I seen real life proof that I am not as bad mentaly...at the mental hospital of Cherity Hospital this eldery man sitting in a chair in his own urine yelling at NO ONE! and then proceeded to push an empty wheelchair around the room....N TRIED to beat the orderlies for trying to give him a bath!!!! I must have been the sanest one there...but now where I onced laughed at what I saw, I now feel pity for him. I got to wonder what happened to make a man's mind slip that far or what I expect is no return? Was it drugs or alchohol or what if it was a life filled with trauma and he finally snapped.


The 24 year span of pain I suffered has already made my mind slip and totally messed up my life when it comes to where I dont want to leave house or be around ppl..cause I am afraid of another pattern or something worse happening to me...In this case I may have already lost a few cents left in money jar that is my brain.

I can't say my past wont come back to haunt me when It has my whole life. If it doesn't happen great but if it does...how many more times does bad things have to happen before I totally snap and either wind up like that man where my mind is gone to the point of no return.

The anxiety or being around people, Looking at them and wondering is this person going to hurt me or treat me like dirt like so many others before If I talk to them. When A man smiles at me and gives me the wandering eye...Is he a Rapist? If I let someone get close to me will they leave like so many others before them because of my Bipolar and ADHD(Not before they are done using me or worse)? I feel like I am already losing my mind with being afraid to leave my house and the fear or trusting.

What is a person's breaking point before their mind is gone for good.? *Sob*
:(

Its ok mel, that guy probably didn't have lots of people who care about him like you do. You are a strong person. Even if more bad things happen you will still be ok. Switch over to the positive if you can right now....let us know about your good news with the job testing and training! Or lets go play last post or do the doodle on YIM.

I see people like that every day on the street living in the city. Usually they are yelling into thin air on a street corner. It is sad. As long as you are reaching out to people here at least, I can't imagine going so far astray. I think those people must be entirely on their own watching themselves spiral deeper with nobody to turn to.

We are not that alone in the world and can still talk about what's going on. We are working on it actively.

Don't discount the fact that the elderly man could be shell schoked from one of them wars (maybe the civil HAHA)...I think as long as you communiniting with others and through your writing you'll be fine. Silence is often the killer.

Right now I am hoping to survive with other ppl in my life

I work security in a long term care facility full of people like him... they are always flashing back to world war II, etc. etc.... I try to be considerate of these people as you never know what our futures hold, and what goes around often does come around.

But I think sometimes it works out even faster than that ... one of the interns who works with them (Patrick) is a complete jerk--puts them to bed at 7 pm against their will, insults them, etc. Apparently, the violent patients have a MUCH higher rate of attacking Patrick than they do of attacking staff who are decent and friendly to them. I treat them all with courtesy and respect, and have never had a problem... and I have to admit I snickered when I found out a little old lady hid in a bathroom the other day, then ambushed Patrick as he was going by, jumping on his back and punching him hard in the kidney. :D

In terms of worrying about how they got that way... I think it is mostly Alzheimers in their cases...

Clam Why is that man still working their?????

OMG clam I just read that! lol

LMAO I wouyld have loved to see that women jump up at him from the bathroom...I'd fall out of chair laughing!

Clam Why is that man still working their?????

He's nearly been fired twice. The other security guard caught him climbing through a window into our office to read our reports, and also, he sent the other guard and one of the maintenance guys on a wild goose chase after an intruder that wasn't there and then said afterwards he'd been joking. Both times we ratted him out to his boss and I think he's on very thin ice right now. None of his coworkers like him; I think its only a matter of time before he moves on to something else...

I work security in a long term care facility full of people like him... they are always flashing back to world war II, etc. etc.... I try to be considerate of these people as you never know what our futures hold, and what goes around often does come around.

But I think sometimes it works out even faster than that ... one of the interns who works with them (Patrick) is a complete jerk--puts them to bed at 7 pm against their will, insults them, etc. Apparently, the violent patients have a MUCH higher rate of attacking Patrick than they do of attacking staff who are decent and friendly to them. I treat them all with courtesy and respect, and have never had a problem... and I have to admit I snickered when I found out a little old lady hid in a bathroom the other day, then ambushed Patrick as he was going by, jumping on his back and punching him hard in the kidney. :D

In terms of worrying about how they got that way... I think it is mostly Alzheimers in their cases...

:mad: I'm so ashamed to even think there is someone like Patrick in the same profession as myself. It sickens me to think that someone would find such joy in humiliating and abusing another's rights and someone whose complaints often times get ignored. I've seen it happen; but, have never tolerated it. I would definatly think about reporting such issue's if you should see them first hand for two reasons 1.) He is verbally and mentally abusive...the residents have the RIGHT to live in an enviroment free of any form of abuse by law 2.) If you witness abuse and fail to report it --whether your an actual employee of the home or even a visitor--and state investigators find out you can and will be drawn into court and often times sentenced as an accomplice. Obviously, his DON and Administrator do not take complaints of abuse very seriously...in any institution you will find a number by the front door, nurse's stations and common area's for you local or state abuse hotline...I would make use of that number perhaps the institution's entire system needs looked into.

p.s. If this number is called it is kept strictly confidential.

