Does anyone have a temper? Sure, I know, everyone does! Does anyone find that when they are under a lot of stress, it is hard to describe the stressing situation to anyone else.....and it ends up in anger directed at the next person or thing that happens to be even mildly irritating?

I have that problem, it seems. I get into a situation or state of mind of being totally stressed out, dealing with things or emotions that are just unnerving for me. Then if others want to talk to me, and these feelings are not already resolved, I can just explode at the little things I can find wrong. It starts as a normal complaint, but it escalates steadily into multiple complaints - a laundry list of things another does wrong - and develops into real anger, rapid speech, raised voice, speaking until my breathe is out of air, then shouting, uncontrollable listing of everything that is wrong, a tirade of sorts, lets be frank, ok - I admit - a grown man having a real angry tantrum.

After words, if it goes that far, it can take me an hour or several hours to calm down and get the chip off my shoulder. But it inevitably ends up being something that had little or nothing to do with the things I was yelling about. It is from the emotional situation that preceded all that, the one I could not cope with at the time, the one that put me into a state of high anxiety.

This does not happen often, but when it does, it makes me wonder..... does anyone else have this happen to them?

In general I'm the kind of person who gets angry quickly but lets it go quickly about 5 minutes later...I don't hold on to stuff for very long. But if something feels really traumatic to me, or highly anxiety provoking, that is a scenario ripe for me to start going off on others, until I realize they have nothing to do with it. I've said my share of apologies. Everyone in my house realizes I don't mean much of what I say when I'm mad....although there is an ounce of truth in what I say and that I have those feelings, I'm not really angry about those things. For instance if I'm yelling that the living room is a mess...well, there is some truth in that, but that won't be the reason why I'm yelling...its something else...something I'm having trouble dealing with.

Later I can sit down and talk about these things...but then I feel bad that I yelled at anyone else.

Today I got bad news that a relative was injured, and was unable to contact them, and then more bad news about some confusion in a relationship, and then good news about a new contract, but stressful news that everything has to be done faster than I expected, and then stressful financial news, and then the little things started eating at me, the messy living room, the lack of healthy selections in the fridge, the kid watching too much tv, etc....then I had my tantrum.

Anyone else experience these kind of fits and then realize it was the stress and not the little things?

If so, it might be worth sharing this with each other, and maybe we can learn from each other how this thing works. Is it an ADD thing, that stress keeps us from communicating? Or is it simply the human condition, that stress makes people anxious and anxiety makes people get angry? Or is it both, a combination of the human condition and the ADD?

Opinions and experiences please.

Jon

Adult temper tantrum. Yup, that would pretty much describe my anger at times. I guess in children they refer to it as Acting Out. I didnt understand how my quick and "volcanic" rages were the result of something going on inside of me, until after I started reading up on ADHD. It is probably one of the most easily identifiable symptoms of the disorder in people who have the version with Hyperactivity (my understanding is that those who have ADHD with the innattentive and impulsive only symptoms dont have as much trouble with it.yes/no?)

Here is an example of when I first learned how my anger was affecting me, not too long after I was diagnosed with Adult ADHD. I was riding a new mountainbike that I just bought. It was really expensive, and very high quality. So I'm peddaling through this forest, not another living soul anywhere near me. The gears on the bike started going out of synch and the chain kept starting to come off. Finally, my anger burst and I picked this $2000 bike up over my head and slammed it down onto the ground, all the time swearing and screaming at this piece of junk...........

Them just as suddenly as it happened, I stopped. I remembered all the books I had been reading and how they described this intense hot temper as explosive, short-lived outbursts with transient loss of control, "short fuse", "low boiling point", "hair trigger" type descriptions. All of a sudden it hit me. How ridiculous I would have looked had anybody seen this full grown adult throwing his bike around, screaming at the top of his lungs and swearing at a machine!

All I can say is that ever since that afternoon, I have not had one single outburst of any proportion at all. Nothing even remotely close to the way I sometimes used to react to stress or anger situations. I realized it was due to the ADHD, and that to control myself, all I really needed to do was take just one or two seconds more time and think about it. Sure, I still get just as angry as I always have, but the difference is now I dont "react" to that anger. I am able to keep it to myself completely now that I know about it.

