Hi everyone.

I haven't found any threads related to this issue, so I thought I'd post a new thread.

I've been with my partner for just over a year now, and it's become very evident to me that he has ADD, and I would say it's also very evident to him as well (he's certainly had it since childhood, and even made jokes about it in the past). He is now 21, and over the last few months, I've realized behaviors that I initially thought were 'something he'll grow out of' are problems caused by his condition.

He exhibits virtually all associated behaviors. Many projects started, none ever finished, quick to anger, substance abuse (self medication, IMHO), can't manage the simplest of personal finances (paying bills, always overdrawing account) and dropped out of HS (later finished) though last month he took an online IQ test and it came back 160. Also (which I see as fortunate for hope of progress) exhibits the will to change but can't -- tried to quit smoking multiple times in the past year, only to restart each time, trying as hard as he can not to write bad checks, problems keeping a job, on and on.

Relationship problems abound: quick to anger for no reason, saying inappropriate things, causing financial hardships, forgetful, late, just to name a few. I'm at the point where I've asked him to see a doctor, and also made it clear this condition is affecting our relationship, and if he doesn't seek treatment it will probably mean breaking up. Knowing how he reacts to criticism and ultimatums, I haven't delivered one of those yet.

Here's where we are now. I want to stay with him, and think he would react very well to treatment options. But he won't even go hear what a doctor has to say -- he 'knows' it will mean a recommendation to go on a med, and doesn't want that. His main fear is that the medications will dull his mind, and make him a zombie -- ever worse, take away who he 'really is', and replace that person with a 'corporate stooge'.

I am looking for arguments, advice, and other ways to help convince him to seek treatment -- no, really just to seek a doctor to see about his symptoms.

We've both read lots of information online -- good and bad -- about all the meds. Other sources of information? Other sources (besides strattera.com) of good, positive testimonials from adults who have been helped by the medication? Other good, clear sources of data on trial results? Other quirky, fun ideas to remind him without being a nag?

For example, I've found that communicating about this over e-mail works WELL for him, while he's at work. He reacts negatively to articles I send, or words of encouragement or caring -- 'I'm not taking a pill' ... 'oh, I'm crazy, and now it has a name' etc. but he generally also gets over it before he gets home, and has been a little more open to discussions.

What I'm considering now is a journal, where I note every day, all the ways his behavior is affected. I think if he saw that evidence, and how it affects others and himself, he might say yes to seeing a doctor. I'm thinking it might also be useful to the doctor he (we) go see.

Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated. I love him very much and want so much to help him.

Thanks in advance!!

I empathize greatly with your position, Sunny, as I am just like your SO and also hate the idea of going on drugs of any kind.

If he is anything like me he is hypersensitive to anything that might try to sell, convince, manipulate, or urge him to that course of action. Therefore almost anything you "do" will be counterproductive in the end, causing him to entrench further against what you want, and raising hostility between the two of you.

Three things have mellowed me towards the idea.

1. Time. Frustration with my own life continues to build to the point where I will try anything, even drugs, to improve it. In theory, you have more patience than he does. Will that patience last into months, years, maybe even decades of waiting?

2. Knowing personally other ADDers who HAVE tried drugs. Having direct evidence in front of me that they are positively affected and not turned into zombies. These forums have been the biggest influence here.

3. Caring. Not FROM my family--but FOR my family. I feel a terrible responsibility for them and life has taught me that I cannot provide for and care for them as is... I recognize that I may need a crutch to get me moving properly.

What will keep him with you in the interim is respect. You are allowed to say you wish things were different--there is no relationship without true communication--but what he really wants is your acceptance and love no strings attached. If you can manage to love/accept him AND disagree with him at the same time, that would be ideal.

This is all, of course, just my 2 cents worth. I'm projecting myself into his shoes and they may not be a perfect fit. I hope something in the post is useful to you both though.

Very useful -- I think I will introduce him to these forums, and I may also share your post with him. I think linking him up with others who share his condition will be a big positive.

Thanks again!

If he does not go on his accord then if the results are not what he expects he may hold that against you. It needs to be his decision.

Sunny

A little different Oppinion

I myself use Dexadrine and it doesn't dull my mind it clears away the fog acctully

Being also one that self meditated for many years I find that the Dexedrine has taken away all urge to self medicate as I much prefer how I feel with the Dexedrine.

To put it in plain English I like the buzz I get from the Dexadrine much more than the buzz I would get from smoking a Joint.

I am very clear headed, can think straight, stay on task, yet the body stone that I get from the Dexadrine is supurb. What it acctully is doing is slowing my body down to the point where I can feel alive and exhillerated ,and giving me clarity of thought to boot.

Do you and your husband ever watch ABC's Extreme Make over Home Edition? If you watch it together you could point out to your husband that Tye Pennington has AD/HD and also take medication for it. He hasn't lost his personality at all.

This is also a great question to ask on Monday August 9th during the ADHD Experts on Call http://www.adhdexpertsoncall.com

Two great ideas!! I love it. Wow what perfect timing for me, right before the Aug 9th event. I must have a guardian angel that led me to this site.

Yep, we watch Extreme Makeover, and watched Tye back when he was on Trading Spaces too. I like the idea of role models/celebs with ADD who are in treatment.

Hugs