Everytime I have to go to work, or go to school, I get very anxious, not because of a lack of self-esteem, but because I dont know what I'm goin to talk to people about! And this is very disabling for me, because I've lost 2 jobs from not showing up or being late because I dreaded it so much. Also, I am afraid of intimate relationships because whenever we talk on the phone, I am at a loss of words or just can't concentrate on what shes talking about. Does anyone here feel the same as me, or should I be locked in an institute (lol) ???

I know what you are talking about (and welcome to the forums BTW).

Do you find that you have one or two friends you can talk with endlessly?

Part of my problem is I end up in situations where I have nothing to talk ABOUT. The stuff the other person wants to talk about bores me, and everything I would like to talk about doesn't interest them... so I sit there looking like a doofus, wishing I was anywhere else...

LOL, i know exactly how you feel. I have smoked pot and did drugs all this past year, and have just recently quit. I noticed that my ADD is so prevalent that all I want to do all day is sit around and do nothing. But, when I smoked, thats the only thing I talked about with my couple friends. And when I skated, thats all I could talk about with my friends. Normal people talk about everything and everything. BUT I CANT!!! The only person I can talk to is my friend Aaron, who coincidently has ADHD, which is prolly why I can talk to him. BTW, this happens mostly with women. I just dont know what the hell to talk about!

;) I've always felt the same.I always felt like people we're talking about me when
they probally weren't.Lasted in jobs nomore than a year.It is frustrating cause nonadder's know there's something different about us.They won't ever understand unless they research info on add.That should be a subject in school.

Thank God a married a great husband that understands somewhat,since my son has it too.I've suffered from anxiety for many yrs. and did not even know it.I thought it was normal feeling.I bet it was caused by the add.Don't worry ,alot of us feel the same way around people.

I also suffer from social anxiety. I didn't know it for the longest time either. I just assumed it was part of my ADD or didn't even realize how bad it actually was. My anxiet diagnosis and treatment was like being diagnoses with ADD all over again. It really opened by eyes up to a lot of things.

I had times where I made myself sick when I had to go to different social events. I couldn't get myself out of bed when I was supposed to go to something like a wedding where I knew I would be sitting be around a bunch of people that I didn't know. Something having to go to events where I actually knew people was just as bad too.

There is hope!!! I have improved drasticly over the past year. For me personally medication has been a huge help. I also try to talk myself through certain situations too. Also when I am in a group situation I make sure to take breaks to the bathroom or to just go outside for a bit of fresh air.

It's funny I have always had the same social anxiety issues. I despise talking on the phone, its always akward. I never seem to know what to say. In person I start out shy but once I get started talking about something standback cause it'll be a while before I stop.

Oh yeah, I've got that. And the funny thing is that most people would think just the opposite. But I had to learn hard to be outgoing, and it doesn't always work. In hindsight, I "came out" in high school when I tried theatre. It was a way to teach myself how to be social and gain confidence. I literally took classes in behavior, which is what acting is all about. It was the one place where ADD became kind of an advantage socially. But now I see that I've still got that social thing deep down inside. For instance, I'm terrified to just pick up the phone and call someone unless I know them well.

I feel EXACTLY the same way. A lot of times I want to approach a woman that I'm attracted to but I don't because I dread the uncomfortable silence. When I do have a successful interaction and I call a woman, a lot of times I can't think of what to say when I call them and then I screw it up and their interest level drops.
This has effected me severely to the point that I've had very few relationships even though I know that a lot of women find me very attractive. It is like torture to me, but it does feel good to know tht there are people who feel the same way.

tara-
Please tell me what meds you are taking for anxiety if you dont mind.
Do you take separate meds for the add and anxiety?

thats another difficulty i have, like "livingwithadd" said, that they have trouble when going to somewherew where there will be a lto of people you dont nkow.

last year mum and i were livign with her friends (we moved interstate but hadnt bought a house yet), and their son was getting married. in my case, the wedding was not the problem - it was the 15 relatives from sydney coming to stay in this same house. most of the "cousin" relatives were going to be 20 - 25 years old (i was 17 at the time), and for 2 weeks before, i was absolutely panicked about what i was going to do when all these people got there.

and when they got there, i felt awkward, and i spent a lot of time in the bedroom (which i had to share with mum for the 10 days there other people were there), sleeping on the bed - because i had nothing else to do and it was the only place i felt "safe". i got away with it until somebody noticed and asked my mum where i was.
i was sort of soothed and calmed by the fact that somebody actually noticed i wasnt there with eveyrone else, and that they cared enough to ask where i was.
it was still awkward though.

i can relate to all of this

Yea, im in the same boat. Add and SA together can really do a number on ya

Ok here is my prob. I don't know if this is even the right area to post it but here goes. I dont have probs going to social things with other people, but if I have to go somewhere and meet up with people it gets weird. Like tonight, I was suppose to go to a bar and meet up with a friend of mine. She is the only one i would know there. So I would have had to walk in, find her and the rest and get introduced to all of them. What did I do, I drove out there, and came right back home.

I had no trouble going out with her the other night and meeting up with a couple of people I didnt know. But the differeence was I picked her up and we went together.

So what do u think my prob is????

I feel EXACTLY the same way. A lot of times I want to approach a woman that I'm attracted to but I don't because I dread the uncomfortable silence. When I do have a successful interaction and I call a woman, a lot of times I can't think of what to say when I call them and then I screw it up and their interest level drops.
This has effected me severely to the point that I've had very few relationships even though I know that a lot of women find me very attractive. It is like torture to me, but it does feel good to know tht there are people who feel the same way.
I feel the same way as you man, I meet women but I have no idea what to say to them. Sometimes I am fine, but I usually find a way to screw it up somehow. I feel really alone lately and have a hard time talking to anyone for long. I have mostly become quite the recluse these days, I hardly leave the house. It is SO frustrating dealing with this all the time.