Thanks for sharing that . I got mad at all the lousy junk foods purchased in the kitchen cabibets, when there was not real food in the fridge. At first I just politely complained and belittled it as lousy purchasing. Later, I got angry and just started tossing all the junk foods on the floor and telling everyone there will be no more junk foods in this house - throw it away! I was raging, and making a mess, and making a point, that I was serious! But it amounts to a tantrum. Well, I cleaned it up later, and put everything in bags away from our daily eating areas and stored them to be used for exceptions, rather than seeing them daily.

Later, I just got tired of the kids not cleaning their rooms after being told nicely about 100 times, and thinking it was their duty to watch tv all day. So I yelled and raged again, and even went in my oldre daughter's room and threw some more things on the already messy floor, and told her if she didnt clean this room pronto I would be back to make a bigger mess. And then after that I would be back with a black garbage bag and would start throwing things away. Well, she cleaned it. But I don't want my children to learn that temper tantrums is the way to motivate other people. It's not a very good leadership model to create for her. So I have to find other more admirable and socially respectable ways to motivate, and need to keep a lid on this temper. Sheeeeeesh!

But I know for a fact that this is a symptom of the greater stress in my life at this time. I'm in a transitional stage, and under multiple kinds of stress, so I'm reacting, allbeit in a way that I would prefer not to react.

I don't know if I can just smother the anger though, for me the anger would eventually come out one way or another, so smothering it seems like the way to a huge volcanic explosing someday. I think I'd rather vent daily if necessary.

Exercise may be the answer!!!! What have they been telling me for years! Exercise!

Jon

It seams most of the time when I throw fits of anger its at a time when you are trying to enjoy yourself, to take a break
from the rest of the stress you put up with at work, relationships, life ect..
All it takes is one small little thing to start interupting that time of clarity before it pushes you to the limit.
For me in my time I like to enjoy is coming home and playing a PC game
that I'm just itching to play. Next thing you know the game was a little harder than I intended or my just not playing up to my ability. I tell you what I have broke many mice by slamming it so hard or either taking it and smashing it on the floor and I regret it everytime
because those things are like 30$ a piece! I still to this day cannot overcome the fits however I did resort
to other means like punching the outside fence(ouch) I'm a guitar player so I made that mistake only once. Now it seems my means of cominicating my anger is crushing my half finished softdrink and throwing it
against something. Its still not a good thing to do, but its slowly evolving from
the alternative to somthing less.
This always happens anytime your try to have a good time or enjoy yourself,
anything that interupts it whether it be
other beings, an object not performing a functioned task, or sometimes just yourself not able make it possible to enoy some free time.
But I have to agree it is stress in conjunction with ADD which leads to this.
Remeber one with ADD acts impulsively
without thinking of consequences.
Its very hard for us to "think" when we get angry, including before we get to that point.

I've found that anger can be from unconscious unresolved stress from past events. It is hardly ever obvious, without some serious introspection, but sometimes a moment of clarity comes and all at once a light goes off, and I realize its not about what I thought it was. Its good and its bad, when the realization comes, because on the one hand its great to have new insight and see things for what they are and for what they are not, but its bad when I realize the way I blamed others for the way I feel. That part sucks. But I always said the road to growing up is not always easy or smooth. There are more than a few bumps and a pains on the way.

I've got a bad temper... So i'm told. I'm taking Wellbutrin and thats suppose to help me control my temper. I'll let you know if it works. Or maybe i'll have my family tell you :)

Tontwins: I'm also on Wellbutrin....400 mg per day....and originally my doctor thought this med would help control impulses to lash out, get upset, throw a fit, get angry, go hysterical, whatever...and I think it has.....the impulses are there....still...but there seems to be some window of opportunity not to have to act on them...I attribute this to meds....I hope Wellbutrin works for you.:)

Hope your experience is a good one. I know from my own experience that getting royally ****ed can be a pain in the ***, and is usually not a very productive experience. Interestingly, if dose on welbutrin is too high, it can also cause me higher anxiety and thereby increase my tendency to lash out. This happened to me several years ago, when I first started on Welbutrin, at 300 mg/day, and in the first week, I chewed out a clerical person at a drs office in a way that was totally not fitting the offense. I went home, called the dr, and told him about it, and he reduced the dose in half! He said it had a stimulant effect that can do that. It has been a great drug for helping me with both mood and ADD. Since getting the dose figured out, temper has been better, although that was not the reason I was given it. I would say, however, that I still have my moments of anger. Most of those moments, however, are tied to my deeper issues that are still unresolved. A day at a time, and my deep issues get resolved, one by one, and a feeling of freedom emerges.


