View Full Version : Has Bipolar ever put strain on relationships?


Draga
07-18-04, 06:28 PM
I am diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and for me the hardest to deal with than My ADHD...But when it comes to relationships, be it romantic or friendly, my up and down depression, mania, temper, thoughts of death.......either makes the significant other uncomfortable because they never know what to expect and it gets to serious to deal with.

I have lost friends and relationships because of it and before they disappear out of my life I have had them tell me things like, "I'm sorry but I can not handle your problems." or "You just acting this way cause you want attention!"(<~~~~~~ That really burns me up sooo bad!!!!!) Well, Sheesh, I can not help who I am or the way I am, but I have yet to meet man or woman who can deal with me...(but yet I can accept them who they are..irony)

One thing I notice the only ones who stay around, are the ones online..Heh...and people wonder why I live online :D

Have anyone else put up with this?

waywardclam
07-18-04, 08:06 PM
I have felt seriously cut off from some of my former friends when I have depressed. They just weren't there for me... and don't take me seriously... I feel like I can't ever go hang with them again, because they weren't there for me when I really really needed them...

Draga
07-18-04, 08:10 PM
Hugsssss Clam!!! Dem kinda ppl are "THE" dime a dozen, sugga!

Jeepboy
07-20-04, 06:42 AM
I'm about to get divorced since my wife cannot handle my mood swings anymore. I think she is just not a strong enough person to handle how I currently am. In some ways I don't blame her, since I have a difficult time living with myself. We just recently found out I'm bipolar and I think that has really scared her off.

Draga
07-20-04, 08:00 AM
I'm about to get divorced since my wife cannot handle my mood swings anymore. I think she is just not a strong enough person to handle how I currently am. In some ways I don't blame her, since I have a difficult time living with myself. We just recently found out I'm bipolar and I think that has really scared her off.

Jeepboy,

I would say do you wanna switch lives, but what would be the point...I have gone through the same thing..My own blood relative can't handle dealing with my depression and alot of times critize me for venting or complaining. I get more support from a loose fitting bungy cord!

My first real boyfriend, was a cold blooded S.O.B who would flirt with other women in front of me when knowing full well it hurt me...when I lost OUR baby, I was shattered and could not get over depression of it, my compassionate boyfriend told me to shut up about it because all the "BOO-HOOING" I was doing was because I wanted attention! Only reason he stayed with me was because he destroyed my self esteem so badly I wouldn't leave him....after 5 years he is the one who ended the relationship cause of the same reason...I'm ADHD/Bipolar 2.

Now a mental disorder, to me, no matter what type it is affects us in different ways but what affects we have happen because of the impulses we can not control...so there is no such thing as better or worse. <~~~~
Reasonable and honest feeling so excuse me for having to say this :

How is this for irony....My Paranoid Shizophrenic EX B/F told me after a massive arguement because the voices in his head were telling him I was cheating on him again(FYI I was faithful through it all) actually told me that would he had known I was bipolar from the get go, he would have never come near me!...Another relationship down the drain. :rolleyes:

You are soo right when you said she was not strong enough to handle us, With that being said, Your wife and my two ex boyfriends telling us they were leaving because we were bipolar is nothing more than a Pathetic Cop Out!!!! They did NOT leave us because we are bipolar...They left because of their insecurities that they could not handle and it is even more pathetic that they should blame us instead of being adult enough to admit the truth!

As far as I am concerned, the men in my life I never married because they were little boys in men's bodies and were not really serious about me enough, other than sex, to actually marry me and accept me for who I am. Based on what they were like I still accepted them despite their flaws.(Can ya feel the irony and hypocrasy just oooze from that sentence:D ) My little moods swings and my tantrums was nothing compared to the kind of people they are.


You were lucky to at least found someone to marry, but I wonder if people ever listen to the vows anymore, "For Better Or For Worse"...Means you accept your spouse for who they are good and bad and if they can not be strong enough to live up to that, they should have thought of that before.

But saying you can not blame her because of your bipolar condition, which you recently found out you had, how could you have been able to control it before when you didn't know what was wrong. Even now, the symptoms like mood swings is something even with medication can not control...How CAN anyone, including ourselves, find fault in the person when it is the impulses that cause us to act that way.

