View Full Version : Help with brother and needing to be medicated

11-27-09, 05:15 PM
So My brother is 13 and in my mind becoming a man of sorts developing his own mind and beliefs. My mother by no means is a good parent for instance threatening to break his arm while clinching her teeth in anger and then wonders why her son does similar things. Because he is out of her control she has put him on concentra. I feel putting any drug into a child's body at that age is extremely dangerous and can cause physical chemical dependency into adult hood. I live on the other side of the country as them so it is hard for me to interact. There have been many times I've been with my brother saying playing the sand box...and he could spend hours building the most detailed race track and pay full attention to what he is doing. But like many kids he does not pay attention in school. I dont know alot of kids at that age who like to sit in a desk most of the day and have adults talk to them. So in combination of his school and home behavior my mother is medicating him. My brother told me when i asked him if the doctor did any physical test on him before he was given the drug and he said no mom just ask the doctor for it and he gave it to her. Now if these issues are said to be caused by chemical imbalance then would there not be a physical test needed. I am just so frightened my brother will grow up to be some kind of pill zombie and not be able to see his dreams through.

11-27-09, 05:36 PM

I'm sorry you don't like your mom, it's hard when you have an abusive parents. Not all children with adhd have great parents, lots of them are also adhd.

I have severe adhd diagnosed in the 60's and I too can focus intently for hours and hours. It's called hyperfocus and very much part of ADHD.

I don't know if your brother has it or not but regardless of that you still need to cop a few clues. We're not pill zombies in fact I feel like myself just as I did prior to medication which has for me only been in the last year. Take some time to educate yourself it won't hurt even if your brother does not have adhd, and you might find that you were in error on quite a few ideas you have about medication for adhd.

If your brother does have adhd, and he very well might. without the pills he may never see his dream thru. I won't dispute that you question whether or not your brother has this condition, neither of us really know for sure. But I can detect your own bias despite that.


11-28-09, 01:18 PM

To help your brother, you need to know as much about ADHD as you can. Here is a good place to start:

This is a transcript of a workshop by Russell Barkley. Barkley is considered by most to be, by far, the top person in the field of ADHD. Many, including myself, consider this transcript to be the best write up on ADHD available on the internet. It is dated 2000 but most of the data is still basically pretty good. I do warn however that this is forty pages long and Barkley is information dense. It can be a bit of a struggle to work though so take your time. It is, in my opinion and in the opinion of many others, very much worth the effort. It has probably been of more help to those working with ADHD children than any other thing I know. I am going to suggest you start with this overview and then download or read the article from there.

I wish I know of an easier way but I do not. To learn about ADHD is the best advice I can give you and while not an easy path, knowledge is your best tool whether or not he is actually ADHD.

BTW ADHD medications have been around for over 50 years and are considered to be one of the safest drugs of this type.

Many feel that the medications are what allows them to reach their dreams, to be what they can be. ADHD kept them from this and the medication freed them to grow.

Not all react in this way but for the many who do, medication is seen as a godsend.

Good luck,


11-28-09, 03:35 PM
Lots of people with ADHD lead happy and healthy lives. Hopefu;;y your child will too.

12-02-09, 12:02 AM
Like I said why no test by the doctor. Also i see the problem with the parenting. If someone was to say shut the F#@^ up and do what your are told....then wonder why the child does not want to listen. I feel the problem is in the parenting. I have read many books about drugs prescribed buy doctors or from the streets. One underlining issue in all state that drugs in a young children before his/her body in matured is dangerous and can cause future dependencies. As far as the Doctors word, it is not gold to me, i feel there is a certain need to push prescriptions. Its just so hard for me to comprehend how a pill can fix social issues. How many of us want to go to work every day get up early stay there late and have minimal time with the ones we love. Is it wrong for us to want to be someplace else we enjoy better? And if we start acting like we are there when we are not, It's unappropriated behavior. Is a pill gonna help my brother like junior high? Because just being there and gettin through it and making the grade is not all there is.
Have any of you folks seen One flew over the cooko's Nest? Young fire ball full of energy gets in trouble with the law and is given a choice prison or mental institution. He choices the institution. Goes there thinking all is ok and through the authors eyes he is ok just tightly wound and likes to have fun. But by time the Doctors at the ward are through "medicating him" he has too much physical damage and even if he wanted to mellow out, pay attention and listen he cant. I am convinced it is my sheltered mother and her husband who have the issue. No human should be spoken too the way my 13 year old brother is, in my mind its no wonder the boy acts the way he does. I thank you all for your time and i will take the time to read the material you have provided the link for, which is more then the adult figure in my brothers life has done prior to making medication demands to the doctor.
In my opinion it is wrong to make someone conform. If that person can find a place in this world where he or she fits and they follow basic moral code then let them be. It is very hard to group 80,000,000 children under one term and medicate for it. I'm sorry I had to take a break from reading after I read about Oppositional Defiant Disorder I was under the impression it was social norm for teens to be oppositional.

12-02-09, 12:24 AM
Moejaz, I have no idea what you're reading. The amounts prescribed in ADHD do not create physical dependencies and these drugs have been in use for this condition for over 50 years. They are some of the most researched and frankly safest of psychiatric drugs you're going to find bar none.