Jon

Originally posted by tontwins
I've got a bad temper... So i'm told. I'm taking Wellbutrin and thats suppose to help me control my temper.

most likely it will help with the bad temper as impulse control will improve. ive got a pretty bad temper too, curbed only by meds, and some therapy as well, but mainly by this medication. dosages will vary from individual to individual and often is determined by weight.

I have a real bad temper that can be triggered by most things i.e. computer crashing, family being untidy, bad drivers, queues - people taking too long.

I seem to just snap and either punch my desk or a wall or in a queue - I just lose it and out come the negative angry verbal outbursts.
After they happen, I tend to despise myself for losing control, but hopefully when I get assessed in June with the outcome definately (hopefully) being diagnosed ADD/ADHD then hopefully the meds will help.

I think that anger comes in general when someone -- or something -- is not doing things the way I want them to....or I'm not getting my own way....or someone -- or something -- isn't doing something that I wish they would. Sometimes it helps me to be aware of anger "triggers" and so I can be prepared when they actually occur...

Anger...indeed is turning into a common thread here. We rarely talk about the anger in adults with ADD. In my personal life, anger has been a big issue, and I was fortunate to find some ways to deal with my own anger. No, not perfect, and yes, still in the process of learning, but these things helped me.

I believe untreated ADD somehow delayed some of my own maturation processes, but psychodrama, therapy, vitamins and medication re-ignited those processes. For me personally, in my experience, medication and vitamins helped so the ADD does not leave me exhausted and at wits end each day, trying to find my keys all day. I found the medication for me was more important than the supplements.

Until I started psychodrama, I personally was not able to differentiate projection/ transference of my feelings, vs being able to see that my anger at someone else is really about my own issues. After a couple years of role playing, and therapy, I'm now able to honestly see the truth, that my anger is almost always about my own issues. I judge others with the most vehemenence (is that a word?) when others are doing something that triggers some insight into a part of myself that I don't particularly like to see. In order to avoid seeing that part of myself, I get angry at those who remind me of my own issues. Now, when I catch myself, I take a deep breathe and ask myself what I am so angry about. It is usually pretty amazing and surprising what the answer is. I step back, and say, hey - this is me I'm angry at..... and this is what I don't want to see. I personally have found this to be liberating and a healing point, because the anger is no longer in someone I can't control, but now I see it as being at myself, where I am in power to make changes. I'm no longer feeling helpless. And I hate feeling helpless, so this works for me.

I still get caught off gaurd, and make mistakes, getting angry at someone for something that is really about me, but hey I'm human. I don't know anyone who does not get angry. However, with psychodrama, I am finding that I am getting mad so much less often, its really helping. I think the medicine and vitamins is also a crucial element. So for me, these things helped, medicine, vitamins, psychodrama and private therapy. Its taken a while, but I feel relaxed finally.

Hope this helps someone else, take it or leave it, as its about me.

Jon

I had a lot of problems with this when I was younger and still have quite the temper. I was really bad when drinking and I have recently cut down my alcohol intake to almost nil (outside of a few beer from time to time...I exploded on a best friend a week ago or so and that was a slip up, but he and I ahve always been able to look past each other's big mistakes...I consider him my little brother, even though we're not related). Anyway, I am now working on being a better person, learning to to love myself and learning to forgive myself and others. For a while I was able to control the outbursts through music (I was a drummer...)...but I havent got my kit here at school and I so miss performing music. I was pretty much into fast paced punk and old school punk as it was a good frustration release. Despite these outbursts, I have pretty much been a complete pacifist most of my life. I try as hard as possible to keep from exploding and it is usually something that builds over an hour or even day or two...I sometimes wish I had a sound proof padded booth to go crazy in so that I would not do it in public...I dont think there's anything wrong with letting out frustration vocally from time to time, its just that we usually dont think about the fact that there is someone in front of us and thats what gets us into trouble. now what I try to do is go oustside or breathe deeply or I just get away from the situation (sometimes just closing your eyes helps when you're in public...even for a second to think about the possible consequences).

