View Full Version : If I were your parent


minniemae
04-16-10, 08:03 PM
Let's suppose you are a 13 year old boy who has managed to get through school in the past with a's and b's without hardly ever doing any work at home or studying for tests. But your six week grades have been dropping the past year into C territory because of occasional Ds or Fs on major grades. Since you don't have any good study habits, what could your parent do to help you?

-Go to Sylvan for their Study Skills training?
-Sit down with you every evening and have you read your notes outloud?
-Hire a college student to work with you daily when you first come home from school?
-Take you to a Supercamp for one week in the summer?
-have a teacher practice with you after school every day on how to review your notes, organize your papers, and review for tests
-set up group study with friends
-back off and let you fail until you decide to learn to study on your own

If you have overcame a similar problem, what helped you? Please share!

Song of Mercy
04-16-10, 09:05 PM
Minnimae, you are actually missing the issue with those potential solutions. You are dealing with an intelligent child that does not need tutoring to improve grades. Something else to bear in mind is that this is not about a failure to thrive..ie..not about never developing study skills. What I think you are dealing with is the inability to negotiate activities across a span of time. That is not a moral issue of not trying. I am not saying that you think it is, I am just covering the bases regarding what I am talking about. If I were in your situation I would start thinking about ways to tie your sons tasks to immediate rewards. The long term reward of get an education and succeed in your adult life doesn't work because of the way add impaired individuals perceive time.

So, this may be way off the mark, if it is I apologize.

If you have access to youtube Russle Barkley has just been posted in the last few days. There are a new series of video's by him, two include adhd time and adhd motivation. I would encourage you to check these out, they are good. I have more on this but I need to go.

Best,

Song

Song of Mercy
04-16-10, 10:33 PM
Hi Minniemae, um, I was a tad abrasive in the last post. I thought I had more time and when I realized I had to walk out the door I rushed through the post instead of just waiting to finish it.

I did want to add my final thought though. The two videos I mentioned are great educational tools to understand the nature of the trouble. As to a solution, I was thinking that if you could narrow down the nature of the trouble and then add coaching for son that ties the reward to the various steps of the work he is struggling with, it would help him now with grades while teaching him effective strategies for managing his illness.


Song

minniemae
04-17-10, 08:35 PM
I agree that this is not an issue of 'failure to thrive.' I really think that my son has never learned or developed a routine approach to studying. His method for handling school has worked in the past. But now he needs to practice a little math before taking the test, read over notes the night before, etc. I have never taught him any good study habits and now that he is a teenager he is resistant to me working with me. He is ADD inattentive.

I looked up Russell Barkley and am not sure which video you were recommending. There are many! Was there a specific one you were recommending?

Song of Mercy
04-17-10, 10:10 PM
Yes, if you look at the descriptions you will see the two I am referring too. Or, you can hover your mouse over the link for the title I believe. One has the word motivation in the title and I apologize, I cannot remember the name of the other one. However, they are in a series and once you watch one video, links to the others comes up.


Best,

Song

michinyuja
04-20-10, 06:41 AM
Smart children don't suddenly become dumb.
And diligent children don't suddenly become lazy.

Clearly, this child is intelligent, because he made A's and B's without studying or doing homework.

So something has happened to make him try less...and/or care less.

The absolute wrong thing to do in this situation would be to ply the child with more schooling. Forty-five minutes a day of any material is more than enough to develop an expertise in any subject. Think about it. What if you had someone 45 minutes a day to teach them about one thing...wouldn't you have them really, really good at it by the end of four months?

When a child enters his teens, he becomes more rebellious. You can't make him do as many things as you used to be able to. He wants to have the freedom to make more decisions on his own. Like what to wear, or what to eat, or who to play with.

If a 13-year old boy is intelligent, capable, and hard-working, and suddenly starts "underachieving" in school, there is only one reason for that.

He doesn't like it.

It might be because the teachers are more boring. Teachers are more boring the older you get, aren't they? @_@ It might be that he's become sensitive because someone picked on him, or a teacher was abrupt with him. Or it might be that he's just way too smart for it, and sitting through this boring repetitive class is torturing his soul.

But it won't be because he doesn't understand the material. That just doesn't happen across the board. One subject, maybe. But if he's getting low grades in multiple subjects, it's not about his academic ability.

So you can punish him for an unhealed/treated emotional hurt OR a bad/boring teacher by making him learn the same material twice every day. For no fault of his own.

Or you can figure out what the reason is, specifically...and then work to address it.

To be honest, if you're on this forum, I assume the child doesn't belong in regular school anyway. Mainstream school is for the mainstream people...and the people on this forum are anything but average. Alternative education can be affordable if you do your research and find a good, small program. Private schooling through homeschooling is a very cheap option.

At the risk of further offense, I'd like to point out that it's very ironic that a parent would step in and essentially punish a child with more schooling for getting low grades~ when the child is employing the same study "skills" that he's employed his entire life thus far, and mom and dad never complained before. You'd be pretty ****ed if your boss punished you for doing something you've done for 8 years, but he never said anything about. @_@

Scooter77
04-20-10, 06:48 AM
Let's suppose you are a 13 year old boy who has managed to get through school in the past with a's and b's without hardly ever doing any work at home or studying for tests. But your six week grades have been dropping the past year into C territory because of occasional Ds or Fs on major grades. Since you don't have any good study habits, what could your parent do to help you?

-Go to Sylvan for their Study Skills training?
-Sit down with you every evening and have you read your notes outloud?
-Hire a college student to work with you daily when you first come home from school?
-Take you to a Supercamp for one week in the summer?
-have a teacher practice with you after school every day on how to review your notes, organize your papers, and review for tests
-set up group study with friends
-back off and let you fail until you decide to learn to study on your own

If you have overcame a similar problem, what helped you? Please share!
I was that kid too.....I got lost in anxiety and didnt go back to school until I was 30 and figured out what I wanted to do and how badly I wanted to do it, and in the 2 years I've been at uni (after dropping out of school at 17) I've been straight HD's.
The intelligence was always there, but the motivation was lacking.....

Hmmm, in your situation this is possibly not a heart warming story...sorry bout that