Hey guys,

About myself:

I've been diagnosed ADHD since I was 5 years old. Now I'm 21 and studying classical composition and percussion at a university. Being a music major is ridiculous sometimes because it is extremely unstructured. Meaning that many of your classes involve practicing some kind of skill on your own. You thought sitting down to write a paper was hard...try making yourself practice marimba 2 hours, snare drum 1 hr, piano 1 hr, sight singing 1 hr, then going home to a noisy dorm to compose music for however many hours daily. The point is that instead of having to be in class or having some specific assignment to do I have to discipline myself to practice all those things. The composing can be especially hard in the beginning stages because I work on my computer...which has the internet...enough said.

Medication Stuff:

I haven't been to a neurologist since I was 16 because I've just been refilling my aderol presciptions each month. It seems like over time I have to keep taking more and more. I started off taking 2.25 milagrams or a quarter of the blue pills then after a while realized that it wasn't working any more. Upgraded to 5 milagrams and it worked for a bunch of months...now I'm at 10 milagrams and it too has slowly lost its affect, I'm still having trouble concentrating. Don't get me wrong, for the most part I'm successful, but I feel like my life is a tug of war at all times. I am constantly fighting the ADD to get my work done. Sometimes it beats me, sometimes I beat it...but the fight never ends.

Solutions:

I've found that the only thing that helps is EXTREME organization. Life to someone with ADHD can be like driving a car and only looking 10 feet in front of you...of course you didn't see the cat until it was under your tires because you couldn't plan to avoid it from afar. I make charts and graphs and calendars and lists and when I can force myself to follow them, they help immensely.

The worst ADD related problems I still struggle with on a daily basis are:

"Brain Lock"

I suffer from something someone on these forums called "brain paralysis," which is where I know I have to get a few things done and instead of starting on the thing I need to do or doing something else I need to do, I find myself doing something completely unrelated that wastes all my time. I know I'm doing it too, but sometimes I can't help myself. It's like something is grabbing me and forcing me to do anything but what I actually have to do. If I could just start my project or what not I would be fine, but sometimes I can't get myself to just switch gears. Like a falty computer program in which two variables disagree and cause the program to crash and lock up, I feel like thats what my brain does sometimes.

Unstructured Days

My worst days are days that I have nothing planned. I find myself wasting the entire day on the computer. I might decide to start working at 10pm, but come on that's horrible.

The Computer/Internet

The computer eats my entire life and when I need to compose which involves using my computer, until I get focused on my piece of music I am totally scatterbrained. I check emails while sending ims while downloading while searching while reading....I'm a computer science minor so I get totally geeked out by anything computer. I build them and program them...etc...

Video Games

Games...Someone once told me that scientists did a study of what someone's brain looked like while they were playing a computer game/video game...the results showed brain activity equal to that of a "speed" (the drug) user. Many of my fellow ADD friends tend to get hopelessly addicted to the stimulating nature of video games...I wonder if the fact that ADD kids actually TAKE speed (aderol, ritalin, etc...) to get focused if this has anything to do with it.

Lateness

Being Late for classes. I'm constantly late for class although I have perfect periods and horrible periods, depending on who's winning the tug of war that week. I am almost obsessive about time efficiency. I hate not doing something "productive," i.e reading, homework, etc.. anything that makes something...I hate waiting without being able to multitask. Therefore, I am leaving at the last second always to get there no sooner than I have to.

Solution to lateness: (works when I can discipline myself to follow it)

When I can make myself use the following method I have had really good success with punctuality. It seems that many ADD kids think "ok. class starts at 3" but because they don't plan (driving car looking 10 ft in front of them)...they actually leave at 3. Hence lateness. But if you think ok class at 3, takes 15 minutes to walk. I have to leave at 2:45. That means I have to start packing up and begin getting ready to leave at 2:40 so that I can be sure to actually leave at 2:45...Then I'm normally on time. Give that a shot sometimes. Ultra organization seems to be the only thing to save an ADD brain with or without medication.

ADHD Related Self Esteem

Self Esteem. When I am on top of my work and I'm winning the tug of war I feel great. The second I slip...and I ALWAYS do mid semester...I feel like crap...I get really depressed that I let my work get on top of me and it makes me miserable.

Conclusion + The Positive Side + The Zombie Effect:

Ok. So the good. In high school I had a 2.5 before I was placed back on medication...my parents put me back on meds when I was 16 and I graduated with a 3.7. Now I'm in my third year of College, with all the mental fighting here in school I've managed to get alot of practicing done and compose many interesting pieces of contemporary classical music. I'm winning. Maybe a bit above average...maybe more than that...

