View Full Version : My son was diagnosed last week.


Sundazed18
12-14-09, 12:20 AM
HI everyone. My 8 year old son was just diagnosed with ADHD.

For years, I have brought it up to doctors, and they have always told me, " Just wait a few more years..blah blah blah" Children are hyper in general, and I understand that. What stuck home to me, was last year and even worst, this year in second grade. My son is very smart, he does not struggle at school, his grades are good, but his behavior is not exactly were it should be. He has tons of issues making friends, he doesn't give anyone their space, talks a ton to everyone, can not sit still for his teacher's in class, and is constantly getting bored , and disrubting class. Home is pretty much the same. Though, as a child's own parent, you are more able to handle their behavior, though sometimes you really want to just hide in a corner, but you can't let that show to your child.

I"m constantly asking my son to do things over and over, that I just told him to do. There are many times that I honestly do get impatient and frustrated. There are many other behavior issues that I have had with him.

After hearing from his doctor that he does have ADHD, I was honestly relieved. " Finally!", there is a name for this. But now, I have had all weekend to sit and think about this, and now I'm not exactly sure how else to go about any of this. After I have processed and thought over with my husband, and his doctor, we're gonna start out doing some counseling with my son. Medication is something that bothers me. My son is already on Singular and Flovent for his asthma, that I'm affraid to put him on anything else. Luckily, he also has a doctor who does not like to medicate for this, which I actually like. Though, not to say that she would not if the situation really called for it, but until we really can get a handle of this and see if anything else will help him first, medication is a far cray last.

Along with my son's hyperactivity. He also deals with a lost biological parent who lives many many states away, who only calls every 3 months and hasn't seen him in over 3 years. That in itself, would be a huge cause for his behavior, except, some of this started before his father and I divorced. Which is a huge cause for his counseling. I'm thinking that he needs someone to communicate with other than myself.


My question to many of you parents with children of ADD/ADHD , is how do you handle knowing what you know now? How does the schools, etc, deal with a very well known " label" , as many in our educational centers seemed to think of it as. Has knowing that your child has this , helped the child more or has it hurt the child more? What are your views on medications? How did you explain this to you child so that he/she didn't feel like it was a disease that others would run from in a sense?
I'm concerned with how my son will be effected with others outside of our family once teachers, schools etc learn that he has ADHD.

Thank you for your time everyone. :)

ginniebean
12-14-09, 05:13 AM
I"m constantly asking my son to do things over and over, that I just told him to do. There are many times that I honestly do get impatient and frustrated. There are many other behavior issues that I have had with him.


My question to many of you parents with children of ADD/ADHD , is how do you handle knowing what you know now? How does the schools, etc, deal with a very well known " label" , as many in our educational centers seemed to think of it as. Has knowing that your child has this , helped the child more or has it hurt the child more? What are your views on medications? How did you explain this to you child so that he/she didn't feel like it was a disease that others would run from in a sense?
I'm concerned with how my son will be effected with others outside of our family once teachers, schools etc learn that he has ADHD.

Thank you for your time everyone. :)[/quote]


Here's one link that may help you understand ADHD.

http://www.greatschools.net/pdfs/2200_7-barktran.pdf?date=4-12-05


how do you handle knowing what you know now?

By facing it, learning about it and not minimizing it.

http://www.aboutkidshealth.ca/ADHD/Myths-and-facts-about-ADHD.aspx?articleID=6878&categoryID=AD-nh1-01


How does the schools, etc, deal with a very well known " label" , as many in our educational centers seemed to think of it as.

http://www.addresources.org/article_adhd_faq_nimh.php#school




Has knowing that your child has this , helped the child more or has it hurt the child more?

ADHD is a neurological condition that has serious life outcomes. It's not 'the brats disorder' as so many would like to think. It's not an insignificant issue that he's going to get past easily if at all. If left untreated it can lead to co-morbid conditions, psychological and emotional damage, and many other serious life problems.





What are your views on medications?

My view on the medications for children are that right now it's the best we've got. It allows the child to get to the point where he's able to keep up, and it minimizes a lot of the social rejection he's likely to face. You express discomfort and embarassment over your sons behaviour how much more so his peers? The damage that can be done by leaving adhd untreated could mean a much more complicated psychiatric diagnosis in years to come.

