View Full Version : Can a relative make a good coach?

06-25-04, 05:00 PM
Okay, well my main question is in the title. I ask this because I have a very good relationship with my father, and he seems to understand most of what I am going through (he has ADD himself, but was never diagnosed as ADD/ADHD was not often considered when he was younger [he's 60]), and what he dosen't understand he always has had concern and wanted to understand where I was coming from and why I felt the way I did (in my younger days he was the only father I knew who bought and read books like Reviving Ophelia and Father Hunger). These past few weeks he has been a great help to me in the turmoil that has been going on in my world, not only as a support but almost in the coaching role. I can call him whenever to ask him what I can do next to get myself out of a rut when I feel stuck (This is done respectfully, as he does consider me an adult. He only makes suggestions, and then only when I ask for help), and he has been very helpful in reminding me and keeping me on task once I decide upon doing something (I think the reason that I don't see this as nagging is it is stuff I asked for help with, and he does praise me even for effort to accomplish the task, as he realizes that alone can be difficult for me).

This man would make a great coach in almost every way. The only reason I question asking him to be one is that we also have the father daughter relationship that comes into play. I think he has learned better over the years of raising me than to smother me, and like I said the support he has provided as of late has been very helpful, not once has it felt like parental nagging. But my fear is that for some reason this may change. I remember being a teenager and just wanting my parents, even my father who I was close to in my teenage years as well, to just leave me alone. I wanted to do things myself and to do them "my way". But maybe that was just my youthful rebelliousness and I have worked past that at this point (at least it feels like I have now, but I guess I can never be sure when the need to separate myself from my parents will rise in me again). So, I guess my fear is that, although things seem like they would work wonderfully now, I will at some circumstance feel as if he is nagging me or treating me like a child. And I know for myself these feelings are much more likely when it is one of my parents suggesting what I should do. And I somewhat think that all it would take would be for him to word things wrong for me to feel he's telling me what to do and not making suggestions that I asked for.

What are other's feelings on this? Should I give it a try with the condition that if the family dynamics get in the way we will discontinue the coaching relationship? I can see my dad making the perfect coach for someone, I'm just worried that if he is my coach our family relationship will get in the way.

06-25-04, 05:34 PM
I think your instinct is right. I'd try to keep "coach" in the professional vein. Having someone understanding and supportive in your family is a very valuable asset. You wouldn't want to sacrifice that for anything. Dads are supposed to be "advisors" of a sort, but try not to confuse the roles.

Also, if you do choose a professional coach, any nagging would probably be a sign that he or she was not right for you.

06-25-04, 05:42 PM
Your father can probably do a great job "coaching" you but it's not the same as hiring a well trained professional ADD Coach. But, if what he doing is helping you than by all means keep it up. As the saying goes "If it ain't broke don't try to fix it".

06-26-04, 02:13 AM
Sounds great. If it's a big problem you can always drop it. I like talking to my mother about stuff and she gets into motherly nagging then realizes it and corrects herself and besides if I'm resisting I'll let her know and we'll both drop that line of discussion, knowing where it's going.

See how it goes, sounds like an excellent chance though.