View Full Version : Borderline and ADHD


RestlessAbbey
10-12-09, 05:47 PM
I am new here and I am wondering if there is anyone else here that has a similar diagnosis, feels they have something similar, or have yet to be diagnosed but feel they meet much of the criteria?

I'd really like to find others like me that have both BPD and ADHD and share experiences and what medications and therapy you have helpful for you?

sarey
10-12-09, 06:02 PM
I have a mixture of things, including ADHD & very possibly Borderline.

Anorexia/Bulimia(more so Anorexia purging/restricting type), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder,, Emotional Dysregulation, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Receptive Language Difficulties, Self Harm, Severe And Complex Emotional Needs, Possibly Separation Anxiety Disorder.

It's possible that I have Borderline & Dependent PD. Under 18 so can't be diagnosed but I meet the full criteria.

Nice to meet ya. =)

RestlessAbbey
10-12-09, 06:14 PM
Ok so I figured Id post the post I posted above then this post here, ok that sounded weird but yeah.
I am currently seeing a therapist and have been seeing this therapist since June. She is part of a DBT program but I have not started the actual program yet but I plan on starting the DBT next month, I admit I am nervous about it.
I am currently taking Wellbutrin and Topamax, I am still working on finding the right dose of Topamax for myself and I am not taking anything for the ADHD.

Now I will post a looooooong post about just some of the borderline stuff.

I was recently diagnosed w/BPD, even though I self diagnosed myself over a year ago.
I have seen at least 7 psychiatrist in my lifetime and it took the 7th to finally see that I have BPD. I am sure it would’ve been more if my mother wasn’t so against "western medicine" and when I was older I never got any real relief so I just felt like doctors couldn’t help me anyway, and I just gave up for a long time.

The only classic symptoms I do not have are that I do not cut myself or really self injure, the closest thing I can relate to is that I bite the inside of my mouth as in I cut into the skin and it bleeds and even (though occasionally) gets infected but it doesn’t stop me, but I do it w/o thinking and it's more like a habit it's not like I do it at certain times of stress, I do it w/o even thinking. But the descriptions of self-injury just doesnt seem to fit what I do, I feel the rush of relief that others feel when they do it, it's not a calming feeling or anything, I wish it was honestly ugh.
I've done it so long it's just something I do, it's more OCDish/impulsive.

I have never attempted suicide, though I have had ideations of suicide. Even that is so hard to admit and I downplay the feelings and ideas I have. The feelings of being wasted space and thinking that you and everyone else would be happier if you weren’t here, tired of being a burden on everyone, because you cant be what you know you should be and what everyone says you need to be. Tired of not knowing what just being a normal/happy person is like. If this is all there is really, what is the point? But I have my son and I will not ever do that to him, but it's still hard. He deserves a better mom and I worry about how he is and will suffer because he has ME as a mom.

I have tried drugs and alcohol but the true addictions never manifested, My addictions take place more in relationships, people, money, food, though some of these things certainly did involve alcohol. And then insert risky behavior w/all of those things and I certainly could have lost my life in some of these occasions. Later when I came to my "senses" I can't believe I did these things! So enters the shame and guilt and anger and I have an extremely difficult if not impossible time forgiving myself. Most of these things no one knows I’ve done and if they did Id hate to think what they'd do.

It sucks to have these urges or impulses control your life instead of you controling your own life. I have had brief moments via medication (long story) of what it felt like to have control over my life, and the opposite is like being a puppet, I try so hard but it is draining, mentally, emotionally, physically and I just dont have it w/in me and I hate how that sounds.

And well The rest of the criteria I certainly fit quite nicely in that perfect BPD box (insert sarcasm). I realize it is a very misunderstood mood disorder and it can cruise easily under the radar and disguise itself and roam in and out of other issues, because when you have BPD you also have things like depression and anxiety and constant mood disregulation and your life is total chaos.

Clear as mud right?

All the while children and adults are suffering.
It is so hard to feel like you know something to core of your being, or at least know that something is deeply wrong and have doctors tell you, "no" or that it's not that bad or they don't know or that your just depressed and whatever, it only makes what your going through worse.
So then you just think then maybe it really is just "you" and you are this horrible person and you are worthless and "crazy".

Oh and this isn't even that half of it, ok it's a lot of it, but there's still stuff I left out. =) lol

Thanks for reading.

