View Full Version : Finally I get good ADD treatment that allows me to step out of this brain fog


steven d
11-04-10, 02:14 AM
I'm finally getting well treated for ADD (something like partially cured from ADD). And all my previous ideas were correct, I have been living in a brain fog/ cloud for my entire life.

Now I'm slowly getting out of this brain fog/ cloud.

Suddenly I realise I have been hurting other people's feelings and caused damage as well due to inattentiveness which I previously never even noticed! Isn't that strange.

You can read my previous post here:

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=90593

How did I hurt other people's feelings without ever knowing? Due to thinking further (the consequence of an action) problems. For example a cancer patient asked me if I knew how bad cancer was. I replied "no I don't, please explain". Apparently this brought bad, painful experiences which the cancer patient didn't like. But I never realised this and I always thought that as long as you don't call somebody names you won't hurt any feelings. But apparently what I said was very bad even thought I never realised it.

steven d
11-04-10, 02:36 AM
I also realise that if you communicate with others it's not only the things you write/ say that count. It's also the consequence of the things you write/ say. Also the context is important, which is something I always missed.

If you can't see the consequence of the things you write/ say you can hurt other feelings easily and communicate more difficult. The same with the context. What do I mean with context? For example if I am talking to you but I dislike you because you are yelling at me. Now suddenly I'm complaining about people who are nagging at me. The person will think it's him who's nagging (it automatically goes to him).

Even saying a simple yes, no or a simple word at the given moment depending on the context can have serious consequences. Because the word actually triggers a certain series of consequences.

For example I don't have to say that you are stubborn or arrogant. I just say that the doctor ordered you to use your pills and yet you won't do it because you know what's right. Which actually equates to saying that you are both stubborn and arrogant.

I once said that I am a law student and I knew about the laws (I didn't said that on an arrogant tone). Still people found me sounding very arrogant. Also I once said that my doctor didn't take me serious with ADD. I sounded arrogant too since I didn't receive an ADD diagnosis by then (apparently people think that I know better then the doctor). So simple sentences such as these can actually trigger the consequence that makes you sound arrogant.

steven d
11-04-10, 04:20 AM
Previously, when I read words/ sentences I just felt blank.

Now when I read words I feel that it leads me to a series of new thoughts that are follow ups of the previous thought. It's like flying. Therefore I can't just write words down because every word lifts the plane up (and you don't want to lift the plane too many times because you will get dizzy).

Previously I sometimes just wrote/ said/ blurted out whatever I wanted. Now, every word I say/write causes a serie of thoughts/ consequences therefore I won't just blurt something out.

steven d
11-04-10, 06:00 AM
This example explains what I mean with "series of new thoughts":

For example you are at work in a highly advanced factory.

You see a white and a red handle. If you turn the white handle nothing will happen.

But the red one is a special handle, if you turn it the water will run, the water will go to the reactor, which will cause something to shortcircuit and then this will ignite the explosive fuel. Causing the entire factory to explode.

So if you turn the red handle this triggers many events (consequences) to occur, but the white does nothing.

The same with words and actions. Each word and action triggers specific things (changes) to occur which I previous couldn't see very well. Causing miscommunication and hurting other people's feelings without ever knowing. Basically I just blurted things out without ever knowing what these things I blurted out caused after I blurted them out. It's like leaving dirt all over the house and then leaving the house. Afterwards you go home and your wife is angry because the dirt is smelling.

Saboit
11-04-10, 06:55 AM
I'm living in my own world.

you can call it fog,cloud whatsoever

and I know meds will help me get out of it.
thank you.
i love reading positive things about meds.

PixiePlumber
11-04-10, 07:26 AM
So does this give me a chance of appearing "normal" and not screwing up every friendship I ever make?

steven d
11-04-10, 07:30 AM
Yes because I suddenly understand why I screw up all my previous friendships.

This is why:

1 The reason you probably already knew is: I never participated in conversations (drifing away).

2 If I ever said anything I only used vague words/ sentences without any depth. Examples are "Good music huh?", "Good reading...", "Excellent club".

Vague words/ sentences have many interpretations which cause miscommunication. One example is saying "I love chicken". Well do you love them? Or do you like to eat them for dinner? They can even cause irritation because they are so "wide". I mean these vague words are like unguided missles that go everywhere. To make something "narrow" you need to be more specific, such as saying "I love to eat chicken for dinner on sundays when I am at home" for example.

snickerz
11-04-10, 08:36 AM
So does this give me a chance of appearing "normal" and not screwing up every friendship I ever make?
do you get stuck in the viscous circle of over-communicating ie via text or phonecalls then realise what you are doing and then pull away and whilst doing all of this say what ever comes to mind even though it can be deemed inappropriate or hurtfull

PixiePlumber
11-04-10, 08:48 AM
do you get stuck in the viscous circle of over-communicating ie via text or phonecalls then realise what you are doing and then pull away and whilst doing all of this say what ever comes to mind even though it can be deemed inappropriate or hurtfull

I don't like phoning people but I do it via text and in person. I lost a potential good friend within 4 days because I was too forward, because to be honest, I don't see why people would make an effort to befriend me when there's 9 floors of other people who aren't a little strange to befriend.

