View Full Version : ADD / ADHD teen looking for help with friends and relationships


ed4455
08-14-04, 11:44 AM
does anyone else find it really hard to know when what you are doing is upsetting people? i find it dificult to stay friends or to go out with someone for a long time because i say things i dont mean and then when the stuff i really need to say comes up i dont know that it is needed i cant do anything ike that right and i need help.

ed4455
08-15-04, 09:58 AM
i just asked her for help with managing this and then she said she was not going to teach me how to do this she wanted me to get proper help but i am and she knows this why cant i do it? it is a big problem for me and she knows but she is the best person to help with it can someone help me please?

paulbf
08-15-04, 10:43 AM
I don't have a problem with impulsiveness but I'll offer one idea. It can be useful to keep a journal (diary) to keep track of things like this. The act of writing it down helps you think about it & the more you think about it, the less likely to act without thinking next time. It's also a good way to track progress. You can go back & see how things have improved.

I can understand how your girlfriend doesn't want to act as your teacher/mother and I can relate to your side of wanting help from someone you trust. Maybe just tell them you are working on it & apologize later when you realize, ask them to let you know when it happens, and say you realize it's a problem and are working on it and just need a little support but the main responsibility is your own so it's not this big burden for them.

ed4455
08-15-04, 11:49 AM
thanks paul u r helping me alot to cope it is hard isnt it.

waywardclam
08-16-04, 08:58 AM
I have this problem too... what REALLY bugs me is people who don't communicate... if I tick somebody off or hurt them and they don't TELL me A) that I've done it, and B) why, how the **** can I avoid hurting them in the future?

I dunno what the solution to this is, unfortunately. And it's frustrating because it is inevitable that we will hurt and anger people over the course of our lifetimes.

sixes
08-23-04, 07:05 PM
I am real bad about blabbering my big mouth and being bluntly honest. I say it and then wish I hadn't said it. I chew alot of gum, big wads of it. I figure I can't say to much with my mouth full.

P_Stampy
08-23-04, 08:10 PM
i always say and do stupid things andf then feel like crap afterwards.. it thought it was juts me though

sLiPpY
08-25-04, 08:50 PM
Teens are a period of social raising consiousness anyway...like with respect to ourselves and others. At least for me, I used to lay awake at night and agonize over the dumbest things...mind racing fifty million miles per hour.

As I've gotten older, I've become a lot less self-consious and learned to better differentiate between communicating my needs, etc. Some needs, we can only meet ourselves.

As an adult, and taking the steps I need to navigate the world successfully...in some respects having ADD is a real advantage. I can multi-task wit mad props. : ) Over time, we learn our strengths and also how to work better with our weaknesses. So mostly, my only advice is to have patience with yourself...do the best we can for today, and how much you've grown...and omg...how things change down the road will suprise you.

The only person I've really fought with in the past five years, is my closest friend. There are a few years between us, and it's been an awesome experience...in that it's like having a younger twin brother. Thing is we're just so much alike, we **** each other off...at times we expect the other to be "normal." And it's gotten a lot better since, I realized he also has ADD...the very same type as me.

In asking for help, you took an emotional risk...which I believe is always a very positive thing. Even if the parties we are asking, don't always yield the result we'd wanted. Sometimes we may not get the help we want, but in seeking...I've often discovered in taking a chance...we find what we need.

ed4455
08-28-04, 10:32 AM
well i am now single mentally retarded and...crying because i was dumped less than two hours ago and it hurts so much and the worst part is that i dont know of anything that i can do about it it is awful

OUCourtney
08-28-04, 10:56 AM
see next post

OUCourtney
08-28-04, 11:00 AM
I know exactly how you feel. Only, in high school I didn't have very many close friends because I ended up annoying them so badly because I never stopped talking that they couldn't stand to be around me... feeling like everyone is always mad at me... My advice- try to find someone like you. I know its hard, but they're out there. My best friend in high school, college, and to this day has ADD as bad as I do and we are such great friends. She is someone I can tell anything to and she COMPLETELY understands. Unfortunately I can't really do this with my husband because he doesn't have ADD, and as much as he may ever try, he will NEVER EVER understand what it is like to be in our shoes. My meds help me to control my mouth so that I don't start spouting out the first, second, third, and fourth things that pop into my head.

paulbf
08-28-04, 11:06 AM
So sorry ed.

: - (

I'm sure there is something you can do about it next time at least but that doesn't help with this time does it? So sorry and I hope things work out better in the future for you!

paulbf
08-28-04, 11:19 AM
Ed, I'll drop into the chat room if you like to chat, (right-click my name & send a private message if I wander off).

Tara
08-28-04, 01:03 PM
Ed,

People your age are going through so many changes. Things are not always your fault. Even those people who appear to have it all together are going through a lot of issues themselves. Yes, there may be some things that you do to upset others but people your age are very hard on others.

Middle school and the beginning of high school are very tough on most people. While things are tough right now there is hope. Things will start to improve as people start maturing.

Do you have guidance counselor at school? He or she could be a great person to talk about this. Maybe he/she could get you into a program with an older student who could be a mentor. I also know that many schools have small boy's groups where you could talk to other kids who are going through similar issues as you are.

ed4455
08-29-04, 09:45 AM
at school i do have a mentor and she helps so much. it is hard to tell when i am reading to much into something. today i upset my ex by asking if she had another boyfriend already because her msn screename was mis-leading and she told me that she was offended that i thought she might have replaced me so quickly. i was confused and upset and i regret it but i am not sure that she will forgive me because she seemed really upset. i dont know how i can stop. i dont realize i have upset someone until they tell me and then it is too late to take back what i said. it is easier with my school friends because they are used to it but she isnt used to it at all. i cant help it though. it is impossible to tell for me. i hate this so much. how can i sort it?

paulbf
08-29-04, 10:32 AM
I guess you just have to say that to them: that you don't intend harm... ask: was that OK what you said?... sorry if not... and tell them you do care. People can handle hearing a lot, it's when less is said that assumptions are made, their ego takes a ding and anger stews. If they know you care, it should be OK. Follow up with a sincere compliment.

ed4455
08-29-04, 11:52 AM
well thanks i will that sounds like perfect advice. thanks to all of you for your help you are fantastic people.

sLiPpY
08-29-04, 01:22 PM
Sometimes, there isn't much one can do to "sort it out." Time heals...and there are things in life over which we simply have no control. I think it's positive you're sharing how you feel...and when I'm facing a similar situation. I usually pick out something special to do for myself. It's very comforting.

As long as you're being yourself, and taking care of yourself...the right people and situations will open up for you. To thine ownself be true!