Ok That was long winded version:D
In other words:
It's not your fault and you can not blame you either.;)

clawless
07-20-04, 09:59 AM
(((hugs)))Mel

i'll be an online friend when you need me and when you don't

hey if you want to shout at me that's ok, though, it will have to be loud, as voices tend to mellow out over thousands of mile :D

seriously though i'm here if you want me you know that :)

Jeepboy
07-20-04, 12:45 PM
Thanks. She's mad/upset that I'm either very slow or unwilling to get help. I really don't like going to docs about things and I tend to try to solve things myself until repeated failures. Another problem is that she has no baseline for my behavior. I'm so much more adjusted (ie old) than I was as a young adult. I still get mad or upset easy, but I don't loose my temper and go ballistic like I used to. She also has become boring to me in a way. She's not wild and adventurous anymore (being a mom changed her), but I've changed very little since meeting her. She picks up on how I don't seem stimulated by her since I tend to always interact with people or things that do. I'm taking concerta now, which has helped my concentration, but has done little for my mood swings. I think its made them worse since I try to be more productive and do things so I let myself get frustrated if she hasn't done things. The other problem is we live very far from her family and so she has no support structure here, I think if we lived near her family she might stick it out longer, may not change the outcome though. In some ways I want to be divorced since the oppurtunity to do fun, exciting things whenever I want will be avaliable. I also don't since I'm very unsure of how I'll deal with not having a spouse or seeing my daughter often. Before getting married I used to be down alot about being single and alone. I tend to have those feelings when I'm not around anyone, then I go out in party mode and have fun with others. At least I'll have my dog and fish.

waywardclam
07-20-04, 04:17 PM
Strong Enough - Sheryl Crow

God I feel like hell tonight
The tears of rage I cannot fight
I'd be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?
Well, nothing's true, and nothing's right
So let me be alone tonight
'Cause you can't change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?
Lie to me, I promise I'll believe
Lie to me, but please don't leave
I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
Just try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?
Are you strong enough to be my man?
Are you strong enough to be my man?
Are you strong enough to be my man?
When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Would you be man enough to be my man..
Lie to me, I promise I'll believe
Lie to me, but please don't leave

Draga
07-21-04, 11:15 PM
LMAO Clam I love that song...:D

Lafnalot
07-26-04, 08:57 PM
That song always hits so home to me. I'm a difficult nut to crack, once cracked, holy cow,I don't stop loving easily.

Being bipolar and adhd is a double whammy, we are more difficult to balance, we have a harder time finding meds that work for us, our mania is harder and our depression deeper.It has wreaked havoc upon my relationships. I am just learning now how to discern when Im being manic or depressed and when i have a legitimate issue or decision t make.

Draga
07-27-04, 11:17 PM
Do Tell, Puddin....i would love to know how...the double whammy is a bit nerve racking!!!!!

EYEFORGOT
07-28-04, 09:02 AM
I finally got help because my best friend (hubby) just couldn't take my depression anymore, he was very worried, all the time, and it was effecting his work.

I have struggled with depression all my life, I've tried everything to overcome it, constantly working to better myself. My husband also went through a time of depression when he needed medical assistance. It is very wearing on the partner, emotionally taxing, and exhausting. I didn't think we would make it. What kept us together, ultimately, was that we knew we were still the best of friends, we were truly dedicated to the committment we made (and it didn't hurt that at the time we considered divorce we simply couldn't afford it).

My point is this, I married my best friend, but he cannot cure me. It's like asking our love to cure our cancer, they don't have the skills. His depression got to the point where I insisted he go to a counselor because I was weary of all the reassurance he needed. I simply did not have the skills, I didn't have what he needed. I wanted to, but I didn't. If you are doing and being the best you can for yourself then your love can ask no more of you. Committment comes with respect and support for each other.

Not trying to be preachy, just speaking from experience. Use your great sensitivity to gauge how much your friends can give, it's a two-way street and hopefully, the best of them, will respond in kind when you need a shoulder to cry on. Codependency is not healthy for either of you. You deserve better.

Draga
07-28-04, 10:29 PM
You're Lucky, Chel to have found such great suport amd someone sticks by you through good and bad....It's the way it is SUPPOSED to be...but unfortunatley isn't for some of us.:(

EYEFORGOT
07-29-04, 05:54 PM
Honestly Draga, I think I give a much rosier picture than reality. Mike wants to "fix" me. He hates not being able to solve all of this. This has been ten years of the same **** different day, and I just got diagnosed with bipolar, so we're still heading uphill. I have to constantly reassure him that he can't fix it, it's OK that he can't, and I just need his love and encouragement. Some people can and are willing to handle that, some aren't, you don't have to hand your heart to anyone who can't or won't. It's not fair to either of you. Hope things improve. Hugs.

Draga
07-29-04, 08:14 PM
Hugs Chel, I know what ya mean....I am slowly but surely trying to learn how to not give my heart away so easily...dem dang habits die hard especially when It seams to come naturally...*sigh*

EYEFORGOT
07-30-04, 08:56 AM
You're just a loving person craving affection...not a character flaw, just need to kick into survival mode.

Draga
07-30-04, 02:21 PM
I'm surviving as best I can,....and heck I am kinda getting used to being screwed over..so much so I think I can time it by months or weeks. It's not just romantic intersest but friends as well.......I am lucky in a sence I have found some great friends online.:)

Lafnalot
07-31-04, 12:44 PM
One of the things I stress at my website is that we need to love the ones who love us.Sometimes they need to be reminded not to give til it hurts. This thing will drain them and ruin them too if we don't know when to place up bounderies to get their batteries recharged so to speak.

