View Full Version : ADD Coaching to get back talents and strengths


Avistar_sg
06-17-04, 04:05 AM
I really need help and most importantly support and coaching from a professional around who can help me get back in life as well as pull me up from the abyss and nadir of hopelessness! This just ain't right! I found out that my years of inattentiveness is not due to ADD nor ADHD, but due to my precocity in my early life. Much of my talents have burnt out because of a complete lack of support and neglect from society. Heres a full description of my precocious ability early in life (before 18, Im 18 now) and how they got burnt out because of the fact that they were scorned and neglected by society.

Talents which I once HAD (yes I might have lost many of them because of complete neglect by society):

1) Started drawing in 3-D at the age of 6 (3-D in the way that impressionists do ... true 3-D from one's perspective onto a 2-D paper)
Was a remarkable drawer at the same age (especially Dinosaurs)
2) Solved 1+2+3....+100 = 5050 in less than a minute at the age of 8 just like Gauss.
3) Read Brief History of Time at the age of 10 and read a lot of adult-level encyclopedias at the same age. Consistently bored-to-death in class, always scored full marks for math and science.
4) Understood Einstein's Special Theory of Relativity at the age of 13 (the entire topic with the equations and all)
5) Derived _expression for PI (3.1415926536....) in less than 5 mins at 14 and went on to derive _expression for surface area of sphere. Could visualize what it is like in a black hole based on Einstein's theory and could carry out thought experiments of all sorts.
6) Re-invented the entire model of a television, a gear-based adding and subtracting calculator, photo-electric based solar cell, refrigerator, simple video game at the age of 13-14 as well as tons of other inventions including cars, trains, planes etc. at the same age.
7) Discovered a mathematical theory for sequences (rediscovered) at 15.
8) Could mentally multiply two 5 digit numbers at the same age.
9) Designed a circuit based calculator that can do the 4 laws of arithmetic at the same age.
10) Worked out how a 3-D engine works at the same age (the 3-D engine in computers that is!)
11) Designed models for propulsion units and laser-based weapons at the same age. Also worked out sin^2 (angle) + cos^2(angle) = 1.
12) Designed 3-D engine at 16 (not completely successful)
13) Went on to design circuits that could "think" (AI) at the same age to a huge extent (got the big picture, but many of them were incomplete)
14) Could multiply 2 10 digit numbers at 17, memorized all logarithms up to 170 to 9 dp and could easily superimpose 3-D geometric figures in head.
15) Could carry out huge complicated thought experiments like Tesla and Einstein at 17 involving dozens and dozens of moving parts needed to simulate computer circuitry.
16) Digit span >20 and can memorize articles on sight and recall them almost perfectly months or years later.
17) Derived _expression for volume of sphere in less than 5 mins and worked out the fundamentals of trigonometry in 30 mins (i.e. _expression for sine cosine and tangent) at 17.
18) Adult IQ in the range of 160 - 170

How they got burnt out:

1) Lack of parental support: in my mid teen years, my parents encouraged me to study hard for school while clinging on to the rigid belief that academic success matters more than my interests. They scorned and looked down on my interests and said I did not have the intellectual ability to continue my own research when I actually had.
2) Constant bullying in school: I had no friends in school, and I was constantly bullied for my ideas and told I was stupid in spite of my talents which were largely unrecognised.
3) No intellectual stimulation nor challenge: my parents as well as my society (Singapore) did not provide any form of challenging work for me. I was constantly bored to death in school.
4) Rigid education system: I am getting increasingly annoyed by the fact that everyone in Singapore must go thru the same inflexible education system while their talents are ignored. So annoyed was I that, as an act of defiance, delibrately scored below 1000 for my SATs by leaving entire sections blank.
5) Stressed out by school work and unable to fit into society: Finally driven to the edge of insanity and I totally gave up all my interests and right now I have no personal drive, and I am slacking throught out entire days, not reading nor doing anything productive, not even studying for my coming exams.
6) Ability does not meet up to challenge.

I really need someone to get me up in shape again! I apologise for the obvious hostility and anger that is notable in what I just wrote, but I cant help it as things are really getting out of control! I need someone to elevate my self-esteem and ignite the combustion chamber in my engine to drive me towards my goals and regain my interests again before things gets worse!!

Tara
06-17-04, 10:53 AM
Wow!!!!