RestlessAbbey
10-13-09, 03:35 PM
I have a mixture of things, including ADHD & very possibly Borderline.

Anorexia/Bulimia(more so Anorexia purging/restricting type), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder,, Emotional Dysregulation, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Receptive Language Difficulties, Self Harm, Severe And Complex Emotional Needs, Possibly Separation Anxiety Disorder.

It's possible that I have Borderline & Dependent PD. Under 18 so can't be diagnosed but I meet the full criteria.

Nice to meet ya. =)

Hi! Thanks for responding!
I am new here and the forum is so overwhelming, Im not really good at forums to be honest, I get lost and then I get bored lol must be the ADD? haha

Anyway, while you are "too young" to be officially dx w/bpd, which for many is ironic because by the time you are a teenager the signs really are all there and often really "set".
At least for me they were (I am 32 btw)!
And I am sure they are for you too!

I do understand why they cant, because they say that that's when a person's personality is developing.
But I think for many of us a pattern is usually really developing and if someone is seeing a psych and therapist on a continual basis and things are being tracked by them as well as proactive parents (if possible) then the BPD can be dx prior to 18 or at least treated in some capacity.

I guess it's just a technicality, since you have been dx w/so many other things. Which is good as oppose to still having these things and not being treated at all.

I guess it's also how aggressive a child's symptoms are and what their family dynamics are like. Children that don't have "dramatic" symptoms can go under the radar and people will just say, "oh she's just depressed because of ..." or "it's just hormones, she'll get over it" and/or if the parents also have issues they are too wrapped up in their own stuff they probably aren't going to seek out help for the child.

From all the individual DX's you have, in my personal opinion it sounds like you do have BPD, something you already know Im sure.

I remember two summers ago I went to a university psych hospital and I saw a psych intern and I told them that I thought I had BPD and the psych was like, "oh you cant have bpd because if you did you would NOT think you have it, BPD would never think believe they have anything wrong w/them!"

So Im like wait, because I am enlightened enough to admit to myself that I have a problem and something is deeply wrong w/way of thinking I can not have this disorder? WTH?

So like a dummie I did not push the issue. I shouldve sought another opinion but because of my insurance I didnt know I had another option, till a year later.

Instead they were like well you have a hodge podge of issues. You probably have some sort of abandonment disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, maybe Dependant Personality Disorder, GAD, Depression, we arent sure because you don't quite meet all the criteria. All I can say is what a bunch of bullcrap. It's frustrating when you know deep in your soul you know it's something more, something is deeply wrong, and the dr's just act like your stupid and dont take you seriously.

Ok Im going to stop there, I keep typing and typing. I have this thing of wanting to "tell a story" and going on and on, apparently that's also part of a being a borderline lol.

I noticed there's some private forums here, Im really hungry to talk to others similar to me, as I really have NO one to talk to that understands.
I see a therapist once a month for 50 minutes and well 50minutes doesnt even make a dent! Im going to start DBT in a month and Im so nervous and Im not that hopeful really ugh. Oh there I go again, sorry about that, Ill shut up now. :)

RestlessAbbey
10-13-09, 03:50 PM
I have a mixture of things, including ADHD & very possibly Borderline.

Anorexia/Bulimia(more so Anorexia purging/restricting type), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder,, Emotional Dysregulation, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Receptive Language Difficulties, Self Harm, Severe And Complex Emotional Needs, Possibly Separation Anxiety Disorder.

It's possible that I have Borderline & Dependent PD. Under 18 so can't be diagnosed but I meet the full criteria.

Nice to meet ya. =)

I also wanted to ask you about some of your dx's,
what are Receptive Language Difficulties, and if you can or want to can you elaborate on the severe and complex emotional needs?

Of course only share what you feel comfortable sharing, I hope this doesnt make you feel under any pressure or weird.
I am just honestly interested. There's still so much I do not know!

thebeefs
10-15-09, 01:43 PM
hello! I am new here as well! :)

From your posts, I feel as though we may be fairly similar. I have the ADHD diagnosis, (also depression and anxiety, although I feel those stem from the ADHD). I have also met diagnostic criteria for bulimia and anorexia in the past, and in between it's always been more of an ED-NOS thing.

