View Full Version : Fortune Cookies


CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:32 AM
I think I have a real future in writing fortunes for cookies. Here is first one so far:

He who smells poo, should take his head out of his butt.

Feel free to contribute your own fortunes.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:34 AM
Blind men do not need sunglasses to see. They wear them so we see that they are blind.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:35 AM
Eat the cookie, not the paper.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:36 AM
You will be hungry in an hour or so.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:37 AM
He who lives in a glass house has no near neighbors. Different story for she.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:38 AM
He who uses chop sticks has entirely too much time on his hands.
She who uses chop sticks is on a first date.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:39 AM
It's only funny when somebody farts from laughing.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:40 AM
If you can't say anything nice, send it in a letter. Preferably postage due.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:41 AM
He who sticks foot in mouth, hops around on the other.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:47 AM
You can't see the forest for the trees because they have been cut down.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:48 AM
Pandas do not mate while we're watching.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:54 AM
On the reverse, where you would find numbers:

Lottery is a tax on those who haven't studied statistics.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:56 AM
He who is w/o teeth does not have a bad habit of biting his nails.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:57 AM
You wake up and smell flowers, you feel asleep in the front yard again.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 09:13 AM
If you can't compete, don't enter a triathlon.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 09:17 AM
Before you can walk, you have to stand up.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 09:36 AM
He does not think for himself should not watch Fox News.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 09:52 AM
He who is afraid of heights, should not look down on others.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 10:05 AM
If you're reading this, you've ruined your diet.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 10:27 AM
Eh how dears sith rifts emit hurt, is dyslexic.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 12:18 PM
He who bursts bubble real prick.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 12:19 PM
He who enjoys slow pace gets nowhere faster.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 12:19 PM
He who doesn't take time wears no watch.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 12:20 PM
He who has venereal disease should not dick around.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 12:47 PM
He who tries, tries too hard.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 12:48 PM
He who can't think his way out of a box cannot think outside of it.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 12:49 PM
He who knows it all, never learns anything new.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 12:49 PM
He who takes things too seriously, thinks his alphabet soup speaks to him.

danelady
07-10-10, 12:50 PM
Earl sez:

If you can't run with the big dogs....stay on the porch.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 12:52 PM
Hmm... I think I can improve on that one.
He who cannot run w/big dogs, should stay on leash.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 12:55 PM
He who cannot see eye-to-eye is short-minded.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 12:56 PM
She who sleeps insufficiently has husband who snores.

danelady
07-10-10, 12:58 PM
She who sleeps insufficiently has husband who snores.


Or you can swap the word 'husband' for 'great dane'.:D

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 01:00 PM
He who forgets to put on deodorant has few close friends.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 01:00 PM
Or you can swap the word 'husband' for 'great dane'.:D

One of my cats snores loudly and chomps in her sleep.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 01:01 PM
He who never smiles needs to see dentist.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 01:02 PM
He who passes gas, passes blame.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 01:13 PM
He who talks too much has too little to say.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 01:26 PM
He who cannot see eye-to-eye is short-minded.

This one should read short-sighted, not minded.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 01:31 PM
He who is cheap gets more than he bargained for.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 01:38 PM
He who has no alignment, tends to wander off track.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 01:40 PM
He who cannot take his own medicine stays sick.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 01:42 PM
He who is not genuine, is generic.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 01:43 PM
He who finds himself, is never lost.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 01:44 PM
He who sees the light should not look directly at it, lest he go blind.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 01:46 PM
He who is not true to himself, lives a lie.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 01:48 PM
He who forgets, forgives.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 01:51 PM
He who jumps too high, lands too hard.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 01:58 PM
He who is not sharp, cannot cut.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:05 PM
He who has pecker in pants, should not have woody.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:06 PM
He who hears voices, listens.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:10 PM
He who stops and smells the roses, shouldn't suffer allergies. - From my friend Mike.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:15 PM
He who trips over his own feet, shouldn't wear sandals.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:17 PM
He who busts his butt, cannot sit on it.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:19 PM
He who stumbles onto to something, tends to fall flat on his face.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:24 PM
He who cannot be bothered, has a crying baby.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:25 PM
He who forgets, finds his keys in fridge.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:26 PM
He who puts one foot in front of the other, should not have a blood alcohol level greater than 0.01. - From my friend Mike.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:32 PM
He who is not genuine, is generic.

+ not

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:36 PM
He whose pants fall short of his butt, needs to tighten his belt.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:45 PM
He who cannot think straight, has circular reasoning.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:49 PM
One cannot predict the future, if one overlooks the past.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 02:58 PM
That which stares one in the face, is often overlooked.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 03:00 PM
He who cries over spilt milk, better be a baby.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 03:02 PM
He who fails to face facts, is turned around.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 03:08 PM
He who cares for cats, should not eat Chinese food.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 03:11 PM
He who takes the road less traveled, better bring a GPS.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 03:14 PM
She who carries a large load, should have packed lighter.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 03:18 PM
If you don't know who you are, no one else can tell you.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 03:20 PM
He who goes for it, gets the glory.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 03:25 PM
He who has terrible timing, shouldn't set a clock.

CrystalShiloh
07-10-10, 03:26 PM
He sits on something, does not know when to take a stand.

OffTheRails
07-28-10, 02:04 AM
My favorite-I didn't make it up. I got it at a Chinese restaurant during the rehearsal dinner for a wedding I was in.

"A smart man knows many things. I wise man knows many people"