View Full Version : Am I a lost cause?

11-03-10, 08:37 PM
I'm a sophomore in high school...i have a girlfriend and lots of friends and am currently enrolled in 4 pre-ap/AP classes. I'm failing all of them. I know I'm smart enough for them, but i just don't try. I feel like I have no motivation. I don't even know how I managed to pass last year. But it seems like everyone is just giving up on me....should i give up too? I don't know what to do...

11-03-10, 09:40 PM
Never give up,pull up your boot straps,re assess the situation,maybe even change it up and them move forward soldier w your head up:) If you give up on yourself well then no 1 else is gonna care so you have to care.

11-04-10, 06:28 PM
If you want to go to the beach, do you just get in your car and go? Well, maybe :p but usually you have to prepare right? Otherwise, you probably won't have a good time.

I'm not sure because your post didn't mention it, but are you getting special accomodations at school? And how are you managing your ADHD? See, it's one thing to go into battle with the intention of winning. It's quite another to go prepared, with a game plan and a specific goal in mind.

You can be successful, but it means being aware of your unique needs. The people around you want to help, but they may not know what it's like to have ADHD. It's important that you tell them. I don't think they want to give up on you. But they need to be given something specific to do.

You can do this. Best of luck to you!

11-05-10, 04:50 PM
Whatever you do, don't give up. Just keep at it!
Are you getting medication/counsling/other aids for your ADHD? Or are you getting special accomidations from your school?

11-08-10, 09:21 PM
I'm on a 504 plan at my school...but it doesn't seem to help much...Adderall doesn't do anything for me anymore...could it be a discipline problem? I would consider myself to be spoiled, but when my parents punish me and take things away, nothing changes. I still don't do my homework, even if i try to focus. What's worse is that I'm afraid I'll always be like i'll always feel worthless and unaccomplished, no matter how hard i try...

11-08-10, 09:28 PM
It's a vicious cycle, being told you have all this potential so you take on a life and a half only to inevitably get overwhelmed and feel like a failure, and maybe be tempted to start the cycle all over again based on this belief that if you were smart enough you'd make it work somehow.

My advice: Scale it back. Decide what you want to prioritize (1 or 2 AP classes), certain extracurriculars, and what kind of relationship you want right now. I know it can feel like you're supposed to be with your girlfriend as often as possible, but that's a major distraction and completely unrealistic to being productive unless you're both super regimented when it comes to study time.

Tailor your life until it's more comfortable and then master that. Try not to worry about outside expectations because of potential. You're not a computer with a high-powered processor, you're not input-output. You're a person and you will figure it out, but just cut yourself some slack.

You can cut back as much as you need to until life's under control, but don't ever give up.

11-08-10, 10:08 PM
My kid is your age. He's got an IEP. Not sure offhand the difference. If your accommodations aren't working ask the school counselor, or somebody, to help you research different accommodations. It's not your fault.

I've already been the parent who didn't understand adhd and in that, didn't support my kid as much as I needed to. Now that I've been on meds myself (from my doc) I totally get it. And now I can focus enough to help him.

You're exactly like mine. Back in the day, I'd completely strip his room, impose punishments. Never did a thing. And then I'd get frustrated bc nothing I did worked. I didn't get it.

Now that I've paid attention to him when he's off meds and on meds, or needs his dose changed!, totally different kid.

Ask your parents or somebody at school to help you develop a Plan B for after graduation. Like my son, if a university is too ambitious or he just doesn't feel like he'll be able to handle it, our backup plan is community college. They've got a lot of medical opportunities that pay really well and that can always be a stepping stone. If you don't like medical look for something else. The end goal is to get you gainfully employed and with your own insurance. The important thing is to keep you on your meds after graduation - and after you get booted from your parent's insurance policy. Provided that's the case. Don't get overwhelmed by this though! My son gets overwhelmed just thinking about it and I get it. Talk to your parents and tell them you need help! Remind them that you'll still need your meds after you age out of their policy.

And it's definitely not a discipline problem. Your parents are probably like I used to be. I really think that had I not experienced it myself, I would have never gotten it. Have they read any books about it? Tell them to try Driven to Distraction. <-- write that down now or print this up.

Some accommodations we use at home... post-it notes (placed around the house as needed - with tape!), writing w sharpie on the back or inside of our hands, dry-erase boards, timers.

Something I read online somewhere - Do it now or Write it down. Make that your new mantra. Write that down and hang it on your wall. But do it now before you click on something else here!

You're not worthless OR unaccomplished.

Try not to beat yourself up. Surf for awhile and learn more about this. Watch videos on youtube ... but stay focused on this! It's brain wiring that you can't help.

