View Full Version : Scared of failing..... Again


kittentail
01-21-10, 09:55 AM
i've dropped out of high school twice and even when i was there my attendence was rubbish and my assignments late or non existant. i was the worst student in the world. yet i cnt help thinking about college. but i've failed so much i dnt think i could fail again i dont think i could take it. im so scared that if i go to college it'll be just like high school all over again. and college is even harder. i dnt know what to do my mum and dad want me to continue my education but i dnt know if i can go through that again. im sick of being a screw up im the one in the fmily who is the one who never got anywhere. the wierd one who is lazy and pathetic. im so sick of feeling like im worthless but i know if i try to do this i'll just keep on failing. i've heard the lectures a million times. bout how u need to do things u dnt wanna do to suceed and if u want to do something in the future it'll motivate u to succeed btu it never has. am i kidding myself thinking about collge. i dnt know what to do. i dont wanna be the crazy lady living in a council house with her 50 cats. but it scares me cus that where im headed.

:(

EshkaronsEngine
01-21-10, 02:23 PM
I think this is the time to be completely frank with your parents and lay it all on the table and say.

"Hey! By now we can see that there is something wrong with me. Do you want to help me figure this out and so maybe I can survive in this dog eat dog world, or do you just want to ignore my problems and sweep them under the rug to hope they go away and then still push me till I break and end up in a psychiatric ward somewhere with a nervous breakdown or worse committing suicide.

I know the horror of failure, I hate it as everyone does with all their being. The first time I failed a test in school was in a 10th grade math class, then it was like the dam broke and failure was in open season.

If you have a weak mind, are not that sociable or anxious around people I'm telling ya failure will just continue. It did for me. I went to college/university to take a Bachelor of Science course, cause that would make my parents and society proud. I didn't finish one damn semester in anything. I was so ill prepared for the workload, nor could I make any friends nor had any. So since I had no support, I crashed in a psych ward with major depression for the next 2 months and then discovered over the course of that coming year that I was Bipolar and have since lived a sort of recluse existance.

What I really want to stress is that this is very serious. These years in your life when you are 18, 19, 20 etc... are extremely serious for forecasting your coming future. I think you should make this damn clear to your parents and tell them that you need as much support as they can muster up during this time.

If you decide to go to college take something you at least have a bit of an interest in and that is very easy that you know that you can pass if you put a little effort in it. Take as few courses as possible. Bottom line you don't want to fail again.

I think everyone is deathly afraid of FAILURE so much so that even if a loved one is failing they don't want to identify with you since you are so linked with failure.

Anyways thats my 2 cents.

Hope you succeed.

meridian
01-21-10, 03:37 PM
Welcome to the Forums, Kittentail. We have been where you are and hopefully can be of help in talking thins through.

Please listen to eshkaron, I think he is absolutely right.

michinyuja
01-23-10, 12:28 AM
hey kittentail!

if you think college is for everybody, that's a lie.
so don't believe it!

in fact, school itself isn't for everybody.

learning can be done in a lot of different ways.
sitting in a classroom and listening to a teacher lecture is only ONE of the many, many different ways you can learn something.


did you know that even the lighting in school is set up so that only certain people succeed?

60% of people can't concentrate or focus under flourescent lighting. they get headaches and grumpy, too. but a lot of schools use flourescent lighting!

also, did you know that scientists proved a long time ago that children and teenagers are biologically more active during the afternoon and evening than in the morning?

kids can't concentrate or stay awake in the morning because their bodies aren't SUPPOSED to be awake!! they're supposed to be sleeping!

yet, school makes kids wake up at 6am and sit through classes. UGH. :mad:

i think you and your parents should discuss "alternative learning options."

i don't know what the legal options are where you live. but ask your parents to help you find out.

i've told students this in college, law school, in everything. if you fail at something, it's not because you're lazy or stupid. there aren't as many lazy or stupid people as you'd think. most people want to do really well! duhhh~ right?

if you fail, it's because:

1) you're just not meant to do it.
(like me and cooking. you do nOt want to eat my food, seriously.)
- but i am good at dishes! and that's what i do instead!! ^_^

or/and

2) your teacher sucks.

teachers are supposed to be able to get even the most clueless student to succeed. real teachers, that is. i don't know how teachers are where you live, but over here, they suck big time. they couldn't teach a monkey to scratch its armpits.

you need a real, skilled teacher who can explain things to you in a way that you understand. who is patient, mature, and dedicated. not someone who just wants to read you things out a book that the school picked for them to teach out of. :(

good luck!!!!

MrChims
01-31-10, 06:37 AM
Kittentail

I was a failure for most of my teenage and young adult life... I was the black sheep of the family!