As for going into the details of how this has effected my relationships, I won't, lol---BUT I will use generalities. I have a difficult time knowing when to lean on people and when to pull away and not strain the relationship. I have difficulty asking for help. I do not know how to rely on another human being to be there for me. I tend to over worry about how this effects them and whether or not they are being honest about how it effects them (being kind to me as apposed to saying 'yea this is wearing me out' or 'I can't help with how you feel but maybe we can take a break and play or do something to take your mind off it a bit') I take on way too much and get way too little done as a result. I can be fine one minute and not want to get out of bed the next.

I am learning what are triggers for my bipolar etc and have weeded many of them out of my life and am learning to choose my battles (having OCPD, thats very difficult). I am back to meetings (12 step meetings) without any panic attacks (Thanks you God!) which is a beneficial circle. I go to meetings, I get recharged emotionally, mentally and spiritually, I make better wiser choices for my life, I have less panic in public, less daily anxiety, and I feel better about who I am. It also has a flip side, if I don't go to meetings, I isolate more, i have more anxiety, I have more panic attacks when out, and I make less wise choices for my life which adds to my strain and stress which triggers my manic and depressive episodes and diminishes me as a person

I am learning to love regardless of having the person I love daily in my life. I am learning how lucky i am to love at all, and how loved I am today. I am learning that loving isn't a dangerous and hazardous thing. I hope someday to have a person i love deeply in my life but I accept that today isnt that day. I like to say today "I flow with life" In other words i go with the flow, i accept life on lifes terms.

Draga
07-31-04, 09:25 PM
That is the exact kinda therapy I need, Chrissy!! What exactly is that kinda therapy called and where can I go to find it..Unless you ewanna be a free therapist LOL!!!!!

Lafnalot
07-31-04, 11:07 PM
LOL trust me, you don't want me as your therapist.:)

paulbf
08-01-04, 01:39 AM
Never heard that but I like her. Of course this begs for the old Cat Stevens 'hard headed woman'

...but their friendliness depends on how you do.

Draga
08-01-04, 01:51 AM
Now U never know Puddin...what better therapist than someone who knows what you re going through :D

paulbf
08-01-04, 02:10 AM
melly, head over to chat

Draga
08-01-04, 02:51 AM
Already there....When U going to talk :P

broK
05-29-05, 06:06 PM
Hey, Melly...its an old thread worth reviving; maybe?

after a lifetime of friendships made & broken it seems now that its not the active BP thats at fault this time.
its the recovery/remission thats finally costing me my marrige.
all i can say is S%*T !!!

speedo
05-29-05, 06:29 PM
Hi Draga!!! :D

Years after our marriage failed, my ex has been diagnosed as bipolar. Also, I've been diagnosed with ADD.

Our marriage lasted 14 years, so I think we did okay, compared to many. I think it might have lasted longer if we were aware of our condition(s) and were thus enabled to work on the issues. I can rmember that she tried, but did not seem to know how to resolve her issues.

If I had known that she were bipolar, it would not have made any difference, because I loved her enough that there was no option for me other than the two of us playing out the scene we had as best we could. It didn't work out , so it ended. :(

It was a long time ago...

More recently I have had to deal with a plutonic friend who is either undiagnosed (and untreated) ADD or possibly bipolar, AND in denial. The relationship was explosive , and getting past her paranoia and mood swings was simply impossible.

The friendship ended up in a wreck, and both of us unhappy over it. In all fairness, my being ADD did not help the situation a lot either, but I think it would have worked out better if she were not in denial, and were honestly addressing her issues.

I have an acquaintence who is bipolar, and knows it, and is not dealing with her issues at all. She has gone off of her meds and REALLY needs to stay on them. She is about to train wreck. I have had to cut off that friendship because I just don't know how to reach into that much madness to try to communicate with someone who is not listening. Her condition is really bad, and when I saw here yesterday she was starting ti fragment. I tried to get her to give me the name of her therapist so I could make a phone call, but she was too cagy for that. I keep learning that you can't help someone who is determined to not be helped.

I sometimes wonder why and how I keep collecting friends, acquaintences, and lovers who are bipolar... Is this a common thing for people to experience ?

I have another acquaintence who is bipolar, active on this forum, and is doing well. In fact, I wish I were dealing with my ADD as well as she deals with being bipolar.

Me :D

speedo
05-29-05, 06:32 PM
Crissy I wish I had your courage and inner strength. Eventually you will find someone , all you have to do is to be open to the idea.

Me :D

One of the things I stress at my website is that we need to love the ones who love us.Sometimes they need to be reminded not to give til it hurts. This thing will drain them and ruin them too if we don't know when to place up bounderies to get their batteries recharged so to speak.