We consider learning to read a necessity to have any success in life, the ability to socialize appropriately is equally as necessary.

http://www.adhdnews.com/adhd-medication.htm


How did you explain this to you child so that he/she didn't feel like it was a disease that others would run from in a sense?

http://www.addvance.com/help/parents/child.html

(I don't know if you realise you've asked full books full of questions :)


I'm concerned with how my son will be effected with others outside of our family once teachers, schools etc learn that he has ADHD.


You've mentioned this twice now in two ways and it seems you have your own issues and most of them appear to be from lack of knowledge. Do you think the differences in your child are so unremarkable that people will not say anything? You've pointed out that you as his mother get embarrassed and that you naturally handle this better than others.

Do you think other people are going to be kind and not label him? He's probably going to get called a whole lot of things, and you'll be called a lazy parent who doesn't know how to properly raise a child.

Learning a lot more about your son's condition will be necessary for you to help him effectively. And is probably the best thing you can do for him and yourself right now. You don't have to tell anyone anything, you can take your time until you feel comfortable.

Sundazed18
12-14-09, 12:48 PM
Thank you Ginniebean for replying.

I think you hit the nail on the head. In many ways, I do feel uncomfortable that my son has ADHD. But not for the reasons that you might think. Also, I'm relieved that their is a name for this. But on the downside of all of this, to me, is that I don't have the understanding of my own family to talk to about how I feel, how my son feels and anything in between. My mom was highly against me taking him to a doctor for this, " Kids are just being kids"..she would say to me. All my family lives out of state, so what they see in their day to day lifes is very bleak compared to what I witness at home and at school with my son.

My son's uncle ( my ex brother in law), has ADD. I watched him for years in HS, his medication, him not wanting to take his medication, how my ex in laws handled his ADD and honestly, I just saw how his own parents, " labeled" him because, he did all these things ( in their mind) because he was not taking his medication. Etc..Etc.. I watched how he wallowed in pity of himself because of what his own family said and did to him. ( which comes in my own fears of how my son will be treated by people that he trusts).

I also understand that there are so many medications for this. I also know that my son has undergone many hugh life changes, and I think it's important to start somewhere.

I got a wonderful book this morning called, " The gift of ADHD." I have been reading it and have found it to be a good read.

A few fears of medicating my child, is that fact that he is already on many medications for his asthma. All the side effects of certain kids, and the fear of my son being a " zombie" , because of not finding the right medication or dosage.

Granted, I am a young mom. There is much to read and to understand and yet still I don't think even the doctors totally understand ADHD. This year, I have been extremely lucky with my son's teacher. To me, it takes a very special person to handle my child and keep him challanged.

But I will say this...I am greatful that I have found someplace to rest my head that others can and do understand my feelings and frustrations, who have been there and done that, or , who are going through the same thing that I am currently. That, I am thankful for, and that you for your advise and links for me to read. :)

ginniebean
12-15-09, 12:49 AM
Thank you Ginniebean for replying.

I think you hit the nail on the head. In many ways, I do feel uncomfortable that my son has ADHD. But not for the reasons that you might think. Also, I'm relieved that their is a name for this. But on the downside of all of this, to me, is that I don't have the understanding of my own family to talk to about how I feel, how my son feels and anything in between. My mom was highly against me taking him to a doctor for this, " Kids are just being kids"..she would say to me. All my family lives out of state, so what they see in their day to day lifes is very bleak compared to what I witness at home and at school with my son.


Sundazed,

In no way do I want to make you feel defensive or worried, you do need support, that is what we're here for. People 'on the street' know almost nothing about adhd but have opinions about it out wazoo, we know this, we hear it and it just happens to be a condition that has been selected by a religious lobby that spends massive resources to put out misinformation in order to further their cause. People really have reason to be concerned given the wealth of misinformation they do hear.

I'm sure you mom is very loving and wants only the very best for you and your son. You're right, you are a young mom, and it's soo easy to demoralize a mom, causing her all sorts of doubts and well, let's just say the things we do to avoid being the 'bad mother' label (now there's a crippling label for you) are an unfortunate part of being a mother. You know your child best, you love him best too. Have confidence that you're doing what you need to do for your son. Because you really are.




My son's uncle ( my ex brother in law), has ADD. I watched him for years in HS, his medication, him not wanting to take his medication, how my ex in laws handled his ADD and honestly, I just saw how his own parents, " labeled" him because, he did all these things ( in their mind) because he was not taking his medication. Etc..Etc.. I watched how he wallowed in pity of himself because of what his own family said and did to him. ( which comes in my own fears of how my son will be treated by people that he trusts).



