the420htplateau
07-11-04, 07:58 PM
Wow! concerta works great at keeping me at task! Thats always been my problem. I have great ideas, but im hardly able to stay on track long enough to share them. Not the case today!
Not to gloat, but ive always been very smart. (as most of us here) My grades were always average because i wouldnt do my homework do to procrasitination, and slack off in class. But whenever i took a test, i would make near 100! Especially in the end of grade tests, then the end of course tests. I was in the Duke scholarship program in middle school due to test scores, but was thrown out when i got a low highschool GPA. Just last week, for the college entrence exam, i made a PERFECT score...meaning i missed not one question. The admissions lady was so ecstatic. She said I was the first perfect score she's seen.
My ADD makes me seem like im sleepy, not alive. People always say "wake up!" "get with it!" i never even knew i looked like this until my boss sat me down to talk about my appearence. ( i was fired 2 weeks later) I get that alot, but she sat me down and really told me what i looked like. It was painful. I thought about my entire life, i went over all the different events , how i must of looked to all the people i spent time with. It launched me into a short lived depression that i am now out of. Its who i am, if you dont like it, dont hang out with me.
But it also explained a lot of that bad things that happened to me in my past. I used to get picked on all the time in highschool by about 10 people. I was fairly popular at the time, i guess the rest were just nice. But they did some heavy damage to me. They called me stupid, retarted, no social skills, no street smarts, the works. But these were all people with weaknesses, and it was obvious that they were just preying on the socially weak. But anyway, that realization i gained when my boss sat me down explained why they all called me stupid. I never ever knew, and always wondered why i was called that, becasue i knew i was smarter than they were.
So my biggest problem with add is the social barrier it constructs. I can always bust my *** and do my homework, but i fear ill never be able to relate to people like a non adder would. ok guys quick question before i continue. do i have social anxiety disorder on top of add? or is the social anxiety just a result of repeated social experiences i have had....like being picked on daily for 2 years. That would be like post traumatic stress disorder.....its more of a "im not looking forward to this tiresom social task i have before hand" than a "oh people make me nervous" People dont make me nervous. I just know they will find my personality and actions somewhat odd. I guess more of a "i hope i dont screw up in front of this group of people today".
Back to the topic. I'm very very creative. I'm a great writer, and I play both the keyboard and guitar very well, i used to be a pro at guitar. Im also very impulsive. I guess that relates to creativity since i quickly figure out what im going to do next, or in social situations, i can come up with the most random things which is always entertaining. I'm never bored. lol, i dont have time to be bored, when im not doing whatever im supposed to be doing, im dazing off in dreamworld in deep thought. What do i think about? one thing is my personal phillospophy. i have a pretty advanced one for my age. It makes SO MUCH SENSE to me its astounding. It relates to phi, fibinacci sequence, taoism, and my own belief i reached when i considered all of infinities conceivable implications.....i came to the conclusion that we live infinite lives -or- we are god when we die, and create a reality similar to this, and its like a neverending lucid dream, i could talk for ages on this... My dreams are also very involved. I usually have some control over what happens, and have a lot of fun, i ve had several full lucid dreams, but most I only half way know im dreaming and i spice the dream up.
It feels like i may have less free will than others. sometimes i dont realize what im doing before i do it. going back to being impulsive, i really dont think before i act. and its gotten me into trouble. i attribute this to me not always being able to stay on track to a particular conversation or subject, and i have to spit what im thinking before i lose it, because if i dont, my mind will no doubt be onto something else in 3 seconds. its like, in the short term, i think of a great idea, and before i fully interpret it, i am bombarded with anotehr idea, and so on. when im not intrested in the particular subject i am internally distracted much quicker, but if i am intrested, i have the ability to hyper focus. I do that on my guitar, and when i write, or develop my philosophy. what is most astoudning about hyperfocusing is when i do it physically, like in a game of basketball. when i really get into it, ill make everyshot, and manuver around people much better than me with ease. same with skateboarding, pool, and fighting. My best friend in the world is exactly like me. pretty much what ive been ranting about, is him too. he hyperfocuses too, but doesnt know he has ADD yet.
But, to conclude, my add creates a social gap between me and society, but the gap is where others tend to maintain to the cycle of life. I have difficulty following a schedual on my own. But im basicly trying to say that people with ADD are exceptionally smart, maybe even genious at times. I believe that when we think of something, we realize much more about what we are thinking about more quickly. We get a better visualization and are able to handle more varibables in the short term. This is apperent when I play music. I can play complicated piano/guitar tunes that include many variables (notes). So to have ADD is both a blessing and a plague. The plague is merely social, but the blessing is immense. So immense that maybe It could be a new step in evolution of human mental capacity.
ps: i did not mean to sound arrogant in this post, i feel that you all can relate heavily so i found it necisary to cover what i did.