First of all your strengths and talents are still there. You have not lost them. I for one think it's amazing that at the age of 18 you are aware of so many of your strengths and talents. When I was 18 it was very hard for me to identify positve things about myself let alone communicate them to othesr like you have just done.

One thing you may want to begin doing is looking for an ADD Coach. Most Coaches offer a free intrductory session. Look around a talk to a few of them.

Here are some sites which list ADD Coaches

http://www.add.org/help
http://www.addca.com
http://www.addresources.org
http://www.americoach.org
http://www.addconsults.com

I think that if you found the right match for an ADD coach that it would really help you a great deal.

Avistar_sg
07-08-04, 08:52 AM
thx for the advice! its a good thing that i found someone of roughly the same precocity as me in school - our similarities are striking! we share the same interests, display similar abilities since young [we both discovered gauss' law at 8 and we designed a 3D engine at about the same age!] we often engage in long and abtruse philosophical or mathematical problems or invent new things together. its good that i finally found a good partner for intellectual stimulation.

robmhill
07-08-04, 09:11 AM
my father told me i invented a way to write negative numbers at age 4
i subtracted 5 from 2 and got 03 as when you go to tens you put a 0 on the other side i put it there to go to negative numbers

unfortunately my father had to work and deal with my mother so he was not able to do as much as he could.

but he introduced me to behaviorism, he is a psychophysicist
as you can see my avatar is B F Skinner!!!!

krisp
07-08-04, 09:24 AM
In addition to finding a good coach, I recommend reading Sari Solden's Journeys Through ADDulthood, if you haven't already. This book has a lot of good insights and exercises to help you rediscover (and appreciate) your gifts. You're clearly a gifted person, and at 18 you certainly shouldn't consider yourself all washed up. ;) You have many years to put those talents to use!

FlakeyGirl
07-08-04, 12:29 PM
Unfortunately, avistar, at this point you are responsible for your own self-esteem. Here is the good news. You already made a friend who is in a similar situation and you are actively searching for advice and information on your own. You are going in the right direction. Seeking out places and relationships that support you and recognize you for your talents is key. You have already analyzed the things that do not work. Try to avoid those environments until you feel your esteem is high enough to withstand a few shots.



Although my intelligence level is not similar to yours (I have different "gifts" ), I know what it is like to have your talents go unrecognized, unappreciated and often ridiculed. Have you ever thought about teaching? The reason I ask is that another huge thing that has helped me bolster my self-esteem is helping others. That may seem like something far off as you are just 18, but perhaps you could tutor/mentor kids who have similar intelligences. It might seem like a huge undertaking while you yourself continue to struggle, but I've found that regularly getting out of my own head makes things easier.



That being said let me ask you this, avistar: What recommendations or suggestions do you have for parents of children whose minds work like yours? What type of educational environments do you feel would have been most advantageous? What type and degree of emotional supports would have been most reinforcing to you? I have a young man of my own who accomplishes remarkable things and I sense that he is beginning to feel frustrated, downtrodden and outcast. I am just looking for specific things that might help him.

paulbf
07-08-04, 01:49 PM
Great advice Flakey. Teaching is often recommended as a good career for ADDers. Ever heard of the "Exploratorium"? That'd be a cool job, working there.

Avistar,
I'm not that smart but am pretty clever. I invented a magnetic frictionless train system at about age 8. They've since been built, I guess not quite practical though for some reason. It seems like all my crazy ideas are impractical but it's all I know how to do. I recieved pretty good support for my talents and was always encouraged to be creative as a child although I didn't get hardly any discipline and there were some serious disfunctional aspects to family life back then. I wasn't a troublemaker so there didn't seem to be any need to discipline me though I wonder if I was just allowed to drift further into my irrelevant wanderings. Anyways the point is that you got discipline and we've ended up in the same place so maybe that's not the answer. When I was told to be more responsible I generally refused as you have done.

One thought I had is instead of hiring a coach to make me become a responsible person, maybe I'd be better off hiring an assistant to acually take care of the things I don't seem able to do. I know this sounds lame but it's basically the same principal that Solden talks about in another book I read where the coping strategy for a career is to get into a place where you can apply your talents and get the support you need for the tedious task to make sure you don't flounder.

We are impervious to discipline it seems. I also think I'm not really ADD like you say but in any case there is much to do about ADD that I can relate to.

