phischeyeat
04-16-03, 01:08 AM
It has been a while since I posted, there has really been a major turn of events in my life in the last 10 days. This will probably be a long post, but I wanted to share this with my forum friends. I have previously posted that I have been separated from my wife and soon to be divorced. This was going to be my second divorce and that both of my 'ex's' are still my very best friends. Since friendship is such a core to a strong relationship, it confused and pained me that another marriage was on the rocks. My wife and I have been regularly getting together for breakfast or brunch to catch up what is going on in our lives. A couple of months ago it was apparent that we had re-connected on the close friendship that we always had, even before we had become a couple. I was happy that we were able to keep this bond between us.
During the 9 months of the separation I addressed my ADD and the General Anxiety and depression that had built up over all the years. Learning about ADD, starting medication and recognizing the aspects of my behavior directly related to ADD (and they are far from all negative, I recognize that some special qualities come sith this too) has allowed me to grow. I can truly say that for the first time in my life I am content with myself. My wife observed this transition over the months and she was also going through some important transitions herself.
Over the last couple of weeks it was very evident that the connection that brought us together was still there, I felt that it was stronger than ever. I asked myself when was I happiest and the answer is when I am with Tammy and we are sharing all the little things that happened during the prior week. It was bittersweet, because after breakfast I would drive her back to the house and head on back to my apartment. However, I could not mention this, she had asked for the divorce and I did not want to lose our friendship by chasing her away. (Actually this in itself was a huge stride in dealing with my ADD, to not impatiently blurt all this out!)
Well, one day we were chatting on line and I was telling her a story about my boys (she is their step mom. and was a very nurturing loving person in their lives. The boys mom, always referred to her as their other mom.) She said she knew what I meant, that she missed her family very much. She asked if I was still sure I wanted to go ahead with the divorce. I said , no I am not sure at all, I have not been sure for a long time.
So, we are rebuilding, we have been very frank about all the things that put us in such an awful place last summer. We don't ever want to go there again. She is going with me to my next appointment with my doc to learn about ADD which I appreciate very much.
This all came out of our striving to keep our friendship. Reconciliation was not a 'goal' that we were trying to achieve. We just realized one day that we truly have something worth saving. So we are back together, the boys came to the house this weekend and flew into Tammy's arms, happy tears and hugs for all. As my oldest son said at the dinner table that night, the equilibrium has been restored.
During the 9 months of the separation I addressed my ADD and the General Anxiety and depression that had built up over all the years. Learning about ADD, starting medication and recognizing the aspects of my behavior directly related to ADD (and they are far from all negative, I recognize that some special qualities come sith this too) has allowed me to grow. I can truly say that for the first time in my life I am content with myself. My wife observed this transition over the months and she was also going through some important transitions herself.
Over the last couple of weeks it was very evident that the connection that brought us together was still there, I felt that it was stronger than ever. I asked myself when was I happiest and the answer is when I am with Tammy and we are sharing all the little things that happened during the prior week. It was bittersweet, because after breakfast I would drive her back to the house and head on back to my apartment. However, I could not mention this, she had asked for the divorce and I did not want to lose our friendship by chasing her away. (Actually this in itself was a huge stride in dealing with my ADD, to not impatiently blurt all this out!)
Well, one day we were chatting on line and I was telling her a story about my boys (she is their step mom. and was a very nurturing loving person in their lives. The boys mom, always referred to her as their other mom.) She said she knew what I meant, that she missed her family very much. She asked if I was still sure I wanted to go ahead with the divorce. I said , no I am not sure at all, I have not been sure for a long time.
So, we are rebuilding, we have been very frank about all the things that put us in such an awful place last summer. We don't ever want to go there again. She is going with me to my next appointment with my doc to learn about ADD which I appreciate very much.
This all came out of our striving to keep our friendship. Reconciliation was not a 'goal' that we were trying to achieve. We just realized one day that we truly have something worth saving. So we are back together, the boys came to the house this weekend and flew into Tammy's arms, happy tears and hugs for all. As my oldest son said at the dinner table that night, the equilibrium has been restored.