Since I have suspected that I have ADD, I have been running around in circles looking for a light in the tunnel. I guess that you would call this venting and hope that this is allowed, if let me know. I am feeling alone in the quest for sanity. But now that I have found this forum,at least I have a avenue to go to. I feel like a child that needs his hand to be held in this journey( bad for the male ego). I do not seem to see things clearly and as far as my wife goes, I do not know if I can trust her for fear of rejection . So many people pass this off as " you are just human", and "you are just like everyone else". I know that I am not like everyone else, i can feel it in my gut I am tired of the 2nd guessing myself. To know what the the truth is at least for me. I feel like I am making decsions with bad info in my head. how can you make right decsions when your brain is wired wrong
On a positive note I know that I am a creative person for I do woodworking and have wrote a few short stories, but that doesnt seem good enough. Well thank you for listening

Easy does it guy. Now you are here there is a lot of help. I was in a similar position last October. This place isn't perfect but it's helped me so much.

Take your time. Do some reading here. Do what you can. I'll look forward to your posts.

Cheers! Ian

same here...

Hey, fogleghorn:

We’ve all been there. Welcome aboard.

Don’t worry about the venting, dude. It’s fine here. Actually, read your own post again, and then tell us again about venting. It’s the same way we all do it, and it’s different than any other forum. We crack me up.

We all feel the same way, about most of what you said. In a way, nothing we do will ever be good enough for us, but it’s not such a big deal. You just need this perspective: we’re all absolutists, in a way. My sand castle isn’t the Trump Tower. I know it, but so what?

It’s other people that think it’s significant to us, or that our standards reflect on them, as expectations. Lesson one: we ARE different, and the difference is hard on other people. But isn’t it a relief to recognize there’s a reason for all the noise?

The rest is easy, if you just give it time, and what else do we have?

Your brain isn’t wired wrong. If you get that idea here, it’s a mistake. Kay and I do research into this, and we don’t even think that our brains are wired very differently from a normal’s brain. And all the differences we see are pluses in our column. But even if our brains are different, that’s all you can say. It’s not wrong.

We do that, thinking that we should accept the idea that something’s wrong with us. And that’s Kay’s lesson two: we’re most dangerous when we think it’s alright to beat ourselves up.

I hope the inescapable conclusion is that you’re really OK, and therefore all of this nonsense that goes on in your life (and all of our lives, too) must be something external, something to deal with *somehow*, but not really your problem.

That’s lesson three: it’s all about problems that other’s bring to you.

Once you stop putting them on yourself, of course. And once you get there, you might see the benefit of being a social hermit, but try to avoid it. We need others as much as they need us. (Did you ever notice how much they rely on us when stuff hits the fan? They know we’re different.)

The reason we second guess ourselves is because we’re good people, and we take what others think and feel to heart. I don’t hear any fear in your post, of rejection by your wife; it sounds more like you don’t want her upset, and would insulate her from upsetting things if you could.

But you can’t, so you’re just going to have to learn to break the loop, learn how to stop second guessing stuff. That might be lesson four (or five, or whatever): you can’t help other people or yourself by hiding from them.

We’re good at that, too; men develop what we call a shallow veil, and women develop a deep veil, really deep, sometimes. A lot of women with ADD are diagnosed late, like in their late forties or fifties, and you can’t hurry it, either. It’s just the deep veil.

But deep or shallow, you’ve got to pull it down, and come out into the sunlight. Which is exactly what you did, I believe, finding this forum and posting here. So, good for you.

Nobody else has said it yet, so I will: once you get a little more comfortable with the ideas you’ll find here, you should go see a professional (i.e., your doctor) and begin the process of getting a formal diagnosis.

We’re big fans of the use of drugs; Kay and I both take Adderall and Ritalin. (No, not at the same time.) We really favor the stimulants, but you have to trust your doctor for this stuff. Or find a doctor you can trust.

This is how we explained it to our son Bryan, when he started taking Ritalin: we set off alarms in other people’s heads, and it makes them try to *help* us be normal. The drugs prevent their alarms from going off; it’s a kind of stealth effect, and we can slip amongst them without them noticing us.

I used to say I was a spy in the straight world, back before I knew I had ADD (and even long after). It’s sort of like that.

Anyway, that’s our take on it. You don’t sound too bent to me, but then, I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. (grin) Good luck.

Stabile,

You're a nut. :-) But then I'm a nut too, and you're a hell of an entertaining and intelligent nut.

I'm beginning to pick up on a bit of some of what I was missing in some of your posts in my reading. I still intend to get around to posting that reference material I promised (off topic I know), I'm just pooped, depressed, and generally exhausted lately between the navy, the second job, and the homefront.

The upside is I just got pronounced "fit for full duty" come August, so I'm going back out badguy huntin' soon (although I'm more interested in fixing things and protecting folk than hurting anyone, even bad guys), and I was even able to start my OPSCREENING early so it's 90% of the way done and I will be finishing the portion I need for orders on Monday. That gives me two months to negotiate orders. I'm technically on my shore rotation, but I'm asking for sea duty (AGAIN :-) ), it gives me more leverage on where I go, and leaves me on shore duty when I retire next tour. It's not an entirely practical choice though. I prefer sea duty. In the fifteen years I've been in, I have only been on shore for bootcamp, technical school and one shore rotation. Oh, and this LIMITED DUTY tour too, but I don't count six months of involuntary crap. I'm about as salty as a sailor can be at fifteen years. LOL. "A sailor belongs on a ship, and a ship belongs at sea!", or so the saying goes. I like standing my watches and being the go to guy when my systems are misbehaving. Then when I make them work again I really feel like I am in my element, respected, and doing something of value. The adminstrative aspects stink, but you can't have everything... I was the idiot who did so well I got promoted too fast. DOH!