11-28-10, 09:20 AM
God, reading your post about feeling worthless brings back memorys..
I'd cry because I knew I was smart, but even when I tryed all night to get my homework done I coudn't. At one point I just accepted I was stupid, and I completly gave up trying to do my homework.

Everyone made me feel like I should be able to get my homework done, and since I coudn't I was stupid. Feeling stupid made me feel worthless, and that made me feel ugly. For the rest of the year I felt so sad, and I just wanted one person I could tell that to that woudn't call me stupid and depressed and would understand.

I would lie and tell my parents my homework was done, then they'd contact the teachers and find out it wasn't. All day it would be "Claire just sit down and do your homework" or "Is your homework done yet?" That was honestly the worst year of my life. I blamed my parents, my siblings, God, my best friend.
Truthfully, this probably sounds chessy, but I think If I had one person I could tell everything to and cry on, one person I trusted to not tell anyone and just listen to me, I don't think I would have felt as crappy as I did.

I wanted so badly to do good in school and I tryed so hard, but no matter what I did I never did any better. I told my parents I was taking a "break" from homework because I didn't want them to see that I just couldn't do it. I didn't want to live my whole life out like this but I literally didnt have one drop of happiness or hope in me, so I just stopped trying. This might sound stupid but my goal was to become homeless, because then no one would exspect anything of me and I could do things on my own terms.

In that one year I think I experianced every thing girls my age experiance throughtout there teenage years. Anger, missunderstanding, worthlessness, uglyness, stupid, hopeless, completly alone, depressed, crying, jealousy, hurt, and a crap load of other things.
I wouldn't ever choice to go through that again, but since then I've never had body issues, which I'm really grateful for :) I think I'm beautiful and my weight is perfect, and that almost makes my experiance worth it.

Umm...but now to the happy part! This year I got tested for ADD, and it didn't come as a suprise when they told me I had it :) And my parents want me to get good grades so there supportive of anything that will help.
I'm also on a 504 Plan, but I wasn't on ADD meds it didn't help at all, but now I've found the right Meds for me it's a complete life savor :)

Some adive about your meds: The right ones will turn your life around(or at least \motivate you, and make it easyer for you to focus). If Adderall dosn't work don't give up try a differant one! Adderall did literally nothing for me, then I switched to Focalin and it made my ADD worse, then to Concerta which worked but wore off, and then back to Focalin. I'm on Focalin now, and we found the right dose for me, so I can now function almost like a normal person :)

Anyways the point of my long, rambling story is this: Learn from my mistakes and don't give up. I've been there and I choose the easy option of giving up. In the end it worked out ok, but I went through a year of Hell to get there. When everyone have up on me, I gave up on myself to make my life easyer. Giving up gave me the worst year of my life and a year of terrible grades..

When everyone gives up on you the worst thing you can do is give up on yourself. I know what your feeling and your not worthless. Move forward and things can only get better, but give up on yourself and stop hoping, that's when things only get worse.You must be worth something if you have a girlfriend! My advice would be to maybe have a study session with your friends, that way they can help you stay on task, and you can take breaks and have fun so it dosnt become overwhealming. Also ask your parents/doctor about switching to a med. and seeing if its anymore effective :)

(Im one person who hasn't given up on you)

02-02-11, 12:04 AM
I have the same story as Claire. In 8th grade (actually since 4th) I was a straight D student. I would lie to my parents about grades and homework. They would find out eventually and I would be getting lectured almost weekly. Me and my parents were EXTREMELY worried about my future, like really. All my teachers thought I was an idiot, except one. She told my parents to get me tested for ADD. And guess what, I was. I went on meds and now I get all As. But I still gotta work, even with meds. Maybe try changing meds? And remember, meds aren't wonder drugs, you still have to put in effort. It is hard, but you still need to try.

I know it sounds bad, but maybe try to ease off on your social life for a while to get your grades back on track and get a good study plan?

02-02-11, 12:13 AM
Giving up is the first step in claiming total defeat. its the worst thing you could do. if no one else believes in you, you must still believe in yourself. ive felt this way for many years. socialy, my life is a mess. i cant make friends and i just suck at it period. but i didn't give up. i have one great friend whose like a sister to me and a few other good friends.

if i had given up, i would never have been there. but there was a time where i felt utterly lost, totally alone. but i didn't give up. i pushed forward and found what i was seeking, a true friend.

and you know what, that whole time, there was someone watching over me. you cant see him, but hes there, waiting for you to recognize him and turn to him for help.

dont give up! be persistent and push forward! you will turn out to be a better, stronger person in the end and will make your family proud!

Best of luck! :D