I had bad PTSD night.......movies that I had seen for first time had things in there I didn't know they had in it and It triggered so ma flashbacks I had to drink......and that usually helps me loosen up.....but not this time....I cut myself again, all I wanted was to see blood and I scared the **** out of my sister who later his all the knives from me when I passed out from being so drunk...Collide with my Bipolar BIG TIME.

Being sober, I am ok sort of now, but still have lil remnits of flashbacks like muy miscarriage earlier and stuff...but I found a way to get through those time when it happenes....I say a chant to Draga and repeat it over and over again and I focus on the words until they go away. Just wish I would not have to deal with them at all....but this is how I make the best of it...What do you do?

I try to not think about it, when it works. I know what you mean about not wanting to deal with them at all. Sometimes I talk to people about it, it helps sometimes.

I know it helps to talk about it...thank GOD for the forums and the support group...and Draga......Eve have you been to therapy about it?

Yeah, I went to a therapy for a month or two.

That not a long time....any luck with it or not going anywhere?

Yeah I think it did help. What about you did you go to counseling and have success? I don't think I really clicked with the counselor I went to. She was nice and tryed to help. You know now that you mention it I probably could have used more time.

I did go for counseling but like your concelor...she was nice but things didn't click for me..It wasn't until recently I thought of the chanting method to deal with it....Also the Women's Support Group here in the ADD Forums:D

I tend to try to pretend it's not happening if I'm in public...if I'm at a friend's house, and some trigger or other happens for whatever reason, and I'm about to freak, I sort of run to their bathroom as though I have explosive diarrhea...that way they won't see me potentially hyperventilating or crying.

I's pretty rare now,fortunately.

If I'm at home, and it's the middle of the night, I tend to do what I used to do, minus the razors (before Sam, I used to cut myself--it was some sort of thing where it felt like if the blood came out, the bad things would, too, or something.) Anyway, the general procedure is to go into the bathroom, turn on the shower, get in there fully clothed 'cause nudity kinda scares me when I'm having a freak-out about my sexual abuse/assault stuff, and just sit there and cry, even when the water goes cold. My husband busted me once; I guess he'd never seen it in the years we've lived together (over 3, but can't quite remember) somehow. He freaked, especially when he couldn't touch me or hug me...but then, the shower thing is more for a panic attack, not a flashback. Flashbacks, if they don't go into being Panic attacks, just sort of cause hyperventilation and quick access to xanax.

Like I said, pretty rare, now.

I feal so bad for you guys / gals. Its so out of oder that anyone should have to suffer like you (and many others) do. It shows just how s__t society is and how broken culture and comunity is. If there is anything i can do the help i will, proly isnt though.

Just knowing someone cares about what we go through does the heart good, Thanks Shinobi :)

yeah, and "doing the hear good" actualy frikin helps!? Scuse me for being synical but its all one big pool of BS. I want to know why in the f__k it actualy happend in the first place. Not on an individual level but like why has society gotten to such a point. Why has everything broken down to such a point that humans can treat eachother like dog s__t..? Its pathetic, Everyone hates eachother. Homeless dude begging for cash, person walks by and goes "get a job you lasy frikin bum". Guess he didnt see the same homless person crying outside the night shelter because he only had anough cash to get his daughter in and they wuoldent allow her in without an addult with her. Or the same "frikin bum" begging social services for somwhere to live day after day, or the same homless person resort to fail safe tactics after the same social services who gave him the brush off with one hand took his daughter away with the other. Thats society, the culture we live in, its a hatefull, matirealistic hypocracy where everyone hate everyone. Is there no common decency anymore. Even the best things are done with alterior motives. Volentier workers, half the time they just do it because it makes them feal good, makes them feal like all the bad theyve done can be outweighed by this little act of kindness. Its appauling that anyone is a part of this so caled "civilisation" at all, and even more appauling that there is no alternative. I hate myself for being a part of it, i hate myself for being drawn into it and most of all i hate this pathetic mess everyone is forced to endure. Its just coverd with some half a__sed media veil to make it look like everythings OK. Like phoning the number on the bottom of the oxfam comercial is going to help somone, might help you sleep comfyer at night, but why the f__k are do you feal the need to donate to charity in the first place. Why do we need charitys begging on TV for cash so they can "help" those who need it. I dont see alot of "help" when i walk around, i see the same homless 19 year old sitting on the same beanch outside the same mcDonalds shaking himself to pieces because he has falen to pieces in this "society". And sure, why dosent he go in to mcDonalds and apply for a job, im sure they would love to have some guy working for them who does not even know how to tye his frikin shoe laces.

I guess im ranting but it makes me sick that we use this pathetic "society" as an excuse to justify the way we act and it makes me sich to think im just as pulled into it as every other person.

I'm no longer fearful of flashbacks I get highly irritated with them but don't fear them. It's a figment of my imagination and can do no harm unless I let it have control. Don't get me wrong I still have the same physical irritations weakness in my limbs, the will to run away, chest pain, shortness of breath, sharp pain in my head, sweating, etc. But, I can now control these issue's without the help of meds...I simply remind myself that I am a good person and do my best by my fellow man and I did not deserve the crap my step father dealt out as a child and I will no longer tolerate it. I visualize myself putting on my "weak boots" I wear these when I'm stressed or feeling vulnerable but my kids call them my "*** kicken boots" it's as if I'm putting on a shield of armor. I visualize myself staring my step father in the face as I lace up my boots and watching him tremble...by the time I've got them mentally laced the flashback is generally over. I can't change my past but I sure as **** can change the way I react to it. But, I understand that I have had the honor of meeting my personal nightmare face to face as an adult no longer the scrawny kid he used to push around and I witnessed him running from me in fear even though all I could do was laugh at how ridiculous it's been for me to fear this man my entire life. It's my life and my control and ain't no way in **** I'm handing it over ever again.