I have not been officially diagnosed with borderline, however I do exhibit many of the symptoms. Personality disorders are hugely "shades of grey" type things though. It's at what point does it turn from just "personality" into a disorder.

Anyway, I was wondering what medications you have been on, or if you have self-medicated with anything (drugs, alcohol, excessive caffeine..) in the past?

For me, being on an anti depressant (currently cymbalta, about to switch to pristiq), and an effective dose of adderall, dexedrine, etc. has been amazing. It makes me feel NORMAL. As far as the borderline sx go, these drugs (mainly the stimulants) lessen my intense fear of abandonment and rejection, and help me to act more responsibly and healthfully in relationships. It takes that really anxious/scared edge off everything and I'm more in control of my emotions and therefore actions, if that makes sense.

Ethereal
10-15-09, 02:30 PM
I'm suffering from both ADD and BPD- I wasn't diagnosed with BPD until a few months ago, as the symptoms didn't become really obvious until six-seven months ago. I'm going to start DBT group therapy soon, in addition to individual therapy, and I hope to get better.

I'm not an expert on BPD yet, but I've been reading a lot about it- I recommend the book "Sometimes I act crazy", it has helped me understand myself and my behaviour more, and also given me advice on how to cope with this disorder.

One more thing: It seems like a lot of people with BPD are prescribed anti-psychotic medication to help relieve symptoms- and it might help, but as you have ADD too, you might want to avoid those meds, as they have a negative effect on the Dopamine levels in the brain, and people with ADD already have a Dopamine deficiency. A lot of anti-psychotics have other quite nasty side effects too, like extreme tiredness, problems with blood sugar levels etc- a woman on a BPD board told me that she had developed diabetes from taking anti-psychotics. I'm not trying to play doctor and give medical advice, I just wanted you to be aware of these issues if your physician or psychiatrist wants to prescribe such meds. Not all medical professionals are aware of the Dopamine issue, I've had to educate more than one on the subject.

RestlessAbbey
10-17-09, 12:47 AM
Ok Ladies sorry about this, Ive read your posts several times.
I actually spent all of Thursday afternoon typing and re-typing a response to both of your posts. Yeah, I know that is so bad!! Ugh.
But like I said previous I want to write "books" instead of consisely (forgive my grammar, usually Im extremely anal and will go back and correct but I wont this time).
I just cant seem to get out what I want to say about all of this stuff right now.

But I wanted yall to know I am "here" and read what yall had to say.
Im just not sure how I should respond. I just tend to go on and on and on. I can't seem to focus and just get to the point ugh.

As far as meds I havent really found the right ones for me. It's been a mess, a journey, a frustration, misery, a why bother, blah blah blah, bleh.
I was actually hoping to get ideas from yall! lol

I have been on an antipsychotic, Geodon and overall it was BAD, not for me at all. It actually made me psychotic, like it made me extremely paranoid to go downstairs in my own house at night. I stopped having a period, I couldnt sleep next to my bf, because his "vibe" was too much, yeah just weird and my "magical thoughts" like "psychic" ideas just got weird. Not to mention 0 sex drive or "sensation" it was horrible and I was still "cycling" which wasnt even my cycling. Oh and a few times I felt like I was "high" on pot and not in a good way.
The withdrawl was horrible, that was the closest I really did feel like I wanted to die, just put me in a coma. But Im better now at least off of that crap, never ever again.
But hey it works for some people

Oh all this crap w/a misdiagnosis of bipolar! So I got a new psych, of course. She told me that I was NOT bipolar, thank God and that I was BPD, she said dr's overdx bipolar.

So umm yeah.

Oh geez even that was too much.

ADDMagnet
10-17-09, 09:41 PM
Hi Restless Abby,
I have ADHD but I do not have BPD. However, my husband, adult daughter and 18 yr. old son all have BPD and ADHD. My neighbor's daughter has both as well--she's 22--and I have two friends with both disorders, one of whom also has bipolar disorder. And my sister who has suffered from depression for almost 20 years, was finally diagnosed with BPD this year (a year ago she got her ADHD diagnosis). I know a few others as well so I'm quite familiar with the combination.

There was a study done in Italy in 2002 that found more than 50% of the BPD patients in their study met the criteria for having ADHD from childhood. Our doctor treats a lot of patients with BPD and he has seen a similar rate in all of his patients.