As for going into the details of how this has effected my relationships, I won't, lol---BUT I will use generalities. I have a difficult time knowing when to lean on people and when to pull away and not strain the relationship. I have difficulty asking for help. I do not know how to rely on another human being to be there for me. I tend to over worry about how this effects them and whether or not they are being honest about how it effects them (being kind to me as apposed to saying 'yea this is wearing me out' or 'I can't help with how you feel but maybe we can take a break and play or do something to take your mind off it a bit') I take on way too much and get way too little done as a result. I can be fine one minute and not want to get out of bed the next.

I am learning what are triggers for my bipolar etc and have weeded many of them out of my life and am learning to choose my battles (having OCPD, thats very difficult). I am back to meetings (12 step meetings) without any panic attacks (Thanks you God!) which is a beneficial circle. I go to meetings, I get recharged emotionally, mentally and spiritually, I make better wiser choices for my life, I have less panic in public, less daily anxiety, and I feel better about who I am. It also has a flip side, if I don't go to meetings, I isolate more, i have more anxiety, I have more panic attacks when out, and I make less wise choices for my life which adds to my strain and stress which triggers my manic and depressive episodes and diminishes me as a person

I am learning to love regardless of having the person I love daily in my life. I am learning how lucky i am to love at all, and how loved I am today. I am learning that loving isn't a dangerous and hazardous thing. I hope someday to have a person i love deeply in my life but I accept that today isnt that day. I like to say today "I flow with life" In other words i go with the flow, i accept life on lifes terms.

broK
05-29-05, 06:45 PM
I sometimes wonder why and how I keep collecting friends, acquaintences, and lovers who are bipolar... Is this a common thing for people to experience ?

Me :D
Hay Speedo buddy, ive been wondering the same thing as ive discovered that most of the people who i find make up my little circle (emp.on 'little') of friends
all are mentally interesting save for one or two who feel outnumbered when one of us pretends jack nicholson in the shining & creeps 'were everywhere' :D

speedo
05-29-05, 06:48 PM
brok, I tell my NT friends: "We own you and we are taking over...." :p


ALso, I used to chime in with my imitation of Jack Nicholson's "Honey I'm home..."... My then S.O. thought it was funny, but did not get the joke (she was an NT).
She never spotted me as ADD, but noticed I was hypersensitive and thought I was an aspie. I never knew I was ADD, and she never told me what she observed, and I never noticed it in myself until 10 years later...


Me :D



Hay Speedo buddy, ive been wondering the same thing as ive discovered that most of the people who i find make up my little circle (emp.on 'little') of friends
all are mentally interesting save for one or two who feel outnumbered when one of us pretends jack nicholson in the shining & creeps 'were everywhere' :D

Draga
05-29-05, 07:25 PM
MUAHAHAHAHA Face it Speedo, my sweet, we're every where :p LOL!

speedo
05-29-05, 07:45 PM
Oh yah... I surrendered to it a long time ago. I've just never figured out why things are the way they are. I guess one possible answer is "just because". :)

I just wrote some haiku!!. The first creative effort from me since Dec 16!!! YAY! I'm bouncing back. :p

I have a chat client open. I'd Suuurreee like to chat with you. :)

Me :D


MUAHAHAHAHA Face it Speedo, my sweet, we're every where :p LOL!

Draga
05-30-05, 06:15 PM
Which Chat client *bats eyelashes*

speedo
05-30-05, 07:07 PM
I was using the forum chat client

It is still open. I'm sitting there all idle, by my loensome self.

Daydreamin22
09-07-13, 01:59 AM
Bringing this old thread back. I just found out I'm bipolar II Rapid cycle, every day. I always thought it was a mood disorder bc I have friends and my sister and I were best friends groing up. I am mostly depressed and barely hypomanic, like most bipolar IIs. Adderall changed everything, but anyway... My first love fell out of love with me because I kept pulling away by day and was soo in love by night. I never knew why in the morning I didn't even want to think about him. Then he asked me if he should get over me and I said yes, thinking it was nothing, but this time he started hanging out with another girl and didn't love me any more and it took me four years to stop crying. I still haven't gotten completely over him. He adored me and before I knew it he was actually gone forever.I didn't believe that fully until about two weeks ago. I still have trouble believing it. But if I really think about it... I don't know. If I had to bet about it I'd say it was all in my head.

Then theres the fact that with only other boy I almost fell in love with I flew absolutely off the handle when he told me about another girl. It was over for him. I don't think that we would have been together, but we were still talking until I went off and deleted his number.

I kind of loved another boyfriend and I think we were both bipolar. It was an intense relationship and he wouldn't have let me go ever but I broke up with him about three times and he started hooking up with another girl. Ouch. All of these things hurt a lot.