MC

Sounds like pressure without release. Life changes go better with balance. Balance could be music, drums, whatever one's passion is. When the other areas become too intense, increase passion and find balance for the other half..... just a spontaneous response.

If I look carefully at my own life, my response to your post means for me that an increase in my horseback riding will help me find balance. Almost all "advice" is a reflection of what goes on internally, and applies almost always to one self if we dare look. Every time....when I feel compelled to "advise" someone else what to do with their life, what is wrong with their life, what is missing from their life, or tougher yet to look at what is wrong with them as people......I can look to myself and find my own wisdom needed right here at home. So, great to go over this with you, and find out from myself that I need to increase horses in my life, because horses are my passion, and will increase balance!!

Good luck with the anger management and the drums...

Jon

As much as I hate to admit it, most of the infurating anger I experienced was when I had taken too much medication, hopefully attempting to keep myself in focus. Excersice helps, but so does sleep and eating. Remember- a hungry man is an angry man!

nscott -

I have found medications can cause anger or anxiety. I sometimes get too impatient with others when I take Adderal. I also have the same problem if I don't take a medication that I have been taking, skip a dose, can cause an anxious impatient angry response from me as well. Thats one of the reasons I try not to skip doses.

A follow up on my Balance vs Volcanic Anger I was correct about horses adding balance to my life. I started horse back riding again, in fact leasing a horse for the whole family to care for and ride, and I can ride as much as I like. I have found that this adds passion, balance and fullfillment to my life. I now get up at 6 am, drop off my daughter at school, drive directly to the stables from the school 2-3 weekdays and also on Sunday, and on the way to the stable, I use that time to make personal phone calls, including my daily peer coaching call, and make some social calls that I rarely get time to make. I have coffee at the stable while talking horse talk with the stable owners, and then groom, saddle, bridle the horse. I first lunge the horse through his gaits for 20 minutes. Then I ride for 30 minutes. I untack the horse, and give him a hose bath, and dry him. Then I take a shower at the stables, and put on a fresh change of clothes, and continue with my day. Its a great way to start the day, during a 2 hr period when I really don't get that much productive work done anyhow, and I get satisfaction, exercise, and experiece my passion in life. Everything else seems to go much smoother after riding. Since I'm starting out so early in the morning, I have plenty of time to do other important things, and still pick up my girls from school. Then I do activities with them. Yesterday, we checked out martial arts lessons for the three of us, and we might start in the next couple weeks. Life is more than a job. And it feels better when there is a reason other than survival, to make money. Passion is a cause worth looking at! It took a while, like 2 years of therapy, to be convinced of this, but I finally understand it has tremendous value in the formula for happiness.

Some may interpret this to mean I am wealthy, and therefore have the option of making these choices, whereas they don't. In fact, it is quite to the contrary. One of the reasons I went to therapy was because I was not performing in my business as well as I used to, the boredom factor took over. I also had some big financial blows in the last few years, and constantly went around saying I could not afford this or that... In therapy, I learned it is all a state of mind, rich and poor. And in real life, as that state of mind is changed to rich, rich opportunities appear. Its a little spiritual, but it works.

Jon

I too often KNOW when i am at my limit, and say so, and others don't "respect" it, and then i go ballistic and THEY are surprised.

How do they have such gaul?

Hey there Wheel! I know exactly what you are talking about....As much as ADD people are bad at getting social cues, you would think others who dont have ADD would see our foreheads scowling and our eyes filled with rage and back off...but they dont...they keep pushing those buttons to see how far they can push us and then they are not happy with the results...I had this prob with an ex. She kept pushing to see how crazy I would get and then when I did go off, she was freaked. Admittedly, I take full responsibility for the consequences and I have never seen her again, nor do I want to...she brought out the worst in me...so I realized that there are people that I just cant have in my life...

I can get really frustrated & angry when something isn't going my way...like if i'm doing something & it's just not coming out how i would like it. But with me, i tend to cut people off when angry. I don't like to yell or scream at people because that's just not me. I'll find another way to vent.

Or a real life example, at work while unloading trucks(I work at UPS), there's almost always 2people per truck, my partner is moving too slow and holding me up...i have very little to no patience for that so i'll start to do his work for him.