Sadly, BPD is frequently misdiagnosed and misunderstood by many, including some doctors and therapists. There is a lot of misinformation out there but I have found some that are generally helpful and informative (although there are many different approaches and theories). I would recommend the following: www.neabpd.org (http://www.neabpd.org), www.biologicalunhappiness.com (http://www.biologicalunhappiness.com), www.bpdresources.net (http://www.bpdresources.net), and www.borderlinepersonalitydisordertoday.com (http://www.borderlinepersonalitydisordertoday.com)

I've read more than a dozen books on BPD and the ones that I found most helpful for those suffering from the disorder are: "Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified" by Dr. Robert Friedal (his sister had the disorder and he treats patients with BPD), "Life at the Border" and "Biological Unhappiness" both by Dr. Leland Heller (this is our doctor and he's phenomenal--he has the website of the same name listed above). The book "Life at the Border" was put on the NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health) recommended reading list.

I could talk nonstop about BPD and ADHD (just ask my kids as they roll their eyes and say, "don't get her started") as I am quite passionate about awareness, proper diagnosis and treatment. Thanks in part to the NEABPD (National Education Alliance for BPD), Congress passed a resolution declaring May to be Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness Month.

Anyways, I just wanted to introduce myself and wish you well.

ADDMagnet

Infinity
10-20-09, 09:11 PM
I remember two summers ago I went to a university psych hospital and I saw a psych intern and I told them that I thought I had BPD and the psych was like, "oh you cant have bpd because if you did you would NOT think you have it, BPD would never think believe they have anything wrong w/them!"


:)


Hi Abbey,


I belive this falls under the attitude of blaming another for ones problems rather than see its ones self that may be the cause or at least contribute to a situation. I belive that falls under being a narcissit.

This is also said to be true of those who have ADHD.
This in no way relates to ADHD being diagnosised in mostly men.... none what so ever...:p:cool:



There are so many lists of criteria and supposedly you need to have at least five of the nine criteria to be diagnoisied.

I don't see the major red flags that say you have BPD from what you have posted about yourself.

ADDmagnet has already linked you and pointed out that BPD is frequently missdiagnoised in women especially, with ADHD. Its not expected of looked for .

ADHD symptoms appeare around age seven to nine in females and it ramps up in puberty.

In puberty is when BPD is frequently seen or diagnoised .



ADHD has mostly been a male diagnosis not a female one .
Intresting....
Men are rarely diagnosised with BPD usually 25% women & 75%

Fear of abandonment which results in exteeme acting out like suididal attempts .

feelings of emptyness and not knowing who you are.
more importantly .


letting .."OTHERS" dictate who you are what you should do. Not haveing a good sense of you life direction .values etc ,and not appreciating those you do know about yourself. valueing "others opinions nad values more . And when people leave your life , a major part of who you thought was you is gone . Thats because you become for others rather than for what you want to be . Also known as being Co dependant.



There is the abuse factor that has been attributed to BPD which is PSTD like symptoms. of parnaoia and dissociation. I belive that comes with possibly not knowing you have been abused or repression of abuse.

There is the idealizing of a relationship and the devaluing of one that is focuses on alot .commonly called splitting. Apparantly if you can't hold the two together .its called the latter.

I find when marrigaes and relationships end you see this sort of thing happen quiet frequently.All the good things about the spouse are suddenly gone. Its a way of separtating which needs to be done ,

If this is done early on in a new relatinship and through out because of misstrust. This back and forth positioning, it becomes problematic in a relationship .

one or the other ends up abandoning each other because of it.

If you are not aware of abuse when its happening you can get in and stay in a devaluing relationship and not leave it even if its tearing you down. The signs are suttle . Most don't pay attention to them and focus on the wonderful parts almost idealize the person .

Look at abused women .

Look at alot of women who are in realtionships with men and they are devalued .

The suttle joking and placing the woman in the feeding sexing cleaning roles.

It takes alot of work to find a man who doesn't .


Self injury as a way of feeling feelings or avoiding feelings. they name cutting and bulimia .

why just these two who knows . Bulimia is just a creative but highly addictive way to control food intake .

any activinty done in access and out of control is injurious.

smoking to me is the number one self injury done repeditly through out the day . But its takes a back seat ot eating disorders .
I find that so odd.

I guess the inhaling and the exhaling just doesn't have enough of the "purging: Umph they are looking for.:rolleyes: not dissocitaive enough for the Docs.

Hey Abbey , get to know who you are, what you like and belive in, and love who you are and learn how not to let others abuse you .

you' ll be fine
I do hope you get some help for the ADHD as in meds .

topomax and wellbutrin will help with depression and food realted issues. They used it for smoking sessation many years ago. It may help with the ADHD too:)

Infinity~

RestlessAbbey
10-21-09, 02:51 AM
Hi Abbey,

I don't see the major red flags that say you have BPD from what you have posted about yourself.




I was not posting the criteria of BPD that I DID have I was posting the major criteria for BPD that I did NOT have. The criteria everyone speaks so loudly about the most. I guess I feel neglected and defensive, fallen through the cracks because Im not on the more extreme side of the spectrum. The story of my life. Im not trying to be all "poor me", Im just tired.

When I was doing research after my mother's death, and I stumbled upon BPD, I knew right away it fit my mother to a T except for the drug and alcohol addiction and the cutting and she "only" attempted suicide once when I was child, I think she figured it wasnt such a "fun" (sarcasm) way to get my dad's attention.
I do believe in my heart of hearts that my mother displayed the classic traits of a borderline.

No one would wish to be BPD.

I have read this link http://www.palace.net/llama/psych/bpd.html and of course the DSM which it lists and some of the links that ADDMagnet listed. I am not an expert on BPD by any means. I just know that when I read it the core of it orgins and it was like "home" for me and honestly that is truly sad and yet somehow comforting, that there's a "reason."

I think the biggest signs/symptoms that ring true for me are the major extreme fear of abanonment real or imagined, the chaotic/extreme relationships, the black and white thinking, the impulsive behavior, unstable self image, chronic feeling of emptiness, the affective instability of my mood.

I know it's like Im just repeating the DSM but Im just too tired to get into it all, my brain hurts.

The easiest to give examples of would be the "reactivity"
Let's say if my relationship say w/my bf is great then I am feeling good but if we get in a disagreement then my mood pluments majorly,it's as if I have no control and no emotional skin for protection.

It could be he gets upset w/me because he doesn't understand my quirks, how my brain works, it frustrates him so he gets upset w/me, so right away my brain jumps to, "what if this time this is the last straw, what if this is the time he is going to leave me?!?!!" Even though we've been through SO much, we've been together nearly four years (this is the longest relationship Ive ever had, and believe me Ive done "my best" to ruin it at times, I still cant believe he loves me, w/all this stuff), he has sworn many times this will not be the case, and he's proven himself, not only his love for me but his love for my son. Somehow I cant retain that, I only think about this moment in time, my fear of him leaving him and even of my survival w/o him.

Or say we go out to eat and the MEAL goes bad, I don't like my food or the restaurant, my entire evening is ruined and no one understands and my bf gets upset w/me and then I feel even worse.

My afternoon or whatever can just crumble over stupid stuff, I use to be more oblivious to it, but now I know so that helps but sometimes even though I know it, I still cant help it, because I am just too far gone, and that is so frustrating. It's like I know it's stupid but I dont give a rats *** I deserve to be pi$$ed, sad, or whatever.

The same can go for a good emotion, I can hang my "happy emotion" on such a small thing and if that doesnt go as planned and things change, I just hear sound effects from whylie coyote my mood again plummets.

Sucky *** rollercoaster, but *I* MYSELF am working on it and the Topamax is helping to smooth it out a little bit. It's not the answer as far as meds, I have no idea what is, hopefully Ill be patient for that lol.

Anyway those are just examples of the "reactive moods".

Which I think probably are the most "obvious" symptom that people *might* notice, but certainly not the only life altering symptom. They are "eye raising" and like "wtf is her problem!" type behaviors probably lol.

There are reasons for both my deep abandonment issues as well as my mothers. I think my mother was always searching for validation, her father figure, my dad is/was 18 years older than her, and the childhood she felt she deserved but didnt get.

Well Ive had a long/hard day annnnnd Ive got an 8:15am psych appt, and Im totally not a "morning person" to put it mildly, but beggars cant be choosers.

Infinity
10-21-09, 08:44 PM
I was not posting the criteria of BPD that I DID have I was posting the major criteria for BPD that I did NOT have. The criteria everyone speaks so loudly about the most.