I just get so frustrated when I hear family members asking loved ones we treat them right. But, sadly abuse in long term care facilities are highly publicized they forget that aides and nurse's generally work 50-80 hour work weeks are under paid, spend hard earned money on the resident's because family does not have it, the list goes on but the point is I'm so tired of bad publicity when there are so MANY wonderful, caring, dedicated members of the long term work force that are trying to make a real or as near home like enviroment for it's resident's.

True...I worked as a CNA for all of 3 weeks once in a nursing home. Those elderly people are still human beings, and wonderful folks no matter what their condition is. I gained a great deal of respect for them and the elderly in general. Heck, I even miss some of them even though I didn't know them long. There were some really tender souls there who all they needed was a kind person to care for them.

My favorite unit to work was the Alzheimer's unit...there was never a dull moment there. And even though some were so far gone in their illness, they were still cool people to be around and care for.

Ah, well...

Futs, didn't you ever wish you could reply to those family members, "Yes, your mother is treated fine. You would know that if you visited her regularly!"

How are you feeling now mel, better?

Actually, silence can be golden when they excitedly tell about this aide or that aide who brought their family in on Sunday to eat with them because their children were busy. In a generalization most family members DO care but their own lives and those of their children often get in the way of visiting mom or dad the way they would like. I would hope that if I were in that position someone would help take up the slack. The true winners are the aides and their families who get to know the resident's...yes, they are there to die but they carry within their pain and age racked bodies so much knowledge, appreciation, love, endurance ahhh I could go on for days. I don't feel I put in extra effort but am taking more then I am giving.

Mel,

I have learned two very valuable lessons in the last year. One is that tremendous heart ache can cause mental illness that you speak of...I still take care of a man about my age who was so mentally ill he layed on the floor of an abondoned trailor in the middle of winter and let bugs and mice eat his flesh. He is now working his way into a halfway house and has made remarkable progress but will never be whole. Two I have a new resident in his 40's who was in two major car accidents within one month he has so much massive trauma to his head that he can no longer function at a normal level and does things that can be potentially harmful to himself; but, at the sametime he's so irritating he's a HOOT! Last night he kept pulling his call light out of the wall so I would answer the alarm and ask what he needed...here's a little play of what happened.

Me: What do you need R?
R: Nothing
Me: I see well could you be careful and only push the button because if you need us and you've pulled the light out of the wall we will not know.
R: OK
walk out of the room look up the alarm is on again

Me: Can I help you R?

R: NO why?

puts call light back into the wall and shows R the button to use, leaves the room makes it 5 steps and the light comes back on

Me: R are you lonely, frightened, bored, hungry, something, anything?

R: NO why?

starts to walk away when I'm hit in the back of the head with the plug to the call light system that goes into the wall. Turns around and looks at R

R slinks down into bed and for some off the wall reason left his light alone

I laughed all the way back towards the nurse's station.

Sometime's yelling is a form of getting attention or most likely it's the only form of saying I hurt, I"m scared, I'm hungry you start with checking thier pants and move on to food until you find the one thing that will calm them sometimes nothing works usually it's during a traumatic memory and they need to work thru it but most will calm down if someone just sits and holds their hand.

Most people lose their mind when they stop talking, stop seeking answer's, stop reaching. Your reach is enormous and those reaching out to you is double so your gonna make it Mel cause you do not have my permission not to.

Futs you'll be glad to hear that I am totally aware of how good most of your profession is... the girls talk to me on thier smoke breaks, because I go out into the parking lot with them cause there's lots of drunks and teenagers in the neighbourhood and we want them to feel safe on break. Most of them just love their job and take it very seriously and none of them like people like Patrick. Most of them not only work 48 hour plus work weeks but have a second job too! There's only four of them on duty overnight, one RN and 3 support workers, for 53 people to take care of... I don't at all envy their position and I really admire you if you can work in this field...

Some of the old folks have aged well, mind you... there's one old guy who comes down two or three times a night for a smoke and his mind is still pretty sharp, even though he's in a wheelchair. He keeps trying to pay me when I help him back upstairs but as a security guard I have to decline the offer. :D

lmbo I have a few of those but we don't get security we get a key on a chain to let ourselves back in...everytime I look at the key I die laughing Yep I feel safe. I just don't understand why nothing is being done...First report of abuse and he should have been suspended while it was being investigated had he been found guilty out the door with no license to EVER practice again. Frustrating I tell ya.

I could never do your job. It would drive ME nucking futs... like I say, I really admire you and others who can not only do it, but embrace it and do it properly...

it's a job could be worse...could be stuck at a desk all day...I would fail that task for sure I admire anyone who can do those jobs.

Futs, didn't you ever wish you could reply to those family members, "Yes, your mother is treated fine. You would know that if you visited her regularly!"

