View Full Version : in the mix

10-28-10, 10:00 PM
Well I guess people with BP lose sense of reality sometimes as all it is is a distorted reality.

So I am fortunate to have both Hypomania, AKA Hippomania as its how i feel when it is in action daily ............ and severe ADD, I could teach a squirrel advanced short attention techniques.

So after a life or many ups and downs over the years found out about my ADD at the tender age of 38. and had been on Lithium ( and company on and off for 18 years. Did not realize my BP until a couple of months ago really. Never could link symptoms to myself until i almost got homeless.

Life in the past 5 years has been a series of shacky period work wise. I was fired from 4 jobs in 6 years. Having no clue why, until later .....

Now I look back my ADD made me a total dumb guy at work as i was not aware of half the things everybody else was aware of. Day in day out. + plus being Hypomanic at work and having no clue. Feeling great while i was screwing myself. scary ****, can u imagine ........sick stuff .......

My wife moved out 10 days ago, we share a kid who is feeling axious and panicking to the new situation. I am happy though this is much better for my health as my stress levels having a her (a wax statue) in her warmest days. Never had 3 min to explain my illnesses. disaster

i love the peace, i have now ............. this led me to gradually from comfortable travelling around the world to being in debt. a lot in debt. could not eat and my bro is supporting me financially but that is a very short term solution. at least i have a roof and food.

On my way down i was paralyzed, watching things crumble and being dazed. totally helpless.

I have been for months trying to find a job, work on my resume. try to control my money, find a part time survival job, apply for disability.

I have done nothing but see my great Doc and buy pills and spend weeks in starbucks doing bull on my PC and watching girls come in and out.

While hating what i was doing and dreamed of fixing my resume and upload it. I did it after weeks and weeks of forced proscrastination.

Now i have been on Seroquel ( for 10 days and i feel i am landing on earth slowly. the tips of my feet are touching a surface for the first time in a long time. normal for me was to hover over things rarely really having feet on the floor and actually seen things in clarity.

there has been always a slight focus problem i mean camera type focus. and things have been unreachable even if they were a few click away on the keyboard.

Is this Bipolar ? and ADD? i am medicated for both and feel my ADD is under some control. but this landing i am experiencing is it real or a hallucination.

Honestly, pls be brutally honest ..... i am a wimp, lazy or there is something making me this way. Who should I blame in % me or the illness. I felt i could do nothing ...........

Heartfelt thanks ......