Have you ever felt that there really is no one who really cares that you now have a reason for the way you been all you life ????


Have you ever wanted to go and talk to a teacher who treated you poorly because they didn't have any idea what ADD was all about , but the problem is that they are all dead now ???

Have you ever wished you could go talk to your parents who had no idea about ADD and just figured that you were a bad kid, but there dead also !!!!!!!


How about some of your friends you had as you were growing up who were the best of friends for a period in your life but as time marched on and the friendships slowly fell apart and you really din't know why, wouldn't you like to just talk to one of these friends and be able to explain what it is all about and have them listen as if they really care.

and last but not least wouldn't it be nice to find Alladins Lamp and be granted 3 wishes that would make you happy for the rest of your life !!!!!!!!!!


Guess I'm feeling down and wishing I had it all to do again !!!!!

Knowing what I know now

Yeap to a lot of those. Been there. Hope you pick up soon.
Jim

Thanks Jim

Im lucky enough now to know its just the ADD and that it shall pass.

Doesn't matter though as all the people Id like to talk to are dead so they really don't care

My situation is a little different in the people I would like to talk to have been out of my life for a long time. In the case of my family they are supportive but do not really believe the diagnosis. also the few times I have discussed it my family has been very uneasy about talking about it.

Thats a sad story.

I can relate to most of it.

I hope you cheer up!

I can sympathize completely, but take it from me, a guy who still has his parents around, after you tell them about your ADD it doesn't make you feel much better. If you're expecting the years of difficulty prior to your diagnosis to vanish, well, that won't happen.

Even after you share your diagnosis with family, friends, and teachers, the years behind you are still behind you, looking up at you. What you've got to do is focus on the positive. First, isn't it great that you even got diagnosed at all. Hundreds and thousands of people out there are still struggling and suffering. And second, do something that you've always wanted to do, but were unable to do it because of your undiagnosed ADD. Take flying lessons, build a treehouse, go to Disney World, paint a picture!

It doesn't have to be a waste of time, if you take what you've learned and turn it into a positive!

Hope this helps.

Yeah, it really sucks when you THINK you find people you can confide in about yourself and your problems, but they turn your back on you when you think they wouldn't. I KNOW ALL ABOUT THIS TOO WELL.

Originally posted by jaimegerise
Yeah, it really sucks when you THINK you find people you can confide in about yourself and your problems, but they turn your back on you when you think they wouldn't. I KNOW ALL ABOUT THIS TOO WELL.

I don't think it has so much to do with confiding in people that you hope will understand (ie. family, friends and teachers). Instead, I believe the problem here is that it doesn't take away the pain that you've experienced in the past.

We go and tell people about our ADD, hoping that some magic words they have will take away our pain, but the truth is that only we ourselves can take the pain away by choosing to change the way we think about the past.

Originally posted by Garry Lawton
and last but not least wouldn't it be nice to find Alladins Lamp and be granted 3 wishes that would make you happy for the rest of your life !!!!!!!!!!


Can't go back and change it! But you can change what it means to you!

Here's what I mean... I have many examples of what you described and more. I can't go back and fix it but I can rewrite those memories AND decide what they mean to me.
Like, all of the crap I got in High School that drove me to quit as a Junior. I can focus on all of those details or change my focus and sum it up with one positive memory: I walked in one day, a year after, and took the GED without any study and scored in the 96th percentile. None of the goofballs I went to High School with could get in the 96th percentile if they studied the subjects for ten years! OK, there was this one girl... but I think she had.... ADD :D
And she only had one hand.....seriously.

Fast Forward to today and my focus is: I did find Aladins lamp.
My three wishes are named Drew, Drake and Olivia.

What you focus on colors how you view all new experiences. So, if you want your life to have a more upbeat color focus on those aspects that work. Focus on things that you find uplifting and inspirational.
And remember that old phrase "I felt bad that I didn't have any shoes, until I met a man who didn't have any feet"?

To me, You may be the man with no feet. To you, someone else is. If you want to have an inspiring perspective on life and feel like you have have no problems...find the guy with "no feet".
Go to a local hospital burn unit. Or get them to take you to the morgue for show and smell. Talk to some of the people in the terminal care wing and ask them how they cope.
When I think of these things I look back on my past, like when my Dad would beat us with a belt and say "you damn kids are never going to amount to anything" and so I think... I got NO problems.
Compared to a terminally ill patient or even someone who "has no feet".