I do know that this tug of war is siphoning my potential. I am constantly devising very specific almost obessively organized patterns for myself to aid in getting work done. Eventually I go home for the summer and the pattern breaks...and it takes me 4 months to build it again. If I take more medication sometimes it helps me focus more, but at the loss of social skills. I'm a really social person, but the second I take aderol I become introverted and quiet and even physically clumsy. It's like night and day socially when I take my medication...it can make you feel like a zombie.

Prolog + Positive Message to our Community:

Anyway, I thought I'd share my stories with you guys. My life feels like an ongoing struggle to keep above the water and not drown. I wonder if anyone else feels the same way. ADD is by no means simple. People who don't have it have NO IDEA how to relate to you. How could they possibly understand that chemicals in your brain make your ideas slip away before you can act on them. To them they think, hmmm, I'll clean my room...and then they go do it. For us, it's hey, I should clean my room...I'll do it in 5 minutes. 5 hours later...Hey, I should clean my room...2 hours later...Oh man I should probably do that now. It just looks like laziness to an outsider but it really isn't.

When you are being successful you are being yourself, the second you slip and you tell them that you are having problems concentrating because of a disease called ADD, you're all of a sudden just full of soup and a common lazy slacker in their eyes because you were working yesterday what the problem today? They think your making excuses. South Park episodes and other common misconceptions about ADD not even being real are even more troubling. Non-ADD people have no idea what it's like to battle themselves daily and I commend you all for hanging in there.

I wonder if anyone has found any true benefits to ADD besides the ability to take drugs that normal people get high off of, but ADD brains are able to function like productive robot zombies?

-Dave

Welcome Dave....You sound just like me!!! I know what you mean about music being wild to major in. I was a music ed. major for 2 years...and well, I'm not doing that anymore!! I'm trying to get back to school myself soon, so not sure what to say else at the moment but...

Glad you could join us!!

Music Ed is really rough too because they expect you to learn 15 different instruments...each instrument class is generally only 1 credit hour, but you need to practice like 4 hours a day on that instrument to actually get it...The only problem is that because that class was only 1 credit you have to take a billion more classes just to be full time.

Composition is alot like that because to write a good piece of music you need to put at least 40 hours a week into your piece alone... But the problem is that a composer is supposed to be a master of all... He's supposed to be a facile conductor, a pianist, an instrumentalist, a theorist, and more. To please all your teachers who all want you to take their class really seriously for your own future you might as well put a bullet in your head, because you just can't do them all at the level they want you to be able to. Especially when you fight yourself daily just to go practice instead of wasting your time surfing the web or something.

lol Music theory was one of the things that drove me out of music ed. It was too much like math to me! lol Guess if I would have been dxed before then, I could have handled it ok. And practicing an instrument! ack! I played French horn and flute..and I hated the horn...ended up giving it up after my first semester (played it since elementary).

FOOD/Sugar

I wanted to add: Carbohydrates break down in your stomach into sugar, and as we all know, any sugars especially processed ones will kill an ADD brain's ability to focus calmly. My parents went on the Atkins diet a few months ago while I was home from school, needless to say they stopped buying carbs and brought me on the diet with them. Although I almost starved to death being a vegetarian on the "All Meat No Carbs" diet I noticed something really interesting from my two weeks of eating nothing but lettace and cheese.

I was able to concentrate unlike I've ever been able to before, even without my medication at all. It was amazing, I didn't even need my medication to get things done. I'm not advocating that anyone go jump on the Atkins diet, I just wanted to make everyone aware of just how important your diet is to your ability to concentrate.

Some of my most successful school mornings are the ones where I skip breakfast but take my aderol. I am able to concentrate deeply for large 6 hour chunks of time. Of course I eat lunch though. I guess basically I'm saying that planning your meals/the content of your meals around school work can be a very effective way of managing your ADD.

I've been on Atkins for 6 months now, and while I havent found an increase in focus or concentration, I HAVE found an increase in my energy (which is good). Also, no more food comas. Also a good thing.

Glad things are working out for you, David!