I was diagnosed a long time ago, probably a lot longer ago than your sons uncle. Times were not so good back then, and I feel for him. We were supposed to have grown out of it. Yes, it would have been so easy, and so natural to have fallen into a despair I may never have gotten out of. I knew nothing about adhd except that it made me hyper, I had no idea all the other things I did were related. What that meant for me was, that I couldn't explain to anyone when they asked me "why did you do that?" I was scared, I'd been there a thousand times before and I didn't know how to make it better. Growing up like that leaves deep wounds that thank goodness for you being on the ball your son doesn't have to face.

It's not easy, he's not being 'bad' on purpose any more than any other child. A lot of things he can't understand and has no idea how he gets into as much trouble as he does. There is so much information now for parents, and schools that he can truly thrive. That's what we all want too, I don't think any of the old timers with ADHD want another child to go thru what they did.

There's also a LOT of support. And you'll need it, questions will come up for you, need advice? well the people to ask are those who have been there. And they have really good advice and sometimes just a shoulder to lean on.


I also understand that there are so many medications for this. I also know that my son has undergone many hugh life changes, and I think it's important to start somewhere.

I got a wonderful book this morning called, " The gift of ADHD." I have been reading it and have found it to be a good read.

A few fears of medicating my child, is that fact that he is already on many medications for his asthma. All the side effects of certain kids, and the fear of my son being a " zombie" , because of not finding the right medication or dosage.


I kind of wonder how the 'zombie' rumour got started, a lot of us are zombies without meds. With meds we can finally function. I too was afraid of medication and outright refused it, I was quite hostile to it. I've now been medicated a year. The changes felt so subtle there was no great big lightbulb moment, but it's defintely made a difference in my life. I'm no zombie, I'm still the same person I was before, and if you do notice side effects you can simply stop. The meds for adhd are the safest psychiatric meds you're going to find. They've been in use for over 50 years and they are safe. I do not know how they would interact with his asthma medication and that's something you need to discuss.

One thing, meds for adhd are short acting. They go in and are out of your system in a few hours, they don't need to build up over six weeks or anything like that. So you'll notice the difference right away, and if it's wrong, you can stop it right away. It may take some time to fine tune things. But again, that is up to you. All I can say is I wish I'd had this medicine years ago.



Granted, I am a young mom. There is much to read and to understand and yet still I don't think even the doctors totally understand ADHD. This year, I have been extremely lucky with my son's teacher. To me, it takes a very special person to handle my child and keep him challanged.

You're right, and you are lucky, not all teachers will have as positive an effect. Children with adhd can be demotivated by criticism or feeling the teacher doesn't like them. It can completely ruin a year of school when it's a bad fit. That's why it's so important you learn as much as you can so you can advocate for his needs. It's not going to happen over night, and you've got some time to get up to speed.

But I will say this...I am greatful that I have found someplace to rest my head that others can and do understand my feelings and frustrations, who have been there and done that, or , who are going through the same thing that I am currently. That, I am thankful for, and that you for your advise and links for me to read. :)

You're welcome, and I feel the same way. I'm also grateful to the people on here it's truly a good place. Don't be afraid to ask questions or ask for support, you will get direction. :) Good luck! :)

MGDAD
12-15-09, 07:12 PM
It is common to worry about the "lable" at first. However, in the long run you need it in order to get the accomodations necessary for your child to succeed in school. Better to just accept it an move on.

Medication can be very very helpfull. It is at least worth trying. You can always stop the meds if you dont like the effects they are having on your child.

Vickie
12-16-09, 01:15 PM
I find that "labels" tend to be more beneficial than not, but that may be because I don't see the label as defining the person but describing a condition the person has. This is just part of what makes this person individual similar to hair color, eye sight, and other factors.

When a condition is detrimental to the person, giving that condition a name helps to categorize the symptoms/issues and effective potential types of help depending on the individual needs of the person with the condition. As MGDAD has said, having the label helps you get accommodations at school. The label also helps the school personnel know what possible accommodations might help and select from those the ones for the individual that needs the help.

If you label a person with diabetes, there are a set of things (meds, life style, close monitoring, etc) that are helpful to decrease mortality and morbidity in those with diabetes. You then sub categorize according the the individual needs. For instance, because people with diabetes tend to have higher heart risks, most docs closely monitor and aggressively treat the other factors that impact heart risks, as well as the proper blood glucose control for that person.