A posting on another topic got me to remembering my time a few years back, when I was still drugging alot, yet spending a lot of my time online, when I would get into flame wars with other people in various Forums or via Email. Even when I got sober, however, I was still prone to these things. Most of the time they started with a thoughtless or innocuous comment and a response written without fully reading the original post.

This even dates back, for me, to 1991, in the early days of AOL, before chat rooms. It wasn't until I learned and understood one very important rule that my tendencies to get involved in such wars was abated.

COMMUNICATION IS NOT PERSONAL

I was wondering if, as people with Attention Deficit (slash Hyperactivity) Disorder we are especially prone to get involved with flame wars; and if anyone had any personal stories they'd like to share.

Thanks!

Wikipedia defines Flame Wars as follows:
A flame war is a series of flaming messages in an electronic discussion group or message board system such as usenet, mailing lists or forums. There are a number of characteristics of electronic communication which have been cited as being conducive to flame wars. Electronic communications do not easily transmit facial expressions or voice intonations which may serve to moderate the tone of a message. Also, there is typically a lag time between the time a message is transmitted and the time a reply is read. These two characteristics can cause a "positive feedback loop" in which the emotional intensity of an electronic exchange increases to extremely high levels.

Hmmmmmmmm well, I've been in arguements in chat rooms and PM's before...does that count?

You say that communication is not personal. Hmmmmm well, not entirely sure what you mean, BUT I have to say....

When one decides to engage in a conversation/debate/whatever with anyone, be it in person, the phone, the internet, snail mail.....BOTH parties are human beings with feelings and opinions. The mode of delivery itself is not "personal" but there are usually feelings and reasons behind what was being communicated. And also, I think there's a difference between REAL communication and "flaming" for the sake of flaming and being argumentive.

Now, it is true that in some ways it's harder to convey true feelings, tone, etc in a medium such as the internet.....but that's why it's good to:
* ask for clarity when something may be misconstrued - people have actually fussed me for asking for clarity in something they said (Jeez, I was merely trying not to jump to conclusions!!!)
* say PRECISELY what you mean - don't leave anything to be assumed, judged, etc....when possible
* make liberal use of smileys, etc.... - I've often said something that could be taken as mean, but when I put a :p after, would mean I was joking.....
* and a good one is...when you feel it's a personal attack...wait a while before responding....that way you can think it over without "snapping back" and be more tactful in response....

I read a book a while back....called "Dealing with people you can't stand"...it's got a whole chapter in the back about online communication...and says some of what I mentioned above. heh

OK do I make sense? Ok thanks :p

I tend to end up in flame wars without intending to. It is an exercise in letting go to leave your "opponent" on the field of battle and not HAVE to convert them to the right (i.e. your own) point of view.

Um, I call them debates. Politics is a popular topic. It can be great for a hyperfocusing indulgence for a while but eventually becomes pointless and tedious.

The following is a hilarious web site on this topic:
http://www.politicsforum.org/images/flame_warriors
I might have resembled some of the following:
Eagle Scout
Tireless Rebutter
Weenie
Target
Therapist
Peacemaker
Philosopher

"flame wars"???

oh, i have learned *so many new english words since joining this community - it's *great*!!!
:D

"flame wars"?
*yes. Yes. YES. YES!!!*
don't ask me *"how?"* or *"why?"*, but i *always* seem to end up in them - without *ever* having intended starting *or* continuing them...
:confused: :( :rolleyes:

i *know* i have the somewhat "annoying" (aspergian) ability towards being/becoming a "besserwisser", and *that* "character flaw" together with my aspergian inability to *"get"* sarcastic remarks (the fact that i'm so very, very *bad* at this, is something that *really* puzzles my doctor, because i seemingly have *no* problem with *using* sarcastic remarks - at least not in written communication! :confused:), sometimes makes me a *very* nice victim/involontary offender in "flame wars"...

This is the quote I was going for, sorry I misquoted the exact quote:

The Sixth Principle of Intentional Communication: Nothing is Personal (http://www.enotalone.com/article/2538.html). Take a look at this article: The Sixth Principal

One of my problems was that everything people were posting was about me. Use the phrase, "...and there are people around here who..." and you were setting me up to be insulted. It didn't matter whether it applied to me or not. My perception was that it applied to me.

"Nothing is personal" is not about how to better communicate, it's about how to better deal with communication. This way, even if I'm certain somebody is insulting me online, I can remember that it is that person's problem; because no matter how much I might express about who I am, they couldn't possibly know me.

Indignance does me no good and does everyone else harm.

One of my problems was that everything people were posting was about me. Use the phrase, "...and there are people around here who..." and you were setting me up to be insulted. It didn't matter whether it applied to me or not. My perception was that it applied to me.
When I hear these types of phrases being bandied about, I usually make the equally dangerous assumption that it couldn't possibly be about me. I really need directness from people when it comes to serious and important issues.:o

As for the flame wars, it seems like folks around here do a good job of quickly quelling anything which has the potential to burn out of control.

Um, I call them debates. Politics is a popular topic. It can be great for a hyperfocusing indulgence for a while but eventually becomes pointless and tedious.

