I am afraid to have childen because add and other mental and physical disorders run rampedly on both sides of my family. on my father's side for example, my sister and her daughter have it. and on my mother's side I have countless cousins(my brother is emotionally and mentally disabled) and aunts with add and other disabilities. I know add is not the end of the world but it has made my life very difficult for such a long time and I donnot know if I can handle seeing my chidren suffer through life the way I have.

This is a real tough one. I always said I would never have children for two reasons...one, what if they turned out like me and, two, can I control myself enough to raise them without hurting them. Then came the "OOPS". My husband and I talked about it intensely and I made it clear that I couldn't do it alone and that I was really scared. I am fortunate, I have a great guy. Well, as fate decreed my first born is severe ADD and ODD.

I have to say that I have never regretted it. It is really hard work, but I have found wells of patience that I never knew I had and I'm better qualified to raise him than anyone else under the sun, because I understand him. My husband is an active father, and I couldn't have done it without him. We've also always been open to getting help when we need it. No shame there. If I don't know the answers, or can't find the answers, I start looking for someone else who does.

I really think it depends on things like what kind of support system a person has or would have, how willing someone is to also work on themselves, how much "more" you can take. It does hurt to see my son suffer and not be able to always help. Though, I recently told him that with people like us the "bad" feeling are really bad, but the "good" feelings are also that much more intense. I also believe that being ADD is not only our greatest struggle, but also our greatest strength and that I need to have the same faith in him as I do in my own self.

Hope this helps.

Here's a related thread that might be of interest...

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=2381&highlight=procreate

I also have many mental health issues on the maternal side of my family. My great-grandmother had GAD and panic attacks, my grandmother suffered from depression and agoraphobia, my mom has undiagnosed ADD (now that I've learned about it for myself, I'm positive about her), sporadic depression, and GAD, and I have GAD and a slight OCD which I've known about for a long time and ADD which I recently learned I have. My husband is dyslexic and we both have learning issues...

AND I have two gorgeous, perfect children who always will be to me no matter what they may manifest. So far, I've been fortunate, but the future may be a trip! If it is, I'm prepared and will be better for it for the knowledge I've gained about all this from reading and forums like this.

Both my mother and my grandmother have pretty severe cases of ADHD. It debilitated my grandmother so bad that she was unable to work outside the home and ended up terrorising my mother and her siblings to the point of severe family disfunction.

As for my mother, well she admits she has ADHD, yet choses to hide behind it by working 100 hours a week and gambling all weekend long. As for my childhood, well it took me 8 years of psychotherapy to get over my mother's relentlessness of diagnosing me with problems unrelated to her perfectionism and critisism of my adhd behaviors in school (I was terribly smart and my mother didn't understand why I was acting out and having problems in school). I was told for years I had a mental illness and put on unnecessary meds for tooo loong.

My personal choice at this stage in my life is not to have children until I have my ADHD in check. As for passing down the genes, well it looks like there is a direct link in the family which scares me a bit. My Sig Other jokes that if I ever have a child, retribution will prevail. This of course is not funny but is something I do ponder. I could only imagine with the way that I am right now (on meds, working on life organization skills) how much more challenging things would be. Honestly, I really think that it would be too much. But if I was at a state in life that I had worked to become more balanced and in tune with my disorder, unlike my gma and ma who were young and unstable.. hard one. Good luck

Careem, I think it is good that you are looking at the reality, I didn't. Dysfunction runs rampid on both sides of my family. I guess I am a little locked into the moment and tend to think unrealistically, so I never gave the subject much thought. I also couldn't imagin being anything but a great mother.

Lucky for my kid I didn't have him till I was 32. I am a great mother 98% of the time.
My kid has all kinds of oddities, behavior wise. But luckily has a happy disposition.
I think I would feel so guilty if my child had depression issues. Hopefully he wont.

I had no idea just how consuming the reality of being a parent is.
Luckily I have no regrets, my son is bright, well intentioned, beautiful and unusual.
I worry about him often as he is adhd/ODD. He is frightfully impulsive, control issues.
His Fathers side (who I don't live with, but co-parent with) also donated a load of adhd genes, etc..

It makes a difference when a parent is self aware. Then they can work with their child, rather than against, as much of societies structure works against them. And help them to gain self awareness so that they can cope with societies hoopola.
So I homeschool, and live a little different than most, to nurture his strengths.

Parenting, has brought me so much self awareness, I am better because I am a parent.
Good luck with your decision.