Not to gloat, but ive always been very smart. (as most of us here) My grades were always average because i wouldnt do my homework do to procrasitination, and slack off in class. But whenever i took a test, i would make near 100! Especially in the end of grade tests, then the end of course tests. I was in the Duke scholarship program in middle school due to test scores, but was thrown out when i got a low highschool GPA. Just last week, for the college entrence exam, i made a PERFECT score...meaning i missed not one question. The admissions lady was so ecstatic. She said I was the first perfect score she's seen.
My ADD makes me seem like im sleepy, not alive. People always say "wake up!" "get with it!" i never even knew i looked like this until my boss sat me down to talk about my appearence. ( i was fired 2 weeks later) I get that alot, but she sat me down and really told me what i looked like. It was painful. I thought about my entire life, i went over all the different events , how i must of looked to all the people i spent time with. It launched me into a short lived depression that i am now out of. Its who i am, if you dont like it, dont hang out with me.
But it also explained a lot of that bad things that happened to me in my past. I used to get picked on all the time in highschool by about 10 people. I was fairly popular at the time, i guess the rest were just nice. But they did some heavy damage to me. They called me stupid, retarted, no social skills, no street smarts, the works. But these were all people with weaknesses, and it was obvious that they were just preying on the socially weak. But anyway, that realization i gained when my boss sat me down explained why they all called me stupid. I never ever knew, and always wondered why i was called that, becasue i knew i was smarter than they were.
So my biggest problem with add is the social barrier it constructs. I can always bust my *** and do my homework, but i fear ill never be able to relate to people like a non adder would. ok guys quick question before i continue. do i have social anxiety disorder on top of add? or is the social anxiety just a result of repeated social experiences i have had....like being picked on daily for 2 years. That would be like post traumatic stress disorder.....its more of a "im not looking forward to this tiresom social task i have before hand" than a "oh people make me nervous" People dont make me nervous. I just know they will find my personality and actions somewhat odd. I guess more of a "i hope i dont screw up in front of this group of people today".
Back to the topic. I'm very very creative. I'm a great writer, and I play both the keyboard and guitar very well, i used to be a pro at guitar. Im also very impulsive. I guess that relates to creativity since i quickly figure out what im going to do next, or in social situations, i can come up with the most random things which is always entertaining. I'm never bored. lol, i dont have time to be bored, when im not doing whatever im supposed to be doing, im dazing off in dreamworld in deep thought. What do i think about? one thing is my personal phillospophy. i have a pretty advanced one for my age. It makes SO MUCH SENSE to me its astounding. It relates to phi, fibinacci sequence, taoism, and my own belief i reached when i considered all of infinities conceivable implications.....i came to the conclusion that we live infinite lives -or- we are god when we die, and create a reality similar to this, and its like a neverending lucid dream, i could talk for ages on this... My dreams are also very involved. I usually have some control over what happens, and have a lot of fun, i ve had several full lucid dreams, but most I only half way know im dreaming and i spice the dream up.
It feels like i may have less free will than others. sometimes i dont realize what im doing before i do it. going back to being impulsive, i really dont think before i act. and its gotten me into trouble. i attribute this to me not always being able to stay on track to a particular conversation or subject, and i have to spit what im thinking before i lose it, because if i dont, my mind will no doubt be onto something else in 3 seconds. its like, in the short term, i think of a great idea, and before i fully interpret it, i am bombarded with anotehr idea, and so on. when im not intrested in the particular subject i am internally distracted much quicker, but if i am intrested, i have the ability to hyper focus. I do that on my guitar, and when i write, or develop my philosophy. what is most astoudning about hyperfocusing is when i do it physically, like in a game of basketball. when i really get into it, ill make everyshot, and manuver around people much better than me with ease. same with skateboarding, pool, and fighting. My best friend in the world is exactly like me. pretty much what ive been ranting about, is him too. he hyperfocuses too, but doesnt know he has ADD yet.
But, to conclude, my add creates a social gap between me and society, but the gap is where others tend to maintain to the cycle of life. I have difficulty following a schedual on my own. But im basicly trying to say that people with ADD are exceptionally smart, maybe even genious at times. I believe that when we think of something, we realize much more about what we are thinking about more quickly. We get a better visualization and are able to handle more varibables in the short term. This is apperent when I play music. I can play complicated piano/guitar tunes that include many variables (notes). So to have ADD is both a blessing and a plague. The plague is merely social, but the blessing is immense. So immense that maybe It could be a new step in evolution of human mental capacity.
ps: i did not mean to sound arrogant in this post, i feel that you all can relate heavily so i found it necisary to cover what i did.