View Full Version : Letter of Introduction for Psychiatrist


teacher abc
03-25-10, 06:57 PM
I wanted to hear peoples' opinions. My 20 year old "kid" has his first appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow afternoon. A friend had suggested that I give him a letter of introduction to the psychiatrist to help introduce him to the issues that this young man has had to deal with. HP can tend to be shy and to forget things, which he knows. However, another friend thought that I should not do this. The reason she thought this is because HP has a history of being abused by his biological mom and having worked with domestic violence victims, she thought it was intrusive and coercive, and even if he wanted it, it would be wrong because he needs to be able to control what he should or should not reveal to the psychiatrist. I thought about giving it to him and giving him the choice of whether or not he wants to give it to the psychiatrist. However, I think she would think that is coercive because he would want to please me. I think that if he really did not want to do it, he would not, especially if I was very clear that it is his choice and that he would not upset or displease me if he decides not to. I know that at times, he has asked that I write certain things down because he knows that he will forget them (and since he has dysgraphia, it can be very hard for him to write and he has enough school papers to write).

ADHDTigger
03-25-10, 07:29 PM
Ask him if he has a list of things he wants to cover with the pdoc and offer to go through it with him. I take lists to the doctor's office all the time so that I am sure to cover all the concerns that I have that drove me to make the appointment. It's especially common for ADHDers to do this.

Ask him if he wants help, be willing to hear "no" if he says it.

teacher abc
03-25-10, 08:29 PM
Usually, he has trouble asking for help--though he has been much better lately (which is why I was up until 1 a.m. the night before last--he called me at 11:45 p.m. asking for help on how to do something on Powerpoint for school, and two days before it when he was having trouble understanding a story in English class--I am an English/SPED teacher) but will almost always take it when offered, especially if it involves writing something down and he knows his memory is not good. However, when I call him in a little while (I wait until 9 p.m. when the cell minutes don't count), I will talk about it with him.

MGDAD
03-26-10, 01:14 PM
You friend that says "it is coercive because he will want to please you" is very oversensitive and just plain wrong. IMHO You are trying to ensure that he gets the most out of his visit to the psychiatrist. I would do exactly as you said. Write the letter with him and then let him give the letter to the psych if he wants to. In the end if he really does not want to give the letter to him, he does not have to. He could even lie to you and say that he did.

teacher abc
03-26-10, 05:51 PM
Now it doesn't even matter; the appointment did not go forward and I am still waiting to hear back as to why...Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

teacher abc
03-26-10, 05:53 PM
I wrote it, sent it to him via e mail; he told me what he wanted changed and taken out and I did that. Now I get a text message saying the appointment did not happen...and I don't know why yet.

MGDAD
03-26-10, 07:23 PM
One thing is constant with these kids is the continued drama. Good luck with everything.

teacher abc
03-26-10, 07:37 PM
And I still can't reach him to find out what happened--it is driving me mad. It is so hard having him over six hours away in this stupid little town where I can't seem to get him psychiatric care--this has been dragging out for months. Except that he went so far away to escape his bio mom, he he did manage to, I do wish he had stayed closer to home...everything is so much more difficult. I can't get the care, dealing with SSA is harder, I can't even manage to get his bank statements sent here as he requested (we actually went to the bank physically to do it before he left in January, and we still haven't seen a statement...a woman on the phone told him today--of course, that didn't come to pass--what does it take to get a bank statement sent on a CHECKING account?). Sorry to vent...I am feeling a bit overwhelmed by all of this drama. I do love him but this is just so hard to deal with sometimes...I feel like I am at my wit's end...and I am on vacation...our break just started today and I am the opposite of relaxed. He is coming into NY in a week and I am feeling like there is so much we have to do--he is behind on papers, we have to do the financial aid form, now the bank...the psychiatrist...I will have to deal with that on Monday and I doubt I will be able to get the appointment rescheduled before he leaves to come up here. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

meridian
03-26-10, 07:48 PM
DO vent. Venting here is good.

I just clicked into this thread to see how it went for him, and find out it didn't happen.

I know I was way too scared of the whole profession of psychiatry at that age to get help – and I sure hope he goes before 40 years elapses as it did for me.

Please keep us posted. Took me 6 moths to get the address changed on a checking account once as well. Very frustrating. Most banks offer an online service in addition to or in place of paper statements. Maybe check that out.

ADHDTigger
03-26-10, 08:16 PM
(((hugs))) hon. This has to be tough.

I'm with Meridian- let us know what happens next.