How are you feeling now mel, better?

At the Moment I am feeling great........I WON MY SSI APPEAL!!!!!!!!!!

TO COOL!:D I sent the luck of the irish down there, sounds like they may have found you....

LMAOOOO......I Just Known it was the luck of the "Irish" on my side and Draga was there with me too to give me strength.:D Thanks, Mike

Ty Futs.....I know I wont let this beat me...just cause you, me, and everyone else wont let it....I finally see a ray of hope now!

*cries* YOU WON!! YOU WON!! Not that I'm normally this type of person but...







































I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!!!!!

Better than the real support that I got from my sister....She told me to start looking for a job cause I was going to lose..:mad:


She did not even seem that excited when I told her I did win, either....Mom told me she said she was happy and wondered if this ment I could start living on my own now. I want to cut the cord from mom just as much as she has but jesus.....dont push me out the door!

What is her problem???????

jealousy??????

LOL I was thinking that too...she may be thinking i am getting away with not working while she works all day...but I got news for her...I do plan on getting better..

Living with her is going to be a challenge when mom and I move...Her attitude towards me may make my mind slip again....She is another who can not deal with me and just plain verbally abusive sometimes...she takes after dad's side of family:( She is partly the reason I slipped before telling me I was a burden on my mom. God Give me Strength.

Melanie only YOU can allow her words to hurt...she can say them all she wants and hurt you if YOU let her or you can just sympathetically tell her it's all gonna be OK.

Another words only WE are responsible for how WE react. This is YOUR life not hers to rule over.

Kill the BEAST with Kindness Kinda thang!

exactly!!!!!!!!

In that case, Draga has many beast to burn..Heh...too many beast out there.

I think reason it is so hard for me, with anyone I dont respect, to put on a fake smile and Not say under my breath...BITE ME! and A few other unkind phrases that can not be repeated LOL...but believe me sometimes I do try!

Just think to yourself...You don't write my destiny I DO!, you don't control my reactions I DO!, slowly you realize YOU are in control of YOU and the others can Bite YOu as is your favorite saying lol.

Eeekkk I used to bite me all the time...especially when stressed on the job...gave my snotty co workers sumfin to laugh at...Since I have to spend this time on making myslef better while on SSI....I REALLY Need to Make a list on Kinda therapy I need....i wonder if there is enough trees on earth for the paper????

Save the trees! Use your computer!

While on SSI you DO need to work on healing and stepping out of your shell. Mel, you need to log off once in awhile and meet real people who have been there are there and have physical comfort of a real hug. I love ya and am not telling you to leave the forums but there is life out there and it can be wonderful! All you have to do is decide YOU deserve it and WANT it and get the help you need to achieve it. GO MEL GO!!

When I can get Back Pay and have the means I can....:p but you know situation I am in now...kinda stuck anyway.

Another thing, Futs, I know mentally and emotionaly right now I am not ready..... am not always going to be like this...I know it...I will make myself better.....BUT I will do it at my own time and own pace...one thing I learned from my breakdown.....I was not ready and I failed.....I can not let it happen again and I know if I go out there not stable enough I will wind up right back here infront of computer and proably set me back to the way I was when ya first met me and at least this time I know what to do......I am starting to think about checkin myself into a Hospital.

melly.......you can and you will do this.......believe in you!!
xoxox

Mel,

like the song says..."you gotta do what you gotta do when you got the chance to do what you gotta do." So, figure out what it is you gotta do and just DO IT! we will be here waiting and will alway's love ya even if you aren't all broken up inside. It's your heart, faith, belief Mel that has made you friends and helped you keep them NOT your scars.

Step By Step Futs.....Doing this Gawd Aweful Job Assesment thing since tuesday around People :eek: just to find out what it is I can possibly do in life and what ever the result come up with...I'll go from there...I find I get along better with people who have disabilities too....We know where we are coming from. Sound Familiar huh?

I dunno what you mean disabilities? I don have no stinken disability...I have an ADVANTAGE!

Well We are in the disabled category to be able to be there :p

IM referrin to ppl in the program Silly!:p

I was gonna say...you say potatoe I say french fries.

Well You Say Country and I say Metal :p But me still Wuvs Ya Anyway

Like They Say Freak I say...Um I better not say What I say

Anywho...You know What I mean..."What's in A Name, A rose by any other name will smell as sweet."

*stunned look* ummm K.

Im sorry I in doopus Mode........You and I call It Advantage...They call it disabilty....all in all It is what it is...ADHD Or Bipolar Or...ETC

Please tell me that makes better sense LOL!

Well, then I say do your share and start educating the ignorant mmmmmm bystanders? *giggles* not my original words but I'm good at biting my tongue.

Is it easier to bite your tounge than to press the send button???

I can't do either..hmph

I can do both at the sametime.


hey, why am I the only one in chat?

Cause U Need to PM ppl Like MEE In the Forums and Tell my Butt to get in there!!!!!! If busy all over the place...I usually miss thangs