It's all about perspective.

Originally posted by Garry Lawton

How about some of your friends you had as you were growing up who were the best of friends for a period in your life but as time marched on and the friendships slowly fell apart and you really din't know why, wouldn't you like to just talk to one of these friends and be able to explain what it is all about and have them listen as if they really care.


*YES*!
i'm actually in the process (as always...) of writing a letter to a person who was my "bestest" friend for over eight years, but who just didn't understand, and so slowly our friendship just sort of...died...

i also (about a month ago) went and visited my first teacher - a *wonderful* person, who liked me *a lot*, although my desk *always* looked like a nuclear bomb had gone of in there...

i think i'm ready for these steps to be taken now, and i do think they are helping me in the "healing"/"acceptance" process...

:yin-yang:

Garry,

I know precisely what you mean. Though for me the experiences in question were so painful, scarring, and publically humiliating, I alternate between simply wanting them to know their error, with no angst, recriminations, or finger pointing, and let them draw their own conclusions (The hope, of course, being that they would never again do that to another soul as long as they live. Though the majority of them were so damn convinced of their own moral high ground and "rightness" that realizing they'd victimized someone to that degree might result in the same kind of damage to them they did to me... I'm not entirely sure I'm willing to do that in return. It would just damage me all over again because I'd feel it all over again), to the other side of the coin in which I level the charge at them in anger from a position of success in life, which I have arguably achieved far beyond their predictions and expectations already, and publically call them out on the carpet for their misdeeds of the past, question whether they can be can be continue to be trusted with children, and demand an apology.

Niether scenario is particularly likely. Though many of my teachers are still working in the education field and have not passed on, it is doubtful any remember me. So, a direct approach wouldn't have the desired personal impact. A public calling on the carpet would backfire in a huge way in the small backwater community from which I sprang. Ammon Idaho, is a town in which a family with an ADD child would take the child to a larger town for treatment and certainly would keep said treatment under wraps. They take care of their own, and being gone for so long I would become the "outsider" immediately in such and encounter as the one I described. The end result is that I would simply be ignored. Rather than getting practices towards students who were "different" looked into, I would only end up re-enforcing them.

I love my home, and don't mean to make it sound so bad, because it really isn't. It's just that some of the things that can make it good often back fire on it and keep it... Well, a backwater.

There is good news though Gary!

We have been there too! We won't misunderstand you, even when we do misunderstand you. :-) Which is to say, that even when we have difficulty with each others "ways", we know that ADD is like that. Different types can make us as unintelligible to each other at times as we are to society at large. Unlike society at large though, we are perfectly willing and able to accept differences and embrace them.

It's not a late start Gary. Early and late are entirely artificial concepts from linear society. It's just a start. Starts are beginings, and beginings mean you are in for a heck of a good story. :-) The best part for us is we get to be a part of it too! ;-) At least we do if you choose to let us.

Happiness has been an illusive companion for me. I hope you find some peace soon Garry.

I wouldn't want to start again. I don't even want to look back much. I am trying my darnedest to try and keep my sights set on what's working and what is making me happy. I'm still pretty negative about society and commercialism but on a few personal fronts I'm more positive.

I almost never feel alone with my ADD/ADHD now. Men and women like you and your warm personal welcome to this place helped cement that feeling deeply into my experience. You cared and it made a difference. Thanks bud.
Cheers! Ian

Originally posted by Garry Lawton
Have you ever felt that there really is no one who really cares that you now have a reason for the way you been all you life ????


I care, Garry. :)

Maybe now that your parents and others have passed on, wherever they are, they have the benefit of some higher knowledge. Would it help you to think that they admire you now for all the things you have accomplished IN SPITE OF ADD?

when I wrote that I was feeling a little down and was more just venting my thoughts , not even thinking about the reponsces I might get.

I am going to sum it all up in a few words as all the responces have been enlighting and heartwarming.

Thank you all for caring and it sure is nice to have a whole wack of brothers and sisters who even though we have never physically met it is sure nice to feel the caring that I have felt here.

Oh yeah been there Gary.......

I have got to talk to a few of the people you mentioned. Some understood and were interested so wheren't (my dad for one)..

It's ok to be down sometimes

my heart goes out to you, my 11 year old son as adhd and autism and at least i know now how he maybe feeling so thank you very much.

