On June the 20th, I was born on Father's Day. My father held me in his arms and Mom said, "Happy Father's Day." She told me this Just last week. What a coinsidence that I look at the calendar today and my birthday is in fact on Father's Day.

Now here it is again Father's day and my birthday coming up but he is not hear to give another hair dryer to. This is going to be a harder birthday than my first birthday 3 months after he died.

I love my Dad very much and it has been three years since he passed.

The believe it was the first year that Father's day and My Birthday fell on the same day my Father said, "Years ago I got the best father's day present a father could ask for... Boy do I Miss that Hair dryer." He was always a Kidder..at least I hope that was a joke. So the last time my birthday and Father's day came around I think I was 21...For his father's day gift...I put our Hairdryer in a box and wrapped it up. When he opened it I said, "Here's Your damn Hair dryer back!"

Still, things were not so peachy between us because nothing I ever done ever seemed good enough and he made me feel as though I could never do anything right. When he got sicker from diabetes and lost his leg....I put off going to college so I could be there for him...while my sister lived her own life and got a carreer. Oh the Irony that my sister was the one he bragged about and was as if his best friend while never once did I hear him brag about me. I think he did appreciate all that I had done for him but can not remember him actually say it...only the things he did not like about what I did or the way I did them. "I love you" was only something I heard from him if I said it first...but even in his voice he was hardly convincing.

I never could understand him....and I hated the hurt he put me through I finally did not understand him until He was gone from this world...he did not know how to be a father cause he did not have a father figure to give example. How really could he know. I did not have the chance to forgive for the abuse when he was alive and I can not tell him In person. All this does not really make a difference now...at least I did forgive him..but difference or not it still hurts. If ever there is a lesson to learn from this.....Someone in your life can be here today and gone tommorrow, and the pain they may have put you through in life can never compare to not being able to see one side and too late to make them see your side. Life is too short to leave unfinished business.

I do NOT want to celebrate my Birthday and Father's Day with these feelings, but rather rememer the times we did spend together and the times when he was a father to me and we were like Pals and did things together..the games on the play station...the very few but intimate times we had talks without fighting and the many road trips we went on and the places we seen. Maybe even visit his resting place and tell him I love him in a poem and read it to him there.

I know my birthday is 29 days away but there are things I must get out of my system before then so it will not be a painful birthday. I hope now I can do that. The bad past should not be dwelled on especially on such special days as a
Father's day/ Birthday. The 20th is sort of an anniversary..I was his gift for Father's Day.....I want that fact to give me peace on that day.

Sorry for long Post...I needed this.

Hugssssssssss Melly. Love ya!

I hope this helps you to have some closer.

Vickie

I was born on my dad's birthday. He's been gone 30 years. I know him more from old pictures than memory. I remember when I was about 7 going downtown with him, he was alive in the hustle-bustle of the big city. I remember his wacky vacation plans that took us to the end of a 50 mile jeep trail in Costa Rica to stay in grass huts by the sea riding horses around that time also. A few other things, not much after that . He died a few years later. It's good to remember though.

My first birthday without him three years ago...I wrote him a long letter telling him how I felt. I burned the letter and put the ashes in the Urn on his tomb...That is the closest I will ever get to telling him How I felt all those years....That was also supposed to be my closure..I guess our special anniversary made it resurface. So I am glad I am getting it all out again.

Hugs Paul..Sorry about your father's passing. Not all memories I have of my father are bad it is important to make peace with the bad memories to make room for the good ones. I know I will always love my dad and I forgive him for his mistakes...Now if I could only make peace with the mistakes he made:(

{{hugs}} I know your pain......My Dad is still alive......I've done my best to forgive and let go. I've even tried to start a "different" relationship with him. It all feels so empty to me but it's the way he wants it.......I was abused by him by being abandoned by him emotional and physical at age 9......

Writing is a very, very good way to let go and heal. I hope in your real life you do lots of it.....

{{hugs}} again........

Hugsss to you too FTM I am sorry to hear about the abuse....towards the end...me and dad's relationship went cold too...it a hard thing to live with especially his final days when even then he seamed aggrivated with me. I hate thinking of those last days....they are way too painful.