Rage against the Machine! It's isn't just a guy thing. I think I figured out that it's a sense of having lost control of a situation or profound disappointment that triggers me. I get defensive so I don't get destroyed. I am always surprised by the depth of the rage and maybe it's just the flipside of vulnerability??? I also know that I'm not enough in touch with what's really going on with me -- ie. antecedent thoughts or being tired, hungry, lonely etc.
IMHO Men and women are conditioned differently. Anger in men, while certainly carrying consequences in society is also valorized in countless ways in popular culture and media. Angry women, on the other hand are viewed as scary anomolies and so they are pariahs.
As a little girl, I used to throw thermonuclear tantrums and clearly remember the horror on the faces of my parents as they wondered if perhaps I was a changeling.
It's been awhile since acting out has been an issue for me (thank goodness 'cause I'm getting old), but it's possible to turn that rage inward as well where it surfaces as depression. A life spent apologizing for who you are would make anyone mad.
Great discussion.

As a youngster, I had a bad temper and got into a number of fistfights. By the time I was 14, I learned to control myself and became non-aggressive. In fact, now that I'm 42, the thought of any conflict is thoroughly unappealing to me - though it does happen from time to time, but rarely. The latest examples are exclusively with my wife, though we are in the midst of a marital breakdown. I do not get angry or show a temper with anyone else in my life.

I'm currently taking effexor as an anti-depressant. It has been quite effective. However, I sometimes wonder if it hasn't been partially responsible for some of my most recent angry outbursts. I don't feel the sadness and despair, the emotional anguish and the urge to run away anymore. In that sense, the medication has worked. However, anyone who goes through this sort of thing knows you need to have some sort of release and I'm wondering if anger hasn't replaced depression as an emotion in an effort to deal with my circumstances. Anyone else have similar experiences?

Suupanova, It's good to see a fellow UPS'er. I am a Feeder Driver in Newark, Delaware. I am also out of work right now. Tore a rotator cuff when I fell out of my tractor .
On to the subject. This thread describes me to a tee. I have a fuse so short, I sometimes think there is no fuse at all. Quite a few times I have had to be thankful for an understanding boss after I blew up at him out of the blue. Many things tend to set me off; a messy house, noisy kids, some idiot that I don't think should be on the road. I have no tollerance for stupiddity and stupid people :( I get mad at inanimate objects and video games. My wife hates when I start to play a game because she knows it wont be long before I start the loud sighs and progress to the cussing at the tv.and finally to the throwing of the controller. At the time it makes me feel better,but later I realize what an *** I was being. Sometimes it just feels good to be angry. I can be angry for hours about something, but once it is over, it's over. I put it behind me and act like nothing happened. I think it is the only way I know how to vent. I don't cry. According to my wife, it would take an act of God to make me cry. She tells me that she doubts I would even cry at her funneral. It's not that I don't want to cry. It's just that I can't. Somewhere along the way, I seem to have lost that emotion. I also have a problem with "immuturity". I still laugh when someone farts. All too often I will let out a good belch without thinking about it and end up embarresing myself. I still say stupid things. It took me a long time to realize that I have a problem. I guess I just didn't want to admit it. Looking back, I now see that this problem HAS been with me my whole life. The trouble in grade and middle school. I always had so much trouble concentrating. I couldn't understand how the other kids in math classes could just breeze thru while here I was having trouble with the easiest formulas. It really effected my self esteem. I wish there was some way to treat it when I was a kid. My son has followed in my footsteps. He is on the Concerta and Straterra. It has done wonders for him in school. He actually came home one day and told us that he was having trouble concentrating. Since then he has done a 180 degree turn. He went from being one of the lowest in his class, to scoring in the 95th percentile in the state. It has helped his self esteem greatly.
Since my great revalation, I have learned, with the help of my meds. to control some of that impulsive anger. I still have my moments, but I have gotten a lot better...;)

Chev... no fuse a all. Yep. And how does one intercept something that travels NO DISTANCE AT ALL?

Prevention is probably the only way.

Great that drugs provide some of that for you.

No doubt Wheel. No Doubt......:D

My husband of four years also displays "volcanic anger". If something does not go right either at his job or something as little as dropping a book on the floor, he explodes. In these explosions he lashes out at everyone around him. These lash outs could be slamming doors to name calling, in our home or in public. I know that this cannot be good for our daughters and I know that it is not good for me. Even though he is in treatment, it seems not to help. What can one do?

