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My thoughts and experiences in Delft.
It's just life, so don't worry.
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Why doesn't my head stay cheerful?

Posted 06-14-11 at 05:38 PM by diced
I've had a really cool evening by any standard. I did a performance of improvisation theatre of 30 minutes, for the first time.
It went really well. The rehearsal went really good, so we were all really exited (all of us, means Iz In Ln Ro and myself), which is great if you want to do an improv show. We all gave off a positive vibe, and it got across to the audience as well.

After that show, I started to feel a bit negative.. there were some points we could have done different, but HEY!! it was our first time, and went really well. There were no major screw-ups no awkward silences.
Still these negative thoughts linger in my mind.

WHY WHY WHY!!

Okay.. so I'm a bit tired, but why am I not content and tired.
I know there is something else in the back of my mind, which I don't want to think about. Something to do with a girl. Aahghh
Is that all. Why?
Why do I have the feeling I want to get away from it all. To pack my bag, and go camping far away from here, to leave no note and go. See who'll miss me.

I guess this feeling will be gone when I wake up tomorrow. But why does it pop-up every now and then. It sucks. And if I add it all up I consciously know I'm doing all right.

I guess deep down I believe I'm not complete.
Where are the positive affirmations when you need them.

I'm tired. If you've read this far, tnx for the attention, I appreciate it. If you've stopped reading and skipped to the end, I understand. This really is a vent blogpost. But I felt I needed to get it off my chest.

Life... don't talk to me about life.
or
Don't worry it's just life
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  1. Old
    zannie's Avatar
    Diced, you have just described how I react to doing anything were there is the possibility of others assesment or judgement. For me, I think my negative and critical thoughts at those times are because I have screwed up countless times and have had other people react negatively to it.

    I guess on some level I expect criticisim and I am scanning for it. The thing about scanning for something is that your mind will find what it is looking for even if it generates it.

    But as you say " It's just life, so don't worry. "
    Posted 06-16-11 at 05:19 PM by zannie zannie is offline
    Updated 06-16-11 at 05:21 PM by zannie (punctuation)
 
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