Glad you are feeling better, brother!

Thanks Sis

Garry: I'm glad you expressed your thoughts...and I relate....and some of those old people who didn't understand ARE dead....and so talking to them again will never happen....BUT I think it is important to stay focussed on the future....and just embrace the people today and in our futures who love us and will understand....I'm glad you're here....:)

Originally posted by joanrdtobe
BUT I think it is important to stay focussed on the future....

What is the FUTURE....

An hour from Now....

A Day From Now....

A Month from Now....

A Year from Now....

A Month is like a LIFETIME .... A Year !!!! Thats Unthinkable....

A Year from now will make today seem like 8 Lifetimes ago .....

One day at a time seems to be the only reality in time that I can comprehend....

Today is a Day .... It is the only Day that exists
because if tommorow does come
then today will be yesterday
and there is nothing I can do about yesterday

Today is a Day .... It is the only Day that exists
because if tommorow doesn't come
then today won't matter
as tommorow will not exist
And yesterday will no longer matter

Today is my Life
Yesterday is my History
Tomorrow is my Future

The rest is nothing more than a never ending , always changing figment of my ADD Imagination !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Garry

i'm *trying* to focus on *now* - *now* - *now* etc...
it's damn *hard* work, but i seem to be able to handle life one "now" at a time, and that's all that should matter, imho...
:yin-yang:

Gary (and everybody else) ....

Been there all my life. Didn't get diagnosed until my late 40's, so I'd have to include myself among those people who didn't understand how I could possibly be so overwhelmed and isolated.

I go to a C.H.A.D.D adult support group primarily just to be able to talk with people I don't have to explain myself to. The ability to relax in company for 2 hours is well worth the 60 mile roundtrip, even just once a month.

I've been also pinging on my fellow church-goers on the subject, I've made two presentations at a breakfast forum with a "talk about anything that interests you" format. I keep getting feedback from people about it all, so I know I elevated some thoughts.

In fact, just recently, one woman approached me after the Sunday service and said she had ADHD and was desperate to know if I had any "helpful hints" for her; of course, even a trained therapist (which I never advertised myself to be) wouldn't be able to do diddly in 20 minutes.

But, to my surprise, just the fact that I understood everything about the condition that bothered her was an obvious relief to her, that I understood full well myself.

So hang in there Gary, you belong here with all of us and whenever you need an escape from Universal Cluelessness, hang out at ADD Forums like we all do....

Ken

Thanks vince and I am so envious of you and having the 2 hour get together bwith our own kind

we have the same thing in london but i find it to structured for my liking

but maybe I need to re-evaluate it

im going to be in toronto saturday

Garry --

I guess I'm lucky to be in a big enough metropolitan area (like London) to have some kind of support structure outside of the pill-pushers; although I've been stumped as to how little support there is close to where I am, which seems to be hinterland despite close proximity to several quite reputable hospital complexes.

Some of it is probably public confusion (including un/under-diagnosed ADDers) about the "disorder" and chicken little panics about "DRUGS", which the news weenies do their very best to fan up (it seems).....

OOPs, better stifle that rant....:eek:

Hmm, maybe not. You live near London, and I've heard some pretty whacked out public pronouncements in the B. Isles about AD/HD being "just high spirits", or "too much TV", or (worst of all) "an American disease".:eek:

On the other hand, I've always heard that Structure Is Good for ADDers, and I wouldn't criticize a group therapist/leader for emphasizing same, especially regarding conduct. My CHADD group is pretty reined in (we can start 10 conversations at the same time at the drop of a hat), but we're a pretty cooperative bunch and go along with the rules cheerfully. Fortunately, our group leader is perfect for the job: firm but soft-spoken, no Nappy complexes....

On the other Other hand (that's three so far), we do meet afterwards at the local cantina for snacks and brews and free-associate for all it's worth. We've also talked about setting up some more social get-togethers, which our group leader seems to think a good idea. She says similar functions she's attended in the past are "like nothing you've ever seen". I am SO curious.....

Ken

Sorry nead to clarify that

London Ontario Canada

D'oh! :confused:

Now that makes me curious. What's it like there? I see you are nearest to Toronto, Buffalo, and Detroit. However, the distances are "close" only in LA freeway terms.....

Geographically Challenged Ken :dizzy: