Hi Guys,
This is a question just for the men in the forum. I hope someone can give me some honest answers. My boyfriend and I both have add. I know that we are all prone to addictive behaviors/substances having add. I also know how hard it is to prioritize when your not on meds. I have been on meds for 6 months now and it's going well. He just started and isn't really feeling it yet. His main interests are sports, video games and internet porn - not always in that order. The obsessiveness with sports I can totally deal with - not really all that out of the ordinary as far as guys go. The video games can be annoying (did I mention he's 30 years old...) He gets home from work every day and HAS to play video games for at least an hour or two. It's an addiction that cuts into our relationship on a regular basis. Now the biggest issue - internet porn. He doesn't know that I know just how much he views online. But to put it mildly... he spends more time with his online ladies than he does with me. I am starting to think there's something wrong with me. I understand that ALL guys like porn. But I think his online porn habits are excessive. On nights when he stays at his place - I have learned that he will stay up all night looking at porn clips online. Literally.... all night. Excessive, right? I have talked about it with him and he knows it bothers me. I have also told him that I would like it if he would direct some of that "energy" my way if you know what I mean. But despite my feelings it's like he has no self control in that regard.

So my question to you guys is have any of you experienced the same before add meds? (Be honest - I won't tell anyone!) And if so did the meds help control the need to play video games and watch porn online all night.

Some of you may be laughing at me right now, but I am being totally serious here. Either it's the add or my boyfriend is a total pervert - and I don't think it's the latter.

Any advice is greatly appreciated!!!

Vero

I think its a bit much to ask men with ADD, already suffering in many cases, with low self-esteem, to first admit publicly that they view Internet Porn (though most do), and second, (thought you didnt say as much) to consider that they actually might have a problem with it.

Here's a dated article, that touches on the subject at hand:

=======

September 25, 1999
More and more individuals, predominantly adolescent and adult males, report that they have developed the habit of going to porn sites and either masturbating to the material on screen or downloading it for later use. Curiosity is one of the main reasons individuals identify for their first visit. Such individuals avoid any potential embarrassment of buying material at a convenience store, renting material from a video store, or being seen entering a porn shop. In many cases, the curiosity is quickly satisfied and the individual rarely, if ever returns, faced only with the "trail" left by his browser and the disturbing fact that many porn sites leave "cookies" and in some cases make it very difficult to stop the browser from continuing to load porn sites in the future.

Some people, however, develop a habit -- sometimes an intense habit called an obsession -- with this form of sexual release. I've had clients tell me that they find excuses to leave work or school early in order to spend entire afternoons on these sites, downloading, viewing, and, most of the time, masturbating, sometimes many times a day, to this material. Others stay up late at night to do the same thing. Still others have yielded to their obsession while at work, downloading porn on company computers or viewing it there, frequently with discovery and a resulting suspension or in being fired.

Is it harmless?
Is viewing porn on the web harmless? Is it not "safe sex" in which no person will be risking a sexually transmitted disease or unwanted pregnancy? While that is ultimately a personal decision, it is the case that many clients come for help to stop this obsession because they note that it is ruining their relationships, is focusing their attention more and more on sexualized ways of thinking, and is inducing feelings of guilt and shame that reach clinical proportions.

If you are a person attempting to stop such a porn "addiction"--the jury is out on whether the word addiction is technically accurate for this behavior pattern, but those trying to quit certainly experience the problem as addictive -- then read on...


What can I do to stop?
The concepts originally developed in the drug and alcohol treatment area collectively called "relapse prevention" are the first steps to learn about. They include understanding the "high risk" situations that "trigger" urges. These include identifying when you are likely to engage in this behavior and how you are feeling before you start your "chain of steps" to act out. Things like feeling lonely, upset, sexually aroused from something seen or heard earlier in the day, an opportunity, and many other conditions which increase the chances that you'll act out.

Learning how you give yourself permission do something you are trying not to do is also a central concept to learn in relapse prevention. Called a "thinking error" or a "cognitive distortion" (my patients like to call this thinking "self-bullsh*t") this form of thinking is essential to recognize and challenge. Examples of thinking errors include "well, this isn't hurting anybody" or "nobody could ever know" or "just this last time, then I'll stop!" We tend to believe these thoughts as we move towards acting out, and then, following completion of the action, we feel terrible about "giving in."

If an individual knows about his high risk factors and his favorite thinking errors, then he can set up a "radar watch" so that he doesn't blindly keep walking into his addictive cycle of using thinking errors to keep justifying his habit.

Sometimes short-term therapy with a clinician trained in relapse prevention is the way to go. There are also support groups, most modeled on 12-step programs, which also use relapse prevention concepts. A national self-help group called Sex Addicts Anonymous probably has a chapter near you. Check them out.

What if nothing seems to work?
If all else fails, you have several electronic options:

Buy a software product that "locks out" X-rated sites. Have somebody else install it for you.

Contact your Internet Provider and ask for advice about locking out sites. There are "filter" programs and sites that are avialable for this purpose.
Use the computer only when somebody else is present. Change ALL habits related to isolating yourself when on the web

Throw away your modem if you have to.

Test yourself
Here's a self-help test for those using porn sites or X-rated chat rooms, etc:
1. I'm spending more and more time in web activities related to sexual arousal.
2. I feel bad about going there and want to stop, but I can't.
3. My spouse, girlfriend, etc. would be hurt, distressed, or would break up with me if she knew what I was doing.
4. I am using these sites instead of giving my relationship the time it needs.
5. I use these sites to escape from other problems that are bothering me
If you answered yes to item 1 and yes to at least one of the other questions, then you probably should do something about this habit. The chances that you'll satisfy your curiosity and stop is low. The chance that the habit will become a serious issue in your life is pretty high.
[i]Written by David Goldfoot, PhD. Source: MH Solutions dot com

Hi Big,
Thank you for posting the article, it's very interesting. And I apologize to you and any guy here if I caused any type of embarassment. It was truely not my intention to cause any harm by posing that question. I sincerely want to understand whether my boyfriend is exhibiting addictive behavior caused or worsened by his add or just doing normal guy stuff. I myself suffer from low self-esteem and his "habits" make me feel, well, to be completely honest, inadequate as his girlfriend, which doesn't make feel me too good about myself or our relationship. I am just looking for a little hope that maybe things will be different after the meds take effect. I'm 29 years old and this is the first relationship I've ever had that's lasted longer than 3 months (on account of my own add which went undiagnosed up until 6 months ago). And I do love him very much despite his habits and behaviors. Learning about ADD has helped me understand him and improved the way we relate to each other. I thought a little insight from men who might understand or relate ot the subject would help me understand more. I am considering showing him the article you posted. I walk on eggshells when it comes to this stuff because I don't want to make him feel worse about things. Anyway, like I said I had no intention to judge anyone or make anyone feel bad or embarrassed, I was just looking for some insight into my boyfriend's behaviors and whether or not it's related to his ADD.

I personally don't think there is anything wrong with men (or women) viewing whatever they wish on the Internet. As for porn, perhaps a middle ground with your boyfriend would be to ask that you view it with him? Or ask him what his fantasies are? Viewing porn can be a very healthy & safe way to live out certain fantasies. Perhaps there is something that he's finding on the Internet that you could try out together? He may very well be seeking out safe stimulation on the 'net, which could work to your advantage...if you get a little insight from him as to what his interests are in that arena, etc.

Of course, please take all this with a grain of salt. I am not a couples' therapist, or medical professional. Perhaps you might talk to one about this too?

I don't think you should see this as reflecting badly on you but it might be something to be concerned about him being uncomfortable with relationships in general. That could be a problem down the road. Two attractions to him for the porn may be convenience and the adventure/escape factor. You might look at those as opportunities. Also, that does sound like more than 'normal'.

Thank you both for being frank and honest here. It's a touchy subject I know. I was doing a little research online tonight and found an article that says veiwing porn causes the brain to release epinephrine. So, I think it is something that may be exacerbated by his ADD. Maybe another form of self-medication? I am past the point of blaming myself - I am a very adventurous partner and an attractive girl. From what I've read online tonight I do think he's got an addiction to porn. He has many addictions - so this could just be added to the list I guess. As I said before there have been nights where he was online all night and didn't sleep. Also I know there are times when he stops home from work (he delivers so he's on the road alot) and downloads porn in the afternoon. It is something that really affects my self esteem and our relationship - mostly because he isn't usually interested in sex more than once a week and that's usually initiated by me. But mostly it's a consuming habit as are the video games and until he realizes that there are other things more productive he could be doing, like sleeping or spending time with me, there's not a whole lot I can do except feel crappy. This comes back to his ADD and inability to prioritize I think so it's a catch 22.

Counseling is definitely the answer. I have been seeing a therapist since April and she's great. He is not in therapy yet. My therapist thinks that his doctor is waiting for the meds to kick in before he gets into therapy. He's has a very hard time communicating with people so she thinks it will be easier after the Strattera takes affect to get him to open up.

Anyway, thanks for posting, I found another forum that I could have posted this question in and it would have probably been more appropriate there. But I am so appreciative of the honest folks in this one. You've all helped me immensely over the past 6 months and I feel a little better about this whole issue just talking about it with you.

Vero,

Please don't misread my responses to you as any type of negative feedback. I think you bring up a sensitive point to be discussed, and in my own way, wanted to properly set expectations for the responses you might get.

I don't think anything you've posted was inappropriate for this forum, and I'm happy to discuss this topic with you, while hoping that others might add their insight as well.

Vero, I have sent you a private message.

I find the Internet and computers in general quite distracting. We ADDers are always looking for excitement, something new, “input” so the Internet is like crack to some of us. Once you get on it is hard to quit and not just with porn, with anything and everything.

Part of the problem is that you spend all day doing boring stuff at work because you have to. When you finally get to do something interesting you get into hyperfocus mode and you don’t notice time or what is going on around you.

I also get that way with computer games. It got to the point that I had to throw out all of my games. Otherwise I’ll stay up all night playing and won’t get up for work. I don’t even allow myself to go to game stores anymore. Not even to browse.

I know that I have absolutely no self control when it comes to these things. The only thing I can do is completely avoid it like an alcoholic avoids alcohol. Unfortunately I can’t avoid computers or the Internet so I have to find other activities that keep me away from the computer until I am too tired to play or surf.

Your boyfriend probably has similar issues. Maybe if you got him involved in other things away from home it would help. Distract him. Put something else into his mind and he will not even miss the porn. Are there any activities the two of you can do together? (Other than the obvious! :D )

Well, most guys I know are into porn... It's really not my thing. I'd be lying if I said it had no effect on me. I just have a vivid imagination and passionate emotions and get more out of them than pictures, even moving ones. Mostly I think it's got a lot to do with my OCD. Though not in the usual psycho babble way.

If his viewing gets in the way of his functioning as a person, IE work, and a functional relationship with you (dates etc...) then there's an issue. If it's something he does on his own time that doesn't interfere with his job, or your dating routine, prying will only cause resentment. As BIG said, "I am not a relationship or sexual therapist", and I'm not either. I think it comes down to whether this is a YOU issue, or truly a pathologically life affecting problem. This is not to suggest you are a bad person, or controlling, or being a prude. Everyone has a comfort zone. Just be prepared to accept that this behavior may be something that is HIM, not his ADD, or addictive behavior, but something he likes to do. If this isn't something you can accept, don't punish him for it, or try to change him. Simply matter of factly let him know it isn't something you can accept. Life can be awful that way.

However, no one is saying it will happen like that. I don't know enough to say whether the behavior is addictive, normal, or anything in between. I don't know the man. I know that sleeplessness is normal in adult ADDers, and if he has nothing else to do in a quiet house, surfing porn might be how he keeps from going stir crazy, rather than the driving force keeping him awake. I do know that people, especially us ADDers (because we are so quick to become attached and so passionate in our feelings), can be awfully unrealistic in their expectations in relationships. It is very hard to let go and face pain even when there are things that just won't change, or already have changed, right in front of you.

I commend you for your seeking opinions outside your own though. It shows a genuine wish to make things work with objective information, not how you'd like things to be.

I sure do wish I could see things as objectively as all that though. If I made it sound easy, IT'S NOT!

Hi Everybody,
Thanks for the replies. My man's internet is just like crack to him. That's a good correlation. Today is a perfect example. He was off work today and had planned to finally organize his computer room. No such luck! I told him to turn his computer off and don't turn it on until he got something accomplished. Then go online - like a kind of reward. But he played some playstation instead and then went online. 6 hours later - the room is still chaotic - which is pretty much par for him. Only thing is he has a ton of stuff he's been wanting to sell on E-bay in that room and the point of organizing the room was to get everything in order to make some money. So, I know he's kicking himself for indulging in his usual distractions again. I am sure he was looking at porn again too - I don't even have to check to know that. I would love it if there were things we could do together. But he plays drums in a band which is the equivalent of another full time job and he doesn't have much free time that coordinates with my schedule. It's not because he lacks hobbies or interests - his schedule is overloaded, but unfortunately I can't participate in gigs and band practice or recording sessions. Most of the time when he is online is when he stays at his house and is up all night (when I am sleeping). I really think that once he gets on the right meds and is able to see what's a priority and what's not things will get better. He really does walk around in the preverbial "add fog" so once that "lifts" I think things will change. I read an article once regarding video game addicts. It said that avid gamers play so much because they have very low self esteem and winning games makes them feel good about themselves and in control for a short period. Also that video games as well as porn causes certain chemicals in the brain to release which I have an inkling is associated with add. It may be that those chemicals are already depleted in my man's brain and once he gets some meds in his system that make his brain produce those chemicals on a regular basis as it should - he won't have that need anymore to play games constantly or obsess over porn clips. I also have in the back of my mind, something I read in Sari Solden's book - Women with ADHD. She says (not an exact quote) that ADHD behaviors do not reflect a person's actual character or the real person inside. So I try to keep that fresh in my mind with him. He has the biggest heart and he really loves me I know. It's just frustrating when he's been up checking out porn all week and by the time we have time to spend together he's all worn out so to speak. I end up feeling very neglected and resentful towards him. But I feel at least now that I have some perspective on things thanks to your posts. My man's got a long road ahead - I think we both do. But for right now I think I need to be patient until he at least "sees" the road. His family tells me that he would have never sought help or tried meds without my urging so I guess I am doing something right - I think I just need to have a little more faith in us.

Thanks Again!!! You are all wonderful!!!

And if his band ever makes it big I am sending you all tickets!

Vero

You've described my husband (minus the sports) exactly. We've been together for 4 years, the internet porn has been a problem for more then the last 2, the video games is more recent and not as severe. I'd like to offer some insigt on the porn, I'm not sure the men's forum is the proper place, as we are both ladies.

On second thought I imagine if there's 2 men like this then there are more out there. I'd like to hear from someone (other than my husband) who struggles with this. I'm not sure if it's ADD or not. We refer to it as "the internet girlfriend" My husband and I have found some things that work for us.

I hear what you're saying about the internet girlfriend making you feel like crap. Even an open minded girl like myself will get resentful sitting in bed alone all night while her man is in the other room getting his kicks off the computer. He should know how you feel; resentment relating to sex will manifest itself in other areas of the relationship. And it sucks to feel like that. I spent many months spying on his computer usage, looking at the history and reading his email. I even hacked into his private email. Huge trust violation on my part. I felt so horrible about reading his email (and some things in the emails) that I had to bring it up.

He was mad at me for invading his privacy by reading his email, surprisingly he wasn't mad about me suggesting he spent too much time on the porn. He agreed with me. He said he didn't know how to fix it. So we started working out some solutions. (We’re stagehands in NYC, our tendency is to analyze and troubleshoot emotional problems like it's a machine making bad noise. Establish the problem, make a list of possible solutions, then try then one at a time until something works. Its not nearly as easy as I make it sound, we yell and fight about the issue a good bit before we realize that something needs fixing.)

We haven't kicked the internet girlfriend completely out. We tried that; it resulted in a nasty cycle of binge and purge. And I believe every person has a right to porn. I am welcome to monitor his computer use and to say something if I feel he’s loosing control before it becomes a problem. There is a time limit, going repeatedly over the time limit is a signal that things are getting out of control. We look at it together sometimes so that I have an idea about what he’s looking at (and because it’s good foreplay). That makes me feel more secure that he won’t run off with internet girlfriend. I think his awareness of how his behavior makes me feel is a huge motivator in keeping this thing under control.

It wasn’t easy. I can’t say that it’ll work for you. I feel like talking about it can’t do any more damage than stewing in resentment.

I know it sounds bad but at least you know he’s not out messing around with other women.

Hi Again,
I will try and make this post no so long as yesterday's! Clara - you have some really good ideas. I don't know how keen he would be on me monitering his porn habits, although I do also check the log and see where he's been sometimes - it makes me feel so bad but sometimes I just can't help myself. It is comforting to know that at least he is not out with some other woman. He is definitely not the cheating type for sure. But sometimes when he's online a lot it feels like he is cheating on me. I am waiting for the right time to discuss it with him and I think I've got some really good feedback from everyone to make the communication meaningful.

Thanks Again!!!

Vero

If you're going to monitor him, I suggest you do it out front and without hiding the fact from him. Secrets between you two will not help resolve this issue.

I don't think there is anything wrong with appreciating internet porn, nor wanting to spend a lot of time on it, nor wanting to do this alone. I think that being UNABLE to moderate it, however, would classify it as an addiction.

Realistically, if he spent more quality time with you (both sexually and non-sexually), would you be happy? Could you deal with him liking his various escapes then?

If you are looking at the internet history, he make not actually be going all the sites listed there. Many times when somebody goes to one adult site about 10 windows pop up for other sites.

Hi to both of you again!
My man and I are both well. I do realize that not all sites that appear in the pc log were accessed. My boyfriend downloads mini porn flicks - like a movie file - about 15-20 minutes long each - there's no mistaking when he's got 5-10 new ones in there. It may actually be some sort of online service he pays for. I don't know. Since he got DSL there's no tearing him away from the pc once he's online. I don't intend to moniter anything because it only upsets me when I do. So I intend to go about my life as usual and just deal with what comes. My boyfriend has a lot more to deal with right now besides making me feel better about his habits and hobbies. He is reading Driven to Distraction right now which is wonderful!! It's the first real attempt he's made to understand ADD and I think him getting educated is more important right now. So, I make sure to encourage the good things and ignore the rest - guilt trips never solve anything - they just make him feel bad. I think this is the best approach right now. Once he gets the major symptoms under control then maybe we can work on the little things.

The good news is I've had an incredible job offer which would require relocating to sunny Florida! I haven't accepted it yet and I have several months to decide and move if I take it. But I talked with my boyfriend about him coming with me and he's open to checking it out. We are going to hopefully take a long weekend and go to Florida to see what's there for us. It's a wonderful opportunity for me and I think it would be incredible for him as well. He's been stuck in a MAJOR rut here in PA and the change of scenery/distractions might be just what he needs. Plus it would eliminate the dreary, depressing, cold winters here in PA - of which I personally can't take another! It's a BIG move for both of us and I don't know if he'll go. But who knows! He may think it's just what he needs too. Maybe we both just need to relax on the beach for a few years and get some perspective!

Congrats on the job! You know about all of those beautiful women that go to the beach, right? Also, I’m pretty sure they have the Internet, porn and all, in Florida too.

Very funny Pen! Yeah, I think that the porn factor is pretty much unavoidable anywhere we go. . It's good to know that he's not looking at porn because he's not attracted to me anymore. It's just one of the many, many distractions in his life that suck up all of his time. I was getting hopeful because he finally started on Strattera. But it doesn't seem to be working and it's been long enough that it should. He goes back to the doc in 2 weeks so hopefully he will switch him to something else. I really think my man's main problem is determining what's a priority and what's not. Hallmark ADD behavior. So I was mostly hopeful that the meds would help him get his priorities in line. I really have no problem with a little porn - it's A LOT of porn that gets to me. Especially when I am home waiting for him to get his butt over here and he's online looking at porn, or playing video games or just putzing around his house. I have asked him SO many times to just give me one night during the week where he comes over around 8pm so we can have some dinner together and maybe watch a movie. But it never happens. He strolls in right when I'm getting sleepy. I have to get up a lot earlier than he does and it's something he's never managed to be considerate of. So, I'm getting off the subject but like I said porn in moderation is fine - but making me wait for him because he's looking at porn = NOT FINE!

Anyway, if the behaviors don't get better I may be moving to Florida alone! I always wanted to live at the beach! It's in his hands to make the decision now.

Like Vero boyfriend, I also have addiction to porn. I would stay up all night searching, watching and...more.. I would feel guilty and regret it afterward and promise to myself not to do it again. Next day, I would do the same and remose after I'm done... Usually (before taking any ADD med), 2 to 3 consecutive days/nights of porn would last me (stop the addiction) for a week or two. It's been going on ever since I was 12 (20 years ago), but I didn't know I've ADD until a month ago so I don’t know if they could be related. To me personally, I feel watching porn is bad due to physicial and spiritual reason. I've tried to stop but couldn't and it turns into like a "hobby". As I'm now married and have kid, I feel like I'm not being productive, by not improving or direct the time and energy with the career, the eduation and the relationship with my family and friends. The effect is gradual but it's now reaching the boiling point and I feel being a porn addict is causing a tremendous negative effect on my life, specifically to my physical body (tired or lack of energy), social life (stay in my virtual reality), and spiritual world. However, I don't have the guts and don't know how to confront it...



This week, I’m away from my home for training, and I've been watching porn from 10pm to 3am to 5am every night (have to wake up at 8:00am for training) for past 5 nights. I'm unable to concentrate and feel like ship sinking in both physical and psychological level. Now, I been on Adderall 10mg for almost 3 weeks and this week, it increases to 20mg due to training. I feel better (less depress, better concentration), but no ease on porn "watching". I'm also on high caffeine (drink 2 to 3 cps of coffee) due to training and my "nightly" behavior. I feel like I'm unable to control my mind / body and soul..



Can anyone give me some advices or suggestions please? Is the Medication or my ADD or both that could have cause and increase the addiction I've been fighting with?



Thanks,



Lee

I can speak to this issue. I am (probably) ADD and am seeking diagnosis. I am very addictive (alcholic with 19 years of recovery) and recently in recovery from porn addiction. It's very powerful and tough to break but there it is. There are several message boards for support (but none address ADD...it's about the addiction). You could have a look at http://www.pornaddictioninfo.com (http://www.pornaddictioninfo.com/) and consider joining.

Porn addiction is huge and it destroys a LOT of relationships. It's not just men, a large percentage of women are also addicted. Addicted, not just occasional users.

Porn is no big deal if it doesn't harm you...but let it and it becomes a VERY big deal!

And to Vero and all the other ladies...it ain't about you AT ALL. It has nothing to do with you. It's an addiction.

I can sure identify with this, I have a very addictive personality. I was an alcoholic for at least 15 years and managed to kick that habit now I have a beer once in a while and have no desire to get smashed. I just ran across this thread and thought about this addiction and it's like wow it it really can be considered an addiction, and the insidious thought tumbled through my mind that this could be a major contributing factor in the breakup of my marriage although it was not identifyed as such then.
I wonder what life would be like if I had no desire to access porn :eyebrow:

For most of my life i have been dealing with a sex addiction. I started to talk about this in another thread. Actully i have a site on msn that deals with this if any one would like the web address just go to my information and it is on there. It is not a large group, but we try to help when we can.

Hi Guys,
This is a question just for the men in the forum. I hope someone can give me some honest answers. My boyfriend and I both have add. I know that we are all prone to addictive behaviors/substances having add. I also know how hard it is to prioritize when your not on meds. I have been on meds for 6 months now and it's going well. He just started and isn't really feeling it yet. His main interests are sports, video games and internet porn - not always in that order. The obsessiveness with sports I can totally deal with - not really all that out of the ordinary as far as guys go. The video games can be annoying (did I mention he's 30 years old...) He gets home from work every day and HAS to play video games for at least an hour or two. It's an addiction that cuts into our relationship on a regular basis. Now the biggest issue - internet porn. He doesn't know that I know just how much he views online. But to put it mildly... he spends more time with his online ladies than he does with me. I am starting to think there's something wrong with me. I understand that ALL guys like porn. But I think his online porn habits are excessive. On nights when he stays at his place - I have learned that he will stay up all night looking at porn clips online. Literally.... all night. Excessive, right? I have talked about it with him and he knows it bothers me. I have also told him that I would like it if he would direct some of that "energy" my way if you know what I mean. But despite my feelings it's like he has no self control in that regard.

So my question to you guys is have any of you experienced the same before add meds? (Be honest - I won't tell anyone!) And if so did the meds help control the need to play video games and watch porn online all night.

Some of you may be laughing at me right now, but I am being totally serious here. Either it's the add or my boyfriend is a total pervert - and I don't think it's the latter.

Any advice is greatly appreciated!!!

VeroBE NICE! -not to sound mad but dont forget to be nice men need there 'down time' if you dont know what it is google it video games could be his down time down time is key to healthy and happy life

And also, the meds no offense not saying he does it but the meds could be helpinbg him stay up all night to ... well you know... they are a potent stimulant than can cause arousal i guess... so put two and two together and i would be a little concerned but good luck