Catherine M.

Catherine,

It maybe, if ADHD connected, that additional medication could help. Many times psychs will proscribe meds like SSRI's (anti-depressants) for off lable use as mood stableizers. Lexapro is very popular for this, as are several others.

Medication, is obviously not the answer for everything, however with ADHD, there can be definite impulse control and emotional modulation issues. As these problems are very much nuerological medication can be far more appropriate and successful than therapy, though the two together can work better still.

I would suggest your husband approach his doctor about these episodes and perhaps mood stablizing medication/CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) to help him manage these outbursts. They may well be beyond his control at the moment, but they are still his responsibility and you are right to be concerned. Neither you nor your children should have to deal with that.

Wow, I'm really enjoying this thread - and although I haven't read it all, I've just GOT to post.
I certainly have a quick temper.
But I think it's mostly about frustration rather than grievance.
For instance, I get road rage at the drop of a hat.
I get pavement rage, supermarket trolley rage (ie - more road rage).
TV and radio presenter rage.
Computer rage.
And I'm sure, lots of others I can't think of right now.
ADD severely limits the getting of satisfaction, increasing frustratability and consequent rages.
And like you guys, my rages are hair-triggered, hot and intense - but short-lived and grudgeless.
My mother used to complain that living with my father was like living on a volcano ..... funny, that.

I have a temper. Many things cause this temper. But people dont seem to understand...

The question is, do YOU understand? If you do, then you're half way home to finding a way to deal with your anger.

My ADD temper.

In my view of ADD inability to concentrate, I see my temper as an inability to get over the anger mound and get to the stewing phase or get to the letting go phase.

what might in others be a 5-10 hour grumpy session, in me is a 10 minute volcano that completely burns out. I don't get to the stewing phase as I cannot see the whole picture. I just get to the angry stage and burn the whole thing out.

I've not yet mastered it, but I am learning to watch people faces, and if their expression tells me i'm heading towards angry mode, I concentrate on lowering my voice which helps drain the angry mode as the voice concentrations takes away the angry energy.

Doesn't alwats work, but it seems to work a whole letter better than yelling and then apologising.

Sleepz.

healthwiz and jon,
great posts guys i can really relate to both of you. I have been dealing with outbursts of anger all my life. i was self-medicating with marijuana which seemed to help, but with peer pressure along with many failed pre employment drug tests, it had to stop.
but as a result, now i can't sleep have no appetite or sex drive and I'm really irritable all the time as well. even the things I used to enjoy for balance like playing my guitar or working on cars is gone , haven't done either one for weeks now. I go tomorrow for my first session at mental health clinic. from what I have read on here, wellbutrin seems to help alot. I know I need some kind of help but have no clue what that could be.

sleepzalot, that was me too. I haven't had a vilent erruption for 3 years . I take 40 mils of Stratera 2 times a day. I'm finding it allows me to deal with each problem as they come up. Insted of avoiding them. The key was for me to learn to openly communicate with my wife, she is the one I blew up on the most and my employ's. I was scared to talk about situations because I couldn't focas on any one situation for more than a few min's. Now as I venture into new terrotory of communication every conversation that was and could be troubleing is now looked at in a different light . With the new ability to focus on what the other person is saying and processing it I then retune with a responce. And each time I learn more and the doors to communication open my understanding broadens.

i used to be one crazy mofo. i was the guy who started brawls just over a look or facial expression. i started smoking marijuana at 13 but didn't view it as a form of therapy for my anger until i got to college. for a long time my main goal in life was simply to find the missing ingredient that weed provided for me. i learned how anger is caused by deficiencies in the temporal lobe of the brain, the part associated with memory. research shows that marijuana damages the portion of the temporal lobe associated with short-term memory. it was thus that weed would eliminate all of the nagging little short term (present) things that trouble us adders so much and allow only the broader memories to filter through. i took ibuprofen and vitamin E daily for a long time to try and supplement my deficiency. im not sure if they worked or not. the best thing i have ever found for quelling my anger is exercise. certain exercises such as weightlifting seem to sometime have a negative effect increasing my testosterone. the next best thing is probably sunlight. these two things help me to release my anger while marijuana helps me to use my volition to think through my anger. i still smoke occasionally.

btw i can relate to every single one of your posts.