In fact, I was kicked out of my entire school district
I then dropped out of the next high school
I then dropped out of Adult ED
I then gave up on my GED
My parents kicked me out when I was 16
I was drug addict for many of my young adult years
I have been in jail at least 15 times
I lost my first marriage
I was fired from the best job I ever had

Then I figured out that failure is a part of life. In fact, we usually learn more by our failures then anything else. So now, I accept failure and look at it kind like a stepping stone and just get up when I'm knocked down and try again!

Bottom line, things turned out pretty awesome for over time!

My life turned around because I NEVER GAVE UP!
I found better jobs then the one i got fired from
I got re-married to an awesome new wife of 15 years
I have three beautiful kids
I have become a successful Entrepreneur
I even became one the top five Entrepreneurs of the year by entrepreneur magazine
I now teach and help others
Life is really good!

Oh yeah... I was just diagnosed with ADD, at age 43, but it wont hinder me... I'll just roll with it and continue to fail my way to a successful life! :)

Here is a cool three minute video i put together for people who understand what failure is. It geared toward entrepreneurs, but I think it will give you a little hope and show you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! WE UNDERSTAND!: Here is the video: www.failureisapartofsuccess.com (http://www.failureisapartofsuccess.com/)

Don't give up my friend... Everything will turn around!

ADXP
01-31-10, 06:56 AM
Kittentail,

If ur parents won't help you, don't waste your time with them ask friends or someone you trust to help you find a probono (free)lawyer. Then tell the lawyer
your situation. There are means
to get you out of this.

I'm glad you come to this forum.

We'll think more how else we resolve your problem.

There are ways. There are no problems without solution.

I am a parent , my son is also facing a problem becoz his dad
won't agree that he has it. But I am working on the legal ways
to end this.

Keep coming here, you are loved here.

Gilthranon
01-31-10, 02:17 PM
Hey, I'm a 'student' too, and even though I'm persistent, my every mood comes close to a permanent depression.

Listen I don't know it any more. I don't like to complain, and now about continuing, but my life honestly sucks and become anxious in social situations. Results in repeatedly school failures. I'm 19, I have very few friends, and I think my life sucks over all. My parents tell me to continue studies while trying the medicines but this being the fourth failure in a row, I can't stand it any more. Socially, this school is killing me. Complaining is not my thing, , but I really need help, I want to have a life. I'm heading fast towards Geek, and I hate that, it's not like me. You see, I want to have a diploma, and am motivated, but I can't finish this damn school!! Neither can I decide whether to quit or not to...

I might have acting lessons, but right now I'm in preparation only. Really, my 18/19/20 years, screwed up... you could call me loser, although I will always stand up and try... so ideas will always be used! (I guess I will often sound simple and happy, it's my technique to keep my thoughts positive and believe in myself)

Gilthranon
01-31-10, 04:55 PM
I think this is the time to be completely frank with your parents and lay it all on the table and say.

"Hey! By now we can see that there is something wrong with me. Do you want to help me figure this out and so maybe I can survive in this dog eat dog world, or do you just want to ignore my problems and sweep them under the rug to hope they go away and then still push me till I break and end up in a psychiatric ward somewhere with a nervous breakdown or worse committing suicide.

I know the horror of failure, I hate it as everyone does with all their being. The first time I failed a test in school was in a 10th grade math class, then it was like the dam broke and failure was in open season.

If you have a weak mind, are not that sociable or anxious around people I'm telling ya failure will just continue. It did for me. I went to college/university to take a Bachelor of Science course, cause that would make my parents and society proud. I didn't finish one damn semester in anything. I was so ill prepared for the workload, nor could I make any friends nor had any. So since I had no support, I crashed in a psych ward with major depression for the next 2 months and then discovered over the course of that coming year that I was Bipolar and have since lived a sort of recluse existance.

What I really want to stress is that this is very serious. These years in your life when you are 18, 19, 20 etc... are extremely serious for forecasting your coming future. I think you should make this damn clear to your parents and tell them that you need as much support as they can muster up during this time.

If you decide to go to college take something you at least have a bit of an interest in and that is very easy that you know that you can pass if you put a little effort in it. Take as few courses as possible. Bottom line you don't want to fail again.

I think everyone is deathly afraid of FAILURE so much so that even if a loved one is failing they don't want to identify with you since you are so linked with failure.

Anyways thats my 2 cents.

Hope you succeed.

Didn't read your post yet. Very informative and useful. Did you pass your failures then?

Michiko74
02-01-10, 12:43 AM
I don't think anyone can blame you for feeling the way you do. Your past was pretty bleak, and you can't build a future on what you've done before.

Although you may not believe it, your dreams and goals are really what's important here. It truly is what will help you keep going, despite everything you feel right now. I believe you want to keep dreaming. I believe you want to learn and see what other dreams you can think of.

However that said, you have to deal with reality. And that reality is you have study as an ADHD student. That sometimes means your path isn't the same as your friends. You'll likely have to work almost twice as hard as they do. You have to take the responsiblity to get the accomodations you need. Most of all, you have to manage your ADHD.