Regarding the bank- speak with the bank manager directly and make sure he knows that this is a second visit. There is a criticality to them providing you with what has been requested and in the way it has been requested as Grahamm-Leach-Bliley has determined this and security complaints do not make banks happy- especially if they are in possession of bailout dollars. We won't even discuss what the rules are with Sarbannes-Oxley.

Haven't received a statement? Can we all say "vulnerability to Identity Theft"? Usually that would be your/his problem to solve. Not so much if the bank fails to follow your written and properly authorized changes and a loss results.

teacher abc
03-26-10, 08:30 PM
Yes...I am having an anxiety attack--overwhelmed...all this, college visits (and my daughter and I are only at the beginning of the process). Do you think this bank stuff can wait a week or so? That way instead of making him call (because I cannot), he and I can go in and I can yell. I am in the mood that I can quite easily do that with no trouble whatsoever. And I have been getting flack on another message board about my having done a letter of introduction for this boy to the psychiatrist and I am feeling beat up on.

ADHDTigger
03-26-10, 09:26 PM
Yes...I am having an anxiety attack--overwhelmed...all this, college visits (and my daughter and I are only at the beginning of the process). Do you think this bank stuff can wait a week or so? That way instead of making him call (because I cannot), he and I can go in and I can yell. I am in the mood that I can quite easily do that with no trouble whatsoever. And I have been getting flack on another message board about my having done a letter of introduction for this boy to the psychiatrist and I am feeling beat up on.

A week one way or the other isn't going to hurt anything. I just wanted to give you all the legal points so that you had them in case you get any flack.

Whoever is giving you flack on that other message board IS NOT LIVING IN YOUR SHOES. Sometimes, it is easy to lose sight of that. You did exactly the right thing in my opinion. Whether or not he can say as much, I will bet that your son is grateful.

You do NOT deserve to be chewed on by anyone. All you have done here is try your tail off.

teacher abc
03-26-10, 09:54 PM
They were quick to point out that he is not my biological son and I have never had legal rights to him. Given the nature of our relationship now, I am not sure why this matters. At this point, I am listed everywhere as his contact person and I am the one acting as parent. As someone who was adopted, I rather resent the emphasis on biological parenthood--a bit strange since I was told she was an adoptive parent herself.

ginniebean
03-26-10, 10:30 PM
Yes...I am having an anxiety attack--overwhelmed...all this, college visits (and my daughter and I are only at the beginning of the process). Do you think this bank stuff can wait a week or so? That way instead of making him call (because I cannot), he and I can go in and I can yell. I am in the mood that I can quite easily do that with no trouble whatsoever. And I have been getting flack on another message board about my having done a letter of introduction for this boy to the psychiatrist and I am feeling beat up on.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with your letter of introduction. You've given it to him, he's consented, he even asked for things to be added and edited. Frankly, he's probably very relieved.

Simply tell these busy bodies that you don't care to hear anymore about it and that you won't respond further and don't.

It's kinda funny, I recall when my kids were younger, people often would say to me that I did too much for them, or that I should cut the apron strings. Yet, these were always people who's children had some pretty big issues. Go figure!

teacher abc
03-27-10, 12:16 AM
I am still feeling stressed and overwhelmed--maybe more so. The clinic screwed up--they had his appointment down for 2 but had given him a card that said 3 (he found the card later at home...plus the therapist who was there said she had thought it was 3 also). So they did not see him. They rescheduled the appointment for next Friday. They never called to remind him. This is a mental health clinic...my own doctor's office calls to remind me of my appointments a day before...they don't do that here when they are dealing with people with psychiatric problems????

Then, he tells me that he went back to his old pattern of intentionally not going to sleep...when he complains he has problems when he does try to sleep--continuously waking up. He stayed up earlier this week for another 48 hour stretch and then he stayed up all night last night. He said he had "intentions" of doing work. I explained to him that doing this really messes with his sleep patterns not to mention the doctor can't get a true sense of what his sleep problems are if he does this...He has agreed to keep a sleep log--my daughter, who does not have sleep problems, logs her sleep--not so much on a log but on her calendar. I am hoping it will make him more accountable for keeping normal hours, not to mention give the doctor more information when he finally does get to meet with him.

MGDAD
03-29-10, 12:07 PM
They were quick to point out that he is not my biological son and I have never had legal rights to him. Given the nature of our relationship now, I am not sure why this matters. At this point, I am listed everywhere as his contact person and I am the one acting as parent. As someone who was adopted, I rather resent the emphasis on biological parenthood--a bit strange since I was told she was an adoptive parent herself.

Whether or not he is your biological son has nothing to do with anything. Keep trying to help, but I do see your anxiety in your posts. You just need to be content with the fact that you are doing what you can, but you need to let it go when things dont work out just right.