School boy

I was an extremely angry person at one time. I did use the wacky weed to dull it as a teenager, but not anymore. Some people like it and some don't. I'm one of those who stopped liking it. thanks for sharing that as it is a good point, how we can use legaland illegal suubstances to dull that anger response.

Now I want to share with you some factors that do increase my anger. 1) sleep disorder - keeps me frustrated and not well slept, so naturally I am prone to more temper than the average person who is getting good sleep. 2) ADD - lets face it - it can be frustrating some days 3) My past, the family life I was raised in, the violence in my household as a child

I can take medical steps to address the first two, and that is a challenge. However, I have gotten just as much if not more our of step 3, facing the pain of the childhood. Doing so has changed my outlook on life. It has made me a better person. My anger is much lower as much of what I was angry about is resolved, and I am working on those parts that are not resolved. 4) Diet; I find by mere coincidence, that my South Beach Diet has pretty much eliminated my anger. There fore I know part of my anger responses are food related. I eat no carbs, no sugars, of any kind at the phase I am in. My mind is clearer, memory working much better, anger is way down.

This is not just for your schoolboy, its for all of us ADDErs with anger issues. We really owe it to ourselves and those around us to find ways to live happier lives, and to resolve or ditch the anger somewhere.

Thanks for sharing ! Good luck in finding what works for you!

Jonathan

I said a while back I haven't had a blow out in 3 years . Last week I forgot to take my med's and the wife came home and she was b....ing I went off. Not just a blow out but a very distructive blow out. Boy I messed up. We are working through it but I still feel realy bad.

Jon I had missed your comments about diet and anger. I'm glad I caught up to them finally. I'll have to have a look and see what the south beach diet is comprised of.
Thanks for the info. Ian.

What a terrific thread, thanks Jon.

I am a member of the anger club, only I've just recently realized it. For years I've been exploding over minor, trivial issues, and I'm one of those people that can carry the rage for days.

I've been fortunate enough to be able to almost separate myself from the rage and watch myself go through the whole process. Now, I'm aware of exactly how it feels when I shift into anger mode, something I like to refer to as the PING moment, that is, the precise moment that I feel the anger has been 'tweaked'.

Hopefully, with practice, I can learn ways of channeling it, like Jon has with riding horses or missing_cues has with drums. For now, I'm just happy to be able to break the destructive cycle.

When I was participating in a group session at the local pysc (spelling) clinic and discussing anger one of the members there asked me

"what do I feel before the anger"
and I said "im frustrated" and after that then the anger sets in

and about a min later

he asked again

"what do I feel before the anger"
and I said "im frustrated" and after that then the anger sets in "like I told you"

and about a min later

he asked again (for the 3rd time)

"what do I feel before the anger"
and I said "im frustrated" and after that then the anger sets in "like Im starting to feel right now"

Frustrated becuse Iv told you 3 times allready

He looked me right in the eye
Pointed his finger at me

and all he said was

BINGO

and the light went on for me

I never realised untill that point what it was (when I get frustrated)

That sets off my ANGER

so now I dont let anything frustrate me

I walk away

Actually, I have the type of ADD with the inattentive and impulsive symptoms and I have problems with anger. I don't usually explode into a hige temper tantrum (although it has happened a couple of times, though very rare), I tend to keep my anger bottled up where it seeths. I think it's either I've developed great self-control or I'm too proud and am afraid to make a scene and am afraid as to what people will think of me after my outburst (I might be a bit paranoid). I notice I'm extremely hypersensitive to insult and I take offense VERY easily at the least perceived slight, even if the person was only joking (I tend to be very defensive most of the time). I also have a very difficult time not holding grudges. I can still remember in vivid detail stuff that people did to me back when I was in my teens! It's ridiculous, but I can't seem to help it. It's weird, but the hypersensitivity works both ways: depending on the situation, I can feel extremely insulted and feel like grabbing the person by the throat, or I feel terribly hurt and dejected to the point of almost falling into depression. I know keeping my anger bottled up is not good. It would probably help if I had a punching bag or something to punch in order to get it out of my system. Ithink Halliwell in his " Tips on managing ADD" actually suggests this as a means of getting rid of pent up frustration and aggressiveness.