I don't know if you're aware of this or not but this is a support forum filled with hundreds of people with ADHD. We've heard the 'it's the parents' line, and it's not washing here. Yes, not all of us did have great parents and that does affect outcome but we're not here so you can debate what causes ADHD. But let me give you a small amount of information ADHD is not a social issue, it's a neurological condition, highly heritable and from the sounds of it your mother could have it too.

OK, you've clearly lost the plot, you are aware that "One flew over the Cuckoo's Nest" is Fiction? It was written by Ken Keyey of the Merry Pranskters fame. You may not also realise that the setting is 1960. Clearly you are unaware of the changes on psychiatry since then. I assure you the field has changed dramatically and the research has great integrity.

There is no blood test for ADHD, there is reports from schools and from the parents. Both have to line up. Now, from your first post you asked your 13yr old brother what was done. Why would he know? I didn't tell my children all the details of things. You may have been harmed by your parents, your brother might also be, many people are but your anger with your parent is not a reason to come here and spew ignorant opinion. There are plenty of people in here who have been abused for being adhd and never having been diagnosed. They have self esteem issues because moralizing busy bodies made judgements about their character and frankly it's opinions just like yours that do the most damage.

I feel for you, I truly do, it's terrible to feel the kind of anger you feel towards a parent, and that DOES say a lot about your parent. But it doesn't make you an expert on ADHD and it doesn't make your opinions about medication for a neurological condition valiid. I support you in taking care of you because you're hurting too and my words may be strong but opinions don't cut it here, back it up with valid research if you want your opinion to be taken seriously.

Please get help for yourself too, that kind of anger eats at you. I know this from personal experience. You're right, no 13 yr old boy deserves to be spoken to badly, and unfortunately many are. That is not the issue you're bringing up. Abuse is not the cause of ADHD, poor social skills may be a result but certainly are not a cause, poor parenting isn't the cause nor is 'evil' Doctors out there trying to medicate innocent young children the cause. We've heard all of these before far too many times and in fact some of us live with our families telling us this. That's why we come here, to support each other, with facts and with comfort.

You might just need to be looking for an abuse forum.

12-02-09, 12:56 AM
I will be brief and on my way.... Bottom line to me is that all people have have a place on this earth. If someone likes to walk around with there figure in there ear there is a place for it, If someone likes to to sing for an hour then stop and do the dishes for 20 mins. there is a place for them as well, and so on.... so I just dont know why the powers that be say if a person has a problem concentrating and controlling oneself so long as he or she is not inflicting harm to themselves or anyone around them then let them be. I'm sorry I'm just not a fan of the entire medical structure I believe the folks that make the decisions about diseases and how to treat them are so far out of touch with the people they are "helping". Thanks for your time. One last thing...... I think I read someplace that the number one cause of unnatural death in the world is the state. So just keep that in mind as our kids are walking into to our socialized schools and the teacher are tell the parents there kid has problems. Sorry guys if I caused a stir in here I will take my concerns to another place. Thanks again for your time

12-02-09, 09:42 AM
"The problem is not what we don't know, it is what we know that is not true."

Picked up somewhere along the line.


12-02-09, 11:40 AM
moejaz, just to give you another view - my 8 y/o son was diagnosed with adhd this year and started Concerta a few months ago. He tested as gifted when he was diagnosed, but this was a surprise to his teacher since he didn't not show it in class at all. He found it hard to stay in his seat and not blurt out whatever came into his head. If another kid started goofing off, he immediately joined in - he was literally unable to control himself.

Part of him was aware of his poor behavior, but he was unable to improve because the adhd causes his frontal lobe (where executive function skills are located) to be less active than most peoples. He felt bad about himself and he hated school with a passion. Before being diagnosed, he reached a point of extreme anxiety where it was almost like he was having a nervous breakdown for a few days.

The Concerta immediately helped him be calmer and more focused. He gets along better with his brother at home and is much more fun to be with. In school he is doing much better and recently was accepted into the gifted program. He has had no negative side effects other than sometimes taking a little longer to fall asleep at night.

He is not 'cured' and there are definitely more issues we are working on, but adhd medication has greatly improved my son's quality of life.

12-02-09, 03:17 PM
Really I had no idea I cared so much for my family. I come from the same mother as my brother. I too was abused physicaly and mentaly. My mother comes from a home that was way worse then what I had. I just feel that if his social enviroment was different he would be ok with out meds. Every thread I read says the long term effect of these drugs are unknown. Adrew Weil is my source for the knowledge of drugs in young people can cause perminent physical damage. If my mother went into the doctor and to the school teacher and said "my son has watched me and my husband beat eachother for his whole life , and I also beat him and talk to him with little respect" I feel the diagnosis would be a bit different. I am no maricle worker but I will be moving back to the area where my family lives and try to provide a home for him that is not abusive. Realy thank all of you so much for any and all input. I am finding myself more emotional toward my family then ever before. thanks so much!!

12-02-09, 03:36 PM
I'm really sorry you and your brother (and your mother) have had so much to handle. :( I hope you can all get some help and heal.

If your brother would truly be ok in a better environment then maybe he doesn't truly have adhd. Counseling and a neuropsychological evaluation would help get to the root of the problems (if your mom is open to this) and help you figure out how to best help him. Also there is a test called a qEEG (quantatative EEG) that is now showing lots of promise in helping to diagnose adhd, maybe his health insurance covers it.

Your brother has a great ally in you and I can see how much you care for him. That's wonderful, I wish you the best :)