The biggest obstacle probably won't be fear of failure. It's the failure to realize you have to work with what you have, rather than against it.

Good luck to you.

EshkaronsEngine
02-03-10, 04:42 PM
I'm posting here again in regards to the important years i mentioned earlier(18,19,20) since Pure19ambition was asking. Why I think these years are so important is because this is the main crossroad in life. It's like your cruising along hoping for the best and then there's this huge stop sign. Your past has caught up with you and the future's before you. And all you have in this present is you. So you look at yourself for a long time and think should I go forward, I mean I have to go forward or I'll look retarded. So you go forward and you realize everyone is passing you by. So you start to wonder - maybe I am retarded? So you start to look to your past for answers and realize that while all the others have been building their cars up over the years with bigger engines and better bodies you've been in the same model since you were in elementary school but no one noticed because you spent all your time becoming a genius at camouflage. You learned early that the worst thing in the world was to be or even appear stupid(also your mom from time to time helped by reminding you how stupid you kids were if you ever forgot) so you made the high marks in school by regurgitating the right things they want to hear and learned all the social evasive maneuvers and voila you made it to 18 almost unscathed only to find out that life has not really started yet. Now you have to try and convince your family that your whole life has been practically a sham but this will just not due because you realize your family is kind of a sham itself (your parents are as scared as hell too, they are really not there to support you, they are really there to fit you into a hole they've assigned for you and if you actually tell them that you really aren't that person you tried so hard to be all those years all that comes up on the screen of their eyes is ERROR! ERROR! so even though your wrenching out things out of your gut like these sacred truths about yourself that even you didn't know existed you realize that your parents really don't know you and never did they just think they do and then this compounding realization hits you like a 747 diving into your eyes that somewhere way back you buried your true self and you've been living as an imposter for the last 13 years. So all you can do now is swallow the "red pill" hang on to your butt and see how far down the rabbit hole you go. You've heard people say that I want to go out and find myself. I was saying that alot b4 that time. Well I went out to find what was at the bottom of this person I was and found that I really wasn't there.I had nothing to hang on to, to build a me. I was a frenzy of nervousness(like an image on a T.V.screen but once you turn off the T.V. the image is gone) Once I was taken out of the structures of society I was absent. Talk about existential angst without the existence (haha).

Sorry about the rant but I want to make one thing clear. I believe you are your mind and nothing more unless you have a strong social network of family and friends who actually know who you are and what makes you tick. So if you don't have that understanding social fabric and your mind is unstable and unable to recondition itself into health than you might be f***ed like me . Well I will finish this post by saying that the importance of being 18,19,20 I think is that this is the time when your forced to look at yourself with eyes wide open and if what you see is something terrifying that you can't handle you want to tell someone who will help you deal with this. If you can't deal with it and come up with a new identity that your parents and society can understand and accept you may just end up in Neverland like me.

So in answer to another of your questions Pure19amibition, No I never overcame my failures. This is mainly because I believe my problems are organic and involve chemicals and or structures in my brain that seem to shut it down under the littlest of stresses. So I haven't given up the search for the magic pill and or therapy but until I do I believe I have come across being a Loser quite honestly and I now realize I would rather be at the bottom of the barrel than outside the barrel entirely. So ask away I will challenge anyone for this bottom of the barrel position. I am a Loser baby so why don't you kill me(like ask me why I haven't killed myself)haha.

esh

Gilthranon
03-15-10, 06:34 PM
Strong talk Eshkaron. I liked it, but I am who I am, and there is no such thing as a rule for life. If I say I will get somewhere, I will. And the guy who thinks he has the right to contradict me on that, I missed the point where words are as powerful as my will!

If I say I won't die before the world remembers me, I mean this. And, I believe in me, as do I in the fact my future roads announces itself half broken and hard to be ridden. The greater the challenge, the greater the victory.

I say I believe.


(Eluveitie music on the background, really helps my mood and conviction during the writing x) )



Ps - call me ignorant, maybe naif, this is right possibly... so ?!

DTownDave22
03-17-10, 12:24 PM
Wow, I can say that reading these posts and watching Mr. Chims video he posted really teared me up quite a bit.

I can empathize and relate with a lot. Not necessarily being a failure to the point of being kicked out of a school district, but a lot of what eshkaron said, in terms of one's "development" and experiences with school, one's family and social fabric and network and what others posted as well.

I would take advice given in this post as a start, and see if you have any other alternative options. You want to go to college, but taken from a quote someone has on these forums: "Insanity is doing the same thing but expecting different results." You should not, nor would I, expect different results by trying the same exact approaches.

If you want to go to college, what would be different than H.S.? Would it be something you are interested in? Do you need to complete H.S. first to get into college? Are there alternative options for getting into college besides finishing H.S. or an alternative H.S. instead? Is there a trade school you could try instead? There are many options and approaches. I would not give up. I don't think you should either.