Heh, the truth is I'm just so awesome that people find it intimidating :P

DarkShadow
11-04-10, 09:02 AM
I don't like phoning people but I do it via text and in person. I lost a potential good friend within 4 days because I was too forward, because to be honest, I don't see why people would make an effort to befriend me when there's 9 floors of other people who aren't a little strange to befriend.

Heh, the truth is I'm just so awesome that people find it intimidating :P

:D This is so me.

I feel ya.

DarkShadow
11-04-10, 09:04 AM
I'm finally getting well treated for ADD (something like partially cured from ADD). And all my previous ideas were correct, I have been living in a brain fog/ cloud for my entire life.

Now I'm slowly getting out of this brain fog/ cloud.

Suddenly I realise I have been hurting other people's feelings and caused damage as well due to inattentiveness which I previously never even noticed! Isn't that strange.

You can read my previous post here:

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=90593

How did I hurt other people's feelings without ever knowing? Due to thinking further (the consequence of an action) problems. For example a cancer patient asked me if I knew how bad cancer was. I replied "no I don't, please explain". Apparently this brought bad, painful experiences which the cancer patient didn't like. But I never realised this and I always thought that as long as you don't call somebody names you won't hurt any feelings. But apparently what I said was very bad even thought I never realised it.

I'm glad you found something that works for you. I know all about living in that fog. I've lived in it for years. Knowing that you are able to understand and grasp more than what you actually are, but not knowing how to do it. Comprehension is always just out of reach, and the more you try to focus and think, the harder it is to do so.

I'm excited with you!

steven d
11-04-10, 02:54 PM
I always knew that I lived in a fog and I always dreamed of coming out of that fog one day. This is how I could describe this "fog":

Emagine a big beautiful diamond, completely sharp, magnificant, shining, completely no impurities, worth $1.000.000.000.

This fog obscures this diamond, makeing it look like dirt worth $0. You now see a dirty stone full of dirt.

I always thought that this is just theory, but I now more and more come to realise that this fog is real.

Another description of this fog:

Emagine clear water, a quiet waterfall, a soft breeze. A beautiful landscape.

Now this fog comes and all you see is mist... No more clarity just foggy cloudy stuff...

kaossalami
11-04-10, 11:53 PM
Steven, are you sure you're not going through a hypomanic phase right now?

steven d
11-05-10, 03:50 AM
Ofcourse I'm not...

steven d
11-05-10, 05:14 AM
Previously,

When I wrote/said/ did something I could only see what I wrote but not the consequences (given a certain context) of what I wrote very well. Now I can see the consequences of what I write better.

In other words:

I was just doing/writing stuff without thinking well. Doing something but not thinking about what you are doing and the things it can cause. Causing hurt feelings and also damage.

For example you are a lawyer.

One day you are drunk and you write to the judge something...

Your letter to the judge caused something...

You can't just write something, you have to think carefully because what you write and submit to others has certain consequences.

Previously I couldn't see the consequences very well.

So I just wrote something... Ofcourse I wouldn't write very bad things but even if you write good things this can have bad consequences.

If you just write something without thinking about the consequences then even if you write good things you can cause damage.

steven d
11-05-10, 05:47 AM
If you just write something without thinking about the consequences then even if you write good things you can cause damage.


As long as you can't think well about the consequences of your actions you shouldn't become a lawyer or a medic.

steven d
11-05-10, 06:02 AM
And you should become a chemist either because you will "accidently" do something like mixing 2 substances creating one explosive substance which when ignited will explode.

Afterwards when you are in the hospital you will think: Hey this is strange, I had 2 very innocent substances (I did nothing wrong right?).

steven d
11-05-10, 08:04 AM
One another example of thinking forward problems is this:

One time I opposed a certain organisation. Because I didn't like their ideas. So I wrote all over internet that this is a bad organisation (with arguments ofcourse). Well, everthing you do has an effect on others.

What I did was just like going to a swimming pool and then suddenly swimming backwards instead of forward and then finding it strange that you have a collision with other swimmers.

Ofcourse opposing a certain organisation isn't bad (others do that too), but you have to think everything over before you do it (something that I couldn't). You have to realise that all things you do has a certain impact on others.

