View Full Version : Help!! I'm at the end of my rope!!


Seffy2011
01-09-11, 10:59 PM
Okay, I'll start by saying this'll probably be a long post.



My name is Leon - I come from the UK, some of you may or may not be aware but, in the UK, ADD/ADHD is a very misunderstood problem and the country is very ill informed of it. It is almost never brought up in schools and doctors are more likely to slap a bipolar label on you.


I'm 19 and most of my teen to adult life has been spent in transient depression. I have a fairly nasty background, laiden with horrors no child should go through. All these problems in my past have affected me in the past but they are almost none existant now, they have been dealt with.
Even so my depression continued past the age of 15 - By now I had failed all the way through upper primary school (middle school in the US?) and continued to fail in High school. The thing is - all my class mates touted me as the most intelligent in the class, something I NEVER listened to. I detested myself by this point.


I have never held hate against anyone as much as I hated and continue to hate, myself. Everything I did I failed at, be it small hobbies, enjoyable tasks and work. I was constantly explosive with my family - I'd be doing one thing, only to erupt into a insane rage when my grandmother asked for my help - I hated my self! No one should make their grandparent walk on eggshells around them.

With this incredible feeling of self loathing and severe lack of self esteem, I became extremely anti social - I hardly ever left my bedroom besides for school. I just sat in my bedroom and played computer games for 7 years, only stopping because I had completely snapped again and gone into a fury.


My family were helpless and so was I, at the age of 17, I attempted to take my own life by cutting my wrist and taking a overdose of tramadol. I spent 4 weeks in hospital. At that point my life was at the lowest of the low. The doctors in the hospital diagnosed me with Bipolar disorder.
Following my diagnosis I started anti-psychotic drug therapy. Nothing worse could have happened. It was as if someone took my entire cognetive ability away. It was horrible. Whatever I was feeling before, was now made worse.

Now my doctor has dismissed the diagnosis of bipolar and stated it's definately not bipolar. He has no clue to what it is!
After 8 diferent jobs, a second suicide attempt and my doctor giving up on me - I'm here at 19.


I wasn't even aware of Adhd til' 3 months ago, a friend who is training to be a mental health nurse brought it up, saying I may have it. I dismissed it at first but until last week I looked into it and here I am.
I still know little to nothing about the disorder and thats why I'm here - everything in my life seems to finally make sense after hearing about this, the sheer lack of concentration, to the point of fury and mental degredation. The depression. The bizarre mood swings of feeling low and suddenly feeling completely energized.


All I want is the right diagnosis and the right treatment - I've booked a appointment with my doctor for the Wednesday coming and I can't shake the feeling he's going to laugh at me when I bring it up. I heard add is biological and it kinda makes sense cos' my mother was a heroid addict and I'd guess if anything that'd cause problems like this?
I don't know if ADHD can affect someone to this degree but I'd really like to find out.

The things I've been feeling for over 13 years are explained too well with adhd. I'm just scared incase my doctor thinks I'm a fool or refuses to believe me.



Leon

Icecream
01-09-11, 11:06 PM
I think that is a very normal concern. You should not be afraid to stick up for yourself and what you believe will help you. You only live once. It should be about what you need, not what is easier for others to handle. I have met many people with a diagnosis of adhd (myself included) that have had suicide attempts).
In the end the concern should be about helping you live your life to the fullest potential. It is my belief that a psychiatrist should be seen for that reason. If they can't be unbiased it only deprives the patient.

Seffy2011
01-09-11, 11:22 PM
Thanks, I think my fear of actually going to the doctor is partly to do with my fear of him completely dismissing what I said, and saying something like "oh it's just depression. It affects concentration."

Even when I and my family around me are astonished by the keyhole like symptoms which I seem to fit into since I was a child.

I guess I'm just frustrating myself!
I'm still scared ****-less of going on Wednesday

but thanks.

Blueranne
01-10-11, 12:50 AM
I truly feel for you! I am 28 and just 6 months ago received a proper diagnosis for ADHD. I too had a horrifying childhood and must say that the troubles we are faced with as children/teens can have long lasting effects. I have found that time after time I've had to re-deal with behaviors that stem from my childhood.... As far as your concern with getting a doctor who understand you, I would try as many doctors as it takes for you to get the help you need. The same thing is true for medication (from what I've experienced). Stay hopeful and work hard to find your solution!

Unbelievable
01-10-11, 03:05 PM
Hi Seffy2011. I'm sorry to hear about the problems in your past, but also glad to hear that they are mostly behind you. Here are some things that might be helpful for your doctor's appointment:

Diagnosis of AD/HD in Adults: (http://www.help4adhd.org/en/treatment/guides/WWK9)


How do I know if I need an evaluation for AD/HD?
Most adults who seek an evaluation for AD/HD experience significant problems in one or more areas of living. Some of the most common problems include:


Inconsistent performance in jobs or careers; losing or quitting jobs frequently
A history of academic and/or career underachievement
Poor ability to manage day-to-day responsibilities (e.g., completing household chores or maintenance tasks, paying bills, organizing things)
Relationship problems due to not completing tasks, forgetting important things, or getting upset easily over minor things
Chronic stress and worry due to failure to accomplish goals and meet responsibilities
Chronic and intense feelings of frustration, guilt, or blame

A qualified professional can determine if these problems are due to AD/HD, some other cause, or a combination of causes.On the same page, you will find a list of symptoms that will help you learn more about ADHD.

