View Full Version : This is it. First visit.

01-20-10, 09:12 AM
I'm taking my 10 1/2 year old to a child psychologist (honestly, I'm blanking on his title) today.

While I've written down some of the things my husband and I have noticed I feel like I'm going in there today with nothing but "normal boy stuff", but I know he needs some help.

The last time I tried to do this the woman had me talking in front of our son like he wasn't in the room. "What are your concerns? What behaviors have you noticed?"

I don't want ds to know that I think something's "wrong". I've tried to explain to him that they want to help him with focusing on his schoolwork, like math (that can take up to two hours on unfocused days) and help Mommy learn how to teach him his school stuff better.

I know I'll hold back expressing my concerns for lack of a way of putting it such that it won't hurt his feelings.

I thought I was prepared for this, now I feel like I am no where near.

01-20-10, 10:41 AM
Hope everything goes really well today.

Lady Lark
01-20-10, 11:46 AM
Tell them flat out you're not willing to talk about your kid like he's a piece of furniture. They should be willing to have him leave the room.

Me, I just went over and over with Steven about how I wasn't bringing up all the negative, but the doctor needs to know what's going on and that doesn't mean he's bad, or I don't love him, etc. Then he played his DS and was obvious to the world. I probably could have said he tortures rats and Steven wouldn't have noticed. :p :rolleyes:

01-20-10, 12:58 PM
OMG, I think that one of the most irritating and offensive thing that people do when I am talking about my son's ADHD is tell me over and over what a "nice boy" he is..................EVERY SINGLE PERSON at his school that I have working with in reguards to his ADD go on and on and on.. about how nice, polite, helpful, wonderful my son is.

They speak to me like I am some tyrant parent who sends their son to school everyday with bruises covering his body from my daily beatings:rolleyes: I don't even spank my kids!!

I know my son is all those things, thats why I am at the school EVERY week trying to get their heads out of their as sses and do their jobs to help him.

I think all teachers are required one semester of
"how to smile, nod and compliment the parents child"
The staff at my sons school aced this class and probably took another as an elective too!

EYEFORGOT, our children don't need to know ALL the details, thats our job. Its hard enough to be 10. They don't need added adult jargon adding to the chaos in their heads.

In my experience, those who work with kids and do it well, know when and what they should be included in. And there are surely different strategies for our ADD kids.

I think sometimes the less they know about certain things the best. Or, at least, edited versions. Gosh, we ADD adults get overwhelmed with added thoughts and tasks, and we have some life experience to help us cope.

My son is pretty open to ANYTHING to help him when it comes to school and homework. (he is almost 10)

It would be ridiculous to tell you not to worry, your a mom, it comes with the job. Just remember, there are good and bad psychologists, and they can be hired and fired just like anyone else who we employ for a service.

If you get there and it feels wrong, don't go back. Find another one. I have fired 5 of them until I got the "right" one!! I was surprised to find they understood when I called them and said they were nice and all, but just I just didn't "click" with them. None of them even charged me for the one session.

It is possible to find a child psychologist or any other type, on line. I found a GREAT one this way. I read her bio and all her philosophies. Her theory and style fit how I communicate best. She has been working with ADDers for 10 years and loves to. Soooooo important.

I also am a FIRM believer that seeing any psychologist who isn't experienced with ADD is useless and a complete waste of your time. I don't have the time or energy to teach them about it either.

Your going to do just fine, let those fabulous mommy instincts guide you.;) They are usually right on.!!

Let us know how it goes, I'll be thinkin of ya!


01-20-10, 01:41 PM
While I've written down some of the things my husband and I have noticed I feel like I'm going in there today with nothing but "normal boy stuff", but I know he needs some help

My son's doc did this before..... well, he was much older than your son at the time though. It would make it easier to talk to the doc if he wasn't there because he is a bit sensitive.

Here's another thought.... could someone else complete a survey tooi n a different setting?? Before I was certain my DS16 had ADHD, I was trying to solve the disappearing schoolwork problem. The middle school would say one thing and I thought....well, he doesn't have that problem at home.

Thinking hindsight, I really believe the environment had an impact on my son's attention as well as my parenting technique at home. I probably got into the habbit of cueing him to the behavior I was wanting..... but he didn't necessarily carry these cueing when he was at school.

01-20-10, 03:19 PM
It went much better than where my imagination/anxiety was taking me. Thanks for all the encouragement.

I started straight off with, I don't like to talk about my son like he's not here, and it was ds who wanted to stay and the therapist said we can talk privately if it gets to the point where he's uncomfortable. I liked that, let my son have a say. But he was cool with it. My explanation to him was that I wanted to help him do his schoolwork better, and not have him so frustrated anymore.

In the end, everything I described, the therapist said all are classic ADD symptoms. He spoke with ds alone and he was as "normal as apple pie". I think he meant he was an untroubled child, since they usually treat children in much worse situations/condition. (if you know what I mean by that, I am not always good at explaining things except why your thread was moved)

ds liked him, so I always like to include that as part of my measuring stick. So I need to fill out the teacher survey (since he's homeschooled) and Dad needs to fill out the parent survey. We go back, have the psychologists/psychiatrists take a look. Determine if medication is the appropriate treatment.

Now he said something interesting...and it was my experience with bipolar meds as well. ADD isn't a cut and dry diagnosis. There's no blood test for it. You try medication, if it works, then that's what it was and hopefully you continue to improve. Do you feel the same about the diagnosis process?

At this time, watching my son sometimes in tears from knowing he can do the work but just keeps hitting his head against a brick wall, I am open to medication. I honestly think, that if it works, he will feel much better about himself and his abilities/potential.

01-29-10, 03:02 PM
Yesterday was our first visit too to the child mental health unit here in England. I too was upset at all the negatives they were going to get about my daughter but they were all negatves that was why we were there!! to tell them the problems we were having. I was told it was to be a full family affair and all must go in to discuss things but when they came out to get us in i asked for 10 minutes alone. In this time i explained that i was upset at all the things i was going to say would upset my child even though true they do no good for someone with a fragile self esteem. Anyway they were very good i understand how you must be feeling You are not alone ,hope things go well. Jules