View Full Version : Should i say something or keep my trap shut?

08-05-10, 12:08 AM
I'm not even sure i should be posting this, it feels very dishonest, but i don't think my mother has CFS anymore. She often says she is tired and she certainly has her reasons for being tired: underactive thyroid, menopause and a severe anxiety disorder and OCD which runs every waking second of her life. Her diet is also very unbalanced because of the OCD and i think this contributes to the tiredness.

But she keeps very busy during the day, and i can't help but think she would not be able to do the things she does if she has CFS. She attributes ANY symptoms in her life to CFS, even if she has something else wrong with her. She uses it as an excues - this may sound mean but she is the excuse queen - and my Dad is always saying 'she's having a bad chronic fatique day' etc. He said this the last time he did the shopping on his own. My mother was at home, not in bed or unwell, just doing her own thing. My dad suffers chronic pain and finds it hard to walk. When i see him doing things my mum should be doing i find it hard to accept.

My mother is never bedridden with CFS. During the day she only sits down long enough to eat. In the evenings she might watch some tv but is more likely to be at her desk working. It doesn't stop her from doing things she wants to do around the house. She does sometimes miss out on activities outside the home because of tiredness. It is always the reason she uses for things she doesn't want to do. I don't think she is faking CFS - she genuinely thinks she has it, but if she is sick with something else, she always attributes the new symptoms to CFS. She seems to be stuck in CFS mode or something.

Does this sound like a CFS sufferer to you guys? I've tried to talk to her about it but she gets very nasty, she is very defensive about having CFS. I won't talk to my Dad about it because he'll just dismiss it. I know my mother has many problems, including phsychological. She has medication for her thyroid but refuses to get help for anything else, inc CFS. She plays the victim at every possible moment. I would think she would be happy not to have it and don't doubt that when she was diagnosed she did have it. But now she seems to be someone that could be healthy if she took responsibility for herself, re OCD, anxiety etc. I don't know if i should say something, or just keep my mouth shut and let her play the victim. I sometimes feel like she is jealous that my dad's problems have taken the attention away from her, and she seems to have little sympathy for him, though he was a bad husband to her for the entire marriage, and i don't think they really love each other at all.

I don't feel comfortable talking about her behind her back, and i wish i had a family member to talk to, but i don't, hence this post. It often upsets me to see the life my parents live.

I'm not sure what to do, or if i should even do anything.

08-05-10, 12:34 AM
I thought cfs stood for cluster freak disorder:D as I suffer from CRS too:P:D jk I mean you cant control your parents,your mom could be tired because of a combination of things.ITs also a possibility she is also playing victim because your dad has chronic pain which isnt no joke. Id say love them best you can,help them,try to spend equal time doing something w them even if its just coffee and talking.Keep upbeat and dont bring up the negative stuff(I know hard not to do) and maybe go get a hobby an keep yourself busy.Your not gonna change your mom and bringing this stuff up to her is clearly creating problems so maybe try a new angle or road.Hope this helps