I'm rambling again... Just wanted to share, for my own benefit as well as this new gentleman.

Welcome, and vent all you like. Lord knows, I do. ;-) Of course I do it in an annoying stream of conciousness kind of way. To each their own and all that. ;-)

You aren't defective. Humanity at large, presently finds itself in an alien environment of it's own making. ADDers aren't pathologically abnormal. Society is. We're just substantially more sensitive to the abnormalities, and the pressures placed upon us by them. Stabile is right about "crunch time" though. For someone who so often in his life was looked at as a "ne'er do well" and a "problem child" I certainly had people lined up in front of me asking questions about things they knew I had the answers for, or issues they knew I could handle when the "qualified" people couldn't. Why I couldn't see the double standard then, I don't know. All I know now is that I struggle every day not to kick myself for just being me.

Some of what has happened to me NEEDS to be fixed. It isn't a consequence of ADD, it's a consequence of low self esteem, bad coping skills, and poor communication. These are issues I cannot blame on ADD, though it certainly had a hand in their existence. The issues don't make me a bad person. They are simply unhealthy, do not endear me to my loved ones or peers, and get in the way of me using the "gifts" that come with my "differences" instead of staring the deficits in the face every day. It is my responsibility to fix them, because I put them in place. However uninformed I was at the time, however well they may have worked at the time. They are no longer appropriate, and even if the insensitivities of others played a hand in their existence, I have to cut that loose too. These are my faults to fix, and the past needs to be laid to rest at long last.

Separating things like that from ADD symptoms is tough business. Especially with the sensitivity that comes so naturally, the difficulty editing speech (especially when one is excited), and the speed at which a long burried memory can activate emotional states that make deliberitive thinking difficult in the best of circumstances. It is possible with time, effort, and input from folks in the same boat. Counseling from a professional never hurts, medications can be your best friend, though some folks eschew them (definitely worth following Stabile's advice on this one. Speak with your doctor), and the phrase "know thyself" applies only too well here. Research ADD. You will find many good links on this site, but there are many more out there too. Good books and articles abound. Your doctor can probably provide many more. The more you learn, the more comfortable you will become, not with what you "HAVE", but with who you "ARE".

Well, said, Eboy.

That's a good general principle, too, being able to take responsibility for what we control (and have always controlled), and acting. Rule number 7, maybe?

* * * *
(Sorry. We can never get that Judge Reinhold movie "Head Office" out of our heads. You know, where Max is always saying something like, "Rule number 37. Always fear the furniture movers." We talk like that. Oh, well. We’ve got ADD.)

Fogleghorn, I am in the same place you are. This site does help a lot. I can't tell you how many times I read a post and said to myself "Oh my God, I thought I was the only person in the world that thought like this"
I am currently waiting for treatment and it is very frustrating. This site is like therapy however. Reading other people's thoughts lets me know that there is hope for the light at the end of the tunnel.

The noise in my head this evening wouldn't let me sleep again. While contemplating getting up for a while, ADD popped into my head. ...I've been sole searching for an eternity trying to figure out, what is going on in there. I have always felt like one of the sprockets had a bad tooth that skipped every now and then. My wife is a new teacher and has many dealings with "coded children". The conversations enlightened my thought processes, and something leaked from that can of worms into my self assessment can... Really, ADD just popped into my mind while wondering why I am not focused in life, plus a dozen other thoughts while trying to go to sleep.
I got right up and did a google search. One of the many sites I visited had about 70 questions, and if you said yes to 20 or more, you should consider discussing ADD with a professional. I said yes to probably 55-65 of the questions. Not to mention how I read so many people's stories and almost thought that I had written them, because they described exactly what I have felt or experienced. Then I see this site, and a thread that says "looking for a light..." That light went off in my head. Maybe I'm on to something. Maybe I'm not destined to haphazardly go on trying to find the missing connection. I hope this is the beginning to my answer.

Me too Zang. I hope it's a beginning for you. I came upon the idea when my wife, a not so new teacher asked me what I was like in school.. oh man... that lead to some laughs.

Kmiller is a member here and wonders around with a comment from some teacher or teachers in his signature the makes me laugh every time. Hunt it down.. it's a hoot. I hope it rings a bell for you too.

theobjr I feel the same way. This place fills in between the cracks of my treatment and leads me to new areas of appreciation for my strengths. I don't like to go without you guys for too long.. < g >
ian

I can relate to your dilemna, amigo. If I could just change the game; you know, adjust some of the rules I"d fit right in. I think part of the problem is that much of how you feel and the things that you want to focus your attention on don't fit the program. That doesn"t mean that there right or wrong,good or bad just not "appriopriate".

I have been trying my entire life to fit in and be "normal" , average, liked and accepted without reguard. Conversely however I have continuely failed at this endeavor and now aspire to creating a self-confidence based upon my own secure opinions.

I think to interact successfully within our various social environments we must navigate to a place we fit. I don't think I will ever be able to hide who I am from anyone for to long. I am to honest for that. The true self soon appears. "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."...Shakespeare.