Best regards

Avistar_sg
07-09-04, 08:36 AM
"Although my intelligence level is not similar to yours (I have different "gifts" ), I know what it is like to have your talents go unrecognized, unappreciated and often ridiculed. Have you ever thought about teaching? The reason I ask is that another huge thing that has helped me bolster my self-esteem is helping others. That may seem like something far off as you are just 18, but perhaps you could tutor/mentor kids who have similar intelligences. It might seem like a huge undertaking while you yourself continue to struggle, but I've found that regularly getting out of my own head makes things easier."

Well teaching sure is fun! I love teaching children new things, especially my younger cousin, who showed greater precocity than me. I want young kids like my younger cousin to be exposed to intellectually or creatively stimulating activities as frequent as possible. I also believe that education should start as early as possible - preferably at just 3 months old. I strongly despise the current education system that is still used in many countries (learning via rote or repetition) as it removes the creativity and high confidence level of children progressively thru-out their school years. I believe that creativity is a higher, and more important mental function as compared to intellect because problems cant be solved with the same insight and efficiency when divergent thinking is used as compared to convergent thinking. I cant tolerate the fact that many kids are being transformed from question marks into fullstops during their school years. Society aint progressing mainly because of the rigidity imposed on kids due to the current inflexible education system. Afterall, the definition of education is simply to draw forth one's potential in order for him to gain fulfilment and contribute to society, and not to force people to be restricted to a set of rigid rules that destroys their potential to learn.

Avistar_sg
07-09-04, 08:47 AM
"Avistar,
I'm not that smart but am pretty clever. I invented a magnetic frictionless train system at about age 8. They've since been built, I guess not quite practical though for some reason. It seems like all my crazy ideas are impractical but it's all I know how to do. I recieved pretty good support for my talents and was always encouraged to be creative as a child although I didn't get hardly any discipline and there were some serious disfunctional aspects to family life back then. I wasn't a troublemaker so there didn't seem to be any need to discipline me though I wonder if I was just allowed to drift further into my irrelevant wanderings. Anyways the point is that you got discipline and we've ended up in the same place so maybe that's not the answer. When I was told to be more responsible I generally refused as you have done."

Hey Im glad to find someone who is incredibly creative and smart like u :) . Im also glad that u received lots of support for your talents as a child. I think it is wise that u make use of your talents to the fullest extent, rather than waste it. Whats your ultimate ambition in life? Do u want to contribute something that will change the world (inventions, books, discoveries etc)? If so, I advise that u start planning now to get a head-start. To me, the sole purpose of living is to gain as much personal fulfilment as possible by finding a role for each of my talents, hence allowing them to flourish. Im sure your talents will flourish if u find your goal.

krisp
07-09-04, 09:38 AM
Avistar, I think you'd get along very well with Beep! Here are a couple of relevant posts:
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=6336
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=6860

I do think you'd make a good teacher. We need people like you to shake up the educational system! ;)

paulbf
07-09-04, 09:48 AM
I found a career that suits me pretty well and tried to fit in to society for the last 16 years with moderate success, eventually crumbling apart probably for the better due to my refusal to accept it fully. The next step was trying to apply that in a more idealistic uncompromised fashion that really can change the world. Then I found myself unable to remain focused and motivated for that. I'm 40 now and just discovered the possible ADD diagnosis so hopefully applying that knowledge to the situation can finally make it work.

The idea of hiring an assistant is even more appealing as I think about it. I wonder if it's a strange cop-out like trying to hire someone to be my parent and take care of me but really I think it could work out well. I tried coaching and it was OK but really was sort just a way of training me to be a normal person and depended on my own motivation to want to do that so it didn't last.

Avistar_sg
07-10-04, 03:11 AM
Yea! I like this Beep guy :)

AtWitsEnd
08-30-05, 02:26 PM
I can sympathise. While not of that magnitude of gifted I was an excellent artist and wanted to pursue a career in commercial art. My father refused to pay for "art school" (Rhode Island School of Design) and I was forced to "mainstream". I'm an accountant now.

So with my ADD daughter my husband and I have been very careful to let her "follow her heart". And while it may not be leading to a lucrative career such as lawyer or doctor, she does what she loves everyday. (She's a horse trainer and I've been told that it is an excellent job for an ADD person.)