HI, I am not ADHD, but I am married to a man with this. And yes he does the same things, but he goes from ok to angry in seconds, he gets violent as well. He also blacks out, just like a robot doing the things, he destroys, breaks, and then wonders why I get so upset. He forgets then thinks that everyone else should be calm and cool just like him. He does not understand what has happened or why we are so upset. So you are not the only one, and I am glad that my husband is not the only one either.

I have re-read this thread from begining to end and taken the time to reflect back on my fits of anger.

Since the awakening as I call it (see this post) (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showpost.php?p=68205&postcount=39)

I have only had 2 outburst that I can recall and as soon as I relised that I was loosing control I walked away.

Went outside for a smoke , and stewed in my brain, and it then passed and I was able to resume where I left off with out the anger.

We (my Wife and I ) were then able to discuss what was causing the anger and then discuss a game plan to resolve the issues.

I now have a (permanent recording in my brain that repeats itself every 4th or 5th thought)( or so it seams anyway)

The recording simple says ("You are ADD")

I now live my entire life for the last 6 months or so anyway listening to this recording in my subconcious and I never let myself forget it.

By staying in touch with this thought at all times , it now allows me to think about any action that I am about to preform and decide if , "I really want this to happen"

So far this has worked for me

Gentlemen -

Reading your posts has been sooooo interesting to me. I am a non-ADD/HD wife, looking for answers. I initiated a thread under 'Non ADD spouses' entitled 'Is it ADD/ADHD?'. Seriously suspect husband is one or the other. He's very successful in business, but homefront can be really stormy. Read my post if you're interested.

Went to marriage counseling last night and the subject of his 'short circuiting' (my term) came up. Basically feels (as observer) like adult temper tantrum. The dog leaves footprints on patio - he sort of flips and spends 1/2 hour hosing it off. Kids get stains on carpet - he flips and cleans to his satisfaction. Someone doesn't treat his pool table with proper respect - a temper tantrum. Kids spill cookie crumbs on his boat - etc.......... Don't think he's a clean freak, but suspect that the anxiety of things not 'going right' sets something off on him and he needs to 'act out' for a while.

His explanation is that he just likes his things 'nice'. Really suspect it is more anxiety related.

Have to tell you it is VERY upsetting to observers. Guilt and fear abound (he's never gotten physical) for those of us left in it's wake. We're never quite sure what will set him off. As a result we tend to pussyfoot around him.

Definitely not trying to trash ADDrs. Please understand that. Just wondering if any of this sounds familiar. And, wondering if you have any suggestions for me on how to react and approach him about this.

He is undiagnosed and pretty much in denial about all this.

Incidently, FASCINATING thread. Best of luck to you all.

I'm very similar except for the denial part.

I've been aware of this in me for a long time. My wife comes from a place where things aren't as important as people, and I grew up thinking things were where it was at.

It is always a tremendous indicator of my mental health, how I deal with unexpected change. Now I use the degree of chaos I can function in as a touch stone of my progress. I can't believe I'm saying this out in public! eheh

Every knife had a place and every bit of cutlery had it's bit of order to be adhered too. The way the towels were hung, the way the cars were parked, you name it and I have at one time or another tried to get my family to keep order!!!

Trying to keep order around me was one way I was coping with the disarray inside me. The less chaos I had internally the less need for control over my external environment I had.

I have made large strides in this department. As the Rolling Stones have been heard to say... "you might not get what you want.. but if you try real hard.. you just might get what you need." I needed a family that thrives in chaos apparently.

I'm grateful to have found some balance in my need for control. I have a little machine shop that I can keep as ordered as I like. As the years have gone by I've become less and less concerned with the spills, tools not put back or broken accidentally, mistakes of all kinds are a little bit easier to take.

I still qualify as harsh when it comes to these things but I don't pout like I used to. I sometimes appear to others as if I was an adult now. < g >

I'd encourage you to seek some outside help with this. The things that make such a man attractive to you in the first place are likely the same things that can show you a way out from under the clouds and into the sun where you belong.
You can only change yourself.
ian

I was the same way for no reason at all......

My wife never knew what would set me off........

Since I went on my med and have now quit taking my meds ................

I can honestly say " The world could fall down around me and I would just look at it and shake my head........ I dont care about anything anymore ..........

I just wish I had the 19 years where I didn't understand to live over again with my wife


but I don't ...................

But I do have whatever time is left to do it right this time..............