It's the same as dropping something from the sky. Over time this dropped item will land somewhere. So you can't just drop something from the sky, you have to plan it well (make sure nobody will get hurt). You have to draw a map, visit the mayor, tell everybody.

steven d
11-06-10, 04:22 PM
While my ADD symptoms are improving...

It's almost like a science fiction movie such as the Matrix where you find out you have another kind of life where things are almost the same but yet very different...

The previous world was very foggy (alot of noise) and your thoughts were blocked by some process but these blocks were invisible to you.

The new world is more consistent, you can think clearer (without having the breaks on).

Have you ever wondered how "normal" people can design things like tanks, buildings, rockets, televisions?

Have you ever wondered how a medical doctor can treat a patient within 10 minutes where he has both looked at all the symptoms the patient has and also all the side effects the medicines he/she prescribed can cause?

Previously I couldn't, but now I slowly I can. Because some mental process actually breaked my thoughts off. Living with ADD actually means living in a fog.

I remember the days when I stared at a project for hours without doing anything...

steven d
11-07-10, 10:19 AM
Another good example of thinking forward problems is this:

You are at your company and a new CEO (chief, director) has come. So there is a very important meeting. There the new vibrant CEO shows his new plans and ideas that completely reforms your company.

After 30 minutes of showing these ideas you suddenly stand up and yell:

Are you PSYCHOTIC!?!??!?!?!??!!!!!!!!!!!!!???

The next morning you receive a letter stating that you are fired and that you may never return to your company.

You write a letter back. You ask why are you angry? All I yelled was are you psychotic because I was shocked at your ideas.

I didn't call you names, I only said something that is ofcourse a littlebit spicy, but hey, don't we all use spicy words sometimes? My wife just called me a jerk yesterday!

The problem here that it isn't about what you exactly said. It's about the consequence of what you said at the given moment (context, situation).

Because when you said what you said it actually led to a series of consequences.

Are you psychotic? -> ALL your ideas are bad -> You are a bad (new) CEO

The CEO now is afraid you will rebel when his new ideas are implemented so he will fire you before you do this.

steven d
11-07-10, 01:59 PM
And also the new employers may think that their new CEO has schizophrenia... Ofcourse this new CEO doesn't like this and thus fires you.

steven d
11-08-10, 06:05 AM
Previously I couldn't, but now I slowly I can. Because some mental process actually breaked my thoughts off. Living with ADD actually means living in a fog.

I remember the days when I stared at a project for hours without doing anything...
I clearly remember the days when I stared in front of a project. I had to design something but my thoughts just drifted away.

steven d
11-10-10, 09:35 AM
If I have to demonstrate you what I mean with that I previously had thinking (forward) problems, seeing the consequence of an action this is how I would do it:

After 30 minutes of showing these ideas you suddenly stand up and yell:

Are you PSYCHOTIC!?!??!?!?!??!!!!!!!!!!!!!???

When you yelled:
Are you PSYCHOTIC!?!??!?!?!??!!!!!!!!!!!!!???

Normally I would not see anything bad about it. I mean calling someone "psychotic" is really spicy ofcourse but sometimes people use spicy words.

But now when I see
Are you PSYCHOTIC!?!??!?!?!??!!!!!!!!!!!!!???

It's like you just bought a converted ferrari (extra fast) and you are in the desert and when you scream:

Are you PSYCHOTIC!?!??!?!?!??!!!!!!!!!!!!!???

It's like you give full gas and you suddenly go from 0 mph to 400 mph within 20 seconds and you are yelling WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
While the G Forces are pushing you back and you are screaming while you feel you heart pounding.
Something like that.

Or when you yelled are you psychotic it's like you bought a new kind of just invented laser weapon and you are shooting with it and you blow everything up.

What actually happens is when you yell are you psychotic is it triggers something else to occur which triggers yet something. Previously I couldn't see very well what would occur next. This "not thinking about consequences" made it difficult for me to function well because if you just do something without seeing the (possible) consequences you can cause damage. For example if I am a chemist and I throw 2 or 3 substances together it might as well create another explosive substance which I can blow myself up with for example.

steven d
11-12-10, 08:18 AM
Now that I see yet more improvement, I am starting to think that I previously had logical thinking problems due to ADD. Don't laugh at me, but let me explain.

I once told my teacher:
I'm having so much fun at school.

I didn't give any more explenation. I didn't go any deeper (what kind of fun, where at school).

So maybe you smoke weed at school and have much fun at school?

The sentence which I made was so vague so it has many ways of interpreting it.

If you are really having so much fun at school then you should never return home right!

The sentence I made wasn't correct:
I'm having so much fun at school.

Should have been:
I like the new math classes because they teach me these things and this is fun.