Dave, another music person here.
I made it only through one semester of music college, I had about 8 courses and was a violin major, I was expected to practice violin at least 4 hours a day. Piano at least one. Then I had Jazz band music to learn daily, Orchestra music to practice. Also theory, rythm class/conducting, eurythmics, phycology, peformance. There was not enough hours in the day to complete half of it. Plus I had to earn a living.
I got offered a job performing. And being my biggest weekness in violin is stage fright, so I abandoned school.
Well the point is.. I agree Music college is demanding, and one needs a lot of self motivation. I find that performing motivates me as I live in fear of the performance and have to learn stuff. My answer to motivation... pressure. Wish it didn't have to be that way!!

davkazmdrummer:::
YES i feel like you do ALL the time..i've said this before, and i'll say this again..
most ppl don't believe i have adhd b/c i'm good at organizing like crazy sometimes, and then it falls apart. i'm also always one the 'best' employees at whatever job i do..now that i'm working full time, commuting, have a 4 yr old and a mortgage and a husband...and school parttime...lets just say that i feel a LOT like you do about the whole musid ed. thing...every part of my life demands that i take it SERIOUSLY..so its a freaking struggle
i feel like crying sometimes and giving up!!!
everyonce in awhile i call my husband and i tell him "i have to drop a class, this is tooo much for me" while i am crying and he calms me down. i'm only taking 2 classes..i know that sounds like nothing , but even without my school i have a 17 hr day by the time i am at home after work..so its a damn long haul.
so i do the same thing..i find myself so ultra productive, which i enjoy, but it always ends up falling apart. i should be working on my homework/studying about every day..and i told my husband today that i feel like if i take ONE day off a week , like today, that i'm scrambling for the rest of the week..i scrape by ..pull an extremely late night and do my homework.
i'm taking adderall and wellbutrin
and its still a struggle every day
my main improvements on these drugs:
being able to finish things
being able to time things correctly..like cooking a complete meal..
but i'm running on very little sleep and i have developed insomnia..
ambien!! here i come!!
by the way i'm on a HUGE organize my house my life and simplify things..and that itself is a super struggle..but only possible b/c of my meds..i can now at least PLAN something out to finish my entire life of stuff i need to organize and streamline...

Music Ed is really rough too because they expect you to learn 15 different instruments...each instrument class is generally only 1 credit hour, but you need to practice like 4 hours a day on that instrument to actually get it...The only problem is that because that class was only 1 credit you have to take a billion more classes just to be full time.

Composition is alot like that because to write a good piece of music you need to put at least 40 hours a week into your piece alone... But the problem is that a composer is supposed to be a master of all... He's supposed to be a facile conductor, a pianist, an instrumentalist, a theorist, and more. To please all your teachers who all want you to take their class really seriously for your own future you might as well put a bullet in your head, because you just can't do them all at the level they want you to be able to. Especially when you fight yourself daily just to go practice instead of wasting your time surfing the web or something.
Dave, I relate to much of what you say about the music study. I was yelled at through composition study:D on a continual basis, and it wasn't my major......but I stayed away from the net and did it by hand at the piano.:cool: .

As I had already done 3 yrs clinical psych, I KNOW music is far harder. If it's any consolation, I was told that music is one of the lonliest professions. I found that to be true whilst studying, but I had no idea I had AD/HD...so I just kept at it. I now have the Doctorate of Music....so hang in there....perhaps we will get to hear your music sometime. :)

Don't you hate sight-singing?:eek:

Wow viktoria doctorate in music :) maybe someday u will share some pieces with me right? Hee hee

i had no idea that getting a music degree is so arduous...
i have to commend anyone, especially someone with adhd , for getting that accomplished!
the whole hours scenario that davkmdrummer is hellacious sounding...

Wow, you just described me, without the music. Good for you doing that, i would be in such a hole if I tried that,

if you strugle with the internet and find it sucks you life away try doing new media design. Spend a good 8hours per day sitting in fron of computers that have stupid huge pipes to the web, pardon me whilst i do no work why dont you. This time round it will be hopfully different :D. I also never suspected that majoring music would be so hard. Like you i find the only way to get through is to make millions of notes, to do list, reminders, etc. Im have some head mess that means im unorganised though (i forget which one it is, too many) so i tend to find it all falls appart very fast then i get depressed and all that with the work load and visious circle starts.

this is why i love this website. i experience every single one of these problems. thank God for this website.

Your doing a great job Dave. I am a musician (bass mostly and chapman Stick), but lately I can't concentrate on practicing at all. Nothing seems to motivate me either and It is one of the few things I enjoy. Not sure what to do. If I had a schedule like yours I would'nt make it a week without going insane probably.