting that you were afraid. There's so much of that kind of thing around that I expect it, and so occasionally I get it all wrong. Sorry. No offense meant at all.

I guess you understand what Kay’s doing, then.

I'm not sure we know a way to not be true to ourselves. You already do that pretty well, anyway.

The deeper message is to not think badly of yourself when you're doing something selfless, just because it might not make sense to others.

Let's face it, being sensitive is traditionally a sign of weakness. I refuse to cop to that, though. It's taken more resolve to be myself and persevere, and that’s pretty much the lot of every ADDer. But we sure don’t know how to quit, do we?

Kassie,

Do you think there might be a reason for this need to take care of people? I just reread this entire thread and it seems to me that what you are describing is not so much sensitivity as a need to be accepted. Going out of your way to help others gives you the feeling that you are needed. So you seek out people who need your help. When it goes wrong, like with the cake situation, you feel rejected. It’s doubly frustrating because you are seeking validation and what you get is rejection.

Remember a few months ago when we had a disagreement in one of these threads? To me it seemed like a normal disagreement that two friends might have. To my surprise you interpreted it differently. You sent me a PM asking me if I was angry with you. What surprised me about that was not so much that you might be offended by something I wrote, but that you would care. I am a stranger to you. If we saw each other on the street we would not recognize each other. So why does it matter to you that I might be angry with you? Why do you need validation from a stranger? Why would you care if a stranger didn’t like you? What is behind this need to be liked by everybody?

In the end who’s to tell you that your feelings are wrong? They may be irrational or illogical but that doesn’t make them wrong. Just try to recognize what is happening. Then maybe you won’t feel rejected when another cake incident happens.


…Or maybe I should just stop the armchair psychiatry. It just ends up annoying people. But I do mean well.

I have been reading the thread and I do not want to turn it into my own, but Pen you hit me right on the head. That is my personality to a tee. I am much better about that now, but I still seek my self worth a lot of the time from how others view me. Not from within.

I do think though that I do help out others just because I want to.
With you Kassie maybe it is like me and a combination of the two. I think that you helping your ex is extremly nice. Also I do beleive there are people out there who are good at and like to help others.

What a great thread! Keppig really hit on something here, and I hear my own thoughts when I read E-Boy saying "keeping the dark side of my sensitivity in check" and Stabile saying "ADDers develop veils, a way of hiding ourselves partially or completely from others". Really great stuff!

I think I've always been sensitive and intuitive about other people's feelings and thoughts, and it wasn't a matter of choosing to be that way, I just was. I would instinctively know the state of mind and heart of a person, kind of how itschaotic does with animals.

I've always believed that it was a gift, but there is a dark side. It can leave you quite exposed. I found myself in the unfortunate position of having removed a veil in an attempt to inspire trust in another person, but found myself standing there alone and quite revealed. I felt very awkward and wanted to crawl back into my shell, but there was no place to go and nobody to turn to (that's where Kay is such a blessing to you, Stabile). I lashed out in anger, mostly for my own stupidity, and in the process pushed them away. To make matters worse, this person decided to discuss my precarious predicament with other people, people that I knew as well.

I don't regret having opened myself, but it is unfortunate the way this 'gift' can lead to so much trouble.

Pen, I do have what you mentioned. I do "value" what others think of me. I think I've said many times, that I like to be useful.
Maybe its because I'm not appriciated for who I am but by only what I do. I value myself but no one else has, in my life, but of course, online. I have spoken before about love languages. Mine is words of affermation. Unfortunately, its tough to get that.
And I'm not one to go "looking" for it. I need the words to be sincere for them to be felt. Unfortuantely, online words can sometimes feel unsincere.

As for my sensitivity. These examples are only the tip of the iceberg. I'm sensitive to emotions, the weather, to animals, I sense them. As well as the ability to pick of images from some people's minds. My sight, sense of smell, and touch are also very sensitive. Chemicals bother my skin so I have to be careful plus I have allergies. All that my doctor told me were trates of sensitivity. He also told me that ADHD has a large amount of sensitive people. For some the sensitivity adds to their distraction.

I am mostly speaking about my emotional sensitivity to others in this tread though :) Hows that for info!
Hey Jeff? Could you explain more on what happened to you? It sounds like you opened up to a partner and that partner shared the info with your friends... am I close? ... just trying to help :D

Originally posted by Keppig
Hey Jeff? Could you explain more on what happened to you? It sounds like you opened up to a partner and that partner shared the info with your friends... am I close? ... just trying to help :D

Hey Kassie. It was something like that, yes. I opened up, but she did not. I mistakenly thought she was deliberately holding back to gain the upper hand (and maybe she was, but I can't prove it) and then I let her know that I was irritated by this and became somewhat angry.

At that point, it probably would have been wise for her to back off and give me time to cool down, but a battle ensued and words were said.

We both walked away from the situation wounded and angry. She then decided to divulge what I have shared in privacy with other people who also knew me, putting me in an embarrassing situation. I could hurt her in the same way, if I wanted to, but I stepped back and took hold of the situation. I was not going to stoop to her level and that was it. The damage was already done.

And that's one of the things I wrestle with most. Should I open the can of whip-*** on her or is it better just to let it go. The later might be perceived as being a wimp or cowardly, but I think it takes more strength sometimes to walk away.

Anyway, that's the situation. I've resigned myself to be more careful in the future about what and to whom I say to people. I would like to repair the relationship, but I'm not sure how to forgive her or even if I can.

Wow...awesome thread, folks.

I can relate to much of what has been said here. As a child and adolescent, I would often share things with other about how I was feeling, etc...and had it thrown back in my face, or worse, brushed off as inconsequential. I've spent much of my life layering defensive boundaries around my emotions, in a foolish attempt to protect myself.

In addition, while I find that I really enjoy helping others, and it helps me channel negative emotions & energy to a positive goal, perhaps a part of me also does this as a means of being accepted too. I guess I need to add this to the list of things to talk to doc about as well...lol

We both walked away from the situation wounded and angry...I would like to repair the relationship, but I'm not sure how to forgive her or even if I can.

Just thought I'd mention that we managed to forgive and forget. It feels great to loose the extra angry baggage I was hauling around.

That's terrific, Jeff! :)

I am so sensitive. I've heard it from other people all my life. I feel other's pain & find myself being able to see people's expressions & behaviors & identify them quicker then others in a group.

& emotional*oh geez* I would cry at the drop of a hat bfore taking Lexapro. But Ritalin seems to really level out my emotions so that Im not ranting one minute & then sobbing the next. Im not really on that wild rollercoaster ride anymore.
What a relief, bcause now I don't feel as vulnerable*Im not wearing my emotions on my sleeve*I can actually have my private world like everyone else too. sigh.

Im convinced that since I didn't have the most common signs of ADD (disorganization, hyperactivity..) the proper diagnosis was never given. I have been told I had Agorophobia*never agreed with that* SAD*Yes I did agree to that diagnosis, but the Add went undetected for 5 more years.

I wasn't tested till it really reared it's head during a very stressful time in my life. My hubby & therapist decided that I should be evaluated by a psychtrst & sure enough I not only had some Add symptoms*I had ADD.

I wish the MH community would make it more clear how many different types of Add there are. I found Dr Amen's categories very helpful. If I would have found that chart bfore I wonder if I would have been tested years ago & would have had a better quality of life then I do now. Oh well better late then never...There is no doubt.

Good for you, Sbelle. It's never too late.