View Full Version : Not doing well-need advice please?


leana
06-16-10, 01:44 PM
I am a 43 yr old single mom of 2 kids,ages 14 and 5.i also have health problems i struggle with daily.i have a bad back,and have to take pain meds everyday,a messed up neck,which aches and hurts everyday,and i get migraines from time to time.i also have fibro,which seems to be getting worse as i get older.i can get up early,but i can never seem to get dressed to go anywhere until afternoon.my back hurts in the mornings,and i have to wear a moist heat pad for awile,until the pain and stiffness goes away,then when noon comes,im tired,and i havent even done anything yet! My 5 yr old has severe adhd,and possibly autism spectrum disorder,he is way too hyper to have to stay at home all the time.at least last summer,i would take him to the city park and let him play.but this summer,i cant get motivated to do anything at all.im just too tired,i hurt too bad,and dont have the energy or brainpower to do it.what do i do?i know i cant keep going on like this.and you wouldnt think the kids would fight at all,with the age difference,but they fight everyday.my daughter has some problems of her own,she picks on him all the time.all she wants to do is shop online and eat,she never wants to leave the house at all.it seems like so much is falling apart here,and i cant seem to fix anything.my mom past away 5 years ago,and i dont have any friends or family to help me.im pretty much on my own with everything.can anyone give me some advice on what to do here??

EshkaronsEngine
06-16-10, 01:46 PM
I think you have to have a heart to heart with your daughter and maybe even turn her into a practical friend.

meridian
06-16-10, 02:23 PM
I think you have to have a heart to heart with your daughter and maybe even turn her into a practical friend.

I think eshkaron has it right. You need to enlist the aid of your daughter somehow.

OnlyMe
06-16-10, 05:24 PM
I think you may have either depression or chronic fatigue too, your doctor can very likely help you if you are depressed. Pain can cause depression, as can lonliness and stress; all of which you have, it would be no wonder if you were depressed. Of course, I have depression, so maybe that's just my particular hammer. :)

Has your five year old been diagnosed? Medication helps my nearly six year old a lot; and may help your little fellow too, which would help you.

Migraines are awful, if you get them more than once a month, I'd ask your doctor about taking a preventative for them. My son, who is twelve, takes propranalol; and that helps him a lot. My husband was having migraines two or three times a week and he takes topomax for those; but topomax also makes people feel stupid and have problems with word finding, so I think it's more difficult a choice to make. It's right for my husband because he was having migraines so frequently, but not for everyone.

Getting your daughter's help sounds like a good idea, a fourteen year old can do a lot. Make sure she doesn't have too much though, don't want to burn her out!

Also many places have respite care available for parents in difficult situations like yours, you could try contacting your local social services agencies and seeing if they have any help to offer.

If you can afford it, a memory foam mattress topper was helpful for my back when I was pregnant. I know that's a very different situation than yours. An electric mattress pad to warm the bed for you might help too. Chronic pain is very debilitating.

My sympathies, I hope life gets easier.

OnlyMe
06-20-10, 03:53 PM
How are you doing? Hope things are better now.

k31kozumi
06-20-10, 05:07 PM
my heart goes out to you.

i think everyone has wonderful suggestions for you. i also have had severe neck and lower back pain for 3 years. bad TMJ headaches and was dx'd as fibromyalgia. i have been taking vitamin D for almost 4 months and my pain is almost gone.

please get D levels checked.

my fibro turned out to be osteomalcia (adult rickets)

if you press down (firm not hard) on your sternum and it hurts..that is osteomalcia not fibro...(or in addition to who knows) but Vitamin D will greatly help if you feel pain when you press on your sternum about half-way down.


just trying to help :)

Killface1981
06-29-10, 01:35 AM
Like others have said, talk to your daughter(which may not do any good.) Don't try the guilt trip thing, but make her feel like she's really doing something to be helpful. If that doesn't work, don't let her shop online or eat a lot. Take away what she wants to do? And talk to your doctor, switch meds perhaps? You said you have no one so get back in the game... you're only 43, and when you focus on health problems, they own you.

Layla771
08-30-10, 03:46 PM
Migraines and fibro can come from magnesium deficiency too.. (check ctds.info ) Also, check this site for cool articles on back and neck health - it helped me HUGELY! http://www.drbookspan.com/ Lots of free articles! (I actually printed most of them out! :))
I needed to adjust my posture and my computer monitor and then things were MUCH better!

Also, backache can come from stress (there's a book about this too) and improper nutrition (too much meat/proteins or sweets etc)

Can you get a support system? Sounds like you need it. Any neighbours or neighbours' teen kids that could be 'enlisted'? Or any local volunteers that could help? (Some organisations could give you 'big sisters/brothers' for your kids to take them to the park etc. Or you could take them to any 'play hours/creativity workshops' or such.. Maybe they'd like being boyscouts/girlscouts or join the youth fire brigade or such?)
Could you team up with some other parents so that you only need to 'babysit' occasionally or there are more of you together?

Check out this book http://www.amazon.com/Siblings-Without-Rivalry-Children-Together/dp/0380799006 (I wish my Mom had read it when we were kids!!) See if you can get it in library, and their other books on communication with kids can be really helpful too!!