I've found the whole site helpful. You might be interested in: AD/HD and Coexisting Conditions: Depression. (http://www.help4adhd.org/en/treatment/coexisting/WWK5C)

There are also self tests (http://counsellingresource.com/quizzes/adhd/index.html) that you can take online, complete and take with you to your doctor's appointment. Keep in mind that they are NOT a diagnosis. Only a medical professional can do that.

Good luck! Keep us posted. Feel free to ask specific questions about ADHD and we'll try to point you in the right direction.

Yuffie
01-10-11, 03:18 PM
Hi seffy2001, sorry to hear you've had such an awful time of it and you're absolutely right I spent 8 years being given different labels and wasn't diagnosed til I was 40 years old. Don't be scared to talk to your doctor about this and if he is unhelpful then see another one or ask for a refferal to your local PCT mental health unit they will be much more understanding. I hope things work out for you and you get the help you need:)

anonymouslyadd
01-10-11, 04:41 PM
Okay, I'll start by saying this'll probably be a long post.



My name is Leon - I come from the UK, some of you may or may not be aware but, in the UK, ADD/ADHD is a very misunderstood problem and the country is very ill informed of it. It is almost never brought up in schools and doctors are more likely to slap a bipolar label on you.


I'm 19 and most of my teen to adult life has been spent in transient depression. I have a fairly nasty background, laiden with horrors no child should go through. All these problems in my past have affected me in the past but they are almost none existant now, they have been dealt with.
Even so my depression continued past the age of 15 - By now I had failed all the way through upper primary school (middle school in the US?) and continued to fail in High school. The thing is - all my class mates touted me as the most intelligent in the class, something I NEVER listened to. I detested myself by this point.


I have never held hate against anyone as much as I hated and continue to hate, myself. Everything I did I failed at, be it small hobbies, enjoyable tasks and work. I was constantly explosive with my family - I'd be doing one thing, only to erupt into a insane rage when my grandmother asked for my help - I hated my self! No one should make their grandparent walk on eggshells around them.

With this incredible feeling of self loathing and severe lack of self esteem, I became extremely anti social - I hardly ever left my bedroom besides for school. I just sat in my bedroom and played computer games for 7 years, only stopping because I had completely snapped again and gone into a fury.


My family were helpless and so was I, at the age of 17, I attempted to take my own life by cutting my wrist and taking a overdose of tramadol. I spent 4 weeks in hospital. At that point my life was at the lowest of the low. The doctors in the hospital diagnosed me with Bipolar disorder.
Following my diagnosis I started anti-psychotic drug therapy. Nothing worse could have happened. It was as if someone took my entire cognetive ability away. It was horrible. Whatever I was feeling before, was now made worse.

Now my doctor has dismissed the diagnosis of bipolar and stated it's definately not bipolar. He has no clue to what it is!
After 8 diferent jobs, a second suicide attempt and my doctor giving up on me - I'm here at 19.


I wasn't even aware of Adhd til' 3 months ago, a friend who is training to be a mental health nurse brought it up, saying I may have it. I dismissed it at first but until last week I looked into it and here I am.
I still know little to nothing about the disorder and thats why I'm here - everything in my life seems to finally make sense after hearing about this, the sheer lack of concentration, to the point of fury and mental degredation. The depression. The bizarre mood swings of feeling low and suddenly feeling completely energized.


All I want is the right diagnosis and the right treatment - I've booked a appointment with my doctor for the Wednesday coming and I can't shake the feeling he's going to laugh at me when I bring it up. I heard add is biological and it kinda makes sense cos' my mother was a heroid addict and I'd guess if anything that'd cause problems like this?
I don't know if ADHD can affect someone to this degree but I'd really like to find out.

The things I've been feeling for over 13 years are explained too well with adhd. I'm just scared incase my doctor thinks I'm a fool or refuses to believe me.



Leon

Leon, I'm sure you story can resonate with many people on here! I'm very sorry what you have been through in your life and that you attempted suicide on two occasions. I myself, have thought about it many times. These times were usually when I was very overwhelmed or just alone.

ADD isn't very well understood in the US either. The diagnosis seems to come with ease, but the labels and stigmas are very negative.

I struggled with depressive like symptoms in my life, and I believe it's something that can be overcome.

Cling to these forums as you go to your doctor and explain how you are feeling. There's a lot of people that I thnk you'll be able to relate to.

Jabi
01-12-11, 02:37 PM
I think you should see a Neurosurgeon for a second opinion as well. Personally I don't like the test but I think you maybe need a Myleogram/CT with contrast.