View Full Version : I don't know how to make sense of this


tudorose
07-20-10, 07:17 AM
My Dad passed away less than a month ago and I've found in the last week I've been feeling really depressed. Once minute I feel like I'm fighting back tears and the next minute I feel like I want to punch someone. I keep swinging inbetween being depressed sad and angry and I don't know how to make sense of it.

I feel like I don't care about anything anymore. I work in a call centre and I don't want to take my phone out of work mode to answer the next call and have to talk to anyone. I don't want to do any callbacks. I just told my family if they want dinner they'd better cook it coz I don't give a stuff.

Is this grief? Is this normal coz I don't know. I know that it was the right thing for Dad to go as he was in a lot of pain and that he's in a better place so why do I feel so mad and sad when I should be happy for him. Please help with any advice. I'm crying as I'm writing this

barnops
07-20-10, 07:32 AM
This is a perfectly normal way to feel after losing someone very dear to you.

I wouldn't worry too much about it, though I also have zero suggestions as how to speed up the mourning process

youngsoul
07-20-10, 07:43 AM
I'm very sorry for your loss.

This is perfectly normal. He was your dad and you loved him, and it's only been less than a month. Eventually we learn to cope, but we will always miss our loved ones and their memories will always inspire us and bring us to laughter or tears.

Letting out your feelings and having some good laughs and cries are healthy. If you can find someone to talk to and just let loose, or if you have a therapist/counselor you can talk with, that would be a good option. Otherwise, you could also write down stories of good memories you have with your dad, or good things that you learned from his life.

stef
07-20-10, 08:49 AM
YES this is grief; and you will be able to simply remember him with fondness much sooner than you think;

it's hard right now and this is going to sound weird but: you are better off grieving now, healthily, than if your mind "puts it off" until later.

Connorh
07-20-10, 10:21 PM
These are all great responses; don't let anyone ever tell you that there is a normal time frame to grieve. It will always hurt, so you take as much time as you need to heal. The only thing you can work on is your functionality. If you need to take a sick day, take it; just try not to blow up at work. Also, this is the time to rely on other loved ones, but also understand that they may not understand.

salleh
07-21-10, 01:08 AM
Yep, great advice all around....especially about not paying attention to what other peoples time schedule about how long to grieve is ......you grieve as long as you feel is necessary .....

....but I will also agree about the part about other folks not understanding .....this is a big mistake I made when I lost my Mom, and she was the last of my family left....I went into "simply not there" mode, and it ended up costing me a lot, both in money and family ( the extended one of cousins etc.)


so try and pull it together at work....but other than that , what you're going through is normal and healthy, ......not matter what the circumstances of your father's death are......it is a big hole in your heart, and it will take time to mend....and the grief of losing your parents is like no other .....it says wonderful things about him that you are mourning him ....


there are a lot of folks who weren't so lucky in the parent area.....I don't mean to sound unsympathetic there, I have lost my folks, I have been there, and I know how I felt.....I wish there was something you could do to alleviate the pain, but there really isn't , it just must be gotten through ......


and most important of all, is be nice to yourself right now, .....give yourself permission to do what you need to to get through this ....the sharpest edges will blunt somewhat over time.....I promise....

tudorose
07-21-10, 07:25 AM
Thankyou all for your advice and kind words. It really has helped me. I read some of your posts before I went to work today and it made it a bit easier than yesterday. I guess I just miss him.

Myke
08-12-10, 10:20 AM
associate and socialize with other people is one way to recover..

tudorose
08-17-10, 07:13 AM
Thankyou all for your support. I find some days are easier than others.