The following is a hilarious web site on this topic:
http://www.politicsforum.org/images/flame_warriors
I might have resembled some of the following:
Eagle Scout
Tireless Rebutter
Weenie
Target
Therapist
Peacemaker
Philosopheryou're *so* right (again!!!), paul - it *is* a hilarious website!!!
:D

*i* might have resembled some of the following:
ego
furious typer
grammarian
tireless rebutter
ideologue (*both* types!;-)

I say what the hell I want to say. I don't hold back. I guess that offends people.

I kinda like the flame wars when I'm bored gives me something to laugh really hard at and I learn new insults. As for getting involved? nah, I'm too young and have too little time for that...ops reverse that.

I say what the hell I want to say. I don't hold back. I guess that offends people.

Yeah, I was that way once, too. Then I realized that when I hurt other people, whether deliberately or not, I often hurt myself. And frankly, I really don't like to feel that through my actions or words, someone else was hurt. It's not the kind of person I am.

Thank God we have an opportunity to re-read what we post before we post it. It's hard enough dealing with the repercussions of things I've spoken in person or on the telephone in an instant and not have the opportunity to take it back.

"Oh, I'm sorry, It's my ADD," only works if A) the person you're speaking to actually understands your condition, B) if you haven't done it before without making reparations for it. We may not be responsible for our condition, but we certainly are responsible for our treatment, and the consequences of our behavior.

Part of what this forum is for me is learning how to live in the real world with my condition and be a better person because of it. That doesn't work if I'm peeving people off everywhere I go.

I tend to end up in flame wars without intending to. It is an exercise in letting go to leave your "opponent" on the field of battle and not HAVE to convert them to the right (i.e. your own) point of view.


I am SOOOOOOO with Clam on this one. I think the adrenaline stimulation issue is one that exists (and the older I get, the more I see that IN GENERAL - not trying to start a flame war; I like it here :) - that HAVE-TO-WIN thing (testosterone-generated or otherwise) can aggravate the problem), so I frame the "letting go" part as a time management issue - then I get to feel virtuous and smug as well. :cool:

Um, I call them debates. Politics is a popular topic. It can be great for a hyperfocusing indulgence for a while but eventually becomes pointless and tedious.

The following is a hilarious web site on this topic:
http://www.politicsforum.org/images/flame_warriors
I might have resembled some of the following:
Eagle Scout
Tireless Rebutter
Weenie
Target
Therapist
Peacemaker
Philosopher

This is a SCREAM. :D :D Thanks for the break, Paul.

http://webhome.idirect.com/~totton/Animated/flame_war.gif
I have a tendancy to argue with fools.....

I have to add, the other day I was sort of arguing unknowingly with one of the admins. here. I had decided to add a sig to my name, but since each board is different I wasnt sure if the pic would be resized, or how big it would be, so I post a pic, and two seconds later it dissappears. I figure I did the formatting wrong so repost it, so this randomn guy PMs me and says, youve been warned, you have violated guidelines, you warning level is now a two. And im thinking its just some randomn person (well it was sort of as I have never talked to em before) so I tell the person that they are very rude, and I dont know who they are etc, so they are acting all fierce, and I am still clueless as to whats going on. Apparently my checking out the size of a pic like that was "illegal"...but I was ready to go crazy on this guy. I still think he was kind of rude, but Im not gonna argue with him anymore bec I dont want to be banned from here.

I was neither rude, nor a "random guy".

1. I have a copy of every message I've ever sent to you, and never once was I anything but curt and cordial. You agreed to abide by the rules of this forum when you signed up for it, and its my job to enforce them, not read your mind.

2. My signature appears on every PM and post that I make, just as it does at the bottom of THIS post. See the title under my user name to the upper left of my post? Yes, I'm an Admin. There are a few of us, and many moderators too - All of whom make certain that rules are followed here. If I thought it would accomplish something, I would be more than happy to publish both your responses and my posts, for all to see who, in fact, was rude.

The rules of the ADD Forums are not up for debate or vote. Rules are in place at the forums for a reason. If you (or anyone else) violates them, a warning will be sent. There is nothing wrong, rude or random about that.

Finally, you might want to read the Forum Guidelines one more time (http://www.addforums.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=75) because if you're ready to go "crazy" on someone...I'm the LAST person you even want to IMPLY that threat to.

OOOoooooooooooooooooooo get 'em :p

Actually, what I wanted to say was that if you've been warned, then there's a 99% chance that there was a dern good reason for it....best to try to find out why and what can be done to correct it, rather than go "crazy" on someone....that is if one wants to remain an active participant here. :D

Now back to your regularly scheduled program.

What were we watching again?

What were we watching again?have absolutely *no* idea...
:D

we were watching "chronicles of an off-topic thread -- part 1,042" ;)

Oh, this reminds me of something I did Friday. I emailed a letter to the editor to our local paper. I meant to send it to the "sound off" forum that is anonymous. I didn't realize til later in the evening that I had sent it to the wrong place with my name, address and phone. It was about an elected official that has been a topic of debate in town for a long time. Everything I said was true, but I know a lot of people who are friends with him and I would have had them all mad at me. Plus it would not really have accomplished anything because the man needs help probably more than criticism.
I worried all weekend and finally talked to the editor while ago and he assured me he understood and would not print it. It taught me a lesson. No more letters to the editor.
kathy

*cringes and slinks away grateful it's NOT me*

Me no picky any fights uh uh no way :D