I know ... thats why I said I didn't see any major red flags...:)


I guess we can agree to agree. ..LOL!


I guess I feel neglected and defensive, fallen through the cracks because Im not on the more extreme side of the spectrum. The story of my life. Im not trying to be all "poor me", Im just tired.


I didn't realize you wanted the diagnsis for BPD and you have felt in validated and maybe not getting the help you need.

BPD has a very negative following for a diagnosis . I was trying to be protective for you .



I think the biggest signs/symptoms that ring true for me are the major extreme fear of abanonment real or imagined, the chaotic/extreme relationships, the black and white thinking, the impulsive behavior, unstable self image, chronic feeling of emptiness, the affective instability of my mood.

I know it's like Im just repeating the DSM but Im just too tired to get into it all, my brain hurts.


I'm sorry you felt the need to defend your diagnosis. I wish this could have been prevented.
I hope this helps you feel better.


It could be he gets upset w/me because he doesn't understand my quirks, how my brain works, it frustrates him so he gets upset w/me, so right away my brain jumps to, "what if this time this is the last straw, what if this is the time he is going to leave me?!?!!" Even though we've been through SO much, we've been together nearly four years (this is the longest relationship Ive ever had, and believe me Ive done "my best" to ruin it at times, I still cant believe he loves me, w/all this stuff), he has sworn many times this will not be the case, and he's proven himself, not only his love for me but his love for my son. Somehow I cant retain that, I only think about this moment in time, my fear of him leaving him and even of my survival w/o him.



This sounds like a response to being abused by someone when you were a child and were percieved as missbehaving . Parents can punsih with leaving or just cruel punishemnt is a form of abandonment for not doing the right thing.

I had a father who left one week each month to go travel to another state . He was a salesman. He also drank and he was always fighting with my mother and threatened to "LEAVE " as he was packing his bags.
This was a common event . Imagine a young child watching from behind the door .
And waiting each night hoping and praying her father would come home.

what a fearful, walking on egshells way to live day in and day out.

.

I 'll bet abandnment through reprimand can happen to many with ADHD durring childhood by a parent who is not aware of the disorder and "Blames the child"

I want to say don't be so hard on yourself . Sometimes we are not as bad as we see ourselves . If someone tells us we are ugly we belive it till one day we take a look and go

oh wow . Im not as ugly as they said I was. so to with our behaviors . Unless you get a boy friend who capitalizes on your vunerabilites and balmes you for the relationship problems.

I think your in good company with the struggles some of us have here on this forum . Putting up with our lives is not much fun . I don't want to bring anyone into it So with that attitude its not difficvult to "belive another may not be able to handel our distractions or emotions.

I have lived on my own since I was 18 I have no fear of survivng alone .

But when a relationship ends its painful and its a loss . Those emotions I don't like to repeate too often.



Or say we go out to eat and the MEAL goes bad, I don't like my food or the restaurant, my entire evening is ruined and no one understands and my bf gets upset w/me and then I feel even worse.


I was listening to one of Eckart Tolles tapes and he gives an example of the maifestaion of the ego .

He says if ones food is cold for example . Its absolutely fine to go go and tell them "The food is cold could you please heat it up for me?"

Its quite another to run back into the kitchen and stare down the cook and say

"What kind of place are you running here? Do you always serve your food cold? Do you realize how this has inconveinced me and my family . I should report you to the better buisness bureau!!!!! and the Board of health while Im at it . And THEN , im going to make up flyers about how neglectful and mindless your establishment is and staples them to alll the telephone poles in town and ..
MAybe the next one .
And Il start up a WEB site and hopefully warn others about you! "


LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thats not on the tape....:p




My afternoon or whatever can just crumble over stupid stuff, I use to be more oblivious to it, but now I know so that helps but sometimes even though I know it, I still cant help it, because I am just too far gone, and that is so frustrating. It's like I know it's stupid but I dont give a rats *** I deserve to be pi$$ed, sad, or whatever.



You deserve to be ****ed at yourself for being too far gone?

Well if you insist. I want to dissagree if you don't mind.




Which I think probably are the most "obvious" symptom that people *might* notice, but certainly not the only life altering symptom. They are "eye raising" and like "wtf is her problem!" type behaviors probably lol.