The previous vague sentence wasn't a equal to what I wanted to say, therefore it isn't correct.

steven d
11-14-10, 02:23 PM
As time goes by I see more and more improvement.

Some people who read this might ask: What is this thinking further thing about?

Well, ADD is disorder that affects attention. But some people might agree with me that it's more then just attention. For example it's also about being dreamy and living in a "fog".

While other people go on you are just dreaming away.

I also mentioned that ADD affects thinking (and as you know memory might also be affected with ADD). It appears that ADD is more then just attention or maybe the attention problems affect thinking (and memory).

steven d
11-14-10, 02:45 PM
Now, what follows next is my new discovery now that my ADD symptoms are diminishing.

It appears that I previously only used vague statements that have no depth. For example:

"I'm hungry", "You are poor", "I've a good home", "I got good parents", "You are bad".

It appears that ADD affected my ability to go deeper into 1 thing. Such as what are good parents? How hungry are you exactly? How poor are you? What is bad?

It appears now that these vague statements are always logically correct or incorrect (you are always a littlebit hungry right?) because they are too vague. 2 > 1 is always correct right? 2 is bigger then 1. And it's always like that.

But my new discovery is that vague statements are like rockets shot to everywhere (they have a very wide scope). If I call you a thief you won't like that right? Because I am not saying what you have stolen and where (not going any deeper).

Vague statements can also make you sound very arrogant:

"I'm very good in programming (not saying which programming language)"

Because you are saying: "I am good with ALL programming languages".

But if you say that you are good with java programming because you have 3 years of experience then that does not sound arrogant.

Vague statements are also not logically equal to statements that are more "deeper". For example:

I like this movie
and
What I like about this movie is the main character Tom Cruise that plays his role very well.

Are not equal.

For example if one day I go to school and my teacher is very happy and is treating me very well I shouldn't say "That is a very good teacher".

Previously I used vague statements all the time, but these are rockets shot everywhere! Causing alot of irritation.

steven d
11-21-10, 04:15 PM
I see yet more improvement.

I now discover that I was previously driving people nuts because I used vague statements all the time, which are like unguided missles shot everywhere like I said. For example: "I'm good with programming", "I like going to school", "I'm having soo much fun at school", "I'm going to eat...".

These statements, when you don't go any deeper sound very childish or actually more: goofy. It feels like mr. bean, as if you just hit the wall with your entire body and now you are hopping backwards thinking ay... that was something that blocked my path.

Like said before ADD severely affected my ability to go deeper into things, which is very bad because this is a very important skill you need both at work and at school.

I also discover why people said that when I wrote stuff it was as if I had either smoked something or I must have been very drunk!

It appears that I always had good writing ability, but everything you write has specific (logical) consequences which I couldn't see before. For example if I say: "house brokers are evil", I'm not only saying "house brokers are evil". I now say: "ALL house brokers are evil". It's like I'm shooting missles to ALL house brokers. What I say has very big consequences... What if someone in my family is a house broker??? He/ she won't be happy right?

Now if I say "house brokers are good" after saying that "house brokers are evil" this has very big consequences again... Now I'm switching it back to the original state???

Not at all... Now people think I'm very drunk or I have smoked weed or something. Because I just moved leftwards (house brokers are evil) and then moved rightwards (house brokers are good). And the people who read what I wrote now feel dizzy!

Do you know the movie "The Matrix"? The main character discovered that the world actually has or consists of or holds "a matrix", a grid that somehow connects everything... Previously it's like I couldn't see "the matrix". So I was moving forwards and backwards and then leftward in the matrix, using vague statements that have like 100 consequences/ interpretations (rockets shot everywhere). It's like I didn't have a matrix-compass.

steven d
11-30-10, 08:37 AM
This thing really works! And as it is working it's like I'm moving to another dimension where everything is soo much quieter (not so much brain tornado).

It's almost like the movie "The Matrix" where the main character finds out that the world isn't what he thought it was.

Remember ALL these times where you were staring in front of a unfinished project, complicated math assignments or complicated whatever?

This ADD thing actually breaks your thoughts off... You try to concentrate.. but there is a process that breaks it off... Replaces it with a new thinking process.

It's like a reset button that is pressed every second.

I have found out that I previously when communicating with others I always used vague, open statements. Vague statements are statements such as:

"the world is very good","he's very smart","this is a very good school".

These statements are actually unfinished because they have no limits (exactly how good is the world?) and no further specification (what is good?). These statements are very "wide", they have a big scope. It's like you have a laser weapon and you are shooting your laser weapon everywhere.

Basically if I was a soldier I was shooting everywhere... Ever seen rambo before? Basically I was like rambo but shooting kamikaze style, not aiming somewhere, but shooting all around, hurting both enemy and friend.