Mine is sort of the reverse side of what you all described, like a photograph next to its identical negative.

I am anxious because I know I will blurt out or babble on and say things that sound really inappropriate. Like, if someone has some attribute or background for which you KNOW they don't want attention, I will probably blurt out something related to that trait in relation to something else.
Or I fear that I'll start talking and not be able to stop.
As a woman who knew many guys in her day, I have to say that the silent ones were preferable to the conversationalists; they tend to be bores who think everyone is hanging on their words -- probably like I sound.

And I am late to work most mornings because of anxiety about my looks.
About 25 years ago I was invited to a party with an "in" crowd in my social sphere.
On the day of that evening, I began sewing a casual summer dress to wear to the party. Sometime around 11pm, when the party was over, I finished the dress. I never wore it in public. My OCD definitely plays a part in this drama.

I hate hate hate those situations. Y do they have to happen all the time!!!!

I can relate to this and you're NOT alone.

I hate the whole crowd thing now-a-days. My best friend (who I convinced to get an ADD assemnent) has moved, so a whole new situation arose. I found while we have different friends, they all seemed so knowlegeable, and I felt like a right idiot..not know about current affairs etc. I started aavoiding going out after one friend in particular, in front of everyone would say to me really sternly "TRACY, WHAT DID I JUST SAY?" or "TRACY, WAKEY WAKEY" or ""TRACY, YOU ARE NOT LISTENING TO ME"....so I guess I was developing a social phobia....Now I have medication, I should thank her :-)

yep..this is me described.
people have always made me freak out, youth groups arent fun for me just torture. i used to be hyper when i was younger and have been thru stages in my life where im bubbly and good with people but it doesnt last. i cant keep up, go thru so many stages and phases in my life. but i defnitely have this...

Wow. Its been 2 years since I made this post. Since then, I got a DUI with serious bodily injury. I got sentenced to jail for a year, and now Im on house arrest. Im on 2 mg klonopin per day: which helps with social phobia, but doesnt MAKE you more confident. I am also on 50 mg Vyvanse. Its helping somewhat, but life just sucks soooo much right now.

Ditto to everything you all mentioned about social anxiety disorder symptoms.

I also wanted to say that in my opinion (and maybe clinically speaking, I dont know) social anxiety disorder is not cured simply by addressing ADD issues nor caused by ADD issues that may be affecting your communication/interaction issues. I thought this was so for a long time because it was SO much easier to communicate and socialize after starting adderall, however eventually I realized that I still experienced an extreme amount of anxiety about social interaction compared to 99% of other people even though most of the time my interactions went extremely well. I would obsess over keeping my mind focused and ready to interact with people so I wouldnt be embarrassed by a slip up. This consumed so much of my conscious thought that I found I was unable to function. This also is probably related to my severe depression however in addition to that I just think it was an important lesson to realize that the obsessiveness over social interaction still remained and was the main issue and didnt vanish just because I could communicate much more easily.
There are tons of ADD people who dont have social anxiety disorder. I dont know the exact correlation between the two although I am pretty sure there is a higher incidence of SAD in ADD folks. I just wanted to make it clear that ADD does not equal SAD and SAD does not equal ADD.

KurtG85, were you on medication at an early age? If not, your social anxiety could still be related to untreated ADHD. The more negative experiences one has, the bigger the problem and the more baggage we carry with us as adults.

My question is: Why do we feel we have to have a conversation? Yes, it is the 'socially acceptable" norm, but really, is it a requirement?

I have come to accept my social aversion to random mindless conversations. I may entertain a social setting conversation with someone just on the pleasantries of hello, how are you, and the weather. Honestly, more then half the conversations step into plain ole gossip and irrelevant factoids of randomness.

Don't sweat over what has not been said yet or what you are going to say, because they may not say what you planned out in your mind. You know what I mean?

If you are 'socially challenged' then let them lead the conversation. If they don't, don't just stand there... walk away... conversation is done. :cool: Who knows, you may be standing by another "socially challenged one." See, you are not alone!

I have just come to acceptance that I am not a conversationalist.

You're ok.
:rolleyes:

No, I didnt start add meds till I was about 12 or 13.

I agree that my ADD contributed to conditioning my social anxiety but as is the case with most personality traits I think genetics has played the biggest role in my social anxiety; unrelated to the reduced social awareness (and other issues) contributed to by ADD.
I don't believe someone accurately diagnosed with true SAD of even moderate intensity will be cured by simply treating that same person's ADD issues. I think they are disorders related to different 'malfunctioning' brain areas which often must be treated seperately and are not 100% linked to one another even though there is some correlation between the frequency of the two disorders. Of course im not going on any scientific data here, just beliefs based on my personal experience.
For example, I can be on no adderall and have full blown ADD symptoms which contribute to all sorts of potentially embarrasing situations but if I'm on a bunch of lexapro i don't have the intense psychological and physiological reactions of social anxiety. However on adderall, while it helps me hyper focus and organize my words to avoid embarrasment, the intense fear and other symptoms of social anxiety remain below the surface. The insecurity and fear remains, but is masked by the confidence boost and improved communicative ability an amphetamine like adderall gives me. That insecurity and fear is the root of SAD and it very well may still cause major problems in ones psyche even if that someone THINKS they are cured by adderall because of the masking effect it can have. Again, I am just relating these things from my experiences.

No, I didnt start add meds till I was about 12 or 13When you start taking medication at age 44, 12 or 13 is pretty young. ;)
Kurt, thanks for explaining your social anxiety.