Don't you feel frustrated when you see negative behaviors raise thier head ? And why is it that they do just when you want to put a halt to them ?

becareful what you wish for .. :rolleyes:

As soon as I want to stop a behavior .. it will be presented over and over till I get sick and tired of it.

You sound sick and tired ..

Me too with certain areas of my life.

Huge Hug..

Infinity~

mop-challenged
11-11-09, 12:46 AM
Hi RestlessAbbey,
I just read snippets of the posts above, but I too have BPD and ADHD - or is it ADHD and BPD? It changes, I guess. Just wanted to give you an answer about the meds question: I have now started Celexa (citalopram) for the BPD (since about 6 weeks) and I take Dexedrine for the ADHD since I can't tolerate the rollercoaster effects of Methylphenidate hydrochloride in any form. So, is this combo working? Well....I'm not sure yet. The Celexa usually takes 4 weeks for full "kick-in". Guess it just really started to kick-in. The dexedrine, like the Ritalin stuff, makes me feel like my heart is racing too much sometimes, but boy does it ever help with focussing. It also offsets the lethargy I get with the Celexa. But, ironically, I get insomnia issues with both meds (even individually). I know this because I don't take Dexedrine every day - just on days where I get up and take any opportunity to veer back towards my bed to flop down on it.

My rages and rollercoaster moods are really better with the Celexa. Also, the Mirena IUD which emits levanogesterol? (spelling?) also helped settle down my moods last year.

Just thought I'd share with you what I'm trying. Hope you're having some success with your meds!

nicole09
11-11-09, 02:18 PM
hi, i wanted to jump in and share my story. lol i have met with a therapist for 3-4 years now. she recommended i go see a phsychiatrist and maybe get on meds. i have always had tendencies to lose focus, get upset really quick if i am frustrated. i also have noticed i get into these moods that may last for several days where i dont want to talk to anyone, except that i have worked in call centers for the last 10-12 tyears. so at work i have to foce myself to talk on the phone and be cordial. so once i get home i find i act out towrads my kids and my boyfriend of 13 yrs, off and on. case in point we sat and wathced tv last nioght for about 2 hours and i could force myself to talk to him. i remember yesterday just locking myself in the bathroom for 45 minutes feeling sorry bout myself and crying. but back to my "almost diagnocis". i went to see a phsyc last year and he said lets put you on this and treat you for adhd and see if its that or bp II. i tried the medicine for couple months but my boyfriend noticed when i came down i was even worse than before. so i decided to stop and try it on my own. i broke up with my boyfriend for several months because i figured it was him that was causing me issue, not! while we were broken up i thought i was fine, fooled myself. we are back together and i still have issues. so i made an appt for a new phsch in two weeks. i am not a person who takes medicine, not for sickness or anything for fear of meds having side effect. but going at it alone isn't working for me either. i am very anxiuos to see what will not only help me but what will give me some relief to anxiety and all other isues

mop-challenged
11-11-09, 05:48 PM
Hi Nicole,
It is important that you don't do self-diagnosis with internet information. There are definite criteria that you must meet for diagnosis of ADHD or BPD, or possibly even rapid cycling Bipolar. Read the criteria from the DSM IV for all of these. Be as objective as possible, and ask friends or family about some of your characteristics if you are not sure. Psychiatrists are usually much more experienced than GPs about mental health issues, so hopefully they will make as accurate as possible diagnoses. It is definitely possible to have more than one disorder. While I resisted meds for a long time too, I now regret this. Ruined relationships, getting fired from jobs, and most recently getting expelled from college for "unprofessional" conduct (excessive tardiness, apparent "lack of respect" for teachers, etc.) could have been avoided had I medicated sooner. Also, using dialectical behaviour therapy training manuals is important.

Definitely use the internet to check out side-effects of various meds, and what they are used for. But don't diagnose yourself this way. Leave it to the professionals. Just make sure that you are prepared and objective about your criteria so that the right diagnoses can be made. Good luck!

ADHDKylee
05-16-10, 10:32 PM
I have Borderline... I was once asked by my old psychiatrist if I was going to hurt myself and when I said yes and because I appeared upset (the whole reason I'd said yes was because he had upset me) he went to get some forms and made some calls and sent me to what they call here the Children's Mental Health Inpatient Unit but it's basically just a psych ward for children and adolescents. I was tested there for Bipolar Disorder and Borderline. The doctor I saw there said I met almost all the criteria needed for a diagnosis of Bipolar except one and that he was going to keep me there a little longer to see if it showed up. I suppose it didn't because on my discharge papers it said the official diagnosis was Mood Disorder - NOS. After being discharged I was put into DBT and I started working with a psychologist. She referred me to a new psychiatrist who re-diagnosed my ADHD and diagnosed Borderline. I'm still in DBT which helps and I'm back on medication for ADHD which also helps. But for people that think it's not possible to be diagnosed with Borderline before you're 18... It is. I'm only 16. My psychiatrist said that there was no doubt in her mind about my diagnosis and that it does occur in adolescents and it's important to treat it when the criteria for the diagnosis is met. I've been working hard to change it, because after all it's really just your personality, and from what my psychologist and I have talked about together I don't really fit all the criteria anymore. So it is possible to get better.

Peter Pan
06-17-10, 08:16 AM
So glad to have found this thread. I have lately been questioning if i have both. My P-Doc's orignally thought i was bpd/depression/gad.
I never believed i was depressed. i just could not concentrate or do things on time, or control my impulses blah blah blah. so now i am on concerta and it helps a lot with my impulsive behaviour.
i wonder though, if i could have both and the adhd impulsivity heightens the self destructive elements that come along with BPD. i might ask my therapist. they are always trying to avoid saying what is actually wrong.

Stacy Sue
07-02-10, 11:40 AM
I am new here and I am wondering if there is anyone else here that has a similar diagnosis, feels they have something similar, or have yet to be diagnosed but feel they meet much of the criteria?

I'd really like to find others like me that have both BPD and ADHD and share experiences and what medications and therapy you have helpful for you?

Dear Restless,

After a while of searching I finally found someone just like me and that is you, with the exception of possible BiPolar. Unfortunately, as a teen I was diagnosed with BiPolar disorder. Shortly after, ADHD got added on to my list of diagnoses (which explains a lot, especially due to the challenges I had in school growing up). Just recently I was also diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder along with PMDD (sarcastically I say "I'm thrilled" yeah right).

As a result, I was referred to DBT. I took about 5 weeks of it out of a 16 week session (3.5 hours per week, of which 2.5 where in group setting and 1 with individual therapist).

So shortly after joining the group, I became increasingly frustrated. Primarily because it is all reading out of a text book and sad to say my therapists who led the group where the least bit exciting and enthusiastic. With the ADHD, I find it extremely difficult to concentrate on reading UNLESS it is hands on. Then I have no problem learning. So, I went ahead and dropped out because I was not utilizing any of the skills taught to me, in which I could barely comprehend.

As far as the medications go. For BiPolar I am now back on Abilify (works great although does have risk of weight gain). For the ADHD I have been on Dexedrine for many years now. I just recently cut my dose in half from 50 mg. per day to 25 mg. per day as it seems to affect my blood pressure (unfortunately due to the weight gain from the meds have resulted in high blood pressure, which I am also treated for). As far as the Borderline Personality goes, there is no medication to treat it with. Therapy (DBT and one on one) is the only way to teach us the skills we need to manage and help us to undo the negative things we have taught ourselves or more importantly that others have taught us. It's also about not judging yourself about anything or judging others.

It seems like a great program. I'm just seeking a DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) program that caters to adults with ADHD.

If anyone knows of a program in the Colorado area or where I could find out, I'd love to take it. I do believe it is a wonderful group therapy given the right group leaders to lead it and a more contemporary style of learning.

Good luck Restless. Yes, it is a struggle. I wonder how I turned out with so many mental problems. It is hard on my family, friends, and pretty much all facets of life. My current meds seem to help me a lot.

Hope this helps. Feel free to reply should you have any feedback.

Thanks!

Stacy :)

AlexaN
07-02-10, 01:37 PM
I am new here and I am wondering if there is anyone else here that has a similar diagnosis, feels they have something similar, or have yet to be diagnosed but feel they meet much of the criteria?

I'd really like to find others like me that have both BPD and ADHD and share experiences and what medications and therapy you have helpful for you?


My partner is ADHD and BPD.
He refuses to take ADHD meds, because it worsens his depression and he